It’s not a good joke but it’s better than my “The Hills Have Eyes” riff that I couldn’t quite put together.
TO THE GAMES!
Cowboys/Lions:
There’s not much to choose from when it comes to the Detroit backfield but I should note that McKissic is good at catching the rock and Dallas gives up the 10th-most fantasy points there. Last week’s leading rusher Jeff Driskel gets the call again-he didn’t do too badly vs. the Bears last week despite being thrown into the fray with little prep time.
Jags/Colts:
What do Julio Jones and Lenny Fournette have in common? That’d be tons of production and very few TD’s to show for it. It borders on the impossible for an rb that gets 89% of his team’s carries and only has one stinking TD. Maybe little Nicky Foles will breathe some life into the Jags deep-passing game.
Bills/Fins:
I was so excited to start Singletary last week after seeing him go off vs. the Potato Skins. But it was Josh Allen that got the big rush yards and the two scores. Not sure what to make of Buffalo’s O right now. We know McDermott wants to run (because the pass game is a laugh a minute) and is transitioning away from Gore but his qb is a real wild card at the moment. Miami has two straight in the W slot and has covered the spread in 5 straight.
Broncos/Vikes:
Maybe keep it close and pray, Denver? Qb Allen fared okay last time out but Minny is a different kettle of lutefisk than Cleveland. There’s a bit of good news in that Linval Joseph is out but Griffin and Hunter are still there so the run game would be a no-go. Maybe Sutton can make a difference?
Saints/Bucs:
This is pegged at a fairly high over/under of 51.5 but Brees has struggled in Tampa-over the last 5 he’s 3-2 and hasn’t thrown for over 300 games. And he’s been struggling with a very poor average depth of target of just 6.5 yards which is 2nd-last in the NFL. There’s good news for Mike Evans in that cb Lattimore is gone with a hammy.
Jets/Potato Skins:
Qb Haskins is in a great spot to improve on his miserable 42.2 QBR. He’s had a bye week to prepare and the Jets D is a very forgiving bunch. It’s sorta now or never as far as him piling up the stats. Do you pick up Darnold and stream him against these guys, the Raiders, the Bengals and the Fins? Serious inquiries only, please.
Falcons/Panthers:
I read a small piece telling me to fade Matt Ryan because he was missing two of his ‘weapons’ in te Hooper (okay, he was playing well) and Devonta Freeman. Wait, you mean the guy that has been stumbling along at 3.5 yards per carry and has a mere three TD’s? Him? Go away. (Besides, Carolina’s secondary is all beaten up)
Texans/Ravens:
You know who’s having an under-the-radar good year? Carlos Hyde, that’s who. Sure he doesn’t score many TD’s or have electrifying runs but he’s chugging along at a pace that will give him a 1200+ yard season. What more do you want from your (relatively cheap) rb?
Let us do some commenting forthwith and such.
Gallup with a beastly catch
HERESY ALERT – the Non-Gendereds are a better side with Pollard in the backfield
Counterpoint: Shut up.
tough but FARE imo
Pollard keeps Zeke fresh
Holy shit Michael Gallup
other than Zeke, Princeton Red, and Jerral – pretty likeable team
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, I thought the play went pretty well.
SHANK’HLOR has declared FedEx Field her home for today
Contract teh Dacteds
And Jets
doink
r u going to Scarborough FAIR???
Are we still talking about Jim Spanfeller?
“For Sure!”
-Rosemary
but I may not have thyme ,, smh
Fuck LiounsDOWN!!
“Who the hell is Bo Scarborough?”
-Rod Marinelli
Lions using a practice squad rb as a decoy and Boys D fell for it hook, truck nutz and MAGA cap.
Old Man Arians’ Team MRSA is GLORIOUS
You might not tell by his stat line but Baker Mayfield is no Jim Carrey.
Saints shiuld rest Bitchin’ Kamara now. PLEAZ
BACK IN MAH DAY, I started reading Agatha Christie mysteries by age 7. GIT off a mah lawn
Encyclopedia Brown here.
Yes to all of the above, plus Peter Wimsey and Nancy Drew.
When you say “Encyclopedia” and “Browns” this is automatically what I picture:
HOLY CRAP.
we had this set.
So did we. Man, that “races of man” article would NOT go over well today.
Eh, really depends on what circles you run in.
I had a full set at home, but they was navy blue
started them in kindergarten dummy 😀
I didn’t get started quite that early, and then it was just the Hercule Poirot ones. That Miss Marple shit is for girls! Give me manly detective stories, like the ones by an elderly British woman about a prissy small Belgian man who waxes his moustache.
Back when I was 10 or so an uncle for us a random fantasy series called The Dungeon that he didn’t know just the covers looked cool that had a cyborg pleasuring a murderous intelligent spiders mating urges in one of the books
I remember as a kid reading a lot of the Boxcar Children (is that YA? Or younger?) and only realising later in life how horrific their story really was.
And then the boxcar children grew up to be briefly famous.
Raising your kids to be a Bears fan these days seems like grounds to have the State take custody.
That was…a special throw by Darnold
/enters clubhouse
//nods
Reprobates.
/nods back
Ne’er-do-well
Go to your bunk if you’re going to do that!
Falcos playing crisply.
Footsteps would be proud.
Getting around to watching some of these clips of Prince Andrew’s “Sure, I may have high-fived the child sex trafficker on his way home from jail, but I certainly never actually put on a calendar where I slept with a 15 year old” TV interview, and wondering if he saw Lawyerin’ Joe Amendola during the Penn State scandals and was very impressed with his work
ALL ROYALTY GETS TEH BLOODLETTING WHO IS WITH HIPPO!!
It’s almost like he’s a member of a family with centuries of inbreeding and never facing any consequences for their actions, other than the odd beheading here and there.
Jaylon Smith just killed a Lion
get him an honourary DDS!
Hercules Hercules
I scared my dog cheering that hit.
I keep scrolling down to this gif. I’ve no idea why.
Cam is gone. The Panthers playbook is well balanced now.
oh God, our only good OL is hurt
I am wearing my mango long-sleeve “Superb Owl 50 Champs” shirt. It hath made all teh difference.
Pollard has moves. TD Dallas
Lol, Robby Anderson accidentally jumped so high, he went all the way into the Redacted stands.
Annnd a little bit of credit to Redacted fans, they weren’t assholes about it. Most of them were smiling about it, even the guy who gave Robby the finger.
the Redacteds are shittier than seems humanly possible
And that’s not even talking about the field.
Redacted field is same quality as the backyard from Poltergeist
Just Gase fucking the dolphins even more by making sure Washington gets. Better draft pick than Miami.
he really plays the long game STRONG
REMEMBER WHEN WE ALL THOUGHT THE FISH TANK WAS A LOCK FOR THE #1 PICK? LOLOLOLOL
even Pepperidge Farm be all like NAH
Roughing the kicker, hail BLEERGH!
UNDRAFTED! COLORADO!!
BROWNDOWN!
the “Bleeding Kansas” Brown? If so, WOO
/RedZone finally showed it, huzzah
I thought “Cowboys off the Ranch” was going to refer to salad dressing alternatives.
SO HOW ‘BOUT THAT FALCONS RB?!
yeah, my bad on that
What happened?
5 carries for 6 yards so far
Donks out for blood
I am getting a Don Fangio boner
Missed this earlier, but Younghoe might be back on the street next week. SAD!
Ghost of Jeffrey Epstein starts to haunt the streets of Atlanta
Wonderful! Bilal Powell is getting touches. Oh gooood! The curtains are on fire!
Minny getting ambushed on their home field.
Von is a fucking dude out there.
Spirits of dead birds forming a Death Stranding
TRUE HIPPO FACT – I put $30 on Donks ML (+400-ish) last night. Count on Vikes comeback.
Madre Weaselo: “Okay, 6-0, how long will this take?”
Me: “Yeah, but it’s the Redacteds, and they suck more.”
OJ Howard with one last dagger to fantasy players
From hell I stab at thee( incomplete)
I haven’t seen this much intrigue about a socially awkward, mentally disabled person possibly losing his virginity since my first date.
What’s this about Simple Sam Darnold?
Darnold is Q
Go, [Not Dallas]!
The Bills D-line is nothing to sneeze at.
Why not a sneeze will get you past the Dolphins oline
They should let Young Sheldon watch the upcoming Good Doctor so he can get a glimpse of his sexual future.
D-O-N-K-S!!!!
Um, wow!?
Baltimore special teams…..
Fins stumbled into a lockdown corner by the name of Needham.
“Needham? How has he stayed off our radar?”
-A. Reid
Can’t decide if shittier at fantasy or GAMBLOR. Yeah, yeah, porque no dos?
Which have you spent more money on
I really don’t want to know.
Prediction: In 2027 Frank Gore will be the short yardage back for a team in the NFL. He will eventually replace the starting running back.
If his programming to kill James Connor doesn’t activate first.
It can be two things!
“I don’t understand how that is not pass interference when he did three things before the ball even got there!”
Apparently these announcers haven’t been watching the NFL the last ten years….
There is that traditional bias against the poor Ravens …refs always against them …
Jesus, Hopkins was fucking robbed.
DAMN IT! I picked up the DAL defense and forgot to plug them into the starting lineup!