Your “Hey Julie, Whatta Ya Think of the Falcons New RB?” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

It’s not a good joke but it’s better than my “The Hills Have Eyes” riff that I couldn’t quite put together.

TO THE GAMES!

Cowboys/Lions:

There’s not much to choose from when it comes to the Detroit backfield but I should note that McKissic is good at catching the rock and Dallas gives up the 10th-most fantasy points there. Last week’s leading rusher Jeff Driskel gets the call again-he didn’t do too badly vs. the Bears last week despite being thrown into the fray with little prep time.

Jags/Colts:

What do Julio Jones and Lenny Fournette have in common? That’d be tons of production and very few TD’s to show for it. It borders on the impossible for an rb that gets 89% of his team’s carries and only has one stinking TD. Maybe little Nicky Foles will breathe some life into the Jags deep-passing game.

Bills/Fins:

I was so excited to start Singletary last week after seeing him go off vs. the Potato Skins. But it was Josh Allen that got the big rush yards and the two scores. Not sure what to make of Buffalo’s O right now. We know McDermott wants to run (because the pass game is a laugh a minute) and is transitioning away from Gore but his qb is a real wild card at the moment. Miami has two straight in the W slot and has covered the spread in 5 straight.

Broncos/Vikes:

Maybe keep it close and pray, Denver? Qb Allen fared okay last time out but Minny is a different kettle of lutefisk than Cleveland. There’s a bit of good news in that Linval Joseph is out but Griffin and Hunter are still there so the run game would be a no-go. Maybe Sutton can make a difference?

Saints/Bucs:

This is pegged at a fairly high over/under of 51.5 but Brees has struggled in Tampa-over the last 5 he’s 3-2 and hasn’t thrown for over 300 games. And he’s been struggling with a very poor average depth of target of just 6.5 yards which is 2nd-last in the NFL. There’s good news for Mike Evans in that cb Lattimore is gone with a hammy.

Jets/Potato Skins:

Qb Haskins is in a great spot to improve on his miserable 42.2 QBR. He’s had a bye week to prepare and the Jets D is a very forgiving bunch. It’s sorta now or never as far as him piling up the stats. Do you pick up Darnold and stream him against these guys, the Raiders, the Bengals and the Fins? Serious inquiries only, please.

Falcons/Panthers:

I read a small piece telling me to fade Matt Ryan because he was missing two of his ‘weapons’ in te Hooper (okay, he was playing well) and Devonta Freeman. Wait, you mean the guy that has been stumbling along at 3.5 yards per carry and has a mere three TD’s? Him? Go away. (Besides, Carolina’s secondary is all beaten up)

Texans/Ravens:

You know who’s having an under-the-radar good year? Carlos Hyde, that’s who. Sure he doesn’t score many TD’s or have electrifying runs but he’s chugging along at a pace that will give him a 1200+ yard season. What more do you want from your (relatively cheap) rb?

Let us do some commenting forthwith and such.

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Spur

Gallup with a beastly catch

King Hippo

HERESY ALERT – the Non-Gendereds are a better side with Pollard in the backfield

Horatio Cornblower

Counterpoint: Shut up.

King Hippo

tough but FARE imo

Spur

Pollard keeps Zeke fresh

Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit Michael Gallup

King Hippo

other than Zeke, Princeton Red, and Jerral – pretty likeable team

Horatio Cornblower

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, I thought the play went pretty well.

LemonJello

SHANK’HLOR has declared FedEx Field her home for today

King Hippo

Contract teh Dacteds

Fronkenshteen

And Jets

Spur

doink

King Hippo

r u going to Scarborough FAIR???

Petronel

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Dunstan

Are we still talking about Jim Spanfeller?

Petronel

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King Hippo

but I may not have thyme ,, smh

King Hippo

Fuck LiounsDOWN!!

Horatio Cornblower

“Who the hell is Bo Scarborough?”
-Rod Marinelli

King Hippo

Old Man Arians’ Team MRSA is GLORIOUS

blaxabbath

You might not tell by his stat line but Baker Mayfield is no Jim Carrey.

King Hippo

Saints shiuld rest Bitchin’ Kamara now. PLEAZ

Gratliff

the formation of YA as a genre sucks. take me back to the good old days where hungry tweens would go to their middle school library and check out a bunch of stephen king books that would be there for some reason. "eager reader!" says the librarian scanning IT for an 11-year-old.

— transfeminine frankenstein (@draculavoice) November 15, 2019

King Hippo

BACK IN MAH DAY, I started reading Agatha Christie mysteries by age 7. GIT off a mah lawn

blaxabbath

Encyclopedia Brown here.

Petronel

Yes to all of the above, plus Peter Wimsey and Nancy Drew.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When you say “Encyclopedia” and “Browns” this is automatically what I picture:
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Spur

HOLY CRAP.
we had this set.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So did we. Man, that “races of man” article would NOT go over well today.

Horatio Cornblower

Eh, really depends on what circles you run in.

King Hippo

I had a full set at home, but they was navy blue

King Hippo

started them in kindergarten dummy 😀

Dunstan

I didn’t get started quite that early, and then it was just the Hercule Poirot ones. That Miss Marple shit is for girls! Give me manly detective stories, like the ones by an elderly British woman about a prissy small Belgian man who waxes his moustache.

Gatoraids

Back when I was 10 or so an uncle for us a random fantasy series called The Dungeon that he didn’t know just the covers looked cool that had a cyborg pleasuring a murderous intelligent spiders mating urges in one of the books

hippofant

I remember as a kid reading a lot of the Boxcar Children (is that YA? Or younger?) and only realising later in life how horrific their story really was.

Viva La Tabula Raza

And then the boxcar children grew up to be briefly famous.
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Horatio Cornblower

Raising your kids to be a Bears fan these days seems like grounds to have the State take custody.

King Hippo

That was…a special throw by Darnold

Horatio Cornblower

/enters clubhouse
//nods

Reprobates.

Dunstan

/nods back
Ne’er-do-well

Redshirt

Go to your bunk if you’re going to do that!

Fronkenshteen

Falcos playing crisply.

Dunstan

Footsteps would be proud.

Gratliff

Getting around to watching some of these clips of Prince Andrew’s “Sure, I may have high-fived the child sex trafficker on his way home from jail, but I certainly never actually put on a calendar where I slept with a 15 year old” TV interview, and wondering if he saw Lawyerin’ Joe Amendola during the Penn State scandals and was very impressed with his work

King Hippo

ALL ROYALTY GETS TEH BLOODLETTING WHO IS WITH HIPPO!!

Horatio Cornblower

It’s almost like he’s a member of a family with centuries of inbreeding and never facing any consequences for their actions, other than the odd beheading here and there.

Spur

Jaylon Smith just killed a Lion

King Hippo

get him an honourary DDS!

Gatoraids

Hercules Hercules

Horatio Cornblower

I scared my dog cheering that hit.

Spur

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Spur

Cam is gone. The Panthers playbook is well balanced now.

King Hippo

oh God, our only good OL is hurt

King Hippo

I am wearing my mango long-sleeve “Superb Owl 50 Champs” shirt. It hath made all teh difference.

Spur

Pollard has moves. TD Dallas

hippofant

Lol, Robby Anderson accidentally jumped so high, he went all the way into the Redacted stands.

Annnd a little bit of credit to Redacted fans, they weren’t assholes about it. Most of them were smiling about it, even the guy who gave Robby the finger.

King Hippo

the Redacteds are shittier than seems humanly possible

Senor Weaselo

And that’s not even talking about the field.

Gatoraids

Redacted field is same quality as the backyard from Poltergeist

Gatoraids

Just Gase fucking the dolphins even more by making sure Washington gets. Better draft pick than Miami.

King Hippo

he really plays the long game STRONG

hippofant

REMEMBER WHEN WE ALL THOUGHT THE FISH TANK WAS A LOCK FOR THE #1 PICK? LOLOLOLOL

King Hippo

even Pepperidge Farm be all like NAH

Senor Weaselo

Roughing the kicker, hail BLEERGH!

Fronkenshteen

UNDRAFTED! COLORADO!!

King Hippo

the “Bleeding Kansas” Brown? If so, WOO

King Hippo

/RedZone finally showed it, huzzah

tundrajim

I thought “Cowboys off the Ranch” was going to refer to salad dressing alternatives.

hippofant

SO HOW ‘BOUT THAT FALCONS RB?!

King Hippo

yeah, my bad on that

Fronkenshteen

What happened?

King Hippo

5 carries for 6 yards so far

Spur

Donks out for blood

King Hippo

I am getting a Don Fangio boner

King Hippo

Missed this earlier, but Younghoe might be back on the street next week. SAD!

Gatoraids

Ghost of Jeffrey Epstein starts to haunt the streets of Atlanta

Fronkenshteen

Wonderful! Bilal Powell is getting touches. Oh gooood! The curtains are on fire!

King Hippo

Von is a fucking dude out there.

Gatoraids

Spirits of dead birds forming a Death Stranding

King Hippo

TRUE HIPPO FACT – I put $30 on Donks ML (+400-ish) last night. Count on Vikes comeback.

Senor Weaselo

Madre Weaselo: “Okay, 6-0, how long will this take?”
Me: “Yeah, but it’s the Redacteds, and they suck more.”

Gratliff

OJ Howard with one last dagger to fantasy players

Gatoraids

From hell I stab at thee( incomplete)

Redshirt

I haven’t seen this much intrigue about a socially awkward, mentally disabled person possibly losing his virginity since my first date.

LemonJello

What’s this about Simple Sam Darnold?

blaxabbath

Darnold is Q

Gratliff

Go, [Not Dallas]!

Gatoraids

Why not a sneeze will get you past the Dolphins oline

blaxabbath

They should let Young Sheldon watch the upcoming Good Doctor so he can get a glimpse of his sexual future.

King Hippo

D-O-N-K-S!!!!

blaxabbath

Baltimore special teams…..

LemonJello

“Needham? How has he stayed off our radar?”
-A. Reid

King Hippo

Can’t decide if shittier at fantasy or GAMBLOR. Yeah, yeah, porque no dos?

Gatoraids

Which have you spent more money on

King Hippo

I really don’t want to know.

Gatoraids

If his programming to kill James Connor doesn’t activate first.

Senor Weaselo

It can be two things!

blaxabbath

“I don’t understand how that is not pass interference when he did three things before the ball even got there!”

Apparently these announcers haven’t been watching the NFL the last ten years….

JustStopDude

There is that traditional bias against the poor Ravens …refs always against them …

Viva La Tabula Raza

Jesus, Hopkins was fucking robbed.

blaxabbath

DAMN IT! I picked up the DAL defense and forgot to plug them into the starting lineup!