Deshaun of the Dead: Sunday Night Game Open Thread

So I’ve been on the road all day and have relatively little firsthand knowledge of what the shit went on this afternoon. A brief (aka halfass) recap after this important message:

WOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ok. I’m good. I’m cool.

So the Bills (WOOOO!) handed the Iggles a golden opportunity to pull even with the hated Dallas Cowboys (BOOO!) by beating the ever-loving snot out of the latter in front of God, Jerral and everyone. In typical Philadelphia fashion, they took this wonderful gift and fucking trashed it.

#Justice4HitchBot

Seriously. You Cheez-Wiz-Loving mutants don’t deserve the gift win the Bills gave you earlier this year. The fucking Tanking LOLfins just embarrassed you. I for one welcome the first 6-10 division winner. #NFCLeast.

Not that it will help Philadelphians’ cherished inferiority complex and (justified) sense of self-loathing, but they actually didn’t have the worst day out there today.  Cincinnati and the re-ascendant Ginger Dalton finally got on the winning side of the ledger after 11 straight losses against the Jests. Carolina in turn allowed the Redacteds to run all over them (in every sense of the word) at home. Jerry Richardson must be rolling over in his grave to have his beloved Panthers beaten by a team whose mascot wasn’t even counted under the Three-Fifths Compromise.  Wait, he’s not dead?

There were a bunch of other games. Stay tuned for Hippo Thoughts.

ON TO TONIGHT!

P*TRIOTS v. HOUSTON “TEXANS” (8:30 Eastern, 7:30 DFO):

Let’s be honest: this is going to suck for all right-thinking, God-fearing football fans. Bill Belichick has Bill O’Brien’s number, as much or more as any of the rotten fruit of his gnarled, twisted coaching “tree”.  He’s 4-0, and O’Brien’s not going to pull anything new out of that gigantic pit in his chin.

As always, the 500s’ chances rest solely on Deshaun Watson’s shoulders. And as usual, those shoulders will likely spend a LOT of time on the turf. New England’s defense is just too good this year against an offensive line that has been problematic at the best of times. Look for Will Fuller’s knee to self-destruct in the second quarter, followed by Watson’s entire skeleton in the third.

Still, the light of hope flickers in the gale. Foxborough Delenda Est

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Feared conqueror; scholar; poet; revered holy man; professional raconteur; soldier of fortune; aloof yet thorough lover; bandit; blazing gypsy speedboat. I have been called some of these things.
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Sharkbait

Should’ve started Johnson in DFS Gamblor.

Brocky

Imagine a list of the 10 most prolific female pornstars of all time

I guarantee that chris collinsworth has sucked more metaphorical dick than the amount of physical dick that all but 3 of those females have in there lifetime.

And that’s only because one of those 3 only does girl/girl scenes now

I put way too much thought into these

King Hippo

Huh, it’s almost like if you enforce the rules, a certain “preparation edge” goes away?

Unsurprised

It’s never been tried before.

Brocky

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WCS

It is NOT COOL to show footage of how Mike Glennon died.

The Maestro

IT’S NAWT FACKIN’ OVAH

Sharkbait

My drinking? Exactly.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yah, Gostkowski missed a PAT during the 28-3 comeback, so not worrying!

Unsurprised

Trump won. Nothing is guaranteed until it’s over.

King Hippo

I also wouldn’t rule out Russian and/or FBI machinations this Q4, neither

WCS

PRAISE SHA’NKLOR

Unsurprised
Gratliff

This is a wrestling thingy. The Shield used to come out as a paramilitary mercenary thing and their entrance always started with “SIERRA HOTEL INDIA ECHO LIMA DELTA”
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Gratliff

From left to right: Crossfit guy who got his dick picks leaked when he cheated on his girlfriend with a neo-nazi, Prettier Khal Drogo, Titty Master

Unsurprised

That doesn’t make it better

King Hippo

That’s some Jedi Genius shit, huh?

King Hippo

perhaps 5 yards closer LMAO?

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Brocky

Brady is fucking good that he excels with optimum pass protection!!!!

Unsurprised

No way!

Charge of the Light Brigade

Belichick preparing his fingers for a good sniff.

WCS

“It was good.”

— Bill O’B.’s mom, Houston, TX

WCS

….of course.

WCS

1st and 30? TRUE NFL BLITZ!

Unsurprised

JFC. Even Twitter, a company that cannot make money and wouldn’t exist if Trump had lost, is dunking on the Shitty Clippers
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Spur

WOW. Pats called for a pick play

King Hippo

Edelman is kind of a dirty little prick, yeah?

Gratliff

He did attempt to murder an Eagles CB on an easy pick a few weeks ago

King Hippo

oh yeah, I had already forgotten

Viva La Tabula Raza

“He one-a dem sneaky Joooz, ya know.”
—MAGA

Brocky

He’s one of the good onez

King Hippo

FINISH THEM!!!!

Gatoraids

Even the referees are giving up on new england

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Looks like it.

Viva La Tabula Raza

While I have been a P*ts fan since 1968, when I moved to Texas I naturally had to have a local team to root for; since I had hated the Cowboys for the same amount of time, I became an Oilers fan. I have pulled for Houston as my Texas team since they were stood up. So, even though my favorite team is gonna lose, at least it’s to my second favorite team.

That there is some first class rationalization right there!

Unsurprised

I would expect nothing less from a P*ts fan

Gatoraids

Glad new England wanted to see that happen again

King Hippo

THESHAUN IS THE GOOD

Mistborn Impossible

Obviously it was incomplete, it wasn’t a Pates player

Edit: hahah nevermind, eat it Pates

King Hippo

Throw beers at these chucklefucks

King Hippo

That gift that tells your lover I like how you are thin and conventionally attractive, and expect you to stay that way.

Dunstan

“A year ago, I had no idea how much this would change me!” Yeah, you went from a hot skinny wife to being a hot skinny wife with a weird hobby. Shocking.

Gatoraids

Peloton won’t let the Lexus for Christmas commercials go unchallenged for yuppie mindshare

blaxabbath

The SNF crew reminds me of the Republicans in Congress looking for any loophole to say, “Brady sucked out loud but NE win on technicality.”

King Hippo

STANDS AS CALLED

Viva La Tabula Raza

As we edge closer yet to 28-3.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Bill O’Brien doesn’t get a lot of accolades.”
Yeah, because he kinda sucks at his job.

King Hippo

BRAVE officials, overruling the P*ts players LIEK THAT

The Maestro

Evening, folks. Just got home from dinner at my folks and… this is not what I wanted to see.

Dunstan

Well, I feel the same way about your avatar…

Sharkbait

How long before this split screen commercial bullshit becomes a permanent fixture of these games?

King Hippo

why do you think they keep imploring us to buy these ridiculous 80″ TVs?

Sharkbait

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Viva La Tabula Raza

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hippofant

I am so confused as to why these Amazon commercials feature so many independent contractors that in no way work for Amazon or represent Amazon or pass any legal liability onto Amazon. Seems strange that they’d advertise for all these totally independent contractors that have no affiliation with Amazon in any way.

King Hippo

hey show sum respect a few of them make a whole 50 cents above minimum wage (if a returning seasonal labourer)

Unsurprised

But then you account for self-employment tax and all of their expenses, and they’d be better off with $1/hr in company scrip

King Hippo

oh shit, is it almost time for me to not give a tin shit about the Olympics again??

Mistborn Impossible

Yeah these are only the summer olympics. The good one isn’t until 2022

Sharkbait

Speaking of more drinking.

King Hippo

WOMP WOMP, you bid too much on the toaster and your spelunker fell over the cliff

King Hippo

IT BEGINS

WCS

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King Hippo

so very elegant and graceful

tomsellecksmoustache

Wait, do we like boobs? Collective opions here. Send .gif evidence, please.

Dunstan

You want photographic evidence of me enjoying boobs? The last time I sent someone that, I got a restraining order.

Mistborn Impossible

As long as they’re tasteful. And not too big.

Sharkbait

On the plus side, I’m still off so I don’t have to commute to work tomorrow in the snow/sleet crap going on outside.

Also more drinking.

King Hippo

a choice nobody ever regrets!

blaxabbath

Bravo

Spur

same here. off until Thursday.

WCS

This dickhead deserves to be hit by a train. Take out the headphones, and get a better haircut, jagoff.

blaxabbath

Who

King Hippo

Be the end of him when that train comes, too. Because NO SOUL.

King Hippo

I live bet the P*ts, not enough that I will hope to win the bet.

But I suspect I will.

Gratliff

Goddamn, this is some appropriation taking place

Mistborn Impossible

“I don’t think anybody’s gonna argue that one” -Collinsworth, on the PI negating Brady’s interception

I will argue with that call C[h]ris, because I am not all up on Brady’s p-p. It didn’t look any worse than what happens on every play; Roby didn’t interfere in any material way. At WORST it’s a borderline call, I say it’s easily on the right side of legal.

Spur

Dreamboat looks old

King Hippo

THERE’S THE BABY BUSTER MOVE!!

blaxabbath

Should have put his helmet in TB12’s chest.

WCS

Literally into his chest. Like a reverse chestburster.

blaxabbath

Made it to our Tahoe Airbnb. Got in snf and just took NyQuil and a edible

I’m ready to sleep fir 50 hours.

Mistborn Impossible

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blaxabbath

I’m not gonna pollute it!

Gratliff

trash call

King Hippo

awwwww man, Tom almost had his TD pass

Gratliff

DERPBOAT

Gratliff

aw boo