Deshaun of the Dead: Sunday Night Game Open Thread

So I’ve been on the road all day and have relatively little firsthand knowledge of what the shit went on this afternoon. A brief (aka halfass) recap after this important message:

WOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ok. I’m good. I’m cool.

So the Bills (WOOOO!) handed the Iggles a golden opportunity to pull even with the hated Dallas Cowboys (BOOO!) by beating the ever-loving snot out of the latter in front of God, Jerral and everyone. In typical Philadelphia fashion, they took this wonderful gift and fucking trashed it.

Seriously. You Cheez-Wiz-Loving mutants don’t deserve the gift win the Bills gave you earlier this year. The fucking Tanking LOLfins just embarrassed you. I for one welcome the first 6-10 division winner. #NFCLeast.

Not that it will help Philadelphians’ cherished inferiority complex and (justified) sense of self-loathing, but they actually didn’t have the worst day out there today.  Cincinnati and the re-ascendant Ginger Dalton finally got on the winning side of the ledger after 11 straight losses against the Jests. Carolina in turn allowed the Redacteds to run all over them (in every sense of the word) at home. Jerry Richardson must be rolling over in his grave to have his beloved Panthers beaten by a team whose mascot wasn’t even counted under the Three-Fifths Compromise.  Wait, he’s not dead?

There were a bunch of other games. Stay tuned for Hippo Thoughts.

ON TO TONIGHT!

P*TRIOTS v. HOUSTON “TEXANS” (8:30 Eastern, 7:30 DFO):

Let’s be honest: this is going to suck for all right-thinking, God-fearing football fans. Bill Belichick has Bill O’Brien’s number, as much or more as any of the rotten fruit of his gnarled, twisted coaching “tree”.  He’s 4-0, and O’Brien’s not going to pull anything new out of that gigantic pit in his chin.

As always, the 500s’ chances rest solely on Deshaun Watson’s shoulders. And as usual, those shoulders will likely spend a LOT of time on the turf. New England’s defense is just too good this year against an offensive line that has been problematic at the best of times. Look for Will Fuller’s knee to self-destruct in the second quarter, followed by Watson’s entire skeleton in the third.

Still, the light of hope flickers in the gale. Foxborough Delenda Est