So tonight is WineWife’s Office Christmas party. We’ve all been down that road before – the +1 to a partner’s corporate function. It’s so much worse when you are the invitee, because there’s some sort of higher expectation for both bad and good behaviour. The co-workers all want to see the downtown version of my wife, so they can gossip around the office.
But they also know they never will, so they hold out that the BeerGuy version of me will show up, even if I’m wearing the suit & bothered to put a brush through my hair.
I assume that’s why there’s an open bar.
But knowing there’s an open bar also puts WineWife’s spotlight squarely on me, because any behavioural tic is going to be hyper-analyzed. Even a simple belly laugh at her boss’ joke will gain critical attention and/or a sniff-test breathalyzer. Twenty-seven years of selling beer & projecting my voice means I’m louder than most people, a fact which will not help at a 200-person dinner. Honestly, I’d rather be sick than spend an entire evening uncomfortably dressed & waiting to be yelled at over some minor indiscretion that likely won’t even be my fault.
Sunday Broadcast maps: (courtesy 506sports.com)
CBS EARLY
█ Fairbanks
█ Honolulu
█ Baltimore @ Buffalo – Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts
█ Denver @ Houston – Kevin Harlan, Rich Gannon
█ Indianapolis @ Tampa Bay – Spero Dedes, Adam Archuleta
█ Miami @ NY Jets – Tom McCarthy, Jay Feely
█ Cincinnati @ Cleveland – Beth Mowins, Tiki Barber
I don’t want to tell CBS how to do their job, but aren’t they even a little…concerned (?) pairing a lady up with Tiki Barber? I’m assuming he’ll be wearing some sort of shock collar, or HR is offscreen with tranq darts.
CBS LATE
█ Fairbanks
█ Honolulu
█ Kansas City @ New England – Jim Nantz, Tony Romo
█ Tennessee @ Oakland – Greg Gumbel, Trent Green
█ Pittsburgh @ Arizona – Andrew Catalon, James Lofton
I know “standings” say five of these teams have “playoff aspirations”, but c’mon. There’s only one game worth watching here.
FOX SINGLE
█ Fairbanks
█ Honolulu
█ San Francisco @ New Orleans – Kevin Burkhardt, Charles Davis
█ Washington @ Green Bay – Kenny Albert, Ronde Barber
█ Detroit @ Minnesota – Thom Brennaman, Chris Spielman
█ Carolina @ Atlanta – Chris Myers, Daryl Johnston
█ LA Chargers @ Jacksonville (LATE) – Dick Stockton, Mark Schlereth
For the life of me, I don’t get why eastern Montana gets the Packers – [Redacteds] game. And the over/under on “San Diego” references is 5, because Mark Schlereth is an idiot.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Leafs at Blues – 7:00PM | CBC / Sportsnet
- Kings at Flames – 10:00PM | CBC / Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Pacers vs. Knicks – 7:30PM | TSN
- Grizzlies vs.Jazz – 10:00PM | TSN
- NCAA:
- Pigskin:
- ACC Football Championship: Virginia vs. Clemson – 7:30PM | ABC / TSN3
- Big Ten Football Championship: Ohio State vs. Wisconsin – 8:00PM | FOX
- Hoops: a selection
- Colorado at Kansas – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN4
- Marquette at Kansas State – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN4
- Pigskin:
- Pugilism:
- UFC Fight Night: Overeem vs. Rozenstruik
- Prelims – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN5
- Main Card – 9:00PM | ESPN / TSN5
- UFC Fight Night: Overeem vs. Rozenstruik
Well, that’s it for me this week.
Enjoy the games tomorrow. Oh yeah – and remember Pearl Harbor.
First time since I moved to LA to randomly walk into a bar and listen to a live band. Not bad.
You are all a bunch of hobos with unkempt nut sacks and Howard Hughes toenails. Go urinate in a milk bottle I don’t care. I bought new gloves today.
Isotoners?
These are gloves for when you notice your regular gloves ain’t cutting it anymore.
Hey! I trim the garden with regularity.
Do they come with shoelaces?
Sooooooo if we just didn’t even have Conference Championship Weekend, the Playoff would be exactly the same. Worth it.
I don’t really are about either of these teams, but, you’ll forgive me for not feeling bad that Wisconsin’s consolation being the Rose Bowl.
Brick Meathook asked:
I guess not.
It’s Hockey Night in Canada. Respect your surroundings.
Every night is hockey fucking night in Canada.
Rob, being naturally loud would be going with the flow in Puerto Rico #SoloDigo
Scheduling an FCS team should count as a loss smh change my mind.
If you schedule, you must not only pay them to play but you have to go to their stadium as the away team.
And still take an L.
Nah, that’s not right.
50 point head start and you must go the entire up and down the field to score a point (200 yards).
4th and 2? Let’s run parallel to the Line of Scrimmage. They’ll never expect that!
Chase Young wasn’t offside there? He fast.
Dobbins with 31 carries what the fuck
The Heiress came to visit from college. I put the liquor, she the new music.
BABYMETAL IS INSANE AND ALL KINDS OF BRILLIANT1!1
https://youtube.com/watch?v=WIKqgE4BwAY
Well, at least Wizzy had the lead for an entire half of the game, they just chose the wrong half to have the lead.
Clemson and LSU will kill these guys, but I’m impressed by Ohio State. Either that or the Big Ten sucks and blows concurrently.
I think it’s more big ten teams coasting on reputation.
Osu can fuck anyone up though
You truly have been jaded by sports in Ohio.
Yup. When Ohio State beat Miami for the championship in 2003, I legitimately didn’t know how to react.
Normally I’d root against Ohio State, but I’m still a bit miffed at the previously unbeaten IU basketball team being defeated by the badgers.
(Pours irresponsibly large glass of whiskey)
Well as long as it’s in the glass, I guess I better drink it.
It’s one drink!
/spills some from emphasis, licks floor
I would make a sexual assault joke about what Ohio State did to Wisconsin in that 3rd quarter, but that would really understate how brutal it was
It was like the first losing fight in a Rocky or Creed sequel to show how screwed the protagonist is in this installment.
LMFAO….Maria Taylor is about a foot taller than Dabo.
And way hotter.
Dabo reminds me of Primus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=953PkxFNiko
Fuck, the Red Wings suck. They’re pretty much just a point factory for the east now, eh?
They’re worse than the Senators!
Stole half a billion dollars from Detroit knowing full well the franchise was about to fall off a cliff.
Michigan businessman vs. Michigan politicians: who’s more corrupt? Trick question, they both just stole your wallet while you were thinking about the answer.
Regret to inform you the AG investigating both parties has himself been arrested for corruption
Will Clemson hit 60? Probably.
I hate those fuckers.
ur just jelly because their SAVED
NO IT’S BECAUSE OF THE TEXTILES.
(realizes no one will get that joke)
How in the hell did Wisconsin let Ohio State get back into this game?! They were dead to rights at halftime!
Wisconsin might never score again in this game. But also that was a hilariously bad mis-call.
No fare, theeeee started trying
Is the placement kicker also the punter? If so, he’s getting his house firebombed.
Bill P would be proud of how OSU has shut down the slants late in this game.
The fish smell is because of her foot placement.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7VaXlMvAvk
Best SNL bit of the decade: Black Jeopardy vs. Let’s Do That Hockey: WHO YA GOT!?
The greatest trick the Republican Party ever did was to convince African Americans and Rednecks they were different from each other.
Rednecks have always been racist fucks.
Chase Young is a great football player in addition to being the job description for Jerry Sandusky.
MUST. BANNER
I dunno about that, but they’ll also go to any length on a college campus for sacks.
Nope, I agree with Hippo. It’s going up right now.
Let me rephrase that.
JPP approved
HULK SMASH!
The Johnny Tremain model?
Bikini denotes UCLA affiliation 4/10
Better than USC.
tOSU/Wiscy…is no matchup for the pervy cameraman. Just be glad all are wearing sweaters
Wahoowa kicked a FG. Jolly good for them!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oseqh7SMIvo
NORM!
Norman
I guess Buffalo (college version) has accepted an invite to the Bahamas Bowl. Good for them. I wonder how many will defect.
Damn, the 70s were weird.
Back and to the right, back and to the right.
We don’t need no stinkin’ Badgers!
Was Wisconsin better off just leaving the stadium at halftime and closing down their program?
I don’t care how many brutal military dictatorships we have to support, let’s keep these Peruvian blueberries coming.
/also teh booger sugar
Don’t forget teh Avocados controlled by Mejican drug cartels.
(seriously, that’s a thing)
Reminds me of a dream I had about a week ago. It ended oddly.
I’m guessing it didn’t begin quite normally either.
Actually, that’s my usual Tuesday. I mean, to begin with.
oh God, how I guffawed
Here doggie doggie….
OW MY TIBIA!!!!!!
I mean, if Gus is excite, I guess I might as well keep on watchin