The Friday Evening Pre-Christmas Open Thread Post

Welcome to my last post of the year.

I asked Seamus if he wouldn’t mind switching with me, and he readily agreed since it’s taking longer than he expected to get the squirrel piss out of the carpet. #thoughtsandprayers

I will be away from the #content mines for a couple of weeks. Tomorrow has football, so Scotchy has that. Next week, I will be down south celebrating Christmas with Mom so she’s not alone for once. Also, I’ll be checking up on her retirement situation, and discussing with BeerBrother whether we need to relocate her closer to home.

I’m also hoping I don’t find this. I found something like this last time.

The week after – New Year’s – I will be spending with WineWife, making up for the fact that I spent Christmas with Mom. I’m hoping her temper will be mollified by then.

Like this, but more like hockey jerseys atop a ’78 Granada.

So before I go, I want to share my favourite Christmas songs with you.

Don’t worry – I know many of us are still in “The Little Drummer Boy” challenge, and I will not Rickroll you into losing that here. I expect to be out by Christmas Eve, because I anticipate hearing one version or another of it at the airport. Instead, I will leave you with my list of the only good Christmas songs out there.

Note: Before I start, a reminder that “Bob & Doug’s ‘Twelve Days of Christmas'” is spoken-word art never to be equaled.


First up: “Father Christmas” by The Kinks.

A few fun facts about the song:

  • It was Ray Davies’ take on the late-70’s class warfare going on in England.
    • The BBC refused to play it because, as Davies put it, they were an “established act”, and they would only play “edgy” songs by New Wave & Punk bands.
  • They tried to play it on their 1977 tour in the US, but were prevented by the headliner Hall & Oates when they shared the bill.
  • It’s been covered numerous times, best by Cheap Trick, and most recently by Chris Jericho.
  • The B-side was “Prince of the Punks”, a diss-song directed at Cafe Society band leader Tom Robinson after Davies produced Cafe Society’s first album & they blamed him for its weak showing.

Second: “Fairytale of New York”

Fun facts:

  • According to Shane MacGowan, the song was a result of a wager made by the Pogues’ producer at the time, Elvis Costello, that the band would not be able to write a Christmas hit single.
  • Although some stations bleep the offensive words, the song has never been officially banned, although some DJs have publicly prohibited the song from their shows.
    • Kristy MacColl once changed the words for a live broadcast on “Top of the Pops” to “You’re cheap and you’re haggard”.

Third: “I Wish It Was Christmas Today”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-81pyMUx0U

No, not the Fallon-Sanz version. The Julian Casablancas version.

The AV Club has a pretty good article on the song. I don’t feel like validating Jimmy Fallon.

Lastly, “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” by Darlene Love

Anyone who is a Letterman honk knows this song, as she played it on his show 21 times. (Some sweet bastard went and put them all back-to-back, so I’ve chosen that link.) As Paul Shaffer put it to Vanity Fair in 2014,

Dave Letterman, the one thing he has always told me that he hates in rock ’n’ roll is the seasonal novelty record. God help me if I would try to play the “Monster Mash” at Halloween. It was verboten. You can’t do it. But he makes an exception for this song because of the way she sings it.

All of the versions were rehearsed day-of broadcast. The changed the band composition every year – adding instruments or background singers – but the attraction to Letterman was the song and the voice.

Fun facts:

  • The most famous cover versions are by U2 (who hired her to be the background vocals), Mariah Carey, and Cher – who was one of the original background singers on the original version from 1963.
  • The musicians for the original were The Wrecking Crew, one of the most famous session musicians collectives of the era, alongside The Swampers, Booker T & The MGs, MFSB out of Philadelphia, and Detroit’s Funk Brothers.
  • Such is her popularity for the song that SNL got her to sing the lyrics for the Funhouse video, “Christmastime For The Jews”


Sunday Broadcast Maps: (courtesy 506sports.com)

Can you believe we get Saturday football tomorrow? And – on paper – good games! Good-ish? Cromulent? Anyway, that will justify my absence tomorrow night.

With your permission, I’m only going to show the FOX late Sunday window, because only a few of the other games during the day have minimal playoff ramification. Everything else is hot garbage, with fans only attending out of either misguided obligation or the sunk cost fallacy.

Morning games of note:

  • CBS:
    • Baltimore @ Cleveland – available in most of the country
    • Pittsburgh @ NY Jets – Pennsylvania & the Tri-State area
      • excluding Philadelphia, who are buying batteries ahead of the afternoon block
  • FOX
    • New Orleans @ Tennessee – 90% of the country
      • excluding the rapier parts of Florida that get the Jags game

FOX LATE

 Anchorage
 Fairbanks
 Honolulu

█ Dallas @ Philadelphia – Joe Buck, Troy Aikman

█ Arizona @ Seattle – Chris Myers, Daryl Johnston

I will be at the Seahawks game, hoping this isn’t a trap game & they stay even with the Niners, making next weekend a bloodfest both inside & outside C-Link.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Penguins at Oilers – 9:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Wizards at Raptors – 7:30PM | TSN
    • Mavericks at 76ers – 8:00PM | ESPN
    • Pelicans at Warriors – 10:30PM | TSN3
  • NCAA:
    • College Bowl:
      • Frisco Bowl – Utah State vs. Kent State – 7:30PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
    • Division III championship game:
      • North Central (Ill.) vs. Wisconsin (Whitewater) – 8:00PM | ESPNU
    • College Wrestling:
      • Oregon State at Nebraska – 7:00PM | FS1
  • Contact sports:
    • Wrasslin’:
      • Friday Night Smackdown – 8:00PM | FOX / Sportsnet360
    • MMA:
      • Bellator – Salute to the Troops – from Hawaii – 10:00PM | Paramount

Happy holidays!

See you in the New Year.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Senor Weaselo

This might be my favorite version of Good King Wenceslas. Also Senor and Senorita Weaselo playing First Noel.
https://discomfortandjoy.bandcamp.com/album/discomfort-and-joy-presents-have-yourself-a-very-merry-little-half-assed-christmas-volume-9-best-one-but-actually-9

rockingdog
rockingdog
rockingdog

Found a funny:
JUDGE: I order you to pay $10,000 – do you understand?

MARIO:

JUDGE: it’s a fine

MARIO [sadly]: no itsa not

rockingdog

Ja Morant seems legit

Gratliff

Rewatching the league and wondering what could have been if Stephen Rannazzisi wasn’t the dumbest mother fucker alive
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR3G_JhDtaQ

King Hippo

Nick Saban went to Kent State? He was probably pointing out slow runners to the National Guard.

Don T

Have a nice time, Rob. Remember that moms love to be corrected when they’re wrong.

King Hippo

Just heard in JV – 3rd and 4…Love pumps…

Don T

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King Hippo

and there in a manger, was born a saviour, and he told all the libtards to SUCK IT

King Hippo

That’s the first thing comes to mind anytime someone mentions Kent State – their never having won a bowl game (smh)

Sharkbait

Right? No other significant events happened there. Ever. Right?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1PrUU2S_iw

King Hippo

SUCK IT, Purdue kid, THIS cancer boy put him a helmet back on ,, chuh chuh

King Hippo

I read today that “The Association”s ratings are way, WAY down. Guess what’s UP? FOOKIN’ FITBAW (especially JV for some reason)

Senor Weaselo

I mean my team is lukewarm garbage, not even emitting heat.

King Hippo

but this also works FOAR Jest?

Senor Weaselo

They’re slightly less putrid.

jjfozz

“These are the laser blasters, they’ll knock you on your ass if you’re not careful.”
“Nothing has ever knocked me on my ass.”

Someone wrote that and then sold the script. I love America.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey boozeboyroy….let’s get something straight.

The squirrel did not piss on my carpet (I think). He pissed in my shoe.

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

Hey
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jjfozz

My pants just got kinda tight

Unsurprised

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jjfozz

who is this”?

theeWeeBabySeamus

And where is she?

King Hippo

probably filing the restraining order?

Mr. Ayo

Brie Larson hosting Jimmy Kimmel’s show in LA.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Was there a fad a couple decades ago of naming your daughter after a creamy wax-encased cheese?. I know a couple other ladies with that name, of about the same vintage.

jjfozz

I wish I could take pictures of this shit and then upload them onto my comments, because this movie is a sloppy bucket of chum

jjfozz

Jackpot big tits just showed up

Unsurprised

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jjfozz

I think Ham Man just injected himself with shark dna. people give no fucks

King Hippo

Secular Big Love State back in the lead!

jjfozz

the lead male role looks like he is made of ham and greasy black hair

jjfozz

In this movie, if you are wearing glaasses, you are smart. like einstein smart. everyoen else is a troll

jjfozz

Some sea captain is wearing a sea captain’s hat. no one is even trying so far. not even a little bit.

Wakezilla

“I’m also hoping I don’t find this. I found something like this last time”

That is exactly what my MIL’s house looked like when I first moved to Calgary. Fuck that was a bitch to clean.

The 12 Days of Christmas by the Mackenzie Brothers is the greatest song, period.

Don T

“Beer”
“In a tree. See?”
I almost wore out that cassette.

jjfozz

I don’t mind curvy, but come on, you gotta have big tits

Unsurprised

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Don T

Second fave X-mas song, which has a universal message: if you don’t get me a drink, I’ll cry. That’s the name of the song, and chorus.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=qWB1GtNC4dc

jjfozz

Ok that blood looks like red kool aid

jjfozz

I think i just saw a C Section scar. It’s like a strip club in tijuana, but no donkey

King Hippo

give it TIME

jjfozz

Wow, land shark just opened up on a very curvy woman with green hair chugging liquor and walking on teh beach. this movie already GIVES NO FUCKS!

jjfozz

YOu know who’s a little hottie the girl who plays Erica Goldberg on teh Goldbergs.

jjfozz

Ok, now it’s Land Shark. Not the SNL skit, but a movie called Land Shark. Where in fuck is everybody?

jjfozz

Wait, fuck. i may have watchede this one drunken night. shit i idid. gota find a new one

jjfozz

First sighting of the sand shark! Oh man, this is fucking classic shit. Wiating for hte hot babes to show up. so far, the shark has eaten two motorcyclists

jjfozz

I’m watching a movie on amazon called Sand Sharks. It’s goign to epic.

King Hippo

#ReelBourbleTalk

jjfozz

I was inches from losing it on my boss today. inches. Luckily, there’s heroin.

King Hippo

BROTHER!!

jjfozz

What up, mothafuckah?

King Hippo

MLB rookie research WOO!!!

Dunstan

I don’t care if it’s cheesy, I still like it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwNV7TAWN3M

Dunstan

And now off to the office holiday party, where I will attempt to maintain the optimal low-level of intoxication: enough to enjoy it, not enough to make a grave error.

scotchnaut

“Good luck walking that tightrope!”

-Karl Wallenda

jjfozz

Now come on, stop being rational. Get fucking loaded and plop your balls in teh bowl of eggnog. You know you want to! And eggnog makes your skin silky smooth. Good luck!

King Hippo

Yes, as an immature child I sang this as “Last Christmas, you gave me your butt”

jjfozz

I think that’s the way George Michaels wanted it sung

Senor Weaselo

FUN FACT: There is a different challenge, called Whamageddon, that involves not listening to this instead of the LDBC.

jjfozz

Oh great the kids are on winter break…[opens liquor cabinet bypasses bourbon, goes straight to bag of shrooms]

scotchnaut

/makes note to self

“‘Knife’ is spelled ‘bag of shrooms’ now.”

King Hippo

This is the ONLY Hippo-approved Christmas music. Huzzah FOAR Hipster Methodists!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20D0zPiF654

jjfozz

I want to punch his face into a piece of raw meat. I have no idea who he is. but still, that face.

King Hippo

tuff but FARE

Viva La Tabula Raza

For those of you who don’t mind a little polka flavor in your Xmas music, I present Denton TX’s very own Brave Combo, from their 1992 album “It’s Christmas, Man!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnc076s4jt4

And not Xmas, but you haven’t lived until you’ve heard the polka version of Purple Haze.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uyzice1VC6s

scotchnaut

Oh, we’re going there are we?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZHWy6W00oM

scotchnaut

That’s a Led Zep parody band making fun of Winston Churchill’s crippling depression.*

*might not be even remotely true

Dunstan

Perhaps not technically a Christmas song, but it is a Song For a Winter’s Night, and rules can be broken for a legend like Gordon goddamn Lightfoot:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7F9R94DLniE

scotchnaut

[holds lit lighter above his head]

-Edmund Fitzgerald

Dunstan
Fronkenshteen

Anyone have any fun bux riding on States Utah versus Kent?

King Hippo

No, but I do have $50 each (HT and FT) on the Fightin’ Falwells to win tomorry!

Dunstan

Best Christmas song by an atheist Australian:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CeY0VdhXK8

scotchnaut

Wow. Never heard that before.

Fronkenshteen

Merry Christmas from Bouquet of Veal:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=F2AWbxWhhqw

Sharkbait

Solid list of christmas songs. Sharkbait approved.

litre_cola

Thank you for your service mulledwinefellowrick.

scotchnaut

I’m sure he’ll appreciate that, measuredliquid_carbonatedbeverage.

scotchnaut

*sigh* Every year I must remind the commentarians of the best Xmas song out there in the ether.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IippcraBPKA

herodotus450

I seem to recall a good chunk of the charm around that SNL song was the fact that they did it in March. Hence the part about “I don’t care what your momma says, Christmas time is here”

ballsofsteelandfury

Happy New Year, Rob!