NFL News:
- Greg Olsen has signed a one-year deal with the Seahawks.
So gritty. - Continuing the heritage of greats like Franco Harris, Jerry Rice & Sebastian Janikowski, who all signed one-year deals with Seattle before retiring & going to the Hall of Fame.
- ESPN throws some delightful shade, pointing out that Russell Wilson will be “the best quarterback” he’s ever caught passes from in his career.
- Jason Witten is thinking he might have to play somewhere else in 2020.
- He did finish eighth in receptions and 14th in yards among all tight ends last season.
- Pointing out how good, or bad, the position was across the league last season.
- “I want that to be with the Dallas Cowboys. I’ll always be a Dallas Cowboy. But I also understand that, with all the changes, I may have to go somewhere else.”
- He did finish eighth in receptions and 14th in yards among all tight ends last season.
- The [Redacteds] have exercised the team option on Adrian Peterson.
- He’s set to make $2.25 million guaranteed, and count $3.0 million against the cap.
- There is an Annual Incentive of $1.5 million
- Based on achieving 1,000 rushing yards + team rushing rank improvements from the year prior.
- There is an Annual Incentive of $1.5 million
- While cheap, it’s double the $1.03 million he received in base salary in 2019.
- There was also a $1.5 million signing bonus, split over two cap years.
- Which is why he’s a $3.0 million cap hit in 2020.
- There was also a $1.5 million signing bonus, split over two cap years.
- He’s set to make $2.25 million guaranteed, and count $3.0 million against the cap.
Finally, the new CBA negotiations are working on refining the League’s marijuana policy.
- The policy change would only suspend players for marijuana usage “in the event of extreme and repeated disregard of the policy or significant violations of applicable law regarding the possession and use of marijuana,” according to ProFootballTalk.
- So there would still be rules, but only for those who are repeat offenders.
- It would would also narrow the period players can be tested to two weeks. Currently, players are subject to one random test between April 20 and until early August, according to Sports Illustrated.
- Meaning that, once the testing period is formalized in the new CBA, a player would have to stay clean for one month prior plus the two week testing period to formally avoid league sanction.
- Surely even Josh Gordon can avoid the green for six short weeks.
- Meaning that, once the testing period is formalized in the new CBA, a player would have to stay clean for one month prior plus the two week testing period to formally avoid league sanction.
Currently, and hilariously, as noted above, the window for the NFL’s annual marijuana testing opens on April 20th and lasts until early August.
Good news – the new “‘Touch’ by Alyssa Milano” NFL collection is here!
Complete with photos of not quite her face, photoshopped into clothing for teams she’d never support!
She does rep some 49ers gear, along with either a friend or a heavily augmented picture of her from 2013.
It’s like she devolved.
There is a line for those who enjoy stabbing others.
Differential pricing based on how ‘urban’ the fanbase is,
and a garment sure to get the femurs a’ pounding.
Because it’s a collection “for the ladies”, let’s not forget the maternity wear!
Including the [Redacteds] one that should be redacted for its atrocious photoshop.
It was made in the USA with 100% MS Paint! Jesus – even SFW Porn has better quality.
Nevertheless, get yours now! You missed out on Valentine’s Day, but I’m sure her birthday is right around the corner.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Rangers at Blackhawks – 8:00PM | NBCSN
- Bruins at Oilers – 8:30PM | Sportsnet
- NBA:
- I was wrong – the All-Star break ends Thursday
- NCAA:
- Butler at Seton Hall – 6:30PM | FS1
- Syracuse at Louisville – 7:00PM | ESPN
- Auburn at Georgia – 7:00PM | ESPN2
- UCF at Cincinnati – 7:00PM | ESPNU
- Providence at Georgetown – 8:30PM | FS1
- Duke at North Carolina State – 9:00PM | ESPN
- Kansas State at Texas Tech – 9:00PM | ESPN2
- Wrasslin’:
- AEW Dynamite – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
- NXT – 8:00PM | USA / Friday in Canada
- Kickball:
- 2020 CONCACAF Champions League: Round of 16:
- Leg #1 – Deportivo Saprissa vs. Montreal – 8:00PM | TSN5 / FS2
- 2020 CONCACAF Champions League: Round of 16:
But none of that shit matters – it’s Democratic debate night!
LIVE! from the Paris Theatre in Las Vegas, 9:00PM on MSNBC & NBC News. Your participants are:
- Former Vice President Joe Biden
- Former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg
- Former South Bend, Indiana, Mayor Pete Buttigieg
- Minnesota Sen. Amy Klobuchar
- Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders
- Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren
Come for the feisty back & forth between viable candidates; stay for (if I understand Twitter correctly) the elderly Jewish men arguing about who is better for America, while the gay war veteran looks on in bewilderment.
Also, Hallie Jackson.
That is all.
To all of you complaining about billionaires and millionaires in this race, I respectfully suggest you look up the net worth of every Congressperson in Washington.
Mr. Fucking Smith ain’t going to fucking Washington.
Count to a million…takes like 13 days.
Count to a billion…takes like 30 years.
So there’s a difference. And there is no reason for billionaires to exist, except as food for poor people.
They’ve always existed.
Right. And they pay less in taxes on their wealth than we do on our work.
Changes need to happen, and the billionaire failsons need a reckoning.
Which is why I’ve said before that billionaires work outside governments while millionaires need them.
Billionaires simply move their wealth to other countries if pesky governments get in their way.
Ok, but I wouldn’t call that a positive.
Dirty is dirty, but billionaires are never acting in our best interests.
Neither are politicians.
The wealth gap between Bloomberg and every Other candidate combined stretches to the moon
Bernie: my doctors follow me constantly and if I die, I’ll be back. Zombie Bernie is your friend.
Confused looking Joe is my favourite Joe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXik0jy_4rE
Good point from the interwebs I hadn’t thought of – this shows how Sen. Warren would cut Trump to ribbons in the debates, as someone else she has no respect for.
GOD BLESS HER
Finally looked at the TV and proud of Chuck for getting the lead part in the Dumb & Dumber remake
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/greg-robinson-arrested-for-allegedly-possessing-157-pounds-of-marijuana-could-face-up-to-20-years-in-prison/
…also they may be suspended for four game too!
Damn. That’s Nate Newton territory.
That’s gotta be like, one Taylor Gabriel of weed
Her: Titans maternity apparel!
Me:
Yes. Yes indeed.
What’s the o/u until someone slips up and calls Pete “one o’ dem homos”?
47 minutes and Biden and Bloomberg are the co-favorites.
I don’t know why, there’s something about Liz I don’t care for.
She’s probably about 60 years older than what you go for?
Lol.
Commercial break.
Here is the definitive ranking:
1) Warren 2) Biden 3) Kloubuchar 4) Booty-judge 5) Bloomberg 6) Fidel Castro, his beard was good
I’ll take questions now.
F***, Marry, Kill – American Founding Fathers edition?
Marry: John Adams
Kill: Ben Franklin (shut up already!)
Fu*k: Eleanor Roosevelt
Eleanor don’t want the D(on T).
Banked in three at the halftime buzzer WOO!!!!!
Markelle be like, I got dis, relax.
Trump-Bloomberg preview:
Spot on.
I would vote for my cats. Bloomberg is just as unacceptable as Sanders.
Easy now.
He sucks, but Bernie will kill the party.
THIS MOTHERFUCKER SAID HE WON’T RELEASE THEM FROM THE NDA’S BECAUSE THE WOMEN SIGNED THE NDA’S CONSENTUALLY
See?! He learned his lesson. They asked for their consent that time!
Bloomberg is what Trump should’ve been in 2016. Democrats Candidates aren’t going to toy around like the Republicans did.
Well, it’s not Nina Turner, but this will do
MSNBC: “Why won’t you release your tax returns now while people are currently voting?”
Bloomberg: “It just takes time. I have a lot of money.”
He should have said, “I’ll release them when Trump does”
Agreed. This guy doesn’t have any tact or any charm. He had months to prepare for this.
I live bet the assdick Blue Devils (at +209!) for when this goes tits up.
Bloomberg is a massively smarmy cunt
Go on ‘n git all you dang libtards!
the only thing that monkey can’t shoot is his self
There have been far too many monkey rifle suicides for my taste. Long barrels are a good start.
So I haven’t been on in a month or so.
Anything world changing happen?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MabLtuTpDw8
I’m a Conservative and even I’m against Stop and Frisk. You can’t search someone without cause!
Tronno and Ottawa trading AHLers!? Could this get any more exciting?
Mike flew too close to the sun and the sun shit in his mouth
Bloomberg: “Excuse me, can I get a question? I believe I’ve sponsored this program.”
Jeez, Warren went scorched earth down the debate line. It was humorous seeing all the candidate’s WTF face one after the other. That’s valuable information.
At the end of the day, Warren is a huge nerd and she’s going to start printing out reams of spreadsheets and beating Pete about the head with them. Anyway back to Lucha Bros vs Omega and Page
First time I’ve seen aew since the debut epsiode.
Seems good. Maybe I’ll become a regular
Chick wearing goku’s gear doesn’t hurt
Goku’s shirt gets ripped off in most fights. Just Saiyan…
The Goku voice actor lives in my complex, like three houses up from not-Olivia-Munn.
Goddamn, Liz is knives out on Bloomberg. Fuck him up.
She’s the best candidate, goddamnit. Time to shine.
I’d vote for her if she weren’t a broad.
You always bring the HEAT, Brick.
pictured: me
Oh yeah. 80 year olds in full 4K. Mistakes were made.
Well HR 2474, the federal version of California’s AB-5, has passed through the House, so I can’t believe I’m saying this but if Turtleman Jones can kill that bill in the Senate, I’d be much obliged.
I thouyght AB 5 got cut by multiple teams?
Time to go watch NC State get embarrassed yet again at home?
Yes.
Recording the debate in hopes that a fight will break out. Broken hips and spilled Ensure all over the podiums has a certain ring to it.
oh SNAP, dat Independiente del Valle GOOOOOLLLLLL
Jeeeeeeesus
https://twitter.com/MrGoodBehavior/status/1230304423148183552
Also UC Irvine plays Long Beach 2nite!
ZOT ZOT yall.
So it turns out that the woman who moved in near me *isn’t* Olivia Munn using a fake name. I am sorely disappointed, in both her and the real Olivia Munn.
But is she single?
I don’t think she’s married, no.
Invitation to the Pub Crawl?
That’s a great idea.
Harry Reid is on stage in a wheelchair and dressed like an Investor from Venture Bros
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/28739375/more-playoff-teams-expected-new-nfl-cba-sources-say
The playoff field could expand to 32, and Browns would still miss.
Honest Conservative NyQuil-fueled Predictions:
Former Vice President Joe Biden: His campaign is in the death throes because Buttigieg and Bloomberg are taking his votes. If he doesn’t win South Carolina, he’ll drop out after Super Tuesday.
Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren: Same with Biden, but its Sanders who has reclaimed his movement and her momentum. With all respect to our Equus Flumine Rex, it seems to me to that people believe Bernie more than they do Warren. If she doesn’t turn it around, she’ll also be out after Super Tuesday
Former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg: He has people’s attention but so did Kamala Harris after the first debate. We’ll know after this debate if he’s a worthy candidate or not. Too soon to tell if 16%-20% is good enough for 1st place in some primaries or just 2nd and 3rd place is the primaries. But the high votes tells us America hasn’t made their choice and is still shopping around.
Minnesota Sen. Amy Klobuchar: This is the wild card. She can play both sides, the moderate and the progressive. Her hope is to stick around and try to get the voters that leave when people drop out. She’s setting herself up as the Compromise Candidate.
Former South Bend, Indiana, Mayor Pete Buttigieg: If it wasn’t for Bloomberg, this race would be between him and Sanders. But with Bloomberg joining Klobuchar and Biden with siphoning votes off him, he may not be able to catch Bernie. He really needs to hammer on Bloomberg and Biden and get them to drop out, but he needs to do it in a way where their supporters will still vote for him afterwards.
Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders: The front runner no question, but now he’ll get all the attention. He’s already on the defensive with his alleged reneging on releasing his health records, on his spokeperson alleging Bloomberg had a heart attack, on his supporters aggressive way of supporting him. Plus, at the end of the day he’ll be a 78-year old running for President one year after a heart attack. But he is the front runner which is where you want to be going into Super Tuesday. To borrow a phrase from Q in Star Trek when he introduced Picard’s crew to the Borg: Con permiso, Sénateur? The hall is rented, the orchestra engaged. It’s now time to see if you can dance.
Ron Howard voice: He can’t.
No one should be subjected to Bernie dancing
Found a funny:
BIDEN: listen up bucko, i will take climate change & tell it to take a hike
PETE: we must approach problems with solutions, and answers, and accountability, and-
STEYER: this is fun, right gang? im havin a blast. what a treat
MODERATOR: the question was about the opioid crisis
WARREN: As the only woman on this debate stage, I feel I am not getting the attention I deserve.
KLOBUCHAR: Excuse me? I’m on this stage too.
WARREN: Holy crap, you’re still here?!
BLOOMBERG: / schedules ad to run PiP with debate.
It’s gonna be like when they opened WCW Monday Nitro with Vince McMahon announcing he bought it
Jimmy Carter: Roslyn – the ghosts are back!
The score so far after two incredibly white primaries is Pete 22, Bernie 21, Liz 8, Amy 7, Joe 6. Sanders is likely to dominate California, Biden should recover a bit amongst the Dixiecrats, but get thrashed as Bloomberg leeches chunks of his Black supporters. I’d like to see Warren force Pete further right and reclaim the space between the ghouls and Bernie, and I’d like to see Facebook Presents The Manchurian Candidate get Smoked by Klobuchar again. I miss football is what I’m trying to say here.
I’m not sure that Bloomberg is gonna leech too many black voters. He’s got a LOT of baggage as far as that’s concerned.
How many black voters do you think Trump got?
How many worked in his administration? Probably less than that
Right.
And he won…
Quinnipac shows he jumped up to nearly 20% in the last month, which is as confusing as it is frightening
Not really. His ads are good. He has a good marketing team.
Rob, you buried the lead here. Look closer at the design!
Those fucking idiots put the wrong city on there! They can’t even get THIS shit right!
No, I saw exactly what they did. That’s why I made sure to mention your name.
I see. In any case…
Hot hockey trade deadline action, inject it right into my veins!
I don’t know. This may be one of the few times where baseball deadline action is better than hockey.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Khv40RAT4c
The ideal outcome of this event would be Nina Turner wearing Mike out with a tire iron
I would have paid Tina Turner wearing out Ike.
It’s nae good that it’s only 7:25p and already salivating over the idea of Bonus Vicuprofen
All y’all awaiting the big Hippo reveal (as Super Tuesday participant who always votes early)…
Senator Elizabeth Warren
After casting same, I will tune everything out and focus on stupid fucking el beisbol, and wait for the Bernie/Bloomberg world to burn. JUST FUCK THOSE GUYS.
If voting early can excuse myself from all campaign ads, I’d be camping out at the County Board of Elections waiting for them to open up tomorrow.
You primary vote Warren too, Imaginary Friend/Magical Pony, and don’t forget to write in Kruger/Noodles this November
Just turned on MSNBC and they’re playing Bloomberg ads with the debate coverage PIP. Apparently tonight’s debate theme is which miserable old fuck was actually Barack’s BFF.
I’m only gonna peek at this shitshow to take my mind off Duke pistol-whipping NC State. 9p starts, have a word
Here’s hoping those five candidates expose Liberal Trump for the fake POS he is for treating the Presidential Nomination like a Freemium Game where he’s spending money to level up quicker than everyone else.
My opinions are being shared by Meghan McCain and Ted Cruz’s former campaign spokesperson. McCain isn’t completely that bad (except for being completely unable to read a room and having a Persuasive Argument rating of about 2), but I don’t want to live any life where I agree with someone that supported Ted Cruz.
Ugh, that list is the most uninspiring group of 900 year-old assholes and two younger Midwestern assholes. Fuck it. #Kodos2020
Can we change the end of the joke from The Aristocrats! to The Democrats! ?