NFL Noise:
- The Tom Brady rumour bullshit has now hit Favre-ian levels:
- Joe Burrow: ‘Please don’t compare me’ to Tom Brady.
- Multiple sources – The Brady – Belichick phone call “didn’t go well”.
- He’s going,
- according to Tom Curran of NBC Boston, to the Titans,
- Because Brady is pals with Mike Vrabel.
- according to Florio, to the 49ers,
- Today, with Garoppolo traded back to New England.
- or he stays with the Patriots, because he’s an old man with a dying arm.
- according to Tom Curran of NBC Boston, to the Titans,
Free agency begins March 18th, so this current national nightmare will end soon.
(I carried this over from yesterday, because Dreamboat is still a hot topic today, and I feel it got lost amongst the Super Tuesday talk. I was kinda proud of it.)
In doing my due diligence for the Tom Brady piece yesterday, I observed that the Cowboys, in lieu of signing Dak Prescott & Amari Cooper to long-term deals, have $78 million in cap space available for 2020. Now, the Cowboys have said they’d like to negotiate a deal, but are also not adverse to using a tag for one of the two in the interim.
For the 2020 season, the cost of the franchise tag is $26.895 million for a QB, and $18,491 million for a WR. If you consider Prescott the more valuable of the two,
here’s what you could buy for that $26.895 million:
- 6,774,559 DAK Fully Cooked Premium Hams (16 oz Can) from Walmart.com.
- 455,847 “massages” at the Orchids of Asia Day Spa.
- 64,046 10-vial packages of Ricky Williams’ “Real Wellness Herbal” Optimize Hemp Tonic
- 1494 series of bets on NFL games, based on the total amount Paul Hornung is “alleged” to have bet between 1959-61.
- With plenty left over for Alex Karras to use, given he only ever bet $600 total.
- 336 Lake Minnetonka “excursions” with the 2005 Minnesota Vikings.
- With an extra 5000 Fred Smoot autographed rookie cards thrown in instead of change.
- 107 League fines for Ray Lewis for “obstruction of justice” from some incident in Atlanta in 2000.
- 67 Ben Roethlisberger “alleged” lawsuit settlements.
- 3 Michael Vick “bankruptcy reorganizations“.
As you can see, there’s a lot of value out there, should they choose to move on from Dak and to a high-round draft pick.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Flyers at Capitals – 7:00PM | NBCSN
- Blue Jackets at Flames – 8:30PM | Sportsnet
- Ducks at Colorado Avalanche – 9:30PM | NBCSN
- NBA:
- Pacers at Bucks – 7:00PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
- Pelicans at Dallas Mavericks – 9:30PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
- NCAA:
- Xavier at Providence – 6:30PM | FS1
- Texas A&M at Auburn – 7:00PM | ESPN2
- Villanova at Seton Hall – 8:30PM | FS1
- Florida State at Notre Dame – 9:00PM | ESPN2
- Wrasslin’:
- AEW Dynamite – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
- The first show after their excellent PPV on Saturday.
- NXT – 8:00PM | USA
- AEW Dynamite – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
I guess we don’t have to discuss politics until next Tuesday, March 10, when five primaries take place – Idaho, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Washington – and one caucus – North Dakota. Or we can laugh/cry at Bloomberg blowing $500 million without denting his overall net worth. Or we can do what comes naturally – make memes out of Tom Brady turning into late-career Brett Favre.
See?!
Time for a proper Irish goodbye.
“Listen up lads! I’ll be having a piss then stopping at the bar on the way back.
What can I get ya?
That’s a shot of Irish and a beer for Seamus, a right proper drink. Balls is up for anything, aye and a stout for Low Commander. Rikki with the usual late night light and Dok with her exotic white wines. Anyone seen Son of Spam or Brick Meathook?
Got it.
Watch me beverage and I’ll be right back!”
Uber arrives and nobody sees yeah right until next year.
We’re doing the annual Atwater Village pub crawl soon, boppers.
Stay tuned for details.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKDrlVkLrvY
Speaking of Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist, Jane Levy should’ve turned on 2FA for her iCloud account
I will continue making Viva Laughlin jokes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vtonEFBeZk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9z1wX69Swqk
The scene of Titus killing Cicero is so hammy and hilarious.
The next name in hockey: Shane Wright. Got OHL exceptional player status last year and is a point per game player this season on a dogshit Kingston team.
I once asked Rick Mirer if he enjoyed being a Golden Domer and he said, “yeah man Asian chicks give the best head.”
Who was the bigger boy band — NSync or Backstreet Boys?
BackStreet Boys by a mile
— Balls and Brick
You know that’s right.
“I prefer Shower Boys.” -Jerry S., federal penitentiary
He’s just jealous because their beat was more catchy than his rhythmic slapping
tWBS’ new ride?
Chelyabinsk AATV, 1950s. A prototype rear-engined 8-wheel Amphibious All-Terrain Vehicle. Built by the Design Bureau of the Chelyabinsk tractor hydraulics plant in the 1950s.
That is pretty cool!
And radiation proof from pesky non-communist radiation that was totally not released by accident.
Also has vodka freezer!
DA!
The airport light poles wouldn’t have a chance.
My wife is watching the pilot of Zoe’s Extraordinary Playlist. They should call this show Johnny Deformed…wait, I mean Zoe’s Extraordinary Music Rights Budget.
Charging more for the men’s model? Gran Prix Enterprises was woke to the gender wage gap before it was cool.
“Just twist the base and away she goes. Gives fast, penetrating comfort.”
The men’s has more girth.
If he’s buying a men’s, the women’s should be included.
FIve minutes? What is it, some kinda machine? Wait, it is? Carry on then.
Bring back Viva Laughlin!
Fuck. JVR broke his hand
Look at the tits on that one lobster, though.
Drugs.
Watching porn in the Bat Mobile.
This fabulous flip belongs to biomedical engineer Judy Sullivan, who monitored the vital signs of the Apollo 11 astronauts throughout their spaceflight training via small sensors attached to their bodies. On July 16, 1969, she was the only woman in the suit lab as the team helped Neil Armstrong suit up for launch.
Sullivan appeared on the game show “To Tell the Truth,” in which a celebrity panel had to guess which of the female contestants was a biomedical engineer. Her choice to wear a short, ruffled skirt stumped everyone and won her a $500 prize. In this photo, Sullivan monitors a console during a training exercise for the first lunar landing mission.
She probably fucked ‘em all, for science.
Hey, just because you did that on the sub doesn’t mean everybody does it.
We didn’t do anything for science.
Good point.
“Hey toots, why don’t you check my blood pressure down here [grabs crotch]”
Whenever she didn’t want to have sex, her boyfriend would simply turn her off and then back on again. Simpler times, back then.
She wore boots.
Story Time!
After I was done a few years of university I moved into this old house with a few other buddies. The house was massive and it had a huge sitting room just off the front entrance that none of us had any use for. We had to fill it with something and I got it into my head that we would fill it with other people’s stuff. So I started dragging shit home from other folk’s front lawns/porches/driveways while staggering my way back home from bars. The kicker was that our lease was only for a year and towards the end of my stay I started returning (some, not all) stolen items to their owners. To this day I wish I could have seen the look on someone’s face as their wicker rocking chair magically re-appeared on their sundeck nine months after it had vanished. That Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer that you left on the lawn until early spring? BAM! It’s yours once again. It’s important to give back to the community.
You Sir, are a true humanitarian.
Who, apparently, does a shit-tonne of acid.
Well, he’s gotta be fueled up for the Hobo killinz.
It’s interesting though. These days I want to rid of the shit. But nobody wants it.
All that blood? Here, take it back Mr. Vagrant!
Nothin’ cleans your soul better ‘n’ Hobo Blood.
How on earth did you remember where each piece came from?
Just some, not all. That area of town (Ottawa, off Bank Street) was set up on a grid system and we would walk home on just 4 or 5 streets most of the time so we were fairly familiar with many of the houses plus we would talk and laugh about previous thefts so that helped.
Here’s a few from the gallery “MISCELLANEOUS”:
One of the best band names I ever heard was “The Vic Taybacks”
MEL!!!!!!!
Mel never did kiss Flo’s grits.
We’ve replaced the Washington Capitals with the Detroit Redwings. Let’s see if anyone notices.
A road sign pointing the way to a brothel in Pompeii, 79 AD
Plymouth cock?
If your joke was on a different continent…..
Philly finally getting revenge for having the Nation’s Capital stripped from them 223 or so years ago.
God I need take a huge corrosive shit bad.
Have they marked Rush’s grave yet? I want to get started while the “Christians” who will mourn him are still Danny Boying.
Game. Blouses.
Oh, sorry; you meant something else.
“Nobody tell her she’s got her dress on backwards okay?”
“I hate them he dresses anyway.”
Fucking editing pussy.
Good, good hockey
Konecny died to prevent that goal
So it doesn’t work if you capitalize the extension
Where the hell is Gratliff? Oh, there he is.
How did youse get these officials into DC? I’m getting pissed.
Let’s go to Lazlo (yup, still funny)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ij4a6x_mPs
I feel nothing gazing upon DC’s despair
‘Dats whuts up.
Doing that hockey.
That’s the story from here in hell.
Brady Skjei’s in Carolina now, so that dashes my Lazlo Holmes/actual Brady Skjei interview
Does anyone else use Postimage for image storage? Have you noticed that they are now using pop-up ads that hijack you off to some other fucking webpage?
I have thousands of images and gifs over there, categorized in over a hundred galleries. It sucks because it would take a year to download them all off of there.
I’m going through some of my more obscure galleries. Looked at one titled “BULLWINKLE & SPANKING” just a while ago. Now I’m looking at the gallery called “NUTSHOTS”:
I use postimage all the time these days because no one likes partially nekkid wimminz uploaded. Haven’t noticed popups yet though.
They don’t pop-up so much as they take you to another site and there is no back button. Like a shady Russian identity thieving porn site.
I did try to upload an image a day or two ago and my whole system shut down. I had forgotten about that but I thought is was just me.
I thought that one looked familiar!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dZAwBcH4Kw
I like how his shoe comes off. It’s science!
Jake the Snake Roberts just walked into AEW and cut a killer promo in 2020. Dallas Page deserves the congressional medal of freedom.
Again appreciate the bravery, but Flyers not built to throw with Wilson
Moose Dupont spins in his grave.
You know what drives me wild? Basketball dudes with all the talent in the world that can’t hit their free throws. I was an intramural all star that hit 80% because I practiced that over and over again. You know what else drives me wild? People that can’t let go and spanking vids-that combo gets me rock hard.
/just putting it out there…
I like the number 69 but that’s just me. ??
You just got the old -1. Hope you’re happy with 68.
Put him on the list Scotchy!
Done.
You must be jizzing uncontrollably in your pants right now
Here’s more scotchy porn:
KEVIN FUCKING HAYES
Tom Wilson in full shithead mode tonight
The ESPN scroll tells me that “The NHL is experimenting with ‘Smart Pucks'”. If they manage to gain sentience in the future I’m sure they’ll morph into footballs, because that’s where the real money is.
Does anyone here enjoy cartoon spanking videos? Anyone?
I do!
Oh I got plenty of ‘em. Balls, do you like anime?
Someone’s been naughty!
This one actually has a live action version
Of course!
. . . and one for you . . .
Is always Boris
If you could lose the turban on that guy and make it a busty Japanese teen in an empty warehouse surrounded by judgmental moose? Yeah, I might be interested.
Well by gum I’ve got just the one! (no moose though) This is the cartoon that brought out the Victorian prudes and forced me to ban myself. You be the judge:
h
ttps://i.postimg.cc/SsDFy0kr/IMG-5066.gif
Could there be anything more sweet and innocent than that? Watch her tits bounce! Then remind yourself that it’s a cartoon.
You’re a monster, plain and simple. Your self-imposed intermittent exile in Montreal where you are trying to atone for your sins means nothing to me.
Hockey talking guys: “..Elliot down (in the butterfly) early.”
Heh, also a line from my Scrubs fan fic
Wave that one off, you fucks
What is goal in DC
Call on the ice is technically correct, the worst kind is correct
In a perfect timeline, Bloomberg would still spend millions upon millions of dollars on anti-Trump ads (because they seem to be really effective and tend to have the effect of emasculating the current President) long after he’s been eliminated from the Democratic race because Trump would waste a ton of energy barking at someone that was no threat to him because he’s that goddamn stupid and petty.
I read that Bloomberg’s campaign staff is paid through November, so they might do exactly that. They are not allowed to coordinate with Biden’s campaign.
Bloomberg spent $500,000 — or a buck per pound of Meghan McCain — on his campaign.
Substantially larger than her IQ
Stop fat-shaming Meghan McCain. That’s not cool. You should get with the program and start dumb-shaming her.
Dad-shaming also works
He could kill two birds with one stone and start calling her a “fathead”.
SHE CAN BE TWO THINGS!
Like, “[two] million pounds.”
A Mike Bloomberg commercial just aired during Wheel of Fortune. Lol
Watching a thing on one of the ESPN challenges on Pete Rose, and regardless of your stance on whether Pete should or shouldn’t be in the Hall of Fame, I think we can agree that he is a remarkably stupid person. I mean just absolutely bugshit bag-of-hammers dumb.
Also a massive piece of shit even beyond what mlb hates him for
Personally I have more of a problem with him dating teenagers while an adult then betting on baseball, but I have very high moral standards.
Rose: “All you’re doing is going over a book!”
Baffled Reporter: “But it’s your book.”
Great haircut, though.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: I think we should be hermits for the next three weeks. Just to be safe.
DR MRS DEADLY, ESQ. (RET): Sounds good to me.
– five minutes later –
DR MRS DEADLY, ESQ. (RET): Let’s go to Costco and get samples!
It’s really no worse than the flu. Some orange guy on the teeveelevison told me that.
Terrible fight to take
Meant to be a hockey comment, but good luck with the super SARS
And everything is going just swimmingly over in the Ottawa Senators camp, in case anyone is wondering. Nothing unusual at all happening over there.
Greasy Gene being a vindictive blowhard who can’t help but stick his dick in the mashed potatoes rather than let someone else have any? Yeah, seems par for the course to me.
Everything King Melnyk touches turns to mold.
Somewhere, Jimmy Haslam is taking notes
And then his attorney is immediately grabbing and shredding them
Fuck Washington imo