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Sexy Friday, Balls-style

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Your friendly neighborhood tWBS has asked me to assist this week with Sexy Friday duties. I, being the good friend that I am, immediately said yes.

Ok, fiiiiine. I’m not that good a friend. I just like sharing images of girls I find attractive.

This week’s haul of lovelies comes to you courtesy of the Tik Tok app. As I mentioned to you a few weeks ago, I was introduced to this by my brother who found out about it because of his daughters. I haven’t signed up or anything. I just watch whatever videos are presented to me.

I think it has to do with a “#foryou” tag or something like that, but I’m an old and I don’t really know how that shit works. I’m just happy that, pretty often it turns out, there are a lot of good looking girls that pop up on Tik Tok wearing bathing suits and doing…. things.

We’ll get to that in a bit.

***

Sprots News

Finally some good news!! Not only is the Bundesliga back tomorrow, but the AFL announced that Aussie Rules will resume games starting on June 11!!

Huzzah!!

I’ll provide you more details in future posts as I get them.

***

Usually, tWBS uses this space to talk about something. It’s usually something good that could teach us a lesson or encourage us to be better people. He’s a good guy like that.

I, on the other hand, am an asshole.

Back in the days before this virus took over everyone’s life, there was a person that held up traffic on the 110 freeway in Downtown Los Angeles by climbing from a bridge onto the traffic signs and threatening to kill himself.

My immediate reactions upon hearing about the guy on the signs were as follows:

  1. Fuck, traffic is going to be a bitch after work!
  2. Christ, what an asshole!
  3. DO IT, PUSSY!
  4. I wonder if anyone in the apartment building adjacent to the freeway has a BB gun…

It turned out that it was some artist trying to drum up publicity. That pissed me off even more.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I’m a “Live and Let Die” guy. I have a tight circle of close friends and family that I deeply care about and a little bit bigger circle of friends and family that I’m nice to and like. That’s pretty much it.

Everyone else can live or die for all I care.

I’ve met tWBS in real life and he’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. He gives everyone the benefit of the doubt and always tries to help anyone he can. Sometimes to his own detriment.

I give him shit for it, of course, but I secretly admire him for it. God knows I couldn’t do the things he does. All of this is to say that, whether I’m filling in only for this week or a little bit longer, I sincerely hope we get tWBS back at some point soon. We need his kindness and spirit in these trying times.

***

Without further ado, here are this week’s Tik Tok girls:

“His name was Balls?”
Glow in the dark bikinis are an awesome idea.
I’ve seen that look before. When I took off my underwear.
I like that her scrunchy matches her bikini.
Look Ma! No pit hair!
That’s an interesting bikini design.
Finger pistols, you say? Howdy, ma’am!
Is the bikini made out of the same material as the loungers?
That’s an interesting bikini design, Part 2
My hair is pretty!
I hear you, honey!
This really should be called “Dessert Dance”
I heart this bikini.
$10 will get you $1 that their voices are naturally hoarse.
I don’t know which one will become a porn star, but smiling blondie can have my car, house, investments…

That’s all for this week, folks! Be good to each other and, when you masturbate tonight, throw in an extra stroke for good ole tWBS! I know he’ll appreciate it.

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Brick Meathook

I finally got out of the house today. Went to the post office, then got a chicken sandwich (drive-thru) from the new Chik-Fil-A in El Segundo. I haven’t had one of those in probably twenty years. Not bad. Now I’m going to the In-N-Out drive-thru (open til 1:00 AM folks) and get a Double-Double Animal Style no tomato please. Normalcy is slowly starting to creep back.

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Senor Weaselo

Well I just learned that I shall not eat ramen with a fork and regular spoon under penalty of death, according to Senorita Weaselo.

I also just learned that I shall not eat ramen with a spork under penalty of taxidermy.comment image?itemid=11525536

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Brick Meathook

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yeah right

Jesus that got dark.

Happy music!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7hxAZTTEVw

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Since apparently we’re telling highway suicide stories…

When I was in college, I interned at a sports radio station. AM, obviously. Anyhoodles, one day there was a breaking news story about a guy getting ready to jump, and the “star” of the show started going off on how the guy should just kill himself without being such a selfish fuck as to ruin traffic and the days of all the other people he was inconveniencing. 20 year old me was DEEPLY offended.

Current me nods vehemently in agreement.

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Brick Meathook

ON THE OTHER HAND:

If you’re going to kill yourself, at least make sure it gets on TV.

Without injuring anyone else, of course.

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yeah right

In the early 80’s I drove a cab after I failed as a radio personality.

I was bringing in these folks from Grandview, which is basically Barstow West.

Not lofty.

We’re coming up on West Main Street Barstow which most of you who drive to Vegas from LA will recognize.

Some dumb motherfucker walked across the road with a new seal on his gas tank and was in a hurry.

That semi didn’t slow down for him.

I drove past that.

Looked like a bag of trash strewn on the highway.

My young me never forgot that shit.

Obviously.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poeTZPimOo0

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yeah right

For the first time in two months I feel normalcy and a oneness with the the world.

It’s something to celebrate innit?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6c1BThu95d8

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ALXMAC

FOAR tWBS:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y14Kp1DitpE

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Tik Tok is the devil.

–Bobby Boucher’s momma

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Spur

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Spur

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BC Dick

Hell yeah.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0JMCaKwOUY

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Spur

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BC Dick

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Spur

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Gratliff

It’s crazy how quickly time distorts in your memory. Watching a Vice thing on the Sanders campaign and everything happens during the few weeks before the entire country started shutting down. That shit feels like it happened in another era at this point.

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Gratliff

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Spur

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BC Dick

All I see is a lot of work there. Not worth it.

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Horatio Cornblower

I, for one, appreciate the effort she’s putting in to finding that reliable someone to shovel her driveway.

That’s not a metaphor. She really needs that goddamn driveway cleared.

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BC Dick

Sexy Friday though, eh
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Dunstan

I love Sloane Stephens. Saw her play at the U.S. Open a couple of years ago, on a hot afternoon when she wasn’t doing well. At one point, she turned to her coach and said, loudly enough for at least the lower bowl to hear, “it is HOT AS FUCK out here!”

The umpire let it slide. I assume because it was, indeed, hot as fuck that day. Ain’t nobody got time for code violations.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ain’t nobody got time for code violations.

“I HEAR YOU BROTHER.”

– DJ 3000

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BC Dick

Cape Fear is on TCM tonight. What a movie. Mitchum and Peck. Goddamn!

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Senor Weaselo

2/10, no scene of repeatedly stepping on a rake.

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BC Dick

That is sorely lacking, true. Hahah I just saw that episode too

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Dunstan

Marred a little by the fact that Mitchum spends half the film with his shirt off and is blatantly puffing out his chest and sucking in his gut.

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Horatio Cornblower

Buddy, I’ve spent 5 days trials doing the same thing. Let’s not throw stones here.

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Dunstan

And I’m not going to watch a film of you doing it, either.

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Horatio Cornblower

Yeah you will:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FnO3igOkOk

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Spur

Sexy Friday comment image

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Spur

Folks

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BC Dick

You better get folksy real fucking quick

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Horatio Cornblower

A friend of mine dated a stripper from the local club and the inside dirt was that the girls loved this song.

Also that there was a private room where they’d do whatever you wanted for $400, which is probably the more relevant fact here.

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BC Dick

You go to Montreal you get a menu with whatever you want with prices. They know how to a strip club right.

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litre_cola

Laundry and cleaning 400 bucks? Deal!

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BC Dick

How much laundry you got? Good lord.

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litre_cola

Less now as my work attire is a random punk rock/sports team t shirt and jeans everyday. So no dress up for me.

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Horatio Cornblower

I just took off my 1992 Social Distortion concert tee from a show at The Sting in New Britain. You will be shocked, shocked I tell you, to learn that later, after years of declining revenue, (and just being in New Britain), The Sting burned down under mysterious circumstances.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw, The Sting is where I saw my very first concert! The Mighty Mighty Bosstones with Spring-Heeled Jack.

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BC Dick

“Random” punk rock shirts is dressing up, brother.

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Gumbygirl

Listen to Mr. Fancy the Pantswearer!

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Horatio Cornblower

I went there a few years ago with another buddy, who insisted, and the place at declined to much that I would much rather have paid them to do my laundry than anything else.

A girl introduced herself to me as ‘Ecstasy’ and I replied that my name was ‘Apathetic’ and she said ‘Nice to meet you Paul’ and that was the last time I went to that bar.

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BC Dick

Well you talk like that and they know you won’t be spending money. Bring some cash and some stimulation, they’ll be much more amenable.

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Horatio Cornblower

I always tipped the dancers very well, but I was never looking for a hooker.

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BC Dick

Oh. Well, then.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One good thing about Station 19 is that the women in the cast are actually built like firefighters.

Is that the only good thing? Quite possibly.

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Redshirt

So in the latest episode of “Harley Quinn”, Poison Ivy and Harley finally kissed (only for a second, it was the classic “Friends suddenly kissed and then stopped in shock at what they did”). Only this time instead of me going “Of course, that’s Hollywood trying to shove another gay couple down our throats.” I went “Good for them. They’re a good couple.”

I am becoming a better person and I credit this website and each and everyone one of you. And to my dying breath, I will never forgive you.

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Senor Weaselo

To cancel it out:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWza5PQA5Zc

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Redshirt

I’m not your buddy, guy!

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BC Dick

Canadians say buddy so much they teach it to people in ESL. The new guy at the corner store always calls people buddy. He’s getting better but it must be tough to learn a new language on the job. It does make him seem more Canadian though.

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Horatio Cornblower

The indoor/outdoor cat is copping quite an attitude, considering I scooped him up and tossed him in the house just in time to avoid a line of thundershowers.

Show some gratitude you fucking feline.

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BC Dick

Gratitude from a cat. Good luck.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Kristin Cavalier or whatever the hell it is

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Redshirt

Well, in its defense you did grab that pussy without consent. What do you think you are, the President of the United States?!

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BC Dick

Or Joe Biden, apparently.

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Brocky

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Music; it’s fine.

1
herodotus450

Does “platinum” even mean anything on a credit card anymore? Even the maitre d down at Dorsia has one.
(puts on Huey Lewis and the News Platinum Hits album)
Now this is real platinum.

5
Horatio Cornblower

Just was outside enjoying a beer and watching a thunderstorm start to roll in. My wife beside me, just the two of us in the dark, no sounds aside from some birds and frogs.

And of course the bubbling sound of my wife hitting her bong like it stole something.

Horatio, ya done good.

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litre_cola

Hell to the fucking yes. WHALERS FOREVER.

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Horatio Cornblower

/Goes outside to play ‘Brass Bonanza’ on his tuba
//Immediately wrecked by lightning

Wife (firing up bong): Hell yeah, I’m rich.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Finally we get a look at Balls’ phone. And there is no surprise.

(seriously though, thanks for your assistance this week)

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Brocky

Evening
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Dunstan

“Is that a dagger in your pocket, or are you just happy to meet a succubus? Silly question, everyone is happy to meet a succubus.”

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Horatio Cornblower

Look nerd, you’re the one who put the Ouija board away without the proper good-bye, so you’re the one who’s gonna have to suck it up and fuck the succubus.

I mean, it’s not exactly like we’re asking you to dig coal here.

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Brocky

Nor gonna lie, I’m kinda alarmed you know so much about sucubi.

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Horatio Cornblower

Pretty sure I took one to my junior prom.

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Brocky

Dude don’t talk about your cousin that way

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Horatio Cornblower

Fun fact, she took me to her senior prom, but as a date for her friend, then ditched her own date and rode home with us and completely cock-blocked me. To this day I’m positive her father made her do it.

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BC Dick

Sexy Friday, balls style is not a tempting title.
I don’t get the interest in this tick tick shit or the instant gram skanks. There’s real porn right there on the same internet you get that on. Why waste your time with hos that won’t show you the whole deal?

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Dunstan

It’s like how some guys are always more interested in the waitresses at the strip club.

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litre_cola

Thank you. I have never been strip club guy. I prefer being dive bar guy.

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Horatio Cornblower

I’ve aged out of strip clubs. You never want to be the 50+ year old guy telling some 20-year-old that your wife doesn’t understand you.

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Brocky

I always thought strip clubs were something to indulge in maybe once or twice a year, something more for the novelty than anything else.

I hear about these “regulars” that show up there and I wonder what the fucking future has in store for me

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Dunstan

One night about 15 years ago, I found myself in a strip club, drunk, on like a Tuesday night, and it was my second visit of the month, for no reason other than that the weird neighbor I was sort of becoming friends with had suggested it.

I made some changes in my life shortly after.

I’ve always believed that strip clubs are dens of exploitation, and it ain’t always just the women being exploited.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

After seeing how exploitative the sex industry was in the Far East during my Navy time, I found after I got out and back home in the mid-80s that I could no longer stomach going to such places here in the states. Didn’t stop me from dating a retired stripper, though. Actually, she gave me a lot of insights into the tiddy bar culture here in the states.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think a club named “Exploits” would do very well.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

With all the middle-aged divorcees hanging about, working it as they are, I’d like to open a MILF-themed titty bar. I mean, they need to find something to do, after all.

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BC Dick

Just go to a shitty strip club. You’ll find moms on the stage

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BC Dick

Yeah. I never liked strip clubs. I fall in love with the strippers but that’s their whole plan. I’d rather have a girl shut me down horribly in real life than pretend I could get a stripper.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I worked with the skinny white guy who wrote and is singing this song for years.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCOMFlS7LNo
Unfortunately there are no good vids of this tune, featured on their first album “History of the Beer Bong”.
But it’s still fun on a Friday.

2
BC Dick

I guess so. I get liking when women leave something to imagination. Definitely. That’s why old time movie ladies are so hot.
But these internet skanks look like pure trash. And they are cause they’re selling ass on social media. So why not just get to the point.

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Brocky

It’s like how some guys are always more interested in the waitresses at the strip club.

Not gonna lie, at one point me and my friends absolutely believed that a strip club would hire the most attractive waitresses and bartenders they could as some sort of absurd long term gambit. They figured eventually they’d see how much the dancers were making and would eventually show some skin.

We put a lot of thought into this.

We may also have been partially motivated by the fact that our friend’s sister who was extremely attractive was in fact working as a bartender in a strip club in florida while she was living there enjoying the party scene.

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Horatio Cornblower

They hire attractive girls as waitresses and bartenders so that you and your friends will spend more time (and money) talking to them and buying drinks while wondering when they’ll take their clothes off.

The answer, of course, is “never”, because they’ve already got all your money.

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

I guess I’m just here too early. I’ll just come on back by after I watch this here C-5 Galaxy show.
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Dunstan

I’m around. Drinking. Watching fake baseball. Getting dinner ready. Writing short sentences.

1
Horatio Cornblower

“Watching fake baseball.”

I think they prefer to be called ‘Korean’, not ‘fake’.

3
Dunstan

Oh come on. Like those names are real.

1
Brick Meathook

The Koreans have more Lees than the Confederate Army

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Puh-leez…comment image

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Senor Weaselo

Remember, Lee is Korean, Li is Chinese. And if you fuck that up they will be very offended.

1
Senor Weaselo

Hey, you leave Bobson Dugnutt alone!comment image

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Brocky

This post reminds me of a hilarious story about my dad, I’ve told it before, but in case you missed it…..

It must have been some where around the years 1999 to 2002. My musical tastes included the eclectic stylings of Will Smith, Rob Zombie, Linkin Park, and the wonderful Weird al, and in his eternal wisdom my dad decided to take it upon himself to expand my musical pallet to the songs he had grown up listening to.

Whenever we were driving somewhere, he’d flip the radio over the now defunct 97.9 The Loop, and once a song would start, he’d drop hints about the artist, hoping I’d get more familiarity with it.

La Grange comes on the radio

Dad: okay, this group is from Texas

Me: I don’t know

Dad: they have long beards

Me: ZZ Top?

Dad: that’s right!

After a few rounds, he decided to have some fun with me on the hints

song comes on the radio

Me: I don’t know this song

Dad: okay, well I had this song on 8 track, and the B side was a 5 minute song called “Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving with a Pict”. Its just was them trying to imitate animal noises on their instruments.”

Well, I had absolutely no fucking clue what in God’s name he was talking about, so I just said the first thing that popped into my head:

Me: well it sounded like these people were on a lots of drugs, is it Pink Floyd?

It was. My dad started cracking up. One of his favorite stories. He says it was the defining moment when, as he quoted it: “I was too damn smart for my own good”

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I first heard “Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving with a Pict” whilst tripping on some windowpane (or maybe some peyote I had gathered down in Jim Hogg County) back in the mid to late 70s. Changed my life forever.

2
Brocky

Note to self, ask my dad if he ever did peyote.

I’m sure he did, but I’ve never asked.

Knowing him he might not admit to anything. That fucker denied being part of weed culture in the seventies in a misguided attempt to be a role model.

Wasn’t until years later I learned how prevalent it was among the culture that I realized my dear old dad was full of shit

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Son? I never knew I had one.

1
BC Dick

I love that song. All the tweets and whistles.

1
Gumbygirl

Gumby saw the original Wall show in London. I think they did 2 there, maybe 1 in Paris, and 1 somewhere else? He said it was spectacular, and because it was so elaborate and expensive, they could only do a few of them.

1
Gumbygirl

No, I’m wrong. Thet did a total of 31 shows, it was only 4 cities.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

They’ve just dropped a new Richard Hammond series called BIG on Discovery and Motor Trend. Second episode released today is about the C-5 Galaxy. I find this really cool, because although they filmed at Dover AFB, there is an AF Reserve wing (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/433rd_Airlift_Wing) right across the flightline from where I office at the former Kelly AFB. They fly at least twice a week in circular patterns doing touch-and-go landings (I’m sure they do other stuff too). Aluminum Overcast. I was a passenger once from Clark AB to Diego Garcia on one of these, the passenger compartment is a little pod just forward of the rear vertical stabilizer and all the seats faced aft. comment image
Almost like a commercial airliner compared to the C-141 Starlifter I rode from DGar to Al Masirah in Oman, where the canvas seats were bolted to pallets that were loaded on to and fastened down to the floor of the cargo deck. Same kind of seating on in-country C-130s in Afghanistan when I was there back in 2007. This is a pic of what’s on a C-17, but it’s representative.comment image

2
Senor Weaselo

And then he crashed it.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Speaking of horrible freeway suicides (Should we? Fuckit, it’s early in the thread). Saw Dropkick Murphys in San Antonio one night a couple years ago. They were booked for the next night at a place in Tulsa. At about 3 AM after the SA show, some dude in Austin dropped himself off an overpass on I-35 right into the path of their tour bus. Splat. The bus driver was obviously traumatized, and the Tulsa show didn’t happen. Can’t remember what happened for the remainder of the tour…

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know either, but I know what the sentiment in Quincy would have been:

“OWAH SUICIDES ARE MO-AH TRAGIC THAN YOU-AH SUICIDES!”

4
Viva La Tabula Raza

What would they have thought about one that took place 2000 miles to the southwest, though?

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I guess my point is that they would have found a way to make it about themselves.

4
Viva La Tabula Raza

Kinda like our Preznit.

2
litre_cola

Somebody ended their life in London on a tube line as my buddies and I were on our way to Fortress Fulham. Commuters were so fucking mad. Boys and I bought some tins and walked the 45 mins. Felt bad for buddy who chose that way out. Wanted to throat punch some fuckwit commuters.

3
BC Dick

Fuck that guy. He gave up. You have no chance to make life better if you do that and all you do is leave pain for yute loved ones.
But who knows. I’m not him. I just wouldn’t ever do it and I couldn’t leave that shit on other people. Life is a gift you get one time. There is nothing after it. So why throw it away.

0
herodotus450

More like Tik-Face-Smoothing-Algorithm-Tok amirit

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