And huzzah FOAR that, what on earth would we do otherwise?
We wake (and presumably bake) with Fronk’s Hammers, toiling against the imploding/Hippo believes to be mathematically ded Trash Birds o’ Norwich (7:30, NBCSN/Gold). Bet they still get a draw, because that’s just how Moyes’ West Ham rolls. Still, I got ’em locked in on most precious 17th position when the Footy-kakke ends. Barcodes take on the Moose Hornets in this very dame window, so there’s misery as far as the eye can see.
Liverpool/Burnley stand alone in the 10:00 window. Because God hates me. Unless you are DonT, and 2 hours of slurping on the German Elton John’s pole is your jam.
Speaking of Elton John, Pretend Man City’s Danish left winger (OF COURSE teh left ,, smgdh) came out of the Pretend Closet 1.5 seasons ago (is Pretend 2050 now, try to keep up). Should I nickname him “Bundle of Sticks??” He’s nearing the magic 30 mark, when I tend to get rid of every non-star player (he’s good, nae great) but he sells a buttload (PHRASING) of Pretend Shirts (the only domino effect of the announcement, nobody invoked Jeebus to curse and shame Pretend Nicolai) and I don’t want to look like a shit.
Pretend Portugal won the 2050 World Cup. Get your gambling ducats punched NOW.
Oh, back to reality?? FUCK. Chelski/Knifey in the Spotlight Dance window (12:30, NBC) should have that beloved combination of quality and meaning. Like when Naomi Watts went downtown on Laura Harring in “Mulholland Drive.” It will take all of my restraint to not GAMBLOR on Knifey, but the odds just ain’t right.
Other Trashbirds (who look set to survive) host Man City at 3p (NBCSN). There Will Be Blood.
Whole bunch of other action in the Championship, as Litre’s beloved Mighty Whitey are in the clubhouse sipping gin (after a Friday night 2-nil win). I leave it to him to tell us/y’all who we should cheer for and against, so that the cause of White Power might be served.
Santanders and Wops also in action, though each has been fucking me in GAMBLOR, so meh. I won my only Friday (prayers) bet, a resounding 5-1 triumph for Iran’s Zob Ahan. I got freaking +160-ish on that, even! Inshallah, pass the pill bottle.
What else you chucklefucks got going on? Let’s shout at one another from the fraying ledges of our respective sanity(ies).
No wonder the Marshall alumni made it to the the semis of The Basketball Tournament-they’ve got Herd immunity.
Plus they were forced to take a bus instead of a plane.
Figures a guy named herodotus would know his history…
If you have access to the basketball tournament please do yourself a favour and check out Ot Elmore. #oneofus
HE JUST GOT AN ASSIST!
THREE BABY HAIL MUTHAFUCKIN’ GAMBLOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chelski ded
Merely a flesh wound!
Yeah, this is humbling. Still way better than MY Blues, though…
Tory Cunt Frank brought a spork to a Knifey fight….
No One:
Me: “Yes, I will have another drink!”
Remember, imaginary buddy-guy – whenever the voices in your head disagree, always go with the French Canadian one
Oui! I’m not your buddy, pal!
/poUrs 3rd morning drink
I’m not your pal, buddy
/also pops pill in solidarity
LOL
dinosaurs be crazy
https://twitter.com/JurassicPark2go
How bored am I? Some Syracuse basketball alums are playing in (hold on to your socks) “The Basketball Tournament” and I consider it appointment viewing, or whatever it’s called.
Im not usually a soccer hater, but tBWS be rolling his eyes at this “exciting” display of “”sport”” that we’re “””watching””” right now
Hey, Cheffield Ham City is looking sharp right now!
Masterclass on holding your shape in midfield, with counter-attacking mixed in.
Call me back when it’s Jamon Iberico City playing at Parmesan Palace smdh
I’ve just been informed that your comment has gone ‘over-budget’. Please re-submit within the $12 guidelines.
Fine, FINE, I’ll take the Hobo Iberico instead.
Yes it’s chewy, but it’s also dry!
I enjoyed waking up from my “Liverpool window” nap to this glorious entropy.
/Checks score
Way to go Sheffield United! (Please don’t blow it)
This picture was taken last week, in Seattle.
Oh Bollucks.
Chelsea now down 2-0
I gave the SHU-CHE commentators until they related Pulisic at Chelsea to an Englishman at QB for the Packers. Sheffield = Pittsburg was the yellow card.
Don’t care about this lesser football shite, but I have bagels and lox on the way, so I’m having a better morning than most of you already.
bagels + lox = yum
Ay Sheffield ?
Found a funny:
ME: *whispering to date as symphony orchestra begins playing beethoven’s 5th* can you believe a dog wrote this
Based on what Twitter is saying, it could be ” Can you believe a black dog wrote this?”
Gooo chelski!
Based on no credible sources, whispers on social media are saying that the screw job is in and Man Shitty will have their 2 year Champion’s League ban removed. Again, this is not from any credible source, just, that seems to be what is being thrown out there.
Here’s hoping Henderson does his real team a favor and shuts down Chelski today.
C’mon Sheffield! Make Yorkshire pudding out of Chelski!
Pope is either auditioning for a new team to sign him or he grew up hating the Scousers. He is playing like a man possessed today.
A loss is ideal, but I’ll settle for a draw. I need the Scousers to be interested in their match against Chelski
Well that was unexpected.
Klopp’s English-speaking ability just dropped 30%
Another positive case in my office. So the next two weeks are going to be fun.
That syphilis is a bitch once it gets loose.
Weekend reading:
https://www.gq.com/story/killer-mike-the-atlanta-way
I like this weekly feature of yours. It’s Dog Gone Good!.
Burnley’s duck and cover strategy back fires, to the surprise of no one
JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA*
* phonetic
That’s it, I’mma poke holes in your nation’s tarp now.
Here’s hoping Klopp gallops into the sunset and begins coaching the Krauts sooner than later
or falls into a woodchipper, potato/potato pronounced wrong
Personally I enjoy how Klopp’s English skills rise and fall depending on whether Liverpool won or lost.
Pope frantically getting his hands on the ball as if it were an 8 year old choir boy
Pope is the best keeper in the league this year, yes?
How DARE you suggest that anyone not on the Redshite is the best of anything smh
He seems to be separating himself from the rest of the pack
Ostersunds FK have made a soccer point WOO!!!!!
No commentator, LiVARpool is not the greatest side ever because they’re only winning one trophy this season.
and may not even hit 100 points, JEEBUS FUCK I AM SO TIRED OF ALL THE SYCOPHANCY
add not going undefeated in the Prem, all they’ve done is taken advantage of multiple, concurrent rebuilding cycles and City’s lethargy
exactly
Dare I say it, but your United side…are actually LIKABLE, not just good? Anyway, I’ve enjoyed watching you play, which makes me feel quite dirty.
Bruno Fernandes is amazing. Which club let him go?
Sporting let him go for fish and chips and a good cup of tea
was all Very Footy Manager, yes?
Yeah, Ed Woodward’s months long negotiation tactics paid off one time. The blind squirrel finally found a nut
United being watchable AND being charismatic is refreshing. It’s the first likeable and watchable club since the SAF days
Down a Parquet Courts wormhole, feels good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUNgHDC7r44
PRO TIP – if you are a pale, blond, twink-looking motherfucker? BRAIDS/DREADS AIN’T THE BEST CHOICE IN HAIRSTYLE
Really? I thought they made me look all woke. Damn
/Starts taking out braids
Ostersunds on the front foot, but still nil-nil.
Moose Bees on top. Poop.
That’s gotta sting, yo.
Would any of you be interested in starting a DFO podcast? I don’t know shit about production but I offer because I’m unionized and generally immune to being canceled.
And now over to Hippo for Gamblor’s KCKorner!
(Hippo passed out in an opioid coma)
OK and that was Hippo’s Gamblor’s KCKorner!
/dies
Ain’t nobody want to hear my horrid voice. But I am interested in any and all Buddy-related productions.
This DFO podcast is brought to you by SimpliSafe. SimpliSafe, we sponsor every podcast. Ever.
It’d be a cross between Superego and In Our Time. Which is to say, it would be fantastic.
I think Fozz should be the host. Bourble bourble, zzz…….
Earlier this week. Come on Wayne Rooneys, show up against the Westest Brom. No, utter shambolic performance. Today, maybe the Wayne Rooneys will show up against Brentford. No. They are shit and fuck Wayne and Derby County with a splintered broomstick.
Rooney keeps stealing a living, like he’s done since like, what? Age 25 or 26? No matter how far down the Lesser Ladder he drops.
Wayne Rooney’s alive!?
In the Year of Our LAWD 2020, a David Moyes-coached squadron done scored FOUR goals in a Premiership fixture.
TESTIFY
Rum Ham beating Chelski on Canada Day was Moyes’ biggest contribution to United.
Insert Gabby Johnson gif. Apparently I’m too stupid to manage it.
Don’t know if I’ve seen another player score 4 in a game. Not that he’s being defended.
Admit it, you and the Mrs. both think of Antonio during sexual congress
Our foreplay DOES involve her braiding my hair, now that you mention it.
Name a MOAR underrated song than this YEWWWWW CAN’T
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOFWHty4XFQ
You can get positive odds on Ostersunds and Jonkopings Sodra, too. What a time to be alive.
The odds shifted, and I can now haz 40 Ameri-quid on Team Knifey.
Good luck. Chelsea is off, lately. They lost to US for chrissakes!
I’m tired of Tory Cunt Frank Lampard, and his uber-tight track pants. Yes, we get you are in good shape. We don’t need to see the outlines of your weiner 24/7.
I’M HERE HIPPO. I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR MOONMAN LANGUAGE BUT I LIKE SHOUTING.
WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Χ ìť bęțțėř ťhãň Čám Ñęwțøñ§ ļåńğüãğë?
I’ve always liked Cam. The weirder he gets the more I like him.
My son just walked into the bedroom and said, “Wow! West Ham have 2?.”
I will have to get used to that.
“Mommy, why is daddy only happy every 2nd year for Fulham?”
“You see. They suck in one league, then are good in another”
Large Adult Son?
Yes. Little one just hollers at me.
Fucking Brentford. Fuuuuccckkk
This movie looks like it’ll be a pisser.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abpj_-fpc28
Bollucks
Yep we are sipping our gin in West London. Really need the Wayne Rooneys to beat Brentford, Blackburn showing up against the Westest of Brom’s would make my weekend!!!
ANTONIO SMASH!!!
Goodliest of mornings! I’ve been here all along, but my son ran down the goddamn battery on my tablet. Hammers look ok, but I have a feeling it’ll take 2, or maybe 3, to come away with 3 points today. Hope the Moose Bees score holds.
I didnt understand any of that soccer talk, but my takeaway is that we need to rebel from England again.
Cauuuuuse, the South’s gonna do it again!!!!
/wait wrong rebellion smh
England has a South; lots of places have a South.
but LIEK this????
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AZmlbfNdGM
“And I’m gonna make it happen.”
—Native New Yorker DJ Trump
Am I talking to myself even MOAR than usual? Sure ’nuff are, Other Hippo!
Sry I was late. We adjusted Deci’s sleeping time. Now we get 8 pm to 530! Trust me it is heaven compared to the 4 am we had for 3 years.
That’s enough time to work in some tired, old people sex!
Jeebus. And we’ve been singing the blues about 5:30! 4 a.m. That’s basic training!
TRUE HIPPO STORY – my Dad was in the Air Force, and it got him used to ungodly hours. We put it to good use, though. We had a Siamese cat (Jeffrey Alexander D…s), who liked to eat his breakfast at 4 am. He also insisted that my Dad stay awake and keep him company while he ate. Poor man complied.
For love of #ACTION, I have indeed bet the Hammers/Trash Birds draw. Come on, nuthin!!!