MOAR Lesser Footy Insanity

And huzzah FOAR that, what on earth would we do otherwise?

We wake (and presumably bake) with Fronk’s Hammers, toiling against the imploding/Hippo believes to be mathematically ded Trash Birds o’ Norwich (7:30, NBCSN/Gold).  Bet they still get a draw, because that’s just how Moyes’ West Ham rolls.  Still, I got ’em locked in on most precious 17th position when the Footy-kakke ends.  Barcodes take on the Moose Hornets in this very dame window, so there’s misery as far as the eye can see.

Liverpool/Burnley stand alone in the 10:00 window.  Because God hates me.  Unless you are DonT, and 2 hours of slurping on the German Elton John’s pole is your jam.

Speaking of Elton John, Pretend Man City’s Danish left winger (OF COURSE teh left ,, smgdh) came out of the Pretend Closet 1.5 seasons ago (is Pretend 2050 now, try to keep up).  Should I nickname him “Bundle of Sticks??”  He’s nearing the magic 30 mark, when I tend to get rid of every non-star player (he’s good, nae great) but he sells a buttload (PHRASING) of Pretend Shirts (the only domino effect of the announcement, nobody invoked Jeebus to curse and shame Pretend Nicolai) and I don’t want to look like a shit.

Pretend Portugal won the 2050 World Cup.  Get your gambling ducats punched NOW.

Oh, back to reality??  FUCK.  Chelski/Knifey in the Spotlight Dance window (12:30, NBC) should have that beloved combination of quality and meaning.  Like when Naomi Watts went downtown on Laura Harring in “Mulholland Drive.”  It will take all of my restraint to not GAMBLOR on Knifey, but the odds just ain’t right.

Other Trashbirds (who look set to survive) host Man City at 3p (NBCSN).  There Will Be Blood.

Whole bunch of other action in the Championship, as Litre’s beloved Mighty Whitey are in the clubhouse sipping gin (after a Friday night 2-nil win).  I leave it to him to tell us/y’all who we should cheer for and against, so that the cause of White Power might be served.

Santanders and Wops also in action, though each has been fucking me in GAMBLOR, so meh.  I won my only Friday (prayers) bet, a resounding 5-1 triumph for Iran’s Zob Ahan.  I got freaking +160-ish on that, even!  Inshallah, pass the pill bottle.

What else you chucklefucks got going on?  Let’s shout at one another from the fraying ledges of our respective sanity(ies).

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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scotchnaut

No wonder the Marshall alumni made it to the the semis of The Basketball Tournament-they’ve got Herd immunity.

herodotus450

Plus they were forced to take a bus instead of a plane.

scotchnaut

Figures a guy named herodotus would know his history…

scotchnaut

If you have access to the basketball tournament please do yourself a favour and check out Ot Elmore. #oneofus

scotchnaut

HE JUST GOT AN ASSIST!

rockingdog

chelski ded

Mr. Ayo

Merely a flesh wound!

scotchnaut

No One:

Me: “Yes, I will have another drink!”

Mr. Ayo

Oui! I’m not your buddy, pal!

/poUrs 3rd morning drink

Game Time Decision

I’m not your pal, buddy

rockingdog

LOL
dinosaurs be crazy

https://twitter.com/JurassicPark2go

scotchnaut

How bored am I? Some Syracuse basketball alums are playing in (hold on to your socks) “The Basketball Tournament” and I consider it appointment viewing, or whatever it’s called.

herodotus450

Im not usually a soccer hater, but tBWS be rolling his eyes at this “exciting” display of “”sport”” that we’re “””watching””” right now

scotchnaut

Hey, Cheffield Ham City is looking sharp right now!

herodotus450

Call me back when it’s Jamon Iberico City playing at Parmesan Palace smdh

scotchnaut

I’ve just been informed that your comment has gone ‘over-budget’. Please re-submit within the $12 guidelines.

herodotus450

Fine, FINE, I’ll take the Hobo Iberico instead.

scotchnaut

Yes it’s chewy, but it’s also dry!

Wakezilla

/Checks score

Way to go Sheffield United! (Please don’t blow it)

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

This picture was taken last week, in Seattle.

rockingdog

Oh Bollucks.
Chelsea now down 2-0

Don T

I gave the SHU-CHE commentators until they related Pulisic at Chelsea to an Englishman at QB for the Packers. Sheffield = Pittsburg was the yellow card.
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Dunstan

Don’t care about this lesser football shite, but I have bagels and lox on the way, so I’m having a better morning than most of you already.

rockingdog

bagels + lox = yum

Don T

Ay Sheffield ?

rockingdog

Found a funny:

ME: *whispering to date as symphony orchestra begins playing beethoven’s 5th* can you believe a dog wrote this

Wakezilla

Based on what Twitter is saying, it could be ” Can you believe a black dog wrote this?”

rockingdog

Gooo chelski!

Wakezilla

Based on no credible sources, whispers on social media are saying that the screw job is in and Man Shitty will have their 2 year Champion’s League ban removed. Again, this is not from any credible source, just, that seems to be what is being thrown out there.

Here’s hoping Henderson does his real team a favor and shuts down Chelski today.

C’mon Sheffield! Make Yorkshire pudding out of Chelski!

Wakezilla

Pope is either auditioning for a new team to sign him or he grew up hating the Scousers. He is playing like a man possessed today.

Wakezilla

A loss is ideal, but I’ll settle for a draw. I need the Scousers to be interested in their match against Chelski

Fronkenshteen

Well that was unexpected.

Horatio Cornblower

Klopp’s English-speaking ability just dropped 30%

Unsurprised

Another positive case in my office. So the next two weeks are going to be fun.

Horatio Cornblower

That syphilis is a bitch once it gets loose.

rockingdog
scotchnaut

I like this weekly feature of yours. It’s Dog Gone Good!.

Wakezilla

Burnley’s duck and cover strategy back fires, to the surprise of no one

Don T

JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA*

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* phonetic

Don T

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Wakezilla

Here’s hoping Klopp gallops into the sunset and begins coaching the Krauts sooner than later

Horatio Cornblower

Personally I enjoy how Klopp’s English skills rise and fall depending on whether Liverpool won or lost.

Wakezilla

Pope frantically getting his hands on the ball as if it were an 8 year old choir boy

Fronkenshteen

Pope is the best keeper in the league this year, yes?

Wakezilla

He seems to be separating himself from the rest of the pack

Wakezilla

No commentator, LiVARpool is not the greatest side ever because they’re only winning one trophy this season.

Wakezilla

exactly

Fronkenshteen

Bruno Fernandes is amazing. Which club let him go?

Wakezilla

Sporting let him go for fish and chips and a good cup of tea

Wakezilla

Yeah, Ed Woodward’s months long negotiation tactics paid off one time. The blind squirrel finally found a nut

Wakezilla

United being watchable AND being charismatic is refreshing. It’s the first likeable and watchable club since the SAF days

Game Time Decision

Really? I thought they made me look all woke. Damn
/Starts taking out braids

Fronkenshteen

Moose Bees on top. Poop.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Would any of you be interested in starting a DFO podcast? I don’t know shit about production but I offer because I’m unionized and generally immune to being canceled.

herodotus450

And now over to Hippo for Gamblor’s KCKorner!
(Hippo passed out in an opioid coma)
OK and that was Hippo’s Gamblor’s KCKorner!

Fronkenshteen

/dies

montythisseemsstrangetome

This DFO podcast is brought to you by SimpliSafe. SimpliSafe, we sponsor every podcast. Ever.

Fronkenshteen

It’d be a cross between Superego and In Our Time. Which is to say, it would be fantastic.

Gumbygirl

I think Fozz should be the host. Bourble bourble, zzz…….

litre_cola

Earlier this week. Come on Wayne Rooneys, show up against the Westest Brom. No, utter shambolic performance. Today, maybe the Wayne Rooneys will show up against Brentford. No. They are shit and fuck Wayne and Derby County with a splintered broomstick.

Horatio Cornblower

Wayne Rooney’s alive!?

Fronkenshteen

TESTIFY

Wakezilla

Rum Ham beating Chelski on Canada Day was Moyes’ biggest contribution to United.

Fronkenshteen

Insert Gabby Johnson gif. Apparently I’m too stupid to manage it.

Fronkenshteen

Don’t know if I’ve seen another player score 4 in a game. Not that he’s being defended.

Fronkenshteen

Our foreplay DOES involve her braiding my hair, now that you mention it.

Fronkenshteen

Good luck. Chelsea is off, lately. They lost to US for chrissakes!

montythisseemsstrangetome

I’M HERE HIPPO. I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR MOONMAN LANGUAGE BUT I LIKE SHOUTING.

litre_cola

Χ ìť bęțțėř ťhãň Čám Ñęwțøñ§ ļåńğüãğë?

montythisseemsstrangetome

I’ve always liked Cam. The weirder he gets the more I like him.

Fronkenshteen

My son just walked into the bedroom and said, “Wow! West Ham have 2?.”

litre_cola

I will have to get used to that.
“Mommy, why is daddy only happy every 2nd year for Fulham?”
“You see. They suck in one league, then are good in another”

montythisseemsstrangetome

Large Adult Son?

Fronkenshteen

Yes. Little one just hollers at me.

litre_cola

Fucking Brentford. Fuuuuccckkk

Fronkenshteen

This movie looks like it’ll be a pisser.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abpj_-fpc28

rockingdog

Bollucks

litre_cola

Yep we are sipping our gin in West London. Really need the Wayne Rooneys to beat Brentford, Blackburn showing up against the Westest of Brom’s would make my weekend!!!

Fronkenshteen

ANTONIO SMASH!!!

Fronkenshteen

Goodliest of mornings! I’ve been here all along, but my son ran down the goddamn battery on my tablet. Hammers look ok, but I have a feeling it’ll take 2, or maybe 3, to come away with 3 points today. Hope the Moose Bees score holds.

herodotus450

I didnt understand any of that soccer talk, but my takeaway is that we need to rebel from England again.

herodotus450

England has a South; lots of places have a South.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“And I’m gonna make it happen.”
—Native New Yorker DJ Trump

litre_cola

Sry I was late. We adjusted Deci’s sleeping time. Now we get 8 pm to 530! Trust me it is heaven compared to the 4 am we had for 3 years.

Fronkenshteen

Jeebus. And we’ve been singing the blues about 5:30! 4 a.m. That’s basic training!