Hello sports fans and work procrastinators!
We have a Lesser Footy Double header today.
Game 1A: Continental Europe Bowl (1PM EST)
A YUGE match for both clubs. Leicester needs to keep pace with Chelski, who won yesterday. The Foxes have 1 win from 6 league outings and lost to Chelski in the FA Cup. With that said, the Foxes have 7 points and 3 shutouts over their past 3 homes games. Caglar Soyuncu will miss out through suspension while Ben Chilwell and James Maddison are also doubtful.
Meanwhile, Sheffield United can put themselves into a Europa and back into a Champions League spot with a win.Sheffield United are on a four-game unbeaten run, beating Tottenham Hotspur, Wolverhampton Wanderers and Chelsea and drawing with Burnley.
Prediction:
Both clubs score lots of goals and with Lesters Soyucu missing, expect the Blades to attack his replacement. Probably because I’m biased and how well Sheffield United have been lately, I expect them to win 3-2.
Game 1B: The Bigger Disappointment Bowl (1PM EST)
Holy shit, both of these teams were incredibly disappointing this year. At the beginning of the season, a lot of pundits and idiots like myself legitimate thought Everton would challenge for a top 4 spot. They’re 11th. However, Disappointing Everton tend to beat up shitty teams at home. I saw a stat today that says the Toffees create 1.79 expected goals per match in seven home games against the teams below them in the table.
On the other side, similar to Litre’s Mighty Fulham, Villa spent a ton of money to ensure they would stay in the EPL this year. They are now 4 points in the red and desperately need to win. Prior to beating Palace a few days ago, the (More like Detroit) Lions lost 7 of 9 and were outscored 17-5. Moreover, Villa is the worst defensive team on the road in the league.
Prediction:
Disappointing Everton will win 3-1. They gotta finish strong so that people like me will think that next year will be the year where they shoot up the standings again.
Voice over: They didn’t.
Prediction:
Southampton is on fire and are looking to make a name for themselves by winning out. While they might be tired due to a short turn around time, I still see Southampton winning 3-0.
THE MAIN EVENT: The “Please Don’t Choke Please Don’t Choke Please Don’t Choke Please Don’t Choke Please Don’t Choke” Game (3:15PM EST)
After verbally fellating and discussing how United could actually win a game that teams over the past 6 years would not normally win in the preview, United shit the bed early in the match and then again in the dying seconds. All I’ll say about that last minute goal is this (go to the 1:11 mark, or pause it at 1:18):
TL/DR: If you’re spending 80 million Tea and Crumpets to buy a CB that is known for winning air balls, DON’T GO IN A FUCKING ZONAL DEFENCE, MAKING HIM FUCKING REDUNDANT YOU STUPID FUCKS! THIS HAS BEEN A PROBLEM ALL FUCKING YEAR! ALL YEAR. JUST MAKE THE GOD DAMN CHANGE TO MAN ON MAN DEFENCE! UNITED COULD BE IN 3RD PLACE RIGHT NOW, BUT INSTEAD THEY NOW HAVE TO WIN OUT TO ENSURE THEY MAKE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE!
*AHEM*
Now that FIFA officials are very rich due to Man Shitty bribing them to overlook financial fair play, United have to finish in the top 4 to ensure they get that sweet Champions League money. Nothing more than a win will do. One good thing about this match happening so soon after they squandered their win on Monday is that they can redeem themselves today. The downside is that their LB position is going to be bad as Shaw and WIlliams, if either play, are playing injured. If they don’t play, United might use either Diego Dalot or very young prospect, Ethan Laird. That’s terrifying for a team that must win. In all honest, I almost rather United put Fred or McSauce back there. Wonderkid Mason Greenwood is also hurt, which means adorable–but currently really bad at lesser footy– Daniel James will play on the right side. Perhaps because I like James, but I’ve seen some moments of brilliance during his long slide into mediocrity play. For some reason, again, it’s probably hope and lets face it, hope is a hell of a drug, I actually think James might score today. But the thing that matters most is that Bruno and Pogba (who got a cool new ‘do) play really well today and their remaining games this season, which SHOULDN’T be an issue.
Crystal Palace is mathematically safe from relegation and can’t really challenge for anything. However, considering how it wasn’t that long ago since they were looking at a spot in Europa, they will be looking to find their form and play spoiler to United. This might be hard because they’ve got some injured bodies and their key striker, Benteke, is missing the game do to a suspension.
Prediction:
This should be a 3-0 United win. However, with fatigue, key injuries, the pressures of winning and the fact Palace always seems to give United fits, I think United will win an ugly 2-1 win. . .I hope.
Enjoy the games!
Big Save Dave De Gea strikes again!
It turns out Palace’s shittiness is stronger than United’s fatigue and choking nature. Who knew?
TONY FUCKING MARTIAL!
https://youtu.be/WRX-gls2ofw
Palace did not get away with one there
Palace got away with one there.
The thing about that post is that most United fans know what could be coming next
Narrator’s Voice: It didn’t
Crystal Palace taking a page from the Hartford Whalers with the ol’ Keep Passing The Ball (Puck) Until The Scoring Chance Goes Away
English Brass Bonanza is just Pomp and Circumstance.
Ole doing a Make-a-wish substitute with Lingardinho coming on. C’mon Ole, say Jesse for the Chelski match.
De Gea with another nice save
Wow. Palace just got prison fucked with that call.
Uncle Woy Weacts Weasonabwy?
Hope they at least got to keep the soap.
they NEVAR showed that part on Oz (smgdh)
/Oz is still all I think of when I see the “Farmers Insurance” guy
Pri-son rapists, dum da-dum dum dum dum dum!
Even that movie where he won the Oscar as the insane music teacher, (deserved), I kept thinking, “Man, I hope he doesn’t fuck that kid”
I can’t remember EVER thinking that while watching a movie.
OK, who let Sandusky have time on the computer?
VAR bailing Man U out!? Quel surprise!
I mean, I’ll take it but Jesus, that was a terrible call
The great thing about working from home is that, when you don’t get a lot of sleep the night before, it’s pretty easy to disappear for a refreshing nap.
Pogba so far:
100% tackles won
87% pass accuracy
8/10 final third passes
2 ball recoveries
2 fouls suffered
1 take on
But he’ll get blamed if Palace gets a result despite Pogba doing his and McSauce’s job.
And no more than 3/5 of the credit
Big save Dave!
He hears those Henderson footsteps from Sheffield-way. Been really good these last three halves of Lesser Action.
DR. Rashford with a beaut! Fuck yes!
Martial is going to have to do some individual brilliance to score a goal today because it’s clear he isn’t getting any help today
I have never been so happy for a water break. That was dreadful lesser footy by United
Palace looking significantly better than United so far
/voice-over: We switched the 2020 Manchester United club with the lethargic 2018 Manchester United squad. Let’s see if anyone notices
Timothy Fosu Mensah is starting? He couldn’t even cut it at Mighty Fulham!
Mild take: There are far too many teams in the MLS (26) and I hear that they want 30 teams by 2022. Holy diluted lesser footy!
Is the endgame relegation so that the MLS has a first division and a Participant Ribbon Division?
I mean, liquid shit is still liquid shit, I guess? Would anybody really notice if it was 10-15% MOAR watery??
There already is a participation ribbon division: USL. Many MLS teams have (Name) 2 teams in that league, too.
Last nights game was bananas
I was watching some of a game this afternoon and holy God does that league put the “lesser” in ‘Lesser Footy’
/checks score
Well, from reading your comments and seeing the score, it’s nice to see the Disappointing Bowl lived up (down?) to it’s hype.
it was a sight to behold, for sure. Each team had ONE fluky-oddball shot on target, and each went in.
Maybe this is enough to get Theo a sniff from MLS
Theo is going to move a lot of MLS kits when he signs with, let’s say. . . Cincinnati FC
He has a top-knot, so he’d be the type of cunt to put chili on his spaghetti.
Only shot on target goes in, and it was barely even a shot.
WOO!!!!!! I will get much Prediction League moneys, maybe??
WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!
[does Carlton Dance]
Sudden change
Commentators shitting on everton, and I won’t disagree with one iota of it. Well earned.
Blades decided to push forward to tie the game. Unfortunately their push forward got them with the ball just over midfield once, while Lester has had free range, shooting at Hendo. This is bad
Know what sucks? EVERYTHING
Well fuck. Blades are looking duller than a butter knife.
Foxes are picking up 3 points
Form is tomorrow’s starting pitcher, it would seem.
Holy shit! Villa v West Ham last game of the season.
/dies
-Fronk
This game is killing me. How do you see tomorrow’s game? I’m terrified of Deeny, Sarr, and Doucoure. Too much quality for our shit back line to handle.
I have no feel whatsoever. Complete chaos.
Dire doesn’t even begin to paint the picture.
Fuck everything
Goddamnit
Oh fuck.
EPL keeping 5 subs for next year is bullshit, especially since Man Shitty didn’t even get punished for FFP. We’re going to lose parity
Loaned out United player, Henderson doing his part keeping the game close
C’mon Sheffield United, do what Blades are supposed to do Foxes in England, damnit!
Can’t believe we aren’t watching Torino v Genoa!
Wop footy cost Hippo too many moneys.
It was the only one who consistently made me money other than Costa Rica during the dark times.
The Mob vs Salami? On the one hand, you’d think the mob would win, but on the other hand, Salami is high salty food that spikes blood pressure, causing heart attacks, so it could go either way.
Everton and Villa might be the two least creative sides in the Prem right now. And it’s playing out that way.
Why the fuck didn’t I go nil-nil in Prediction League?
#freeMoiseKean
I just can’t fathom how shit he must be (and tbf, I couldn’t get a tune out of him in FM) not to be in the XI
He strikes me as someone like United’s Fred, where if he were to start like 5-7 games in a row, he’d find his form. Unlike Fred, his real form could be a gamechanger for Everton, which is why it’s worth the gamble.
IIRC, Kean got caught having super sexy time with women and seeing how he can’t crack the starting XI, he’s getting punished severely for it
Well would you look at that.
If I needed a sedative today, this game would be it. I blame you Hippo for me watching this instead of Knifey v Foxy Footy.
I have been ingesting SO MUCH caffeine. And my eyelids keep getting heavier.
FUNNY, I SEEM TO BE ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT!!!!
Been there.
Hope Mrs. Zilla and Little Zillas are well!
Thanks. We were in the hospital from Monday until last night. Mrs. Zilla had post natal preeclampsia. That shit is nasty.
Ooh, that is bad! Hope she’s feeling better. You both must be exhausted.
Cannot imagine the anxiety you must’ve gone through. So glad you’re all back home?.
Villa looking dangerous. Please, toffees…..
Have a work call at 3p, can’t even have a proper fume when this shitshow ends.
Zero combined shots on target WOO
Due to all the footy I am struggling with which day of the week it is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtuQpcOmI5Q
Great, Holgate did after 15 minutes. Midlands twats could score at will now.
Also, a big HippoTHX! To all the Clubhouse Gooners.
Thanks to their efforts yesterday, the Shite will set no Prem records, and not even hit 100 points (or have the League’s best goal differential).
“Best team in evar” my hairy, Bitter Blue arse…
Tuff but FARE, Wakey.
At least we seem to be trying today. Yay?
Hippo your boys had better show up. Villa is evil and deserves to go down.
their manager is named DEAN SMITH and that’s enough for me