Welcome to Decision Day!
With the exception of one game, every match has positional repercussions. Most importantly, the Top 4 and relegation are all on the line today! What sucks is that the league should have tried and flexed the games around so that not all games are playing at once. C’mon Boris Johnson! If you’re going to copy all the shitty stuff America does, at least copy one good thing that they do. TV and EPL schedulers could do something like: relegation battles are the first batch of games, midtable/Europa implications at the middle and top 4 as the late night games. That’d be way better than what they have now. Keep your viewers watching your sport all day, as opposed to 90+ minutes. That’s a lot of ad money they’re missing out on.
To the games!
Game 1A: The “Please don’t choke Please don’t choke Please don’t choke Please don’t choke Please don’t choke Please don’t choke Please don’t choke Please don’t choke Please don’t choke FOR THE LOVE OF TRIGON PLEASE DON’T CHOKE GAME”
This is the biggest game of the day!
For United, all they have to do is not lose, which is easier said than done because their core players are incredibly gassed due to the short turnaround time of the past handful of games. (I will never forgive Ole if United miss the top 4 because he decided to ignore form and have Bruno, Maguire and AWB start and play large minutes in that Chelski FA Semifinals match). Meanwhile, Leicester have played the minimum amount of games since the return and have had more time to rest since their last game.
Why Trigon’s favoUrite team will win:
– Leicester have taken 20 points from their last 49. I haven’t seen someone choke on something that large since Kagney Linn
– Ricardo Pereira, Ben Chilwell, Soyuncu and James Maddison are not playing. That’s a lot of missing key players
– The Foxes are going to be weak down the flanks and will have no creativity. This is problematic because they have to win the match to make top 4 (unless Chelski shits the bed and Leicester draws United)
-3 out of 4 of the Foxes’ starting back 4 aren’t playing
– Brendan Rogers has a reputation of choking
Why United will struggle:
– Days of rest before games: Crystal Palace: 2 days. Chelski: 2 days. West Ham: 2 days. Leicester: 3 days. That’s a grueling schedule.
– Leicester have nothing to lose and United have been choke artists over the past 6 years. Worst of all, Ole is developing a reputation of making his team play conservative when the game’s importance is massive. There is a fear that Ole might start the match with a fucking back 5. If this is the case, I want his ass fired because that is cowardly, chicken shit lesser footy and that is never how Manchester United should ever play in such an important match.
– United have a 58% win rate with Luke Shaw in the league, which drops to 46% without. United have conceded at least one goal in 77% of the games without Shaw in the lineupl. Shaw is not expected to play on Sunday, which fucking sucks because the left side has been abysmal since he went down against Southampton.
Prediction:
United should straight up win this match. However, given their mentality, I’d expect a 1-1 draw. But fuck it. I’m calling a United 3-1 win. The monkey will be off their back, baby!
Match 1B: The “Je Suis Wolves” match
Having no confidence in United, I’m hoping Wolves, who are currently playing well and want to clinch a Europa spot, will have one more great game in them and beat Chelski. It also helps rooting for them because they are inexplicably Toddlerzilla’s favoUrite team.
Why Chelski will lose:
– Billy Gimour is out and N’Golo Kante is unlikely to be back from a hamstring problem. Ross Barkley is expected to make an appearance but will be playing hurt.
– Chelski is very inconsistent and are relying on key young players to win.
– Chelski’s defense is not very good while Wolves have decent defence and a formidable offence. Also, Wolves have players playing for big money contracts, whether that is with Wolves or another big league club.
– Chelski just needs 1 point. That’s tricky because mentality wise, a team can be playing to not lose as oppose to their style of play.
Why Chelski will win:
– Pulisic and Abraham are playing really good lesser footy.
– Chelski have a lot of fire power and will want to avenge their 5-2 loss to Wolves from earlier in the season.
– If the club’s mentality is relaxed about getting 1 point and scoreboard watch throughout the game, they’ll be much looser as Wolves must win.
In other news, fans of the Sousers celebrated the way you’d expect Scousers to celebrate:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_xBRHyngGI
To be fair, the brawl began by one fan accusing the other of being a fan of LiVARpool. In other Scouser news, Virgil van Dijk celebrated his EPL title by taking pictures of himself with trophies he won in previous seasons:
You know what they say: Small minded clubs do small minded shit like this.
Also, BT Sport released their fans’ Team of the season:
Finally, it was revealed that the Premier League’s season will begin on 12 September, with the final matchday of the season taking place on 23 May.
Enjoy the games!
Of course, the Reds are the first NL team to forfeit their DH and put their Pitcher in the batting lineup.
https://www.cbssports.com/nba/news/lou-williams-to-quarantine-10-days-in-bubble-after-strip-club-visit-miss-clippers-first-two-seeding-games/
We’ve gone back to the Old Testament rules.
“If thou breaketh quarantine to visit women removing their figleaves, you are unclean for 10 days past.”
Yes; they were all stoned.
The man wanted some wings. I can completely get behind that.
After perusing their food menu there is a flavor of wings called “Louwill lemon pepper barbecue.” The man has a flavor of wings named after him there!
FREE LOU WILL!!
Right after completing his quarantine of course.
I’m thinking the reason he was there in the first place was because he was far more interested in breasts rather than wings.
Wings are similar to beef curtains if the wind is blowing.
MFW Hearing about two late scratches to Reds lineup after teammate tested COVID positive yesterday
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyvlqU7y_Xc
The part of the Tampa Bay MRSAs will now be placed by the Cincinnati Reds. If I knew how to photoshop, I’d change the Reds’ C-REDS logo to C-OVID.
What is the world coming to?
New Marble League race is up!
Gumbygirl will be happy.
Balls of Chaos will not.
In this hot weather balls of chaos will get sat on.
It’s about damn time!
To reiterate; R.I.P. John Saxon.
He was so awesome! He banged the madam instead of the regular prostitutes on that isolated island.*
*this is not mentioned on his Wiki page
That is a terrible omission of an emission.
That’s my Saturday night…
Edging can have consequences.
Holy Christ relegation feels like a death in the family. Why did I let you all talk me into this league again?
We are all suckers for new and exciting ways to hate ourselves.
[Hippo orders Naugahyde® Cat-o’nine-tails from Funtimes Erotic Supply that is long enough to swing over his back]
[laughs at Moose thinking Hippo doesn’t already have one]
These things wear out with constant use.
Marvel the mustang, he’s almost like real!
Litre Cola is available to talk you through the excitement of trying to get promoted.
Promoted? Face down, ass up.
Oh yeah! Tomorrow vs Cardiff! Bring it on!
Welcome to the club! The C’ship is way more fun as you can actually win a game or two!
I left this rec on yeah right’s thread as well-
“I Lost My Body”. A very determined severed hand tries to find its way back to his owner.
That’s great when you’re yankin’ it! Feels like someone else is doing for ya!
Me, today:
–
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M8qtPtIfJs
Wooooo!
The only thing about Lingardinho scoring is that United is probably going to give him another $20 million contract renewal
COME ON HAMMERS!!
/also, quit fucking around, Arsenal
ALL UP TO Y’ALL, RUM HAM
/shriek of joy from casa del Wakey
Handball you prick!!!
/only since Rum Ham forgetting they’s ONE JERB
Pokes Foxy Footy, Man U game. Do something.
Lookin at you too Hammers
Imagine how puckered Ole’s asshole must be right now. Approaching Arsene Wenger levels.
I’d sub Rashford off for Ighalo, and the swap Ighalo with Tony Martial and then I’d swap Static Matic out for Fred.
This team is so god damn frail
Not to dis Hippo, but really rooting against Everton today.
Arsenal is actually taking care of business against Watford, so that’s a plus.
IF it keeps cherries up and sends Midlands Twats down (yay, my phone recognizes that phrase now), I will live with this shameful performance.
Chelski is going to win. Stupid Wolves.
United look like shit. Ndidi is bullying the midfield
Unreal stuff by giroud
thats the stuff!
2 in 2 min
oh my
thats a beautttty from Mount
Chelsea up 1-0
Hippo, your guys need to continue to lay down.
Fronk, half time pep talk plz.
Come on West Ham!!! I am at the fucking zoo because I am agood family man but ultimately a fucking moron.
About 45 minutes ago, Thompson called Pogba a bad apple and says that’s just what comes to his mind when he looks at him…
LOL
[random memory generator sputters, kicks in]
The setup is great, the payoff (to me) was laugh-out loud funny and it told you everything about his character.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yqfUhc4FQY
goddamnit!
Frustrate you?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hNIX7V21pU
No…. I laughed even though one is not supposed to when one is cool.
What a cool moose might look like…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLCTb4_y21E
I likely win the Brexit Bucks with an Everton loss or draw (almost everyone but me picked a win), perhaps the whole contest if it does end 1-1 (especially if Richy gets the equalizer).
Holy cats, are Everton ever laying down.
So there is a sunny spot through the window?
/reminds self to name next cat Everton
feels a little like NFL Redzone rite now.
they just went double box cause harry kane scored
so many games all at the same time….
legit
Agreed to do a family thing before I realized the games were on Sunday Nawt Saturday.
pulisic got the start for chelsea
cools