Testing… Testing… Is This Thing On? Your Thursday Night Football Eyegasm Open Thread

Damn right it’s on! Whew, what a frickin’ ride to get to this point. I just want to thank all the hardcore commenters that kept this thingy of ours afloat when there was so little sports going on that we resorted to Korean baseball and made the best of it. Things aren’t normal-far from it, but a veil of normalcy in the form of the return of NFL football has dropped on our collective heads. I’ll take it. I’ll take it and run with it, thankyouverymuch.

I’m curious, perhaps like many of you, about how the crowds will look/sound, the response to kneeling, coaches interactions with refs, the quality of play, how Covid will be managed, and a hundred other things. Let’s tackle all that shit down below but for now we need to go…TO THE GAME!

Texans vs. Chiefs:

-the spread is 9.5/10 which seems about right (because Vegas does what it does). The game script to me looks like the Chiefs getting on all their horses early and Watson and Co. struggling to keep up. I think he’s got a shot at it because KC’s secondary is not quite the same unit that came together at the halfway point of the season.

-Both David Johnson (play him while he’s upright) and Edwards-Hilaire should get plenty of touches in the form of catches out of the backfield. The rookie will get some because coach Reid is a master of putting his rb’s in space and DJ will do the same because even a coach like Bill O’Brien knows that the Chiefs gives up tons of yards (100 catches for 951) to them guys wandering out from behind the qb.

-what of the absence of Hopkins? What does it really mean for the Texans O? Well, in the two games they played vs. one another last year Hopkins came up with 12 first downs. That’s huge for a team. Right now Cooks is a game-timer and I would think the medical staff wouldn’t take the chance. What’s left? There’s Fuller, Cobbs and Kenny “He’s still in the league?” Stills-not much to look at. They’ll put it together as a unit over the course of the season but tonight is not the night.

-Players props, you say? Take the over on everything regarding Kelce. Due to injury he’ll be defended by Lonnie Johnson Jr, the owner of the very worst PFF score for a cb with 30. No one else was under 40.

As I always say, if you’re new to the site please say hello-we have a shit-ton of fun here on game days. If you happen to already have an account and haven’t said ‘boo’ in a while, we’d love to see your smiling text. Have at it, one and all. We’re back and I’m real fucking happy.

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Brick Meathook

REPRESENT!

Who is American here on this open thread, and who is Canadian?

ballsofsteelandfury

Mexican by birth.
American by citizenship.
Canadian by my love of maple syrup and hockey.

King Hippo

oh man, you NEVAR go Full NAFTA smh

Brick Meathook

Balls is my favorite Mexican

ballsofsteelandfury

Awwww!

Brick Meathook

CORRECTION: Balls is my favorite Mexican after Charlton Heston.

Last edited 4 years ago by Brick Meathook
Beastmode Ate My Baby

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King Hippo

I am from teh American SOUTH, so like…5/3rds?

Brick Meathook

Hippo is my favorite hillbilly

Brick Meathook

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Last edited 4 years ago by Brick Meathook
King Hippo

THAT’S THE TOP SHELF STUFF WOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Spur

Tejano!

herodotus450

(Whispers to Brick): Is this so we know who to keep, and who to hold ransom for their precious, precious mapley syrup?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I’m in the PNW, so can I claim dual-citizenship?

Last edited 4 years ago by Beastmode Ate My Baby
King Hippo

INDEED. How on fire is where you are?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

The skies are smoky, but we’re lucky (so far) in that the fires are well away from us. I’m really feeling for everyone caught in the wake of them, it’s just devastating for a lot of small, rural communities.

jjfozz

US fucking A

ArmedandHammered

American.

LemonJello

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Brick Meathook

I’m an American with a Canadian passport and can speak passable Qubecois. I’ll come prove you wrong, Scotchy. Holes will be dug.

Brick Meathook

I can play it either way, Scotchy.

clint greasewood

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Viva La Tabula Raza

USA, but at this point I would prefer to be a New Zealander.

WhyEaglesWhy

I haven’t seen that many Texans fruitlessly protecting something since The Alamo.

WhyEaglesWhy

Seriously, there were four defenders within arm’s length of Kelce.

Viva La Tabula Raza

They’re re-enacting Goliad instead.

herodotus450

Oh I get it now, “Duke” Johnson is a character that David Johnson puts on when third down comes around

WhyEaglesWhy

It’s his alter ego for when he plays sax in smoky jazz clubs and wants to stay on the down low.

herodotus450

I’m ready for that hot, wet, sax.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered

A friend of mine actually drove the bus for a school catering for the deaf. He was recounting a near accident that had occurred when I asked him if the kids screamed in ASL and what it looked like. He did not find it funny.

ballsofsteelandfury

Kelce was a good FF pick…

Gatoraids

This robinson I call him the Rockbiter cuz you’d think these strong hands

King Hippo

Maybe stop throwing to 11?

jjfozz

The old, leather lunged crone in the Bud Light commercial is a Browns fan.

That’s about right.

jjfozz

Uber for the win

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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makeitsnowondem

Collinsworth’s transformation into a full-on analytics nerd has been a thing to witness.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A terrible, terrible thing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beerguyrob

Remember – he co-owns Pro Football Focus. Why do you think he keeps referencing it?

tomsellecksmoustache

“This Edwards-Helaire, I call him Hilarious because he reminded me of Kevin Hart when he told me I walk like a white guy.”

Gumbygirl

Just when you thought Miley Cyrus couldn’t get any white trashier, she gets that haircut.

TheRevanchist

She so trashy that she disgusts me. That is saying A LOT!

jjfozz

Apparently Miley Cyrus is up to 2 packs a day.

Hoping she dies from it.

ballsofsteelandfury

Of condoms?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice!!

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BugEyedBoo

Switched to the unfiltered Luckies, because it kills covid.

King Hippo

teh libtard JEW media just don’t want u 2 noe THANKS OBAMA!!!!1111

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

she….uh…ain’t gon’ age gracefully

clint greasewood

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Brocky

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Brocky

David Johnson: fuck you haters!

Me: fuck you, you touchdown vultering shit!

Sharkbait

When did Robot Chicken start doing McDonalds ads?

Beerguyrob

When McDs knuckled under & came up with the “Travis Scott” meal.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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jjfozz

They could be giving out gold plated blowjobs where Dune is showing, and I still wouldn’t go.

litre_cola

Do you get to keep the plates?

Spur

Don’t let your hate for Sting blind you. This Dune looks good.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Unless they hand out cheat sheets at the door, it’s still not gonna be as fun as the ’80s version.

WhyEaglesWhy

I can’t think of a big time sci fi blockbuster I wanted to see less.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

I’m voting for Biden because he’s a white man.

SonOfSpam

And unlike Trump, Biden’s veep isn’t a sniveling bitch cunt.

tomsellecksmoustache

So you’re why Hillary lost?

Brick Meathook

I voted for Hilary in 2016, who never should have been a candidate for public office ever. Despite her intelligence, she never had the temperament for it, and because of her we have been suffering under Trump.

tomsellecksmoustache

Just a joke. I swallowed hard and voted for her too. And I agree, a total shit candidate that people were forced to accept instead of, you know, letting the people find their preference.

Brick Meathook

Who’d YOU vote for, tomsellecksmoustache?

Trudeau?

ArmedandHammered

Robin Masters probably, gotta keep him from coming home.

tomsellecksmoustache

I got a chain email saying that we should write in John Edwards or someone in our family would die. So far I’m in the clear.

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh shit, touchdown! When did that happen?

Viva La Tabula Raza

David Johnson. Yay.

tomsellecksmoustache

Wow, great run by Arian Foster in a short yard situation.

Sharkbait

Namaste

jjfozz

I once had a professor who posited that the Watts riots were caused by shows like the Brady Bunch.

And when he was done, i was fucking amazed. But, I was probably so hungover I was seeing worms crawling up my leg.

ballsofsteelandfury

Tiki idols are nothing to fuck with.

jjfozz

His argument was that the Brady Bunch showed middle class white folks who had it all, etc.

SonOfSpam

Especially if Greg’s surfing those gnarly 14 inch waves.

Viva La Tabula Raza

My first Biden ad. Here in Texas. Are we really in play?

ballsofsteelandfury

I got one in California. That’s a waste of money, I think.

King Hippo

ok, must have been a national buy, then

Gumbygirl

They give me a glimmer of hope, so I’m ok with the waste.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, wtf?

makeitsnowondem

Wish he were spending it on field operations instead.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Looking up from the 2016 playbook.

What?

King Hippo

methinks he’s spending on EVERYTHING

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Not so far.

But they did finally update their website today, so at least the web admin is on the job.

Spur

Its to encourage the likely voters to actually vote and help down ticket.

makeitsnowondem

If Trump’s approval tanks back down to its lowest point, maybe.

King Hippo

Saturation coverage in North Cakalaky, so I’d guess you would have to be on the “reach” list.

jjfozz

I’m in Maryland, just got one.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I mean, we got one in WA, which is not remotely in play.

WhyEaglesWhy

I got it in Australia, so they’re just blanketing everyone :p

BugEyedBoo

Got one in Ohio.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Come on in and have a seat.

BugEyedBoo

Healing Crystal’s what?

King Hippo

certainly not her hemmorhoids

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was wondering too, but then I figured the chakra runs through the anus, but I have not looked that up yet.

ballsofsteelandfury

Actually, there IS an anal chakra…

ballsofsteelandfury

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Gumbygirl

My “survival instinct” is to keep large objects out of my root chakra.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This makes my joke even better.

ArmedandHammered

Her boyfriend “accidentally” entered unexpectedly.

jjfozz

Good: I grilled excellent steaks in the rain.

Unforgivable: The rain diluted my flagon of bourbon.

LemonJello

You need to replace your flagon with the skulls of your vanquished enemies.

jjfozz

They’re all at the blacksmith, who’s coating the interior with solid pewter.

Brick Meathook

Heavy rain at my mom’s house in Arlington Virginia

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Look at Mr. Fancy Pants adding “spring water” to his whiskey.

Gatoraids

Tim Kelly ready to star in a remake of Cheers as Norm

King Hippo

Norman.

SonOfSpam

Was that said as Shelley Long?

King Hippo

chuh chuh! I hoped the reference wouldn’t be too dated

WhyEaglesWhy

Not for this old guy.

WhyEaglesWhy

Will Fuller made a catch and appears to still be ambulatory, +1 for my fantasy team.

Fronkenshteen

David Johnson a bad ass. 10 catches tonight?

ballsofsteelandfury

FYI, Vegas-Dallas is still 0-0.

clint greasewood

I just realized I haven’t watched a commercial in like six months.

The Maestro

I still can’t believe the Texans traded DeAndre Hopkins.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Fucking Bill O’Brien

SonOfSpam

First Anteater catch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Guess who is reporting from home.

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ArmedandHammered

Moose, are you trying to summon Feck?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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jjfozz

You can’t spell Dune without using the word shit

clint greasewood

Is Collinsworth more annoying than covid?

ballsofsteelandfury

If only we could make him go away by wearing masks…

ArmedandHammered

Cris causes more long term brain damage.

Brick Meathook

Are the players not wearing masks?

ballsofsteelandfury

Has anyone gone to Walmart and gotten Pickle Rick Pringles?

Yes, that’s a thing.

jjfozz

Best damn episode ever. I have watched it multiple times.

litre_cola

I like the sound of this.

The Maestro

God damn it. If those nerds go and flip their shit over this like they did after that episode with the Szechuan sauce, then it’s time to burn it all down.

makeitsnowondem

No, but you did the right thing by telling me.

WhyEaglesWhy

Apropos of nothing, I won 10K a few weeks ago in a Pringles contest to guess a mystery flavor.

ballsofsteelandfury

NICE!

ballsofsteelandfury

What was the flavour??

WhyEaglesWhy

Carbonara

makeitsnowondem

September: We still don’t know what a catch is.

November: For health and safety reasons, until we determine the outbreak is contained, the quarterback and receiver will be using different footballs.

Gatoraids

Andy Reid face shield is flippable to convert into a rib bib

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The Maestro

Bill O’Brien’s chin violates FCC regulations. That’s why he has to wear the mask.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Gape porn is popular.

Fronkenshteen

The human sneeze guard

King Hippo

Andy Reid’s Extra LaboUred Breathing tonight, ah reckon

Sharkbait

NFL VAR still takes forever.

King Hippo

but is a little less corrupt

jjfozz

I’ll watch American Ninja when they start firing live rounds right over their heads. Until then, fuck it.

tomsellecksmoustache

Love that Andy took part of the buffet home to make into PPE for this game.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m surprised there’s no Gravy stain

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Gravy Stain early music was really good, then they went commercial.

tomsellecksmoustache

We’re still in the first quarter, baby.

SonOfSpam

He did not complete the process of cradling the ball to his thorax and collided with Earth disattuned to the oblate spheroid with which the passer had entrusted him thereby not counting as a reception or ballsnatch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered

Fucking early adopters, he should have waited till the mark of the beast was mandatory.

Gumbygirl

It will be easy to turn that TR into a CH.

jjfozz

Oh good, more Baker Mayfield commercials

Last edited 4 years ago by jjfozz
Fronkenshteen

Fuck kinda refereeing is that?

LemonJello

The NFL kind.

Spur

awesome throw, not a catch