That’s right, y’all. The SEC is back, and with a glorious 10-game league schedule. Finally, a fall Sabado that actually feels like a doggone Sabado!
But first, you get another Premier League morning, kicking off with United away to Brighton (7:30, NBCSN). This is…not ideal timing for the Trash Birds, with Diablos del Rojo coming off a very humbling home defeat – to Uncle Woy’s Palace. Assuming this squad isn’t fatally flawed, expect a reaction.
Speaking of Uncle Woy? Hosts the MOAR fashionable Don Carlo Ancelotti and his Toffees (10:00, NBCSN). Look, I know the shoe will eventually drop, and I will be cursing at the teevee/laptop soon enough. Just maybe not this week? Pretty please, Everton??
Kind of a wet fart of a spotlight dance, but Chelski are away to the Brummies (12:30, NBC), if so inclined. Me? I’mma watch JV ball. Especially during the late fixture (Saints at White Lives Matter, 3:00, NBCSN). At least this week, I am pleased as to how the schedule shakes out.
Desperate Knifey at Media Sensation Leeds (7:00) is Sunday’s best offering. You get three matches on NBCSN, followed by a dire 2p on Peacock that nobody will watch (RedZone WOO!!!).
Kansas State (+28) at Oklahoma (Noon, Fox)
Surely, they won’t waste Gus Johnson here? But I surely expect Manhattan’s finest to give Steerfuckers North more of a test than Vegas expects.
Florida (-14) at Ole Miss (Noon, ESPN)
Yeehaw, when Johnny Reb puts his’n mind to it, he can do damned near anything. Except succeed at FITBAW. Or wear shoes. Anyway, it’s always nice to laugh at Lane Kiffin.
Mississippi State (+16.5) at LSU (3:30, CBS)
Line looks (and probably is) way too low, but I guess Vegas gives Dread Pirate Leach hella respek. I will watch just for the quips, philosophizing, and stories. Also, the Bayou Bengals did lose like 80% of their two-deep. Maybe we will get a decent game?
West By God Virginia (+6.5) at Oklahoma State (3:30, ABC)
If a jug band were a state, would it be WV or OK? Either way, I’d keep my asshole wedged tight against a brick wall. BDSM State looked horrid last week, but this line seems low.
Alabama (-28.5) at Missouri (7:00, ESPN)
Welcome to the SEC, Eli Drinkwitz. Hope you are renting, not buying.
Vanderbilt (+30.5) at Texas A&M (7:30, SEC Alternate)
SEC Alternate channel is pretty obscure. You probably haven’t heard of it.
NC State (+7) at Virginia Tech (8:00, ACCN)
This line opened at 10. I’m just sayin’…but no, I ain’t wagerin.’ Who knows how that whole #NuAIDS thingamabob has impacted Forcibly Non-Gendered Turkeys’ depth chart? YES, I am in the bargaining stage.
Enjoy all the action, and some fine Clubhouse (imaginary) fellowship.
Lampard looks like a douchebag Long Island bro who is so pissed he isn’t getting laid tonight that he’s gonna run out on his bill at the Greek diner.
Dunno how they found 5 minutes of stoppage time to gift Tory Cunt Frank Lampard
When I finally get my time machine and install it, I’m gonna go back in time and kill whoever invented the “YOU MUST ALWAYS BE SHOUTING” school of broadcasting/announcing.
Bo Nix with a fantastic TD toss.
ObservatioUn – Bo is the Most Southern Name.
Agreed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SW29hkBuFt8&ab_channel=KnuckleSandwich
Unlike your mother, Kentucky/Auburn is tight.
MOAR LIEK “LOLMiss” amirite??
Playin’ like Swiss Miss, smh…
Now 3-2 Brummies.
This old ad popped into my head this morning while I was cooking breakfast, for some unexplained reason. It still cracks me up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBHZaen4VxE&pp=QAA%3D
Paper football, very clever!
Your Best ‘Sleeper’ Fantasy Pick Back When That Was A Thing:
I’ve got a few but I took a flyer on Cop Speed back in 2008 because I saw his 40 time and thought that LenDale White was absolute shit. I remember having to explain who he was to fellow drafters.
Are you related to Al Davis, by any chance?
I took David Johnson his rookie year. Buddy of mine is a Qardinals fan, and mentioned how good he looked.
I remember you talking about him. I watched all, I mean all preseason games back in the day looking for gems. Hell, I remember seeing T.O. in preseason and thinking, “there’s no goddamn way this guy sits behind J.J. fucking Stokes!”
pretty sure I drafted Chris Johnson, Matt Forte, and Ray Rice in their rookie season. And still managed to bungle my way to not 1st place.
Typical West Coast College FB Fan Saturday Schedule:
9 AM – Breakfast with the Big Ten
12:30 – Big Game from the East Coast (Typically SEC or cross-conference)
3:30 – Big West Coast conference game (Pac 12, Mountain West)
7:30 – Pac 12 After Dark
10:30 – Hawaii Home Game
I wish I lived on the West Coast-the thought of being blackout drunk 3 hours earlier on weekends is very appealing.
Plus, NFL games start at 10 AM. The bars used to be full and people are drinking screwdrivers or Bloody Marys starting at 9.
It’s a beautiful thing.
Chelski get one back.
So, a common refrain from the NFL threads is that guys get stuck with fuckety games because ‘regional broadcasts’. I take it that it’s not the same with college? I assume west coast gets a fair share of Big 10 and ACC and that Vermont folks get Pac 10 action?
It USED to be that way. In the 80s/early 90s, ABC would regionalize coverage of (usually 4 or so top games), and we would always get stuck with ACC crap. Could PPV the whole slate.
Now, pretty much coast-to-coast coverage of everything, now that ACC Network is a thing.
Because all the college games are on national networks, everyone that has that network can watch that game. Hence Pac 12 After Dark for the East Coast folks. The only problem is when you have the games on Conference networks (Pac 12 Network, SEC Network, etc.) that few people get.
The “conference network” games are also last in line to pick games. Only get what the networks, ESPNs, and FS1 don’t want.
I get all of the conference networks on my cable package, though.
For a few years, UCLA has been liquid shit, so all of their games were relegated to the Pac 12 Network, so no one could see them.
I considered that a community service.
Every time I want to hate Flo from Progressive, I remember she played the Jill Talley parts in the Mr. Show live show.
Someone around here has a boner for her. I forget who…
She does more with her opportunity than most. It’s difficult to admire creativity in advertising since most of it is such shit.
SUDDEN CHANGE on The Plains.
/Kenfucky remains Kenfucky
SUDDEN CHANGE random targeting call!!
Okay, Dobbins or Godwin?
I’ve got Dobbins on my team, which means he’ll be liquid shit.
Yikes. Probably Dobbins. Be a lot of points in that game.
He was outsnapped by Gus last week. Wha?
true, but think gameplan differs this week
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sticking with him till the bitter end because ‘talent will out’. I just want it to happen yesterday.
Sheeyit. I have Mark Ingram, who had 247 fucking fantasy points last year, and is now mired in a 3 man RBBC.
Patriots Slightly South. You could never trust a Patriots RB. I never drafted one.
Prediction: NE RB Damien Harris is this year’s Fantasy Footy league winner.
Ha ha! Maybe.
Unded Bill Snyders cut the Steerfuckers North lead to 7…
[switches channel]
found a funny:
him: who the fuck do you think you are
Descartes:
Oh that’s wonderful! I may use that in real life and enjoy the blank stare I get in return.
“Sorry, I studied German philosophy.”
I’m pink, therefore I’m Spam.
That applies really well to SonOfSpam!
Anyone fielding NFL Fantasy Footy jibber-jabber this afternoon?
Bad advice is given around here 24-7-365!
what happened to Mike Gallup? Has he lost all his slot snaps to Lamb?
Getting snaps (and Air Yards) just not targets. I am continuing to play him for now. But my alternatives are liquid shit.
Mine too. Was NAWT expecting this dip in production.
Am starting Gallup and just-off-Tuesday-waivers DSJ.
Lost Courtland Sutton already, the bench options be Too Many Cooks (Q), Judge Jeudy (Q, plus Driskel factor), and Justin Jefferson (Dingleberry factor)
They have three good receivers in Dallas, so it’s going to be tough for one of them to be consistently strong on the stat sheet. It really will depend on the depth at corner of the opponent.
this is a good point, and if Lamb keeps emerging, he will start drawing better cover CBs
Do top notch DBs ever come inside to handle the slot receivers, or is Gallup cursed to low targets against hot shit CBs?
The top notch DBs go against the team’s best receiver. If you have three receivers, like Dallas, that are pretty good but none individually great, it will depend on how the game is rolling. They’ll switch off to try to cool down the hot hand. That’s why it’s great for Real Life Football when you have that WR depth but horrible for FF.
Marvin Jones: Can you trust a guy who needs a Ferrari like Golladay out there in order to perform, or is it pissing in the wind starting this guy?
Every once in a while he’ll come in with a good game, but it seems he’s one of those guys that picks up the scraps left over when the good WRs take the best DB. He didn’t do shit with Golladay out and now could improve. His upside is limited, though. I don’t think he’ll ever be a #1. If you don’t have other options, play him, but don’t expect a lot.
Lazard? N’Keal Harry?
N’Keal Harry is mired deeeeep in my bench. I’ve tried to come up with excuses to play him, but every time my other receivers are a better option.
Lazard benefits from Rodgers spreading the ball out to everyone. It all depends on what he does after the catch.
I’d go Lazard.
Unless Adams plays, keerect?
I’ve already taken Adams out of my lineups. I don’t think he plays, which means a bigger week for the other receivers.
Kentucky football is ranked 23rd? I thought it was understood that they get basketball, handjobs from their cousins in the back seats of pickup trucks and nothing else.
Sideline reporter eating what I think is deep-fried bacon. Yeah, it’s an SEC game.
#MeansMOARCalories
Best Coaching Kid’s Soccer Memory-
I finally had a half-decent team and we were cruising thru the season, killing everyone. (although no one was ‘keeping score’) Towards the end of the season we were down 1-0 really late in the game. We managed to score and I could see the kid referee looking at his watch, just waiting to call the game. We got the ball back almost immediately and it was obvious this was the last rush. A penalty was called on the other team about 15 feet right in front of the goal.
[my best player was an eleven year old girl who just ran past everyone and she called herself ‘Cheetah’. I showed her how to dig her toe under the ball so that when confronted with a defender in the open field she could hoof the ball over the defenders head and run right past them. She tried it a few times and then forgot about.]
As she was lining up for the kick, confronted by a 4 kid ‘wall’, I whispered in her ear, ‘hey remember that kick I showed you? You could put the ball right over those guys and the goalie’s head.’
She did it, scored the goal, we won the game on the last play and I was over the moon. All the parents were packing up their stuff and I was just, ‘I CAN’T BELIEVE IT WORKED! THAT WAS AMAZING!” I was rambling to my wife in the car on the way home, ‘do you not understand how good a game that was?’, and going over the events leading up to the W over and over again.*
*I just realized this might be the whitest, upper middle-class, suburban thing ever written
That’s a great story!
Agreed. My one year coaching, my centre-half (also my teeny kid) had a loose ball collision with a fairly sizeable boy. He stayed down, she bounced right up laughing at him.
I got drunk and watched Ladybugs once, so, basically the same sense of accomplishment.
I did that once! On my Army team. I was just outside the 18 yard box, and remembered being taught that chip in some long-forgotten summer clinic. First and only time I tried it in a game, and it worked like a fucking charm. Popped it over the heads in the wall, and my teammate (SPC Brian Nelson. Introduced me to Hunter S. Thompson) crashed it in with his head. I must’ve looked like Matthew Broderick when he hits the home run in “Max Dugan Returns”.
The first time I ever played Lesser Footy was in a junior high PE class. I played what I guess was an attacking midfield role, and scored a goal. One of the actually good players asked me if I was trying out for the school team.
/probably the absolute peak of my athletic endeavoUrs
Played football in PE one time in HS. A non-QB on the Varsity was playing QB in our gym game, and I went full fucking Edelman. I couldn’t miss. Must’ve caught ten passes that afternoon. On the way back inside, he told me I had better hands than most of the varsity receivers. I was so small, it didn’t matter, but I’ve always held that as a point of pride.
My senior year, we played a pickup tackle game (no helmets or pads, God we were stupid) that involved several varsity players. I got a pickerception and a fumble recovery (ouch, that pile) from free safety, so they let me play QB a series. I threw a TD, they let me play another.
I threw a pick, and went back to WR.
When I was about 10 I played summer league soccer and one day our goalie didn’t show up. Coach was asking if anyone wanted to get in there and I said, “I play goalie in hockey, I can do it”. I was pulled after 3 or 4 quick goals. As I was walking to the sideline past the coach-head down-I mumbled, ‘these nets are way bigger’.
yikes
Chelsea getting stomped
down 3-0
They warn you on Footy Manager that “making too many changes to the squad” can make your side unsettled…
3-nil…BRUMMIES??
Also, can a brutha (hey, in SPIRIT) say how nice it is to need the remote control again??
2-nil Jonkopings Sodra WOO!!!!!!!!!!
-Sillycuse/Pitt
[delayed by Covid]
Yeesh, they’re not playing Pitt…
When you play shitty EDM music over your on-air talent, you’re basically telling your audience that their analysis isn’t worth listening to.
Tory Cunt Frank Lampard has finally seen enough of Kepa’s shit.
Listened to the Men In Blazers podcast this week. They spent a great deal of time talking Kepa. I ended up feeling really bad for the guy.
“Crystal Palace really needs to find a way to get the ball up the field faster here”
Call me crazy, but ‘kick the ball really fookin’ hard’ oughta do it.
Sphincter status? TIGHT
Back from coaching the U10 Bulldogs. Now I have more laundry to fold than Johnny Dangerously’s ma. Now to root home Hippo’s…..[squints at screen]…Brazilians, apparently.
“Crumpled on the floor” is a type of folding.
Oh, is that how you keep your clothes? What a coincidence; that’s where I keep my dignity.
What is this “dignity” of which you speak??
We do have a song for Richarlison, to the tune of Oasis’ “She’s Electric”
Heeeee’s Brasilian
He cost about fifty million
And we think that he’s fookin’ brilliant
Hippo reacts to the live EPL Table:
The grace…
oh yeah, I gots this window open…
https://www.premierleague.com/tables
INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD!!!
inorite???
©️ Gerald Scarfe (2020)
Dollar store Paul McCartney
From the 3 x $1 bin.
One can see why the British are “missionary in the dark” sexual practitioners
YES BABY!!!
Handball in the Prem = WHAT IS A CATCH? in the NFL
Accurate. And VAR sucks in each league
☝?
¡Mano! ?
Sad Hippo is Sad
“Es mano, papá”, according to the Telemundo “In my barrio, that is not a foul” guy.
I would LOVE watching New Everton on Telemundo.
I’d be remiss not to note that this is for SOLE POSSESSION of 1st position.
Everton doin’ justice to the Brazil kits. What movement.
I got in so many Imaginary Internet Fights last season, saying pretty much all our problems were down to a shit midfield. Ahem…
Colombia, too (the New Mersey). I guess if the banana kit gives more synergy to the Sudamericano strategy, I can deal.
Me: “Fuck me, Everton look like world-beaters.”
/Bain opens up the stadium floor, killing the entire Everton team
Me (kicking rocks, refusing to make eye contact): Sorry, Hippo.
HOLY FUCKBALLS EVERTON SEXY
Fuck me, I liked the away salmon kit. Back to the banana one this season, FFS.
Spurs went banana for their third kit. No idea why.
Same reason teams do anything: $$$
That’s really gonna look strange on y’all.
Between royal (Mersey) blue, black, and salmon…one of those should always do
69 years combined of head coaching today.
Nice.
The Suave Eye-Tie gets it. Uncle Woy? Probably not so much.
Up the Muthafuckin’ Toffees!!!
Been up about 45 minutes, finished one redline on a contract, now just want to hibernate instead of thinking about the pile of other work to do.
Yes Brighton!
Or not…
Fuck that dirty cunt Mopay.
found a cool:
http://fivedots.coe.psu.ac.th/~ad/computerComics/index.html
Brighton have hit 5 posts vs. United. That’s insanely shit luck
At least they get one, just not the three they deserve.
Or not…
Oh my God. What is Maupay thinking
“Fuck, I shouldn’t have made that crying pantomime after my panenka”
Is it true Asians bought all the homes in Irvine because it has good schools and they super value education?
Yes
Is quiet this morning.