Your “My Eyes, My Freakin’ Eyes!” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

I quote from a synopsis of Oedipus Rex, “His self-punishment (blinding himself) reveals that he believes his suffering is deserved”. That sounds about right, doesn’t it? Perhaps that’s a bit dark and melodramatic but on the other hand I might be preaching to the choir. (snorts) Well, this is where we are. This is lining up as a derpy, sloppy, turnover-heavy slopfest that folks should only tune in to if they are 1.) fans of the respective teams or, 2.) have fantasy guys involved or 3.) are Gambloring on said tilt. If you’d like to learn about the extent of the suckitude of each of these teams you should follow me…

TO THE GAME!

Broncs/Jerts:

-There’s a massive amount of mouth-movers saying that Gase gets the axe if N.Y. is 0-4 after this game. The silver lining here is that puts them in the driver’s seat in the Trevor Lawrence Sweepstakes. In related news, way-too-early mock drafts have Denver picking up Patrick Surtain II.

-Brett Rypien, the third qb to give it a go this year for the Mile High horsies, is the nephew of Mark, a Boise State product and the possessor of a Chad Pennington-like noodly appendage. If that’s the case maybe look for wr Jeudy to have himself a game out of the slot because Jets DC Gregg Williams loves to blitz. At 6’2″ 202(!), Rypien might get injured if someone nearby is breathing heavily.

-Both these squadoos have filled out multiple stat sheets in not-good ways. The Jets are last in the league in (takes deep breath) total yards, scoring, passing yards, first downs and red zone efficiency. The Broncs o-line has allowed 13 sacks the last two games-their special teams are worst in the league with respect to DVOA and they have the most number of injured players out by a good margin.

Let’s mock this sure-to-be ugly, “only-a-mother-could-love” game together, down below.

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Sharkbait

I almost bet Darnold to rush a TD tonight too

ArmedandHammered

Did someone tell the Broncos defense that due to Covid the NFL is now playing touch football?

Redshirt

I think he would’ve still scored.

Doktor Zymm

If you live in Jersey, how do you make the decision to root for the Jets rather than the Eagles or the Giants?

Redshirt

Family connections or the fan equivalent of hatef*cking?

Recovery Whiskey

Booing at the NFL draft though

Redshirt

What the Cincinnati Reds’ Pitchers did the past two games was most impressive thing I’ve seen in Cincinnati sports. They showed up, played beyond their abilities and did everything they could to keep their team in the games. They made me look forward to next season to see what they can do for a full 162 games (or whatever amount they play next year).

What the rest of the Cincinnati Reds did the past two games was the worst thing I’ve seen in Cincinnati sports. They played with no fundamentals, no gameplanning other than “hit the ball to Valdosta” and inept coaching that made Dave Shula look competent and respect. They made me look forward to the Cincinnati Bengals’ season so I can see an offense actually score a point or two (or at least until Joe Burrow gets killed).

Don T

Gotta admire this level of #professionalism
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Don T

Oop. Meant dis
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King Hippo

They will pay him an extra set of stickers this week.

ballsofsteelandfury

On that TD run, I kept hearing Darnold screaming “TIMMY!!!” all the way down the field.

Doktor Zymm

The Broncos join the very sad club of people Darnold has scored on

ballsofsteelandfury

/USC coed hangs head in shame

Last edited 4 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Recovery Whiskey

Broncos defense should check for covid after that one.

herodotus450

Heh, must be a typo in this yahoo! sprots box score. says Darnold ran for a 50 yard touchdown.

WCS

Hippo might be right. The Donks might be worse than the Jest. Owie.

Mr. Ayo

That was a new form of defensing I’ve never seen.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Darnold “scampers” for TD!!

King Hippo

Jesus Tapdancing Christ.

Recovery Whiskey

He’s like a Golden Girl

King Hippo

We suck worse than the Jest. Fucking ouch.

ArmedandHammered

What the fucking fuck!!!!!!

King Hippo

How many cups of coffee can one have after 7p without it being reckless?

Also, how did I not notice there was a new season of Archer in progress??

Don T

Wanted to gauge crazy behavior, so I checked how many folks have Darnold in Fantasy. Joyful Easter egg: Yahoo Fantasy has no pic of Sam
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Doktor Zymm

Now that I eat food at home I’ve gone a bit nuts with food purchasing. I just obtained 4 dozen macarons, 5 dozen tamales with salsa and chili con queso, a variety of salty beer/wine snacks, a mixed case of wine, a handle of gin, a 6-pack of tallboys, a case of Topo Chico and a mini baguette.

Don T

Shoot. Throw in a carton of Marlboros and that’s a pretty good hurricane weekend.

Doktor Zymm

No hurricane, but we do have more fires :/

WCS

“Who’s coming out of this with a W?” asks Joe

/game ends in 4-4 tie

King Hippo

Now THAT has to be Glorious Scorinami

Sharkbait

This!

Last edited 4 years ago by Sharkbait
ArmedandHammered

This game has the exact booth crew it deserves.

rockingdog

shit dicks
padres down early again to the cardinalds
goooo PADRES!

yay baseball!

King Hippo

It’s ok, can happen 2 anyone against #BFIB

Recovery Whiskey

Greetings only activity* making this game tolerable. Thank you for your service.

* other than several shots of whiskey. Before kickoff.

Last edited 4 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
litre_cola

Remember the hellscape of April? I would have walked on fire for this shittastic game

King Hippo

Absolutely. And remember, Duval/LOLfins turned out pretty good. One never knows!

Horatio Cornblower

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King Hippo

I really need to start watching that.

Doktor Zymm

I miss April, work wasn’t trying to kill me with urgent crap in April

litre_cola

Today was the parade of stupid at my employ. Every fucking call was just sooo stupid.

Doktor Zymm

My coworkers are pretty awesome, but there is a ton of stuff happening all at once and all of it is SUPER DUPER IMPORTANT except that it’s not actually important at all. I would probably be more motivated, but a lot of it is to avoid fines and lawsuits, and I’m pretty sure we deserve to be fined and sued.

Don T

Evenin’. Jazzed AF to be here. How much?
https://youtube.com/watch?v=N3xeX3MqJew

King Hippo

It is both night and day, chuh chuh.

Recovery Whiskey

He still hasn’t found what he’s looking for

King Hippo

Cause he done wore sunglasses inside smh

WCS

Help me, please. Lil’er WCS just literally blew her pants out with one of the worst shits I’ve seen in a long, LONG time. I was just about to order some pizza, and now, I’m just trying to keep my lunch on the inside. The smell is going to haunt me.

I thought this game was going to be a turd. Welcome to having toddlers.

Sharkbait

Hooray….

litre_cola

Good times always!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

She was just setting the mood for tonight’s game!

WCS

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Recovery Whiskey

Well, in 15-20 years you could be bailing her out of jail.

Doktor Zymm

Hey, she just saved you $20 and 2000 calories

WCS

That’s true…

Horatio Cornblower

Drawn my someone who has definitely seen a woman naked in real life before.

King Hippo

I know she’s not wearing 69…but NICE!!!

Mango panties with navy Our Equine Lord and SavioUr a sharp combo.

King Hippo

Ms. Wolfe sounds like she dropped acid for this. I am intrigued.

King Hippo

True Hippo Fact – I have negotiated an Office Lease in Parsippany. Dat biotech, yo.

Viva La Tabula Raza

#7 (?)
I like The Babies, too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qol7z-ku8A

Horatio Cornblower

My god, she’s enormous!

King Hippo

Both squadrons need to aggressively play for the Draw.

Horatio Cornblower

You spelled ‘Trevor Lawrence’ wrong.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Is 0-0 a scorigami?

Horatio Cornblower

Hey Hippo, would you start Fant tonight? Rypien tells me “hell no” but the Jets being the Jest tells me “you’ll regret benching him”

My alternate is Schultz going against Cleveland, but I’m already starting Zeke, Cooper, and Lamb against them.

Thanks, I’ll hang up and listen.

King Hippo

Yes, rookie QBs like safe throws to TE

Horatio Cornblower

Kinda my feeling too. This seems like a check-down bonanza.

And it’ll give me a reason to watch 10 minutes of the game, before I check down and check out myself.

Horatio Cornblower

I didn’t see anything good about him when I was looking around. I wouldn’t be surprised if Blake Bortles were pressed into action at some point.

Blake will be, but I won’t.

King Hippo

Pretty much. Good enough to likely be a long term backup, but limited ceiling.

He’s basically same guy as Ryan Finley (Burrow’s backup)

King Hippo

I had no idea Braxton Berrios wuz white??

litre_cola

I’m just here so I don’t get fined.

King Hippo

At least I know we won’t exit the Cursed Caribou to the goddamned Redshite U18s. This year.

litre_cola

Fuck English football and especially Tony Khan with a rusty screwdriver sorry, spanner.

Horatio Cornblower

How many fucking Cups does this league have, anyway? And which ones should I give a remote toss about?

King Hippo

FA Cup is more prestigious than the League Cup (the Cursed Caribou). Most of the big leagues have two domestic cups.

litre_cola

Everything sucks

Viva La Tabula Raza

Weird how that works. I like them both…

King Hippo

Always bet on Black!!

Sharkbait

Jest are +1700 to go 0-16. That is tempting

King Hippo

I am questioning my latest Poor Life Decision (failure to nap in advance of this task).

Gratliff

Again, it feels like there has never been this many flagrantly bad football teams at the same time. The real question is: Doom Eternal or G1 Climax?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Gotta think “I’m Radioactive” was as effective a pickup line as “My herpes is in remission,” back in the 80s.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3973tfsllqw

Viva La Tabula Raza

A quick wikisearch of “supergroups” yields results that make you think that 75% of all bands are fucking supergroups.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_musical_supergroups

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
WCS

Why are so many old, white, bald dudes with beards so angry all the time?

I swear they comprise 80% of Trump voters.

Last edited 4 years ago by WCS
herodotus450

old…bald

Kinda answered your own question there eh?

WCS

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King Hippo

I would bet on anything.

But not….THIS wretched thang.

I’ll watch, though. Donks WOO!!!!

Sharkbait

I need:
Fantdown
MG3 over 65 yards
Donksception

I may have a problem

King Hippo

Started Judge Jeudy in non-money league, but mostly just to keep myself awake.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I kind of want to tune into this horrorshow. My wife will object, but my counter-argument can be that we already refrained from one hate-watch this week, we should reward ourselves.

Sharkbait

Gamblor is this game’s one redeeming quality.

Viva La Tabula Raza

This should be as big a shitfest as the debate the other night.

Viva La Tabula Raza

As silly as Power Station was, I always liked Robert Palmer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2vHbXI2p4k

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