Your “My Eyes, My Freakin’ Eyes!” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

I quote from a synopsis of Oedipus Rex, “His self-punishment (blinding himself) reveals that he believes his suffering is deserved”. That sounds about right, doesn’t it? Perhaps that’s a bit dark and melodramatic but on the other hand I might be preaching to the choir. (snorts) Well, this is where we are. This is lining up as a derpy, sloppy, turnover-heavy slopfest that folks should only tune in to if they are 1.) fans of the respective teams or, 2.) have fantasy guys involved or 3.) are Gambloring on said tilt. If you’d like to learn about the extent of the suckitude of each of these teams you should follow me…

TO THE GAME!

Broncs/Jerts:

-There’s a massive amount of mouth-movers saying that Gase gets the axe if N.Y. is 0-4 after this game. The silver lining here is that puts them in the driver’s seat in the Trevor Lawrence Sweepstakes. In related news, way-too-early mock drafts have Denver picking up Patrick Surtain II.

-Brett Rypien, the third qb to give it a go this year for the Mile High horsies, is the nephew of Mark, a Boise State product and the possessor of a Chad Pennington-like noodly appendage. If that’s the case maybe look for wr Jeudy to have himself a game out of the slot because Jets DC Gregg Williams loves to blitz. At 6’2″ 202(!), Rypien might get injured if someone nearby is breathing heavily.

-Both these squadoos have filled out multiple stat sheets in not-good ways. The Jets are last in the league in (takes deep breath) total yards, scoring, passing yards, first downs and red zone efficiency. The Broncs o-line has allowed 13 sacks the last two games-their special teams are worst in the league with respect to DVOA and they have the most number of injured players out by a good margin.

Let’s mock this sure-to-be ugly, “only-a-mother-could-love” game together, down below.

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WCS

Karmona virus hits you fast.

Senor Weaselo

Calling it now, positive test, no symptoms, and even more convinced in the “librul hoax.” That’s what’s going to happen because 2020.

SonOfSpam

Nah, he and Pence die violently simultaneously, President Pelosi keeps the seat warm until Biden takes over.

Also, unicorns are real.

Senor Weaselo

Ooh, can I have one?

SonOfSpam

Yeah sure. Just need your SSN and bank account info for unicorn reasons.

Col. Duke LaCross

Well, we’re up to two positive things about 2020 now.

SonOfSpam

I had leftover lasagna tonight.

So that’s three.

Senor Weaselo

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SonOfSpam

Better news than the Ron Paul TIA.

But that was kinda fun too.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, Karma, take a lap and hit the showers. You can take the rest of the year off.

ballsofsteelandfury

Not yet

clint greasewood

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Senor Weaselo

Anyway ToD has a sprained shoulder.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Apparently now Brian Williams is reporting that both he and Balkan Barbie tested positive.

yeah right

Damn glad you’re here.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I hate to see the death count go over 210K, but if certain people contribute to that number, I might not be all that upset.comment image

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
yeah right

If only we could choose the target audience. Although it seems some of them made the choice for us.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Update above. Whoops.

Brocky

one of my favorite south park moments. took a timely joke and actually found a way to make it tasteful

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Last edited 4 years ago by Brocky
Brocky

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Brocky

I was gonna post a horror gif, but this is legitimately too funny to not share. I struggle to write 400 word posts and these guys do this.

obvs. NSWF

rockingdog

last funny:

friend: you ok to drive?
me after taking dog sedatives: yeah these are for terriers

Unsurprised

Mission Impossible 3 sucks in every way except for Philip Seymour Hoffman as the villain

Brocky

I legit forgot that one existed for the longest time until Ethan’s wife pops up in the latest one

yeah right

I have a new robot!
Vacuum.
It’s fantastic. The new place is hard wood floor and tile. The easy nomenclature would be WALL-E or Bender but I’m gonna go with Daneel Olivaw in case it wants to kill me.

Beats the shit out of vacuuming.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What species?

yeah right

Devil wray.

ballsofsteelandfury

Awww!

Senor Weaselo

Can’t that be the “nuke it ’til it glows” island?

Unsurprised

Sounds like a good start.

Unsurprised

Fuck that shit.

I’ve been paying the salaries of people who need it and who deserve far far more than they’re getting (plus, not so humbly, us as poorly paid and constantly in harm’s way civil servants) for the last six months, and I will be motherfucked sideways if these pieces of shit are allowed to have anything, let alone get more.

They should be stripped of everything they have and everything they will or could ever have. Fuck ‘em. Take them for everything they were ever worth.

Last edited 4 years ago by Unsurprised
Senor Weaselo

Calling out Greggggggggggggg, because everyone’s gonna get fired!
/No one gets fired

Recovery Whiskey

Trump choking on his own lungs and dying would be tragic, said almost nobody

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Personally, I want him to live and see what his legacy is. How quickly the republican’s who supported him dump him as soon as he’s no longer useful. I mean, look at how quickly the tossed George Bush aside and he was likable.

For someone like Trump, hell is no one taking his calls.

Recovery Whiskey

If I trusted the law after these years I’d agree. Sadly the best shot at karmic justice is him dying to the disease he called a Democrat Hoax.

Unsurprised

This is why I actually have been having a good year. Watching every dickheaded, privileged asshole lawyer lose their shit and become anxious messes because reality has been slightly inconveniencing them as they watch their precious legal system prove how awful it is and always has been and always will be BECAUSE OF THOSE SAME ASSHOLES has been the fucking highlight of my career in the law.

Every time I see one in anguish I become pure schadenfreude because fuck them and fuck their stupid, incurious, completely indifferent to human life and humanity fucking asses.

Unsurprised

Are you fucking high? Liberals have spent the last four years forgetting how much they hated and fear Bush and have rehabilitated that fucking war criminal piece of fuck.

Unsurprised

It is a 100% certainty that Trump will be rehabilitated in a decade by these same #Resistance shitheads.

Viva La Tabula Raza

They could put it on pay per view. I’m sure he would approve, the ratings would be through the roof!!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Have the espn talking heads ever seen a white rookie quarterback they didn’t think was “poised”?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

3 INTs is not a sign of poise. It’s a sign of not being very good.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, that is the sign of a normal rookie.

Brocky

those fuckers tried to convince me tebow was good in his rookie year

Recovery Whiskey

Russell Wilson was a wasted draft pick, too short, and nothing but a game manager. White status half.

clint greasewood

Josh Rosen still has a shot.

Unsurprised

Honest to God. If I actually watched these games and had to hear or read these racists fuckers, I’d go on a killing spree.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Is that next to Dana Carvey’s Predator Island?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwGIiANJmEs

Brocky

brocky’s month of macabre kicks off with some great 80s entertainment. honestly this film, released in the same year as day and the dead and re-animator, helped revitalize interest in the waning zombie genre, introduced the concept of zombies loving brains, and had running zombies long before 28 days later did it

MV5BYzY0ZjJlNmMtMGU3NC00Yjk3LTk0N2ItMDNlMDVhZjA4OTFmXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMTQxNzMzNDI@._V1_UY1200_CR73,0,630,1200_AL_.jpg
Doktor Zymm

Wearing a mask is a choice, and today it’s a choice to not visit most businesses or interact with most people outside of your household. I’m totally okay with the choice to not wear a mask also being a choice to head to Quarantine Island. Having freedom always has to include the freedom to fuck yourself over.

Recovery Whiskey

Sadly they F over their families as well. Some of whom are not cult members

clint greasewood

Just put them on a garbage barge and set it adrift to the sea.

Doktor Zymm

With trades and the draft and just how shit is, how do rivalries survive?

Recovery Whiskey

Drunken family

ballsofsteelandfury

In the minds of TV announcers.

Senor Weaselo

Way to get yourself run in an elimination game, Brandon Woodruff.

makeitsnowondem

They’re earning their bounties tonight!

ballsofsteelandfury

THURSDAY NIGHT SLOP!

Senor Weaselo

There’s your tagline the rest of the year!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Date night?

Senor Weaselo

Looking at male suitors on ladies’ night?

Last edited 4 years ago by Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo

Absolutely brilliant.

Horatio Cornblower

Why the fuck are the Broncos still throwing down the sidelines anyway? I’d drill Rypien too…assuming I didn’t fall over taking the snap from center.

Mr. Ayo

They’re killing the clock on 4th down. All the throws were intentionally out of bounds.

Mr. Ayo

Way to end it Jests.

Such a well coached team.

Doktor Zymm

I really hope that was chaw, every other option is more gross

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Maybe it was Bovril?

Senor Weaselo

Beef, brick, and bovril smoothie?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDlMLqdvHzI

Brocky

lol I didn’t even notice the white Sox lost.

my snapchat group from work has been silent all day

Recovery Whiskey

Trump tweeting that he and Malaria have entered quarantine.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Nice excuse to dodge the next debate, eh?

Horatio Cornblower

Drafts, debates, fatherhood, monogamy, debts, Trump will dodge them all.

ballsofsteelandfury

Alimony, child support, taxes…

Unsurprised

A deadbeat loser coward his entire life.

Horatio Cornblower

I hope they’ll be very happy together. He and malaria, that is. Melania clearly hates him.

clint greasewood

Gase going straight to LaGuardia

Recovery Whiskey

Driver makes a surprise exit first

Doktor Zymm

Jets. The not fun kind of fucked.

Mr. Ayo

Leave Gase on the runway with his bags already loaded.

ballsofsteelandfury

Leave him in Jersey in a swamp.

Col. Duke LaCross

Or the Pine Barrens.

/Mix it with the relish!

Recovery Whiskey

Darnold has 84 yards rushing.

Sharkbait

C’mon Darnoldception…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

In the event of a water landing, you are a flotation device

Doktor Zymm

Unfortunately, silicon is heavier than water

BrettFavresColonoscopy

She doesn’t know that

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes. Yes, we do.

Doktor Zymm

I just want y’all to survive various emergency situations, if you’re sinking grab the real tits, not the fake. Do whatever if buoyancy is not a concern.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They are saline solution nowadays.

Brocky

a slightly less redheaded anna kendrick?

Doktor Zymm

Winners or losers, this is LOL everyone. Even you, viewer.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Is it ridiculous that I still have a low-level grudge against the Broncos for super bowl XXXII?

Gumbygirl

Darnold has what my dad called”The Dumb Look.” Applied to my brothers and all of my boyfriends except Gumby. They loved him!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If you’re a Jets fan….you have to be used to that, right?

Senor Weaselo

Openly rooting!

JimU

Adam Gase should be denoted to locker room attendant.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I’d never googled him before, but I love that this is the top image result
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Brocky

seriously, was there ever a plausible explanation as to what the hell was wrong with him?