Your “Language is a Virus Also” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

I laughed way too much at my dumb joke. TO THE GAMES!

Jags/Bengals:

Do you have A.J. Green sitting on your team, mocking you for your draft decisions? Yeah, he hasn’t even caught 50% of the balls headed his way yet but Fear Not! He’s been covered by cb’s Hayward, Ward and Slay the first three weeks but this Jags D has the highest expected points per pass play so far this year.

Vikes/Texans:

I’ve never drafted Will Fuller, ever, because inconsistency and injuries but if you have him this might be a spot. The once formidable Minny D is giving up the 4th most fantasy points to wr’s.

Browns/Cowboys:

Dalton Schultz was on no one’s radar and only became a starter in wk. 2 but he’s already TE10. Cleveland gives up the 3rd most targets and receptions to the position.

Ravens/Team:

[wails “The Waiting is the Hardest Part”] The frickin snaps arrangement in the Baltimore backfield is Dobbins (38%), Ingram (35%) and Edwards (27%). Team’s D-line flashed in wk.1 but now Ioamidis is on IR and Young is listed as doubtful. Ravens win this running away.

Saints/Lions:

As mentioned by Fronk(?), “Stafford Smash!”. Since wk.10 last year all but two qb’s have thrown for two or more scores vs. the N.O. D. NO D. Get it?

Cards/Panthers:

Want some data that reinforces your noggin notion that Bridgewater is a passive game manager? On throws over 5(!) yards his completion percentage is 43.4. Meanwhile, on the other side, Murray struggles in the 10-19 ‘intermediate’ range-his passing grade of 54.2 is the league’s worst.

Chargers/Bucs:

You may want to start Brady this week because 1) he threw 3 td’s last week and 2) Tampa’s run game is in tatters what with Fournette out and Jones The II being who he is.

Seahawks/Fins:

Trying to decide whether to start Carson and I see Miami’s run D hasn’t allowed a runner more than 56 yards so far this year. That’s not really a stat, that’s just happenstance, right?

Comment as you fit.

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Recovery Whiskey

Homerdown.

Redshirt

I would make a Prevent Defense joke, but the Bengals secondary is doing worse than that.

Last edited 4 years ago by Redshirt
Redshirt

Per CBS’s expert statisticians, the Jaguars need to reach Row 3 in the stands in order to reach field goal range.

WCS

Interestingly enough, Row 3 is also the maximum amount of fans that would attend, even without a pandemic.

Redshirt

Bengals 21 – Bengals Self-Destruction – -11 – Jaguars 10

Wakezilla

If work somehow dies down for me and babyzilla chills out for an hour or so, there might be a massive “Wakezilla reacts reasonably: Manchester United” post coming soon.

On a related note, does anyone know where Ed Woodward just moved to? I’d like to give Special Ed a nice house warming gift in the form of a cocktail. A Molotov Cocktail….

Last edited 4 years ago by Wakezilla
litre_cola

Manchester United has given up the same amount of goals as Fulham……and Mighty Whitey (nawt raycess) is fucking awful.

Sharkbait

Mixondown!

clint greasewood

Is Haskins the best QB in the NFC East?

Gratliff

We can’t say until Jalen Hurts gets his first snap later today probably

Gratliff

Well, not first, you know what the fuck I mean

Sharkbait

As someone that worked in TV for years, I want to be in the control room for Red Zone on a Sunday. Just to watch the controlled chaos

Redshirt

I’ve imagined much like the opening credits to Robot Chicken.

Gratliff

Holy shit Lamar

litre_cola

Megatron.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Also maybe Rodney Peete?

Redshirt

I see Cleveland has played with their Chubb too much and now they hurt it.

Recovery Whiskey

Hox playing Miami right back into this

King Hippo

I’ve had Mike Davis AND Beatie Mixon stuffed inside the 1

Sharkbait

Some straight bullshit right there.

Redshirt

Cincy tried to outsmart everybody by not running the ball forward, earning their 0-2-1 record.

Recovery Whiskey

Carson into the kill tent.

litre_cola

YOU get a RB injury! YOU get a RB injury!

Gratliff

Are Browns Actually Good?

King Hippo

1) #ThePauls

2) …no

Viva La Tabula Raza

Or Cowboys Actually Bad?

Gratliff

“Yes” – Jerry Jones, referring only to Dak

herodotus450

What’s the point of all those Ball Management Consultants Jerry Jones hires if the Cowboys are going to fumble it away 6 times a game?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Those consultants are all veterans/former employees of the Trump re-election campaign.

Gratliff

The NFC East may be the worst division in football history right now and I’m not sure it’s close

Viva La Tabula Raza

it’s funny if you aren’t a fan of any of those teams.

Sharkbait

Married to one, its fucking hilarious

litre_cola

I am and it is hilarious. I really want another Iggles tie tonight.

Gratliff

Last week’s OT broke me. I want it to go to plaid as hard as possible from this point forward

Recovery Whiskey

Can’t wait for the “should they be denied a playoff game” hot takes like the NFC West got when the Seahawks went 7-9.

Gratliff

I think Marshawn’s dick clearly answered that question for us

Spur

This Dallas team insists on making life hard.

Gratliff

looooooooooooooooooooooooool

Viva La Tabula Raza

Holy shit Cowboys!

Fronkenshteen

[closes fantasy football app]

Sharkbait

I have chubb and going against OBJ. I’m focusing on DFS now

Gratliff

/writes “Game Over” in flesh with pen knife

Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, if Cleveland holds on, JustStopDude is gonna have to change his handle to HeartStopDude. Go Browns!

Sharkbait

Browns did a good?

Recovery Whiskey

Greg Olsen is the reason Wilson has 1 pick six. Right through his hands. Announcers can quit praising him like he’s Tight End Jesus.

herodotus450

“Reggie Bonnafon” seems like the kinda name that was created because the Ellis Island form didn’t have enough space for “Bonnafoniccio”

Recovery Whiskey

Aaron Rogers — Packer fans

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Josh Gibson

Viva La Tabula Raza

Todd Marinovich. Definitely most wasted, anyway.

herodotus450

Caron Palmer, Justin Smith, Corey Dillon–wait, this is just the 2004 Bengals roster.

Gratliff

Giants have Rams and Eagles have Niners. NFC East could actually have a worse week than last.

Gratliff

2-13-1 would be just an incredible collective record

herodotus450

Washington: (gives up 50 yard TD scamper)
Wash Media: “Is Dwayne Haskins good enough to be the quartered back!?”

Recovery Whiskey

Larry Fitz has a SB TD. Gotta be Barry, who quit the game in disgust at age 31.

Last edited 4 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
Gratliff

Not liking Team’s chances

litre_cola

Sanders. Didn’t Fitz go to a Superb Owl?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Larry

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok hear me out–EVERYONE recognized Barry’s greatness, while Larry wasn’t even given his due compared to Moss, TO, et Al. So yes, it’s true that Barry deserved a super bowl more, but I think Arizona wasted even his ability to be recognized as great as he was.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And (obligatory) fuck Wayne Fontes

Clipboard Jesus

Sanders, no question, Fitzgerald at least made a Super Bowl.

Doktor Zymm

I guess we’re having another injury-fest day

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He got bent?

Fronkenshteen

LAMAR!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS BENGALS-JAGURAS GAME I CALL IT CPAC BECAUSE IT’S A BUNCH OF IDIOTS COVERED IN FLAGS

King Hippo

Gonna be so much KHunt in Believeland…

litre_cola

Just got a text, I don’t have the Rona! Huzzah!

Fronkenshteen

WOOOOOOOO

Sharkbait

Hooray!

litre_cola

No, the bar was to Lowe’s.

Doktor Zymm

Ouch, that looks bad

Gratliff

The football gods are cruel

bk109

… and show no mercy? Amen.
Edit: Ded Chubb… The Factory’s working overtime again

Last edited 4 years ago by bk109
rockingdog

Gahhhhh
RB Austin Ekeler is injured
shit dicks