I laughed way too much at my dumb joke. TO THE GAMES!
Jags/Bengals:
Do you have A.J. Green sitting on your team, mocking you for your draft decisions? Yeah, he hasn’t even caught 50% of the balls headed his way yet but Fear Not! He’s been covered by cb’s Hayward, Ward and Slay the first three weeks but this Jags D has the highest expected points per pass play so far this year.
Vikes/Texans:
I’ve never drafted Will Fuller, ever, because inconsistency and injuries but if you have him this might be a spot. The once formidable Minny D is giving up the 4th most fantasy points to wr’s.
Browns/Cowboys:
Dalton Schultz was on no one’s radar and only became a starter in wk. 2 but he’s already TE10. Cleveland gives up the 3rd most targets and receptions to the position.
Ravens/Team:
[wails “The Waiting is the Hardest Part”] The frickin snaps arrangement in the Baltimore backfield is Dobbins (38%), Ingram (35%) and Edwards (27%). Team’s D-line flashed in wk.1 but now Ioamidis is on IR and Young is listed as doubtful. Ravens win this running away.
Saints/Lions:
As mentioned by Fronk(?), “Stafford Smash!”. Since wk.10 last year all but two qb’s have thrown for two or more scores vs. the N.O. D. NO D. Get it?
Cards/Panthers:
Want some data that reinforces your noggin notion that Bridgewater is a passive game manager? On throws over 5(!) yards his completion percentage is 43.4. Meanwhile, on the other side, Murray struggles in the 10-19 ‘intermediate’ range-his passing grade of 54.2 is the league’s worst.
Chargers/Bucs:
You may want to start Brady this week because 1) he threw 3 td’s last week and 2) Tampa’s run game is in tatters what with Fournette out and Jones The II being who he is.
Seahawks/Fins:
Trying to decide whether to start Carson and I see Miami’s run D hasn’t allowed a runner more than 56 yards so far this year. That’s not really a stat, that’s just happenstance, right?
Comment as you fit.
Homerdown.
Sorta skinny John Goodman makes my skin itchy.
I would make a Prevent Defense joke, but the Bengals secondary is doing worse than that.
Per CBS’s expert statisticians, the Jaguars need to reach Row 3 in the stands in order to reach field goal range.
Interestingly enough, Row 3 is also the maximum amount of fans that would attend, even without a pandemic.
#FINSUP!
Bengals 21 – Bengals Self-Destruction – -11 – Jaguars 10
If work somehow dies down for me and babyzilla chills out for an hour or so, there might be a massive “Wakezilla reacts reasonably: Manchester United” post coming soon.
On a related note, does anyone know where Ed Woodward just moved to? I’d like to give Special Ed a nice house warming gift in the form of a cocktail. A Molotov Cocktail….
Manchester United has given up the same amount of goals as Fulham……and Mighty Whitey (nawt raycess) is fucking awful.
Mixondown!
Is Haskins the best QB in the NFC East?
We can’t say until Jalen Hurts gets his first snap later today probably
Well, not first, you know what the fuck I mean
As someone that worked in TV for years, I want to be in the control room for Red Zone on a Sunday. Just to watch the controlled chaos
I’ve imagined much like the opening credits to Robot Chicken.
Holy shit Lamar
Megatron.
Also maybe Rodney Peete?
I see Cleveland has played with their Chubb too much and now they hurt it.
Hox playing Miami right back into this
I’ve had Mike Davis AND Beatie Mixon stuffed inside the 1
Some straight bullshit right there.
Cincy tried to outsmart everybody by not running the ball forward, earning their 0-2-1 record.
Carson into the kill tent.
YOU get a RB injury! YOU get a RB injury!
Are Browns Actually Good?
1) #ThePauls
2) …no
Or Cowboys Actually Bad?
“Yes” – Jerry Jones, referring only to Dak
What’s the point of all those Ball Management Consultants Jerry Jones hires if the Cowboys are going to fumble it away 6 times a game?
Those consultants are all veterans/former employees of the Trump re-election campaign.
The NFC East may be the worst division in football history right now and I’m not sure it’s close
it’s funny if you aren’t a fan of any of those teams.
I’m a Giants backer and it’s goddamn hilarious.
Married to one, its fucking hilarious
I am and it is hilarious. I really want another Iggles tie tonight.
Last week’s OT broke me. I want it to go to plaid as hard as possible from this point forward
I’m on #teamchaos as well.
Can’t wait for the “should they be denied a playoff game” hot takes like the NFC West got when the Seahawks went 7-9.
I think Marshawn’s dick clearly answered that question for us
This Dallas team insists on making life hard.
Dallas playing their cheerleaders in the secondary today…
looooooooooooooooooooooooool
Holy shit Cowboys!
[closes fantasy football app]
I have chubb and going against OBJ. I’m focusing on DFS now
/writes “Game Over” in flesh with pen knife
Man, if Cleveland holds on, JustStopDude is gonna have to change his handle to HeartStopDude. Go Browns!
Browns did a good?
Greg Olsen is the reason Wilson has 1 pick six. Right through his hands. Announcers can quit praising him like he’s Tight End Jesus.
“Reggie Bonnafon” seems like the kinda name that was created because the Ellis Island form didn’t have enough space for “Bonnafoniccio”
Aaron Rogers — Packer fans
Josh Gibson
Todd Marinovich. Definitely most wasted, anyway.
Caron Palmer, Justin Smith, Corey Dillon–wait, this is just the 2004 Bengals roster.
Joe Thomas.
Giants have Rams and Eagles have Niners. NFC East could actually have a worse week than last.
My survivor/loser picks this week?
Rams to win and Eagles to lose.
2-13-1 would be just an incredible collective record
Sanders. At least Fitz had an unbelievable run to a Super Bowl. Sanders never even sniffed it.
Washington: (gives up 50 yard TD scamper)
Wash Media: “Is Dwayne Haskins good enough to be the quartered back!?”
Larry Fitz has a SB TD. Gotta be Barry, who quit the game in disgust at age 31.
Not liking Team’s chances
Sanders. Didn’t Fitz go to a Superb Owl?
Larry
Ok hear me out–EVERYONE recognized Barry’s greatness, while Larry wasn’t even given his due compared to Moss, TO, et Al. So yes, it’s true that Barry deserved a super bowl more, but I think Arizona wasted even his ability to be recognized as great as he was.
And (obligatory) fuck Wayne Fontes
Sanders, no question, Fitzgerald at least made a Super Bowl.
I guess we’re having another injury-fest day
BECKHAMDOWN!!!!
He got bent?
LAMAR!
THIS BENGALS-JAGURAS GAME I CALL IT CPAC BECAUSE IT’S A BUNCH OF IDIOTS COVERED IN FLAGS
Gonna be so much KHunt in Believeland…
Just got a text, I don’t have the Rona! Huzzah!
WOOOOOOOO
Hooray!
Were you tested for Home Depot as well?
No, the bar was to Lowe’s.
Excellent!
Ouch, that looks bad
The football gods are cruel
… and show no mercy? Amen.
Edit: Ded Chubb… The Factory’s working overtime again
Gahhhhh
RB Austin Ekeler is injured
shit dicks