SURPRISE REQUEST LINE: Just Breathe

— The scene: The DFO clubhouse, present day. The gang is seated around a large…table type arrangement that consists of the felt part of a pool table balanced on top of several stacks of cinderblocks.  A set of various markings from a craps table have been crudely drawn on its surface, but the gang is currently using the table to play a version of poker known as Holdup Hold ‘Em.  A Luger pistol sits on the table in front of RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY.  As we watch he picks it up and points it at SHARKBAIT.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Gimme all your nines.

SHARKBAIT: [clicks claws in alarm]

YEAH RIGHT: How many times are we going to have to tell you, Rikki, that’s not how this game works.

BRETT FAVRE’S COLONOSCOPY: Thank God there aren’t any bullets in that thing.

SON OF SPAM: That’s what happens when you try to lowball a seller e-Bay.  You miss your chance.

CUNTLER: Speaking of lowball…

YEAH RIGHT: Oh, did you want to switch up the game?

CUNTLER: Huh?  Oh, no, Holdup Hold ‘Em is fine, but I was thinking maybe we could play for real money instead of…

BEERGUYROB: [cracks open a fresh beer] AND BEERGUYROB IS BACK IN THE GAME!

CUNTLER: …using beer can tabs as chips.  You know, have some actual skin in the game…

— Cut to: the office of the doctor who performed lap band surgery on Rex Ryan

DOCTOR: [looks like a ghost walked over his grave]

— Cut to: DFO Clubhouse

CUNTLER: …play for actual stakes, you know?  Every time someone busts out now they just drink another beer and they’re right back in.

SON OF SPAM: Alcohol poisoning is a very real thing.  It’s like, life-and-death stakes.

BRETT FAVRE’S COLONOSCOPY: Besides, does anyone here have any actual money?

YEAH RIGHT: I had some but it’s tied up in a deposit on a beach house.  The place used to belong to the Ambassador from Nigeria and the deal sounded too good to be true so I had to move on it really fast.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: I gave all of mine to the Losers Investment Club.

BEERGUYROB: I don’t have any right now but [glances at the large pile of aluminum cans surrounding his chair] a quick trip to the recycling center can solve that.

CUNTLER: Oh, forget it.  I was actually thinking we should play some music.

SON OF SPAM: What does the word “lowball” have to do with music?

CUNTLER: It’s a band that I like.

YEAH RIGHT: Oh, I’ve seen them.  They opened up for Pennyweather back at the Troubadour in ’93.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Well how about an impromptu edition of Request Line?

ENSEMBLE: Sure…sounds fun…let’s do it…

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Only what should we do as a topic? [realizes he is still pointing the pistol at Sharkbait, lowers it]

SHARKBAIT: [resumes breathing]

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Hey, I like it!  Let’s do it!  I’ll get us started.

Nothing complex about today’s Request Line.  Today’s theme is: Breath.  We’re looking for any and all songs about the act of breathing, coughing, gasping, etc.  Since this is a SURPRISE REQUEST LINE feel free to go wild with band names, album titles, etc.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noPuzzleThisWeek” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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scotchnaut

I’ve been an asthmatic for the longest time. (can remember when my doctor discussed my condition while smoking a cigarette in his office) That said, I’m a huge fan of Inhaler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlmqLOq-YmU&ab_channel=InhalerVEVO

SonOfSpam

When you feel like shit but still gotta rock

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHDaKtx6bGY

SonOfSpam

This is a little on the nose.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCuqQmukOcE

SonOfSpam

This stuff will help you breathe, I guess

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAsTlnjvetI

yeah right

One of my favorite local bands.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

This is about making someone not breathe, so close enough.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzYdMSAkGqA

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Did I miss the part where Son of Spam slaughters the other DFOers with his axe and takes all their magic plant?

SonOfSpam

SPOILER ALERT

scotchnaut
Sharkbait

That family really needs to learn how to take showers

scotchnaut

That’s Golden, Sharkbait, Golden!

Game Time Decision

Golden shower?
-R Kelly

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Request Line AND Quotables consecutively? I don’t think anybody thought there’d be homework.

Dunstan
blaxabbath
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dude.

blaxabbath

One of her best songs.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That double dudes it.

SonOfSpam

“Hang on, just gotta fill my scuba tank with love”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRgWvvkSvfk

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is an unusual euphemism for banging a sex doll.

yeah right

I sincerely, honestly hope there was at least one moment when the bastard said these exact words in this exact order.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-1Bf_XWaPE

SonOfSpam

Mandatory, even if I don’t really like the song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUzsih7QJSY

Dunstan
Downfield Matriculator

Maybe not dude level bad, but at least back to the theme:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-oh-tP6RvA

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m embarrassed to admit that I enjoyed this song non ironically back in the day

SonOfSpam
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is also a coupon so that you can “date” your cousin.

SonOfSpam

Radiohead stole the chord progression for Creep.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EozcNss6A8U

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Scrolling is hard!

SonOfSpam

At least I didn’t use the exact same vid…aw crap. Sorry.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Murf and the magic tones?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I always see these when I am way past the source of these (irrelevant) GIFs.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

But yes you are correct, good eye.

comment image

I like how it is not a spit take since it is “expensive” booze.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I posted it and still had to double check.

rockingdog
Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Bigger picture to the virus itself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MN3x-kAbgFU

Last edited 4 years ago by Sharkbait
Dunstan
SonOfSpam

“Done, and done!”

-COVID, to Herman Cain

Dunstan

Not in the title, but the first line of the song is “you take my breath away”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jx6_-urg5fo

SonOfSpam

This song is so terrible, I worry you’re possessed by Seamus.

Dunstan

That would explain why I found this “Red Flags Dating” app on my phone.

SonOfSpam

Between this one and Compulsion, SNL has done some nice perfume ads.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Until you spend hours try to buy it.

Dunstan

“NEIN, NEIN, NEIN!” — Cain, begging in German

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sung from the perspective of Satan:

https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=D19Br_wOxE4

BrettFavresColonoscopy

(meant to double shot that with the below)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

Time for the TWBS-style “Dude!” post!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCmsZUN4r_s

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Beerguyrob

I’m a teacher AND a Van Halen fan, so this is automatic on a very sad day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M4_Ommfvv0

Downfield Matriculator

Eddie is running with the devil now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5txwFv-zYM

Sharkbait
Cuntler

/slams Twisted Tea

//dry humps bar

///pukes on Sully’s cousin

FAACCKKKK YOOOOOUUUUU!!!

https://twitter.com/BestNFLSite/status/596036844854366208/photo/1

Sharkbait
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hit that one already, hoss

Sharkbait

Damnit!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The punishment is that you have to listen to the Faith Hill dude song…. TWICE!

Cuntler
Last edited 4 years ago by Cuntler
BrettFavresColonoscopy

A stretch but it’s been in my head since I started thinking about songs for this

https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=nWK0kqjPSVI

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Great idea.

[coughs]

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I guess this is the version of the song where the stalker is rooting for the stalkee to move houses and die

https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=-SaUrDhp034

Cuntler

Honestly, I hope this is what is waiting for that motherfucker:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXWq3f01e2U&ab_channel=gnrfan010

Last edited 4 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ha was about to post that one next

ThurberHerder

That’s a great one

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah, but still better than Maroon 4.

Sharkbait

Dude.

ThurberHerder
yeah right

This seems timely from a YUGE Mango supporter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0c3d7QgZr7g

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Last edited 4 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Feel bad about this one now. Fuck you 2020. RIP Eddie.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhASOgRA1SE

yeah right

Oh fuck. That fucking sucks hard.