— The scene: The DFO clubhouse, present day. The gang is seated around a large…table type arrangement that consists of the felt part of a pool table balanced on top of several stacks of cinderblocks. A set of various markings from a craps table have been crudely drawn on its surface, but the gang is currently using the table to play a version of poker known as Holdup Hold ‘Em. A Luger pistol sits on the table in front of RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY. As we watch he picks it up and points it at SHARKBAIT.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Gimme all your nines.
SHARKBAIT: [clicks claws in alarm]
YEAH RIGHT: How many times are we going to have to tell you, Rikki, that’s not how this game works.
BRETT FAVRE’S COLONOSCOPY: Thank God there aren’t any bullets in that thing.
SON OF SPAM: That’s what happens when you try to lowball a seller e-Bay. You miss your chance.
CUNTLER: Speaking of lowball…
YEAH RIGHT: Oh, did you want to switch up the game?
CUNTLER: Huh? Oh, no, Holdup Hold ‘Em is fine, but I was thinking maybe we could play for real money instead of…
BEERGUYROB: [cracks open a fresh beer] AND BEERGUYROB IS BACK IN THE GAME!
CUNTLER: …using beer can tabs as chips. You know, have some actual skin in the game…
— Cut to: the office of the doctor who performed lap band surgery on Rex Ryan
DOCTOR: [looks like a ghost walked over his grave]
— Cut to: DFO Clubhouse
CUNTLER: …play for actual stakes, you know? Every time someone busts out now they just drink another beer and they’re right back in.
SON OF SPAM: Alcohol poisoning is a very real thing. It’s like, life-and-death stakes.
BRETT FAVRE’S COLONOSCOPY: Besides, does anyone here have any actual money?
YEAH RIGHT: I had some but it’s tied up in a deposit on a beach house. The place used to belong to the Ambassador from Nigeria and the deal sounded too good to be true so I had to move on it really fast.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: I gave all of mine to the Losers Investment Club.
BEERGUYROB: I don’t have any right now but [glances at the large pile of aluminum cans surrounding his chair] a quick trip to the recycling center can solve that.
CUNTLER: Oh, forget it. I was actually thinking we should play some music.
SON OF SPAM: What does the word “lowball” have to do with music?
CUNTLER: It’s a band that I like.
YEAH RIGHT: Oh, I’ve seen them. They opened up for Pennyweather back at the Troubadour in ’93.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Well how about an impromptu edition of Request Line?
ENSEMBLE: Sure…sounds fun…let’s do it…
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Only what should we do as a topic? [realizes he is still pointing the pistol at Sharkbait, lowers it]
SHARKBAIT: [resumes breathing]
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Hey, I like it! Let’s do it! I’ll get us started.
Nothing complex about today’s Request Line. Today’s theme is: Breath. We’re looking for any and all songs about the act of breathing, coughing, gasping, etc. Since this is a SURPRISE REQUEST LINE feel free to go wild with band names, album titles, etc. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noPuzzleThisWeek” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.
I’ve been an asthmatic for the longest time. (can remember when my doctor discussed my condition while smoking a cigarette in his office) That said, I’m a huge fan of Inhaler
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlmqLOq-YmU&ab_channel=InhalerVEVO
When you feel like shit but still gotta rock
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHDaKtx6bGY
This is a little on the nose.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCuqQmukOcE
Hilary FTW!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtttJmI2fOc&ab_channel=HilaryDuff-Topic
This stuff will help you breathe, I guess
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAsTlnjvetI
One of my favorite local bands.
This is about making someone not breathe, so close enough.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzYdMSAkGqA
Did I miss the part where Son of Spam slaughters the other DFOers with his axe and takes all their magic plant?
SPOILER ALERT
Pre-bathtub Whitney!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrTuV4Szxzo&ab_channel=whitneyhoustonVEVO
That family really needs to learn how to take showers
That’s Golden, Sharkbait, Golden!
Golden shower?
-R Kelly
Request Line AND Quotables consecutively? I don’t think anybody thought there’d be homework.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tfId0RTTng
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEValZuFYRU
Dude.
One of her best songs.
That double dudes it.
“Hang on, just gotta fill my scuba tank with love”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRgWvvkSvfk
That is an unusual euphemism for banging a sex doll.
I sincerely, honestly hope there was at least one moment when the bastard said these exact words in this exact order.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-1Bf_XWaPE
Mandatory, even if I don’t really like the song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUzsih7QJSY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaA70iCSDJs
Maybe not dude level bad, but at least back to the theme:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-oh-tP6RvA
I’m embarrassed to admit that I enjoyed this song non ironically back in the day
This album rules.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gs-MtItyOFc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwYZ83l22cA
This is also a coupon so that you can “date” your cousin.
Radiohead stole the chord progression for Creep.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EozcNss6A8U
Scrolling is hard!
At least I didn’t use the exact same vid…aw crap. Sorry.
Murf and the magic tones?
I always see these when I am way past the source of these (irrelevant) GIFs.
But yes you are correct, good eye.
I like how it is not a spit take since it is “expensive” booze.
I posted it and still had to double check.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmQJNtwlGrE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPv8BaQt80k
Bigger picture to the virus itself
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MN3x-kAbgFU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx51eegLTY8
“Done, and done!”
-COVID, to Herman Cain
Not in the title, but the first line of the song is “you take my breath away”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jx6_-urg5fo
This song is so terrible, I worry you’re possessed by Seamus.
That would explain why I found this “Red Flags Dating” app on my phone.
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=HKk91x0Yg7Q
Between this one and Compulsion, SNL has done some nice perfume ads.
Until you spend hours try to buy it.
“NEIN, NEIN, NEIN!” — Cain, begging in German
Sung from the perspective of Satan:
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=D19Br_wOxE4
(meant to double shot that with the below)
Sorry not sorry
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=JWdZEumNRmI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZDQkeFXyw8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JDrgvLtEbI
Time for the TWBS-style “Dude!” post!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCmsZUN4r_s
Dude.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqOJaGM-wQg
I’m a teacher AND a Van Halen fan, so this is automatic on a very sad day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M4_Ommfvv0
Eddie is running with the devil now
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5txwFv-zYM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DVu9vF5J3Y
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04F4xlWSFh0
/slams Twisted Tea
//dry humps bar
///pukes on Sully’s cousin
FAACCKKKK YOOOOOUUUUU!!!
https://twitter.com/BestNFLSite/status/596036844854366208/photo/1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMOGaugKpzs
I hit that one already, hoss
Damnit!
The punishment is that you have to listen to the Faith Hill dude song…. TWICE!
I guess I need to throw some Weezer in here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRQswKjgF0E&ab_channel=YungVelcroSkechers
Considering you were the one who got this all started, I should say so!
A stretch but it’s been in my head since I started thinking about songs for this
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=nWK0kqjPSVI
Great idea.
[coughs]
I guess this is the version of the song where the stalker is rooting for the stalkee to move houses and die
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=-SaUrDhp034
Honestly, I hope this is what is waiting for that motherfucker:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXWq3f01e2U&ab_channel=gnrfan010
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GeZ7fd_90A&ab_channel=TheGargantuanSockTGS
THIS IS THE DOUBLEYEST DOUBLE SHOT THAT EVER DOUBLE SHOTTED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuq7RYQ8Wa0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuT5KUA7iaY
Eat shit, Donnie:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHK67LiMI8k&ab_channel=Radiohead-Topic
Ha was about to post that one next
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=bwBDnYj7plQ
That’s a great one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XE4eQVBdDOI
Not a fan of the song but spot on
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=tq0yiIE52po
Yeah, but still better than Maroon 4.
And now for a tWBS special.
“But these chicks are hot!”
Miss you, buddy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzerbXFwGCE
Dude.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kN0iD0pI3o0
This seems timely from a YUGE Mango supporter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0c3d7QgZr7g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vjk-JLlGXrM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0jMPI_pUec
DOUBLE IT UP
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=c4JqvK3Fwn8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmHDhAohJlQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUC2EQvdzmY
Feel bad about this one now. Fuck you 2020. RIP Eddie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhASOgRA1SE
Oh fuck. That fucking sucks hard.