Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread

The weather turned again. The sky has become a grey slate, punctuated occasionally by an off-color sun that brings no warmth. My hand, sliced open when I was taken by surprise, is almost fully healed. I wear gloves most times when out in public in order to hide the radish hued scar that runs parallel to the lifeline on my palm. A trick of circumstance that causes me to smirk or grimace, depending on my mood. If anyone asks, I just say I’m taking extra precautions because of the pandemic. Folks just nod…

The apartment complex where I live is probably 50 years old or so-there are washing machines in the rooms so all the laundry is done in the basement. And I got to thinking that maybe the laundromat on the edge of downtown might be a spot to spend some time…observing. I’ve started making it a habit to head down there on Saturdays, do a load, read a paper and just watch. It was nestled in the middle of a two story strip mall and had some apartments up above. There was an empty butcher shop and another spot where hopeful restauranteurs opened and then inevitably closed after spending all their money on their dream of being a business owner.

Saturdays were usually busy-harried housewives trailing bored kids mingled with younger single men on their own. Older men whose wives had left them in one way or another wandered in and out. One in particular stood out. He was gaunt and tired-looking but carried himself well if you can square those attributes. His clothes were old and frayed but at one time had been expensive. He was fastidious about folding everything properly as it came out of the dryer, one by one-he wasn’t the type to throw everything on the table that was provided and root through his undershirts, socks and pants. After a few weeks I noticed he would sit on the bench directly out front and have exactly one cigarette. It was usually about ten minutes into the wash cycle. One day I finally timed it right and headed out to the bench five minutes before he did. I wanted him to come to me.

Harold was a widower and lived in one of the apartments up above. He’d retired at 58, after putting away “some good amount of coin in the insurance business” as he said it, and looked forward to a happy retirement with Margaret. But health and family issues started popping up-his son was in and out of jail and his wife developed throat cancer. Trips back and forth to Toronto, an experimental drug trial in California, lawyers for his son-all of it combined to drain all that coin out of his bank account. “Now I’ve just got the one pension and it’s not that much. I don’t know where my son is. It’s gotten to be a bit much.” I commiserated with him-it was obvious he just wanted to talk to an adult, share his story with someone. I figured I could swing this to my advantage and sure enough I was able to get an invite to his aparment “if you bring the whiskey”. Of course.

The following Friday evening I headed over his place at 7pm. I figured the walls were thin so I’d have to quietly go about my business later on. I fashioned a garrote that fit neatly in my pocket and also a plastic bag that would fit nicely over his head should the need arise. The plan was straightforward and had always worked before-get him drunk, wait until his guard was down and then let events unfold as they may.

We were only an hour in and it was plain that he was telling the truth when he said he wasn’t a drinker. He got up, unsteadily and mumbled something about ‘crackers’ or ‘snacks’. As he stumbled over to the cupboard and started rummaging I got up behind him, my heart thumping in raw anticipation… “Pappy? You here?” I quickly tucked the garotte away and turned towards the entrance. A 12 or 13 year old boy stopped in his tracks when he saw me, not sure what he saw but knowing something wasn’t right. “Who’s this, Pappy?” Harold realized that I hadn’t provided him with one and seeing the boy’s face inquired, “Uh yeah, what is your name anyway?” I mumbled, “You can just call me Buddy”. His need to exhibit proper manners overcame him and Harold said, “Well this is my grandson David, we live together because his mom is uh, ‘indisposed’ right now and I have no idea where my son is. We kinda like this arrangement though, don’t we David?” David nodded in agreement as he moved between his grandad and me.

Needless to say, the night’s work did not get completed-I shuffled out of there quickly and didn’t bother going back to the laundromat again. Sometimes the breaks just don’t go your way and other people get lucky. Real lucky.

TO THE GAME!

Rams/Niners:

Goff has bounced back in a big way this year and it’s a bit strange because he has the league’s lowest average depth of target at 6.3 yards. Gone are those field-stretching plays-they’ve been replaced with much shorter routes that allow gifted wr’sKupp and Woods to pile up yards after the catch. And wouldn’t you know, it’s working-the Rams lead the league in that category at 7.3 yards per. The Niners secondary, the one that was gobsmacked by Fitzmagic might have some problems tonight.

Have at it.

 

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ay

Mr. Ayo

o. Ayo.

Horatio Cornblower

Daylight come and me wanna go home!

Unsurprised
Horatio Cornblower

Tonight’s first beer
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As Balls would say, it’s better in the can.

I think the best thing about starting a week’s vacation is the Sunday night before the work week, when you realize that you’re not going in the next morning. The downside is that we were supposed to be on the way to Mexico this weekend, but since people are assholes who can’t be bothered to wear masks, I’m just going to drink a lot and maybe get some Mexican food a couple of times.

Sharkbait

Thats good stuff right there, and I usually don’t go for IPAs

Recovery Whiskey

Is that a Belgian? I’d wake up at 3 AM to hear a drunk tourist fall into the canal for a Belgian

Horatio Cornblower

It’s an IPA, but good eye on you for the coloUr, I assume. Now that you say that I can taste some flavors that I’d ordinarily associate with Belgian ales. Not sure I would have picked up on them if you hadn’t put that idea in my head.

Better have another, just to be sure.

herodotus450

Am I just an old fart or is player turnover in the NFL a lot faster than it used to be? Time was you’d get your Edgerrin James and Lawyer Malloy memorized and you’d be good for 5-10 years.

Doktor Zymm

It doesn’t help that this year has been a sort of soft-tissue and bone injury Purge

Recovery Whiskey

Pandemic may be involved

Last edited 4 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
litre_cola

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ballsofsteelandfury

Or a Spamdemic!

I wonder if that is his euphemism for Sexy Times.

King Hippo

Yuuuuuuge competitive advantage to have many and/or your good players on rookie deals.

Unsurprised

The average career has been 2-3 years forever as far as I know

herodotus450

We need to go deeper; someone get me the median and the mode!

Unsurprised

Where’s Moose with his infographics?

Horatio Cornblower

Moose has been oddly absent the last few days.

ballsofsteelandfury

He may see us next Tuesday….

litre_cola

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Horatio Cornblower

https://www.statista.com/statistics/240102/average-player-career-length-in-the-national-football-league/

Average career is 3.3, kickers and QBs a little higher, RBs at the bottom at 2.57.

This is also interesting: https://www.sportscasting.com/how-long-is-the-average-nfl-career/

Players selected to a Pro Bowl average 11.7 year careers, 1st round picks average 9.3, and a player making the roster for at least 3 games over 3 seasons averages 7/1 years. Although this article notes that the NFL provided these stats and seems a tad suspicious.

herodotus450

Seems like the total average gets brought down by guys who play one or none games and the league wants to highlight everone else

Horatio Cornblower

I wonder if they’re counting “careers” of later round draft picks who never make an active roster.

Unsurprised

1st round picks average 9.3

I wonder how much Browns QBs have thrown this off.

litre_cola

Sweden, I have questions.
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Recovery Whiskey

“We’re not Canada”

Doktor Zymm

Well, yeah, that would be “Squeez Bacoun”

Warthog

And it would be ham

ballsofsteelandfury

Bacon-flavoured spread? Ain’t nothing wrong with that!

litre_cola

I am looking at the consistency on the sandwich.

ballsofsteelandfury

They need to spread it instead of laying it on top of the patty like a couple of turds.

Doktor Zymm

They’re the ones who turned me on to the whole ‘mayo with fries’ thing. They’re dangerous

rockingdog

this dude Chris Colinsworth is such a rube
LOL

rockingdog

Baby Buster youuuu can do it!

blaxabbath

Where did baby buster even come from?

ballsofsteelandfury

Wasn’t it Cal?

blaxabbath

The nickname.

King Hippo

I coined it, don’t really remember. I know it had something to do with him looking like a putative bust his rookie year. He’s also pretty dopey.

Last edited 4 years ago by King Hippo
blaxabbath

Very fair.

Doktor Zymm

What’s the difference between a forest and a wood?

ballsofsteelandfury

Girls can have a forest and boys can have wood?

Recovery Whiskey

Robert Smith has entered the chat

Sharkbait

Mr. Walsh, your thoughts?

Recovery Whiskey

Nearly made it! — Blair Walsh

Recovery Whiskey

And lmao derped the XP

King Hippo

Replacing that Henderson score with Bobby Woods? Very helpful in DFO-bal

Recovery Whiskey

Nice pass by Goff for the Rammits

litre_cola

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ballsofsteelandfury

No way that’s real.

litre_cola

I sure as hell hope not.

Mr. Ayo

Nabisco has denied it existed, exists, or is under any consideration for existing.

In summary, it’s not real.

Doktor Zymm

“If they’ve denied it, it must be true!!”
-Someone who probably shouldn’t be allowed to vote

Doktor Zymm

I really hope that is fake, if it isn’t then I was holding out hope for humanity for WAY too long

Recovery Whiskey

I hope its real

ballsofsteelandfury

Thursday is Giants-Eagles and the last debate. I guarantee the ratings for the shitfest win.

Recovery Whiskey

Which matchup has more losers??

King Hippo

I forget which article it was (on The Athletic), but of the 20 highest-rated shows this fall (or maybe 2020), 18 of them have been NFL games, and the other 2 were the debates.

King Hippo

I caffeinated so I could make it to the end of this. Fuck is wrong with me?

Recovery Whiskey

You don’t live on the Best Coast? Been drinking since 10 AM and this games still before nightfall.

King Hippo

I would like to live in Oh-ray-GAWNE, but that dream is ded

ballsofsteelandfury

Why? You’re still white.

King Hippo

too old, too broke, too goddamned lazy to move again

/plus my cats like it here, I value their happiness WAY more

Fronkenshteen

Trump tweet in 3…2…1…

Doktor Zymm

I only just this second realized how appropriate it is for Robbie Gould to be kicking for a team named after a gold rush.

litre_cola

With that sexy U, I am surprised he isn’t from up here.

ballsofsteelandfury

Beat me to it.

Recovery Whiskey

He’s an Aussie.

litre_cola

Makes sense!

Doktor Zymm

Ah, the adanaC

ballsofsteelandfury

Robbie Gould was a prospector in the Canadian Gould Rush.

Recovery Whiskey

Robbie Solid Gould. The Bears never should’ve let him go.

herodotus450

Despite also being a fan of digging things up, Stephen Jay Gould’s tenure for the 49ers didn’t work out as well.

Recovery Whiskey

Kittle down

litre_cola

Forgot about this, but never Dre.
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Doktor Zymm

Unappetizing looking pizza is one of the saddest things in the world

blaxabbath

Seconded. And I’m not even a big pizza guy.

ballsofsteelandfury

Is that a sliced tomato?!?

litre_cola

Oh yes and what appears to be chanterelle mushrooms.

ballsofsteelandfury

That pizza looks like a 7 year old read a recipe for pizza and started doing the toppings with whatever he could find in the pantry.

King Hippo

or any British person

Doktor Zymm

I’ve had a high ankle sprain. It’s nowhere near as good as having other types of highs.

blaxabbath

What lineman rolled up on you?

Doktor Zymm

Tripped on a cat while drunk

King Hippo

Hope you apologized to the cat, for causing him/her slight inconvenience

Doktor Zymm

The cat got to sit on my bed (where she was not allowed, and knew it, hence the tripping in the first place) and look down on me while I writhed in pain on the floor

King Hippo

served you right, eh? 😀

blaxabbath

Short passes with fabulous athletes getting YAC against defenders who never learned (much less be comfortable executing) a textbook tackle will be the game of the future until colleges stop putting up 70+ point games regularly.

Recovery Whiskey

Skeleton ankle has a sprain

TheRevanchist

LA being beat on 2 channels. Glory be!

Recovery Whiskey

Rammit!

litre_cola

I just put money on RAMMIT to comeback and win, so we know they will lose by 1.

litre_cola

There it is.

Sharkbait

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King Hippo

ha, we were typing concurrently

Unsurprised

FYI

If you copy a URL that begins

https://preview.redd.it/

and has a hashcode after jpg? at the end, remove everything after the g and change the “preview” to “i”

Or just make sure you’re copying the i . redd . it URL in the first place

ballsofsteelandfury

Good tip!

litre_cola

You really should write a posting tips blog with all sorts of shit that we run into. I know I would appreciate it as I am dumb you see.

Unsurprised

I made a gfycat gif posting video once.

Anyway, when I get around to it.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve gotten really good at swapping between Civ and the game so I can watch during the 1/2 of the time that is football, and play turn-based strategy the rest of the time

King Hippo

I am staying off Footy Manager, because I have two Cup finals next (and I should pay undivided attention). But TEMPTING.

Last edited 4 years ago by King Hippo
Sharkbait

What fucking game is the referee watching?

King Hippo

Jealous of the “Touchdown, Seahawks” ref, maybe??

Recovery Whiskey

Just remembering Sherman and Wilson having turkey dinner on that turf.

Mr. Ayo

BLEE’RGH!

Fronkenshteen

guh.

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Recovery Whiskey

Mom?

King Hippo

Baby Buster selects, then examines a booger

Sharkbait

Double or nothing the Smails kid eats it

Doktor Zymm

Just an 8 win team? Have they seen the NFC East?

King Hippo

I would be shocked beyond all reason if someone in the NFC East got to 8 wins.

Recovery Whiskey

8 wins probably takes this division easy

Unsurprised

8 wins takes the Lombardi trophy at the rate things are going

Viva La Tabula Raza

Greg Kihn bumper music. He’s a San Francisco-based musician, not a Santa Clara-based musician. WTF?

Recovery Whiskey

They don’t write em like that anymore in Santa Clara

litre_cola

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ballsofsteelandfury

And they say the French don’t do puns!

litre_cola

It was too good for me not to share!

Game Time Decision

Surprised its got cheese in the name and not something like cheeze

Unsurprised

Given it’s French, this is a ringing endorsement to the actual cheese content inside.

Doktor Zymm

I too, am fromidable

King Hippo

TRIGGER WARNING MUCH???

TheRevanchist

Everyone loves cheese in a jar

Game Time Decision

But is it better than cheese in a can?

Unsurprised

Yes. You can’t add in salsa components to cans of spray cheese.

(In case you were asking about government canned cheese, which could have that stuff in it, but didn’t IIRC. But in that case, yes, jar is better than that cheese anyway)

Last edited 4 years ago by Unsurprised
rockingdog

bleh

Last edited 4 years ago by rockingdog
Unsurprised

Replace that with this:
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Last edited 4 years ago by Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hunter Biden?

King Hippo

I get absolutely NOTHING about Gwen Stefani. Awful voice, dingbat personality, no fashion sense, looks like a combination of Barbie doll and drag queen.

Recovery Whiskey

Yeah but imagine how fit she was and what that would have been good for.

Game Time Decision

Hollaring at

yeah right

We’re the same. She also has that pinched look like she just sucked a lemon or did a vinegar shot. Not my type. And I’m most definitely not a fan of her band.
Sorry Spam.

Doktor Zymm

She was originally like a bouncy, fun, confident lady-type. Then she went nuts with exercise bulimia and was no longer any of those things, plus her music was still kinda annoying.

yeah right

This is one of those times that we should expect a haunting from our dear departed tWBS.

King Hippo

Right after I cheered against UGA last night, too

rockingdog

So is Doooordogers gonna win this game 7?
yay or nah?

Mr. Ayo

Of course

rockingdog
Fronkenshteen

To reiterate: This is my friend. She is top notch. Just a southern peach I met here in Virginia. Enjoy.

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Sharkbait

She seems nice.

Fronkenshteen

You’d love her. Funny, cool,Great laugh. knows how to twist up a doob or chop out a line. Had a pic of Bob Marley and Mick Jagger over her makeup table when I got high with her. American girl. Hope she’s tearing up NYC.

litre_cola

From what I have been told, she likes to be spanked.

Fronkenshteen

I was MORTIFIED.

ballsofsteelandfury

She deserves a Fresca!

Recovery Whiskey

Nice smile

Reminds me of Ms. Whiskey 20 yrs ago. When she was an 18 yo moving into my apt

Last edited 4 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
Unsurprised

I’d saw she looks like Lexi Belle if I knew who that was.

ballsofsteelandfury

That was my thought exactly. If I knew who that was.

yeah right

I got to see my brood today. Both daughters and all 3 granddaughters. It was amazing.

The new robot vacuum has a name too.

“Cupcake.”

They all love the new casa.

King Hippo

Sounds like a fine day, glad you didn’t let Dingleberry ruin EVERYTHING

yeah right

It’s important to have low expectations in these trying times.

Unsurprised

Damn. I just now saw this, too late for the Doncs game

https://www.instagram.com/p/CGfZrLWhtMt/

litre_cola

Looks at Memorial League, oh some one beat Don T! Checks and see he has 2 players left against Spam and will win.

King Hippo

Everton remain atop the Premiership table for a THIRD GLORIOUS WEEK. That said, 2nd position Villa – fookin’ VILLA, really!! – have a game in hand and a superioUr goal differential.

litre_cola

Everything is stupid.

Sharkbait

Fucking Spurs man.

King Hippo

Until I saw Fronk’s post in the 4p thread, I honestly had no idea about that game after it went 3-nil. So much Lesser Bananacakes!

Game Time Decision

Adds laundromat to the list of places to stay away from

Doktor Zymm

This is just a good idea, hobo killers or no

ballsofsteelandfury

I love Scotchy’s hobo stories! Even if they don’t end up with dead people!

litre_cola

Eventually there always end up dead. That is the beauty of hobo murder, only Stephensville Slick, and Railyard Ronda know when they are missing and they are too busy living to be busy caring.

Doktor Zymm

I actually like Sunday morning better than Sunday night. There’s still football, and it’s longer until Monday morning.

King Hippo

Agreed. Though this week, I did pre-dread the 4p EST window.

Doktor Zymm

The downside of Covid-ball schedule

Sharkbait

It is a stupid theme isn’t it?

Doktor Zymm

It’s the most generic multi-genre pop every

herodotus450

Waiting all day for Wednesday-afternoon-staff-meeting

TheRevanchist

Woohoo! Dodgers walk the first batter.

TheRevanchist

And a stolen base. Runner in scoring position with no outs

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ginger LA pitcher looks like some kind of alien species from a Star Trek TV series.

Recovery Whiskey

I’m just happy the Trashtros lost

King Hippo

Scotchnaut, our natioUnal treasure!!

/also has we waited all day FOAR Sunday night??

Doktor Zymm

Holy hell, there were just commercials for Prop 22, Prop 23, Prop 21, then Prop 22 again

ballsofsteelandfury

That blonde Prop 23 nurse better be getting a shit-ton of residuals. I’ve seen her more often than my friends, work people and my immediate family!

Last edited 4 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Fronkenshteen
Recovery Whiskey

The San Francisco 49ers of Santa Clara.

King Hippo

Santa Clara Tomsulas – pls keep up smh 😀