Your “TESTING, TESTING” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Is this the start of the inevitable (maybe) unraveling of The Shield’s best-laid plans? Hopefully for us watchers of games that’s not the case but I do stand by my prediction that there will be a break in play for a week or two if things get out of hand. I can’t get my head around how teams in Florida and Texas will be able to get through this unscathed, given their respective governor’s stance on The Covid. But hey, we’ve had four years practice of watching shit circumstances slowly unfold. Gird them loins, folks!

TO THE GAMES!

Texans/Titans:

Look for Henry to go buck wild in this spot-his only 200 yarder came against these guys last year and 4 out of 5 backfields have run for at least 140 vs Houston.

Bengals/Colts:

Your sneaky play here is Trey Burton-since wk. 4 he has a 19% target share and has led all Colts te’s with 35 routes run. The Cincy D has allowed the 3rd most targets to the position overall and the 2nd most red zone throws.

Falcons/Vikes:

In news that won’t shock you, opposing qb’s have an average rating of 125.1 vs Atlanta. The ground bound Vikes may want to toss a ball or three Thielen and Jefferson’s way. Or maybe new coach Morris has solved all of the Falcons’ woes this past week? [snorts]

Broncos/Pats:

Drew Lock was able to practice this week so Bye, Bye Bortles! As per usual the Pats are zipped lipped about Cam but I’m betting he plays. If Darnold can run for 84 yards against Denver, imagine where Newton’s wheels will take him.

Team/Giants:

Twere nice to see Alex Smith out there last week but the stat sheet wasn’t nearly as nice to him as the national media was. As a team, Team’s qb’s averaged 1.9 yards per pass play. If McLaurin isn’t doing anything Washington’s air O is doing nothing and those odds are good because cb Bradberry hasn’t allowed a single #1 wr more than 10 fantasy points this year.

Ravens/Eagles:

Wentz will get his ass blitzed for the 2nd week in a row but the good news is that he handled it well last week-he was 11-16 for 104, a TD and an intercept.

Browns/Steelers:

[point chasers insert Claypool into lineup] It’s worth a shot, right? Expect Pitt to shut down Cleveland’s healthy running game and force them to the air which isn’t a bad thing because the Steelers have given up big plays and OBJ and Landry are capable of just that.

Bears/Panthers:

Another sneaky fantasy play is Darnell Mooney-he’s #2 in target share now and since Foles took over the Bears have been passing at a 75% clip. (game scripts have influenced this) Mooney has aDOT of 15 and the Panthers give up the 7th most big plays.

Lions/Jags:

Detroit plays a vanilla man D that doesn’t do much to disguise coverages but they should take a run at Minshew. His clean pocket passer rating of 74.5 drops precipitously to 42.5 when he’s pressured.

Go man, go!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

You not what I’m enjoying even less than this undeserved Bears lead? The copious amounts of ads for CA ballot initiatives.

blaxabbath

Anything good this year? Maybe putting a 200% premium on foreign land buyers which is used to subsidize rents/mortgages for locals?

At least I always thought that was a good idea for CA.

Mother Puncher

Are running backs allowed to throw the ball away? Always wondered why they didn’t just chuck it when a play goes backwards

WCS

I’m late to the party here, but,

same ol (hashtag)ThePauls

yeah right

Are there any competitive games in the early window?

This feels like getting socks for Christmas.

Sharkbait

I mean, Gmen-WTF is competitive in terms of it being close. Not sure it’s what one would call watchable.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Bears can blow any lead

Recovery Whiskey

Referee assists are best assists. Absolutely jobbed on that drive

herodotus450

Say what yew want about America (unless youre not American, in which case shut your damn pie hole, commie!) but at least we haven’t had any beheadings yet.

blaxabbath

That’s why we’re fucked.

We’re gonna need to up rope capacity nationwide to fabricate the noose that’ll fit Chris Christie.

And, just be clear, Chris Christie must be executed before 2022 begins.

Gratliff
herodotus450

Yikes… But none of those were Muslim so apparently they don’t count.

Gratliff

Sounds like you’re qualified to run a cable news network

herodotus450

DFONews: Only The News That Conforms to Your Existing Worldview!

Gratliff

Ravens doing what you expected them to and Eagles could still be in first place before next Sunday. They’re really doing Eagles-Giants for TNF this week for some reason.

herodotus450

Unlike Scotchy above, looks like the Bungals forgot about Trey.

Last edited 4 years ago by herodotus450
Wakezilla

Rivers is the QB of the Fat Humps? He’s going to fat sham that entire fanbase into gravy tears

TheRevanchist

Suck it, Browns!

Horatio Cornblower

Who are you, Trump’s new campaign manager?

TheRevanchist

I’d write some speeches for him

“There are many many really really great methheads in Florida.” “Antifa works with Canadian terrorists to support the importing of Swedish meatballs. We already have many fine meatballs here.” “ We should sell Puerto Rico to Russia to fund a wall to keep out the Cubans.”

Recovery Whiskey

This is like watching someone kick the shit out of their baby brother

clint greasewood

Danny Dimes trying to secure his team’s top pick and possible replacement.

Recovery Whiskey

Burris being carted off

Horatio Cornblower

Dave Gettleman should probably be fired before this game ends.

yeah right

It’s not enjoyable when you utterly despise your team’s quarterback. This fucking asshole.

Gumbygirl

I came to terms with that years ago. I can hate Rapey Ben and still love the Steelers.

yeah right

I’m at the point where it’s “Fuck it. Let’s go ahead and tank for Trevor.” This whole damn year, man!

Sharkbait

Pats look like ass

Gratliff

MILES SANDERS FLASH

Gratliff

JJAW whiffs on a block and is rewarded with a recovery for a TD, guaranteeing him more starts

rockingdog

WILD TD rite there

what a run first
but then he FUMLLLBES IT into the ENDZONE

rockingdog

Patriots are poopin today
comment image

The Maestro

This looks like Branson Reese’s handiwork here.

blaxabbath

Biggest most profitable company on Earth: “We let the data drive us to the best decision.”

The US Government: “We let a stroke victim make up lies because it’s the only way he can get a trickle of blood to flow to his tiny mushroom of a child-raping dick.”

Stupid People: “WE’RE FINALLY RUNNING THE COUNTRY LIKE A BUSINESS!”

Gratliff

The people are correct

herodotus450

3/4ths of the governments we’ve had failed, but only 90% of all new businesses fail in the first year, checkmate leftists.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Sudden change in Tennessee!

rockingdog

did Watson throw a TD or nah?

Viva La Tabula Raza

yep

Recovery Whiskey

Carolina bleerg

herodotus450

They say that Autumn doesn’t truly begin until one of those classic 3 INT days from Kirk Cousins.

Last edited 4 years ago by herodotus450
blaxabbath

Doesn’t even feel like October until I see all of Chip Kelly’s new roster turn from black to white….

Gratliff

Ah, there’s the Lamarr cheat code

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok Bears defense is better at offense than Bears offense is at defense

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ugh, fuck that penalty

clint greasewood

Steelers are kneading Baker into the ground.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s the way the cookie crumbles

Wakezilla

#71 on Cleveland (on the blindside) must have got a low score on survival skills because he just let Mayfield get killed with that sack

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Foles has turned the Bears WRs into DBs several times today. Spoiler alert: they aren’t very good DBs.

Col. Duke LaCross

Foles blows.

Don T

Re, Gostkowski 20-yard attempt
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Horatio Cornblower

Just tried to go to the gym, only to be told that they’re closing the part I needed for the next hour for cleaning.

So I went and got a mushroom burger with swiss and fired onions, and a shitload of sweet potato fries instead. Fuck it, I tried

Gumbygirl

You had no choice, don’t feel bad.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

As always, the Simpsons have the right wisdom herecomment image

Last edited 4 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Horatio Cornblower

I wouldn’t say I failed miserably; this burger is really good.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Bears’ version of a flea flicker was more like a bean flicker

Gratliff

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Nick Foles, mobile qb

TheRevanchist

Ooh! Mayfield got the hurt.

blaxabbath

PIT so has CLE’s number.

blaxabbath

Wow CBS, bringing back an entire lineup of shows that I would actively avoid watching if presented with a television showing any of them.

Gratliff

If Wentz isn’t a headcase yet, games like this are definitely gonna get the job done. Two massive drops on perfect throws in that half and just getting obliterated between the two.

Gratliff

In a few years, we’ll get a first round pick from the Vikes for him, so at least we have that going for us

blaxabbath

Wow — that was some serious CAM going for the fumble effort.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just made eggy in a basket, very excited to eat

blaxabbath

Alright, Mrs just took the kid to the park to play with some moms group or whatever, I don’t know. And now I see CIN is beating CLOTS — but my other viewing option is NE/DONKS…is that better?

Game Time Decision

Both suck so far

Gratliff

ahahahafuck

ArmedandHammered

I am really surprised Peterson didn’t call for a punt.

Doktor Zymm

The only drawback to having Lamar as my fantasy QB, the Ratbirds tend to have way too much of a lead for him to throw much

King Hippo

SMRT, telegraph the play, make sure Dakota Jeebus takes MOAR hits

ArmedandHammered

Eagles, time to punt

Wakezilla

Browns down 17 at the half. Time to switch games. Who’s watching a good game?

King Hippo

Congratulations, Hippo. Both fantasy FITBAW scoring windows closed before 2:30. Again.