Look, I’m sure this game won’t be nearly as fine a spectacle as the Thursday Night Mega Tilt Of All Fixtures, Giants/Eagles!!! but let’s try to make the best of it. Just like I’m trying to make the best of a situation-there is a plumber in my house as I type. (halftime of the first game) He’s ‘fixing things’ and ‘asking me questions I don’t know the answer to’ and ‘questioning my masculinity’. I put on pants for this? He’s not the least bit interested in wearing a mask but a man with his skillset is a somewhat rare commodity in this town, so wadda ya gonna do? You’re gonna watch a game, that’s what you’re going to do.
TO THE GAME!
Cards/Cowboys:
-The Mighty Red Rocket grabs hold of this magnificent O and… well, let’s see what happens. Plenty of imagineers think that he’ll succeed in this spot-his triumvirate of wr’s and his rb are nothing like anything he’s had to work with the last few years.
-This is really a game about defensive futility on both sides-Dallas is 20th vs the pass and 28th vs the run. Yeah!, Vander Esch is back but whatever…
-In signing Zeke the Boys had to let Byron Jones fly away and opposing qb’s have a 141 rating when they go long. The Cards? They have the least amount of takeaways in the league.
-Three of five teams that have played Dallas have had a receiver catch 2 TD’s.
Will we get a high-scoring game that offsets this (so far) low-scoring Chiefs/Bills doozy? Let’s watch and see. Comment as you see fit.
This game and this thread are amusing as Hell if you read them now.
My body hurts.
Not as much as mine will tomorrow
From the vacation?
I wonder if JJ will expose his team to COVID in retaliation for their shitty showing tonight.
Worse. He’ll expose Jeffrey Toobin to his team.
He usually just exposes himself
If you think Covid is the worst thing JJ can expose his team to you have not been paying attention.
Going forward, I will continue to root for Kyler Murray’s successful execution of game plans.
Who is Dallas playing next week, and can I pick up their defense?
Team
This matchup might require its own, custom drinking game.
Pints of bleach
And UV lights, internally applied.
Oh wow, Cows@Team next week. I don’t wanna fuck with that, that much derp can go critical and ANYTHING can happen
Football team. I’m not sure how to forecast that game, other than we should watch with these same announcers. It’s going to be a hoot!
You could probably pick up their blitz. Single-handedly.
They have Washington. So you might want to pick up the Dallas D
The only time I like Stephen A is after a Dallas loss
I was about to say “hey, the Cowboys’ average points allowed is going to go down.” Never mind.
Shitting their dicks is preternatural
“Thankfully the Cowboys are out of timeouts”
Amazing.
Holy shit I had no idea the defense was that bad
BEN DINUCCI EVERYBODY!!!
Why are the Cowboy Cheerleaders still leaping around?
Trying to stay way from Jerry Jones?
It’s impressive that he is less of a creep and monster towards his cheerleaders than Snyder is towards his.
Ahahaha the smash cut to Foles lifting the trophy
Kenyan Drake>Canadian Drake
69 yards!
Nice
—Gronk
Bonie Maroney.
LOVE THE DRAKE!
NOT US!
—The Spanish Armada
Outstanding
Moar lol
Kyler Murray is 9 for 24 yet his team is up by 21 points. Football is weird.
When I was in high school the Bears whipped Dallas 44-0, and that was considered the defining moment of the end of the run Dallas had as a good team.
This is far, far worse.
The pity TD didn’t help?
That’s what makes it worse. The Bears just beat the hell out of Cowboys, with a purpose. The Cardinals were like, “yeah, whatever, have a meaningless TD, you need it more than we do”
Seattle beat Dallas before it was cool
I still remember joyously watching the old AFC West Seahawks upsetting the fuck out of the Cowboys on Thanksgiving Day back sometime in the late 1970s. Very cool.
Jim Zorn!
I’m sure that run helps.
I still get wood when I remember that game.
I was seven, and I still remember Ditka apologizing to Landry after that game.
That years Dallas went 10-6
Not to alarm anyone but it’s looking more and more likely that Tampa is one of the better teams in the NFC.
It’s easier to believe when you consider that Brady sold his sold to Satan (the real one, not Belichick) a quarter century ago.
Posted: 30 minutes ago.
It’s given me more time to drink, so there’s that.
I fell asleep and awoke to, “Don’t be fooled by the 31-10 score, it hasn’t been that close.”
That was the most pathetic goal-line sequence that somehow resulted in a touchdown I’ve ever seen.
And I’m a Bears fan.
I’d say something as a Jets fan but you said “resulted in a touchdown.” And “goal-line.”
And Dallas cracks two-digit score!
Typical Cowboys fan. Smoking hot woman by his side who puts up with his ridiculous obsessions, and he’s got his head down and weeping while she’s trying to make out with him.
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Reckon he’ll be toobin’ it tonight.
Related, earlier: My wife comes into the room and starts tormenting the dog and cat. I tell her that I’m trying to follow my team and to pipe down. She looks at me and says “Oh sorry, I don’t really follow baseball” and then smirks at me and THAT people, is why I married her.
If she is really tormenting animals, I hope the animals fuck with her while she is asleep.
The dog adores her; it’s a game they play every night.
The cat, on the other hand, is going to murder her.
ESPN shitting on this drive almost made watching this game worth it
And it’s a garbagedown to boot!
That was an all-timer right there. Steve Levy should get MNF for the foreseeable future.
Liked him already for his NHL support. Just added on
These announcers and crowd is making me laugh so hard. That dude with his head down like he is crying was too much.
Steve Levy just shitting over the Cowboys and NFC East.
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In all those fan shots, I think I saw 2 masks?
Oh there we go, they found some fans with masks
Are you counting the luchador mask?
Luchador guy also had a gaiter, but it was pulled down, so equivalent of mask around the neck
Or metaphorical masks which hide the shame of being a Cowboys fan?
This was a helluva game to get coronavirus for.
Here comes the Zeke td to kill my $$FF week.
Fuck him. They should give Pollard all the carries down here.
I am up by 3 pts right now…. Zeke td, done.
Woo hoo!
So you are saying there’s a chance.
Wait, we’re not in already in the second half of Dalton’s career???
Andy Dalton is better than other starting quarterbacks in the league. Ahh, Joe Flacco and who else?
Kyle Allen.
Daniel Jones?
Sam Darnold?
Cousins?
Cousins is better
Foles?
If you had to choose, Jameis or Dalton?
Jameis by a mile, if only for the entertainment value.
There’s just something about Fitzmagickkkkk
For anyone who’s just joining us now, here’s the highlights from the first 56 minutes of the game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8SjHGILye0
Yes, pile up those meaningless FF points for me!
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Jealous
There is no real value to Dak Prescott. Anyone who saw that injury knows that he is never coming back from that injury, at least anywhere close to what he was before the accident. I hope to Christ he proves me wrong, but a broken and dislocated ankle on a QB who relies in part on rushing, is not a good thing.
Huh. Usually it’s altar boys who get reamed this badly by Cardinals.
Omg
Banner.
and then hang it from the rafters because it’s a HOF first ballot.
Magnificent.
Jesus Christ. I had friends who were molested by priests and this is a goddamn gem.
In retrospect, the Cowboys probably shouldn’t have moved the visitor’s locker room behind that grassy knoll
Their place in the standings is moving back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.
Given the Cardinal’s assassination of the Cowboys tonight, I think they might have spent the night in the Book Depository.
I’m not sure whose death the announcers are referring to, but since they’re referring to his kindness and generosity, I’m going to go ahead and assume that Jerry Jones is still alive.
I don’t think Dallas is going to win this.
McCarthy is already ordering up a FG on 4th and 2 from the 26.
Dallas’s 26.
Oh my god there’s 9 minutes of this left.
Smart of the Dallas defense to just give up. No reason to tire yourself out when you know the offense is only gonna give you a 30 second break.
Go to Kirk again!
— Green hookers across the galaxy
O’Brien’s decision to get rid of Hopkins continues to look like a brilliant fucking move.
David Johnson is leading the league in rushing though, right? Right?