Your “You Can Thank Covid For This Bounty” Monday Early NFL Football Open Thread

I don’t know about you but I get all turgid and giddy when there’s the slightest change to the NFL schedule. Does it feel like practice for your Thanksgiving? I mean, we’ve got a great tilt (potentially) that dovetails right into the regular Monday Nighter. Plus with the teams that are involved there’s simply tons of fantasy scrums still in the balance. I myself need an ungodly amount of points from Tyreek to make my loss not seem quite as epic in one of my leagues.

TO THE GAME!

Chiefs/Bills:

-Newcomer rb Bell isn’t a go so this might be the last hurrah for CE-L. He was the shiny new thing way back in the first week but has since not done much of note. One would expect that being a feature back in this sort of dynamic offense would yield more than the pedestrian 3.6 ypc mark he carries like an albatross around his neck.

-Although he (much like Mahomes) came back to earth a little bit, Josh Allen’s stats are still so much better than last year’s. His ability to extend plays and break down defenses gives him some great numbers on passes over 20 yards-he’s 12-19 for 376 yards (a 31 yards average) with 3 TD’s and a 124.6 passer rating.

-Singletary got 23 touches last week! I guess myself and Hippo can stop whining for at least the time being. Look for more of that because the Chiefs can be run on and backup Yeldon is out of this one.

-The Bills had a rep for a stout D last year but this year despite talent on the d-line they’re having trouble generating pressure-PFR says they’re the 4th worst in the league.

-Your sneaky play this week? It could be Gabe Davis-he saw 9 targets last week, has 2 TD’s on the season and due to the presence of Diggs and Brown, he almost never sees a quality cb.

Enjoy these riches!

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King Hippo

It’s like they avoid giving CE-H touches, because they don’t want Th’Veon acquisition to look silly.

Redshirt

In my mindcanon, the accountant in the Volkswagen commercial is being led to his own unmarked grave.

In my defense, this 2020 US Election is taking my mind to a dark place.

TheRevanchist

As an accountant, if it was a Golf GTI, I could get behind it.

Doktor Zymm

So was the first half competitive, or just incompetent?

Col. Duke LaCross

Yes.

King Hippo

Pretty competitive. I enjoyed it, as a neutral.

King Hippo

Defensive struggle, as we all obvs expected

Doktor Zymm

Oh right, there’s a lunchtime game today

Viva La Tabula Raza

Works for baseball, so why not?

Redshirt

COVID-19 wasn’t created in a Chinese lab; it was created in the bowels of NFL HQ in an effort to get multiple NFL games everyday of the week

Gratliff

Eagles are going to flip between first and last place every week during the back half of the season

Sharkbait

The NFC East is good trainwreck watching. That’s for sure

TheRevanchist

IDK. I see the Eagles losing 4 straight to the Browns, Seahawks, GB, and Saints.

Gratliff

I mean they’ll be in first place after Thursday with only 2 wins in 6, so this tracks

Col. Duke LaCross

Is it actually conceivable that the Giants could be in first if they win?

Gratliff

Dallas beat them last week so they have the tie breaker

Col. Duke LaCross

That’s right.

Gratliff

Wait. That’d be 2 games in 7. Holy fuck it’s a shit show.

Horatio Cornblower

Is there a bigger inverse corollary between talent and brains than Travis Kelce? Am I even using a correct term in ‘inverse corollary’? Don’t ask Travis!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

J.R. Smith? Maybe not quite as talented, but probably dumber.

Gratliff

Most hall of Fame quarterbacks

ballsofsteelandfury

Terry Bradshaw

– H. Henderson

Don T

Like a zombie? Brains for shit?

Gratliff
TheRevanchist

No, we are looking for talent, too.

Gratliff

Yoga and a dangerous, unwavering denial of your imminent death is the best treatment for back pain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4CMs41bsYk

Sharkbait

Nailed it!

–Blair Walsh

TheRevanchist

Maybe I should apply for a kicker job? I can miss with the best of them.

Fronkenshteen

Great presence by Diggs.

King Hippo

Wow, Chefs. Played that as badly as humanly possible.

rockingdog

biggg fumble rite there by Kelsee….

Fronkenshteen

Oh Travis…

Fronkenshteen

One gets ya ten there’s a Marlboro light in that left hand.

Col. Duke LaCross

Six seconds to go in the half, how does Andy Reid still have two timeouts?

King Hippo

I almost always endorse aggression, but with a wet ball (phrasing) this seems reckless.

King Hippo

(Posted pre-near-pickerception)

King Hippo

Brokeback’s numbers are liquid ass, but it sure seems like they’ve been up and down the pitch pretty easy. Voodoo, I tell ya.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“FREE JEFFREY TOOBIN!”

[touches earpiece]

Oh. Way more than just not wearing pants. Uh, never mind.

King Hippo

I guess The Shield made them promise to be done by 8:15. This fixture is just flying.

Sharkbait

I approve of fast fixtures

rockingdog

bow wow

Col. Duke LaCross

The all-blue unis are a bad look. The Bills go white pants here and this is a glorious uniform matchup.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m sorry, did you just endorse the wearing of pants?

Redshirt

Spur – I’ve had that happen to me before. Avoid bending and twisting back. Use heating pad and an NSAID. Maybe try to find a TENS unit. It shocks your back muscles to promote pain relief and healing. If it doesn’t get better after a few days, see a doctor.

I didn’t and I’m still paying the price.

King Hippo

Spur – you need Metaxalone. Non-narcotic muscle relaxer. Great for neck/back ailments.

Redshirt

So what happened with Le’Veon Bell? Did Burfict’s hit on Antonio Brown somehow scramble his brains, too?

Redshirt

It should be law that games in rain must be played in natural grass.

ballsofsteelandfury

All games should be played on natural grass.

King Hippo

You know, magical pony. I like the way you thinks. Plus, you get to be Clubhouse’s Ron Swanson.

Redshirt

I’ve never even seen an episode of “Parks and Recreation” and I still accept that as a supreme complement.

litre_cola

As you should.

Redshirt

Time for the KC coaches to come up with an answer Buffalo’s extraordinarily offensive strategy where the QB has the option to run or hand it off.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Seems there’s no theme to the bumper music today. What do Men Without Hats and T. Rex have to do with each other?

ballsofsteelandfury

Bands that are popular in Buffalo now because they are decades behind the rest of the world?

King Hippo

Couldn’t believe he dragged feet like that. Incredible body control.

ballsofsteelandfury

Weaselo: Moar FF points for me!

Bills 10 Chiefs 7 (soon, it’s under review)

rockingdog

found a funny:

Little Red: I’m going to grandmas
Mom: wait I didnt finish teaching u the difference between human and wolf anatomy
Little Red: when would I ever need to know that?
Mom: lmao ya ur right. have fun

ballsofsteelandfury

Weaselo: my FF team scored points on a Wanking Motion TD.

Chiefs 7 Bills 3

rockingdog

YES early footballs!

ballsofsteelandfury

For Weaselo:

Bills 3, Chiefs 0

Col. Duke LaCross

Still trying to figure out the image widget.

AF6359ED-18C3-4BAB-8454-C8F53E046A1D.jpeg
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Clearly not working, it displays Flacco as a “playmaker”

Redshirt

Maybe its a foreign figure? Does any language other than English use a “Y” with the right arm curled up higher than the left arm?

ballsofsteelandfury

Fun fact: in Spanish, the letter Y is called the Greek i.

Spur

Pray for Spur.

I hurt my back somehow yesterday. I’ve never had back problems before. I can barely wipe my ass.

I’ve raided the family drug stash, really thinking about taking half a percocet. these ibuprofen 900s are not helping

ballsofsteelandfury

Geez! Good luck, man!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Heating pad for starters. Hang in there.

Col. Duke LaCross

So this exists.

King Hippo

I love chaos. I love watching 11 hours of sportsball on a Monday. Thanks, #NuAIDS!!

Senor Weaselo

Lizard people. I have a student at 5:30 so somebody needs to tell me if anything happens.

King Hippo

Brokeback did sommet stupid, but then something amazing.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No Singletary points, please.

ballsofsteelandfury

How many buffalo wing places did Andy Reid hit up pre-game? 10? 20?

ballsofsteelandfury

You got that right!

Only reinforces my original opinion of Erin…

ballsofsteelandfury

Why do they put on the smoke/fog for the players to walk through if there’s no fans? Seems like a waste…

Viva La Tabula Raza

PPP loan from the CARES act to the Bill’s to keep the smoke generating guy employed.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve been working at home with live sports in the background since 9:30 Pacific. This is wonderful!

Col. Duke LaCross

Raining in Buffalo. But does the sun ever really shine there?