HEBER! HARLOW! Who Ya Got? The actual great debate going down tonight is as a football fan, should I dare cast my eyes on the fetid refuse that is an interdivisional NFC East contest? No, you didn’t deserve this. As for the other one tonight-I would pop in if this were an exchange of ideas but we all know that’s a sham of an artifice foisted on dumbsters by a corporate media claiming to be “doing their part” to help the democratic process along. Yeah, that worked in the 1800’s (debatable) but we’re long past that now. Best to watch large and speedy fuckers knock heads, right?
TO THE GAME!
Giants/Eagles:
-Miles Sanders is out but Sterling Shepard (predicting he would miss time early in the season is the easiest money ever made) and Desean are in.
-Just a reminder that NFC East teams are ‘led’ by these guys-Danny Mistimed Throw, Kyle Allen, Andy Dalton and Carson Wentz. The latter is ranked highest by PFF at 17th and that’s a reason right there to question their metrics. (I find a lot of their stuff quite interesting btw, I just wanted to do a joke thingy)
-The Jizziants have thrown downfield to te Engram exactly once so far this year-at the combine he ran a 4.42 40. Of course the best te’s like Kittle and Kelce have great numbers in comparison so I’ll just mention a doofus like Logan Ryan-he’s been targeted 14 times already.
-The Eagles have owned the Giants for some time now, their last loss occuring back in December of ’16. Of the last 24 times they’ve tussled the Battery Bearers sport a 20-4 mark.
-Detroit Lion castoff Travis Fulgham is on fire with 16 catches the last 2 weeks. Imagine how bad Philly would be at the wr spot had he not come out nowhere.
-The league average for getting a TD when in the red zone this year is at 63.7% and the Giants are pulling up the rear at 25%. FIELD GOALS AHOY, CAPTAIN!
Please join me and Gratliff as we pity-watch the hell out of this mofo.
Flagasaurus
Why the fuck are the GIANTS calling a timeout there???
Fuck, that’s probably Jackson’s career
Yep, he is done now.
I didn’t even realize he was still playing.
He was around the facility
Eagles are going to pull this out. Fuckballs.
Easy tiger.
It is written.
My knee felt that. Yikes.
Fuck. Although I’m also amazed DJax hasn’t retired
JAckson hurt? That is unpossible!
Goddamn you Evan Engram
Probs should have caught that.
Brutal. He has such bad hands.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIKiB663JD0
I kind of want Los Gigantes in the playoffs now. Since one of these liquid shit collectives has to be.
The first round of the playoffs are going to be a butchering.
I thought it was the Philly O line that was liquid shit…
Why not onside kick? It’s not like the defense can get a stop.
The NFC East
Eagles go with the sneakiest onside kick.*
*disguised as a regular kick
No one will expect us to do this thing that doesn’t benefit us at all!
I still think the Eagles defense will win the game with a pick 6 or a fumble return for a TD.
/has been drinking
I know they’re playing with some road crew they met on the way to the stadium as their O-line, but you still want them to at least try to run it down their throat there instead of a goofy keeper
I think Wentz wants to show that while he may not keep going for 80 yds, at least he can finish
Like Phillip Rivers? That guy can finish.
He’s clearly enjoys putting em’ in the endzone
There goes the chance for a tie.
Have some faith, this is the NFC East, ANYTHING can go horribly wrong
Much like my first 8 marriages.
I enjoy the stupidest of penalties
Carson constantly torn between a perfect throw and a stupid one
“This is a free play”
Wentz just hucks that thing into the first row.
STOP THROWING TO THE BACK CORNER OF THE END ZONE IDIOT
Front corner work?
Oh no. We’re back in the red zone
Imma promote generational strife
I’m on my 62nd spin around the sun, and I don’t think in that timeframe we have ever had a bigger cunt of a president than we have now.
That’s very insulting to cunts
Can whoever wins DFO Bragging Rights request a refund?
/and to think, I slept through first half
Joe Buck: “The Eagles need a stop!”
Eagles secondary:
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SHEPARDDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How do you go blow for blow with Steelers and Ravens and then play like this against the Gints?
Because everything is awful
None of the NFC East defenses are any good are they
Confession: I did the same thing Jones did in Little League between 2nd and 3rd. Surefire homer because 1) lefty hitting a hot-shot down the 3rd base line and the defense obviously didn’t play me that way and 2) it rested at the port-a-potties in LF and wasn’t called a dead ball because it didn’t go get stuck behind. Ended up being a triple and they had to make sure I didn’t slide headfirst into 3rd because sliding headfirst was a no-no.
In my defense, however, I was 12.
A shithouse triple. Better then than later in life
Since we’re all Al Bundying this shit, I did not get picked by the dynasty team in 5th grade LL so played on the scrub team and hit 15 dingers in 18 games and won league HR titie and made All Stars.
When I was 10 or 11 I hit an absolute shot into right-center. Probably had a chance at a HR, (because Little League), but didn’t quite get there because I had thrown the bat halfway up the first-base line, (and I hit righty for Christ’s sake), and tripped over it, falling flat on my face.
Still got a double thanks to some outstanding outfield play.
10yo Senor did go yard twice, FWIW, including a grand slam against my friend from karate. The next AB I came up with the bases loaded again and just gave him a “Hey” nod and hit a double (kid in front of me stopped at 3rd for some reason, Padre Weaselo said if he kept going there was enough time that I could have had a second).
Was the kid in front of you Daniel Jones?
#34 Eagles dude loves to grab arm.
As long as that’s all he loves to grab
Don’t kink shame
lol redux
Eagles have 5 possessions in the red zone so far. Have 10 points to show for it. Wtf
That was totally Pass Interference
Yup
Any pass attempt towards an Eagles receiver is, by definition, “uncatchable”, so PI wouldn’t apply.
lol
As always, impressed by how many languages California has on their voting stickers.
At some of the best places in Glendale, they might not speak any English to you at all. I’m okay with it, because those bakeries. Yum!
I don’t understand anything that either team is doing
They are sucking.
Nah, guys are usually happier when a lot of sucking is going on. They’re just being uninspiring
If he really respected Eli’s legacy, he’d have fumbled there too
Through the end zone for change of possession, as is the custom.
Needs a cartoon falling sound effect at the end
Find the sound.
Fuck. I don’t have that program on this computer.
I knew way back in training camp* that Travis Fulgham was going to be the ace in the hole for the Eagles
*Halfway through the Steelers game
That was a great play call to Hurts.
That did look like it hurt, yes.
“You know who hurts? Everybody.”
-REM
/kicks dirt, mutters, I hope you hurts after the game jerk.
The Lions cut that Fulgerson guy.
Guess they just didn’t want to be too good, you know?
Looks like she’s making a pass
last funny:
her: stop talking about board games
me: sorry
her: shut the fuck up
The back-flop flip actually looks pretty similar to a lot of horseback falls. I’ve definitely done that same wince. Doesn’t hurt much day of, but he’ll be sore as all hell tomorrow
The Russian judge gives him a 7
Engram with a poor business decision
He’s gonna feel like one of Balls’ Tindr matches tomorrow morning.
Take your plus 1 as I laughed out loud.
I keep hearing this Pepsi commercial that goes, Pepsi isn’t for those who play on Sundays, it’s for the fans who watch.
And I just keep translating it in my head to, “Pepsi is for fat American lardasses.”
Whatever happened to Devin Hester?
Toe injury.
Retired as the most TD as a returner right?
Devin Hester-Prynne was banished to the mid 1850’s. It didn’t turn out well…
Is there an excuse the announcers won’t make for Wentz?
“I think so-and-so affected the throw”
/replay shows so-and-so not getting to the QB until after the release
“I think Wentz felt him coming”
Ummm he is one with Jesus.