The fantasy football satellite radio channel I listen to told me that this was a week of ‘bad beats’ and to just ‘move on’ which struck me as odd. You see, I was projected to lose in all five of my leagues and ended winning in four of them. (if Mooney scores as much as the Bears D tonight it’ll be all five) Slow Realization Incoming Oh, got it! That was directed at the good fantasy players. During an upside-down week I did quite well. Huzzah for more bad beats!
Fallout:
-BFC, I apologize. I recced McKissic over RoJo so of course the latter goes off. The guy had 3 carries last week and 7 the week before (3.2ypc, btw) Arians has a bit of the Belichick in him I guess.
-Alex Smith flips the script. He threw for 390 yards and Overreaction Monday advocates are saying that Team is going to be okay at the spot until they find another candidate to lead the team. Hmmm. I’d like to note that Smith had no TD’s yesterday. HE THREW FOR 390! Also, he’s 36 years old and he counts for just over 23(!) million against the cap next year. When he gets to the minimum number of throws his Depth Of Target stat is gonna be right there with Brees.
-Speaking of, he’s cracked some ribs and collapsed a lung. Winston Ahoy!, right? Not so fast you overeager barnacles, the Saints have the toughest strength of sked for qb’s the rest of the year and, interceptions, lots and lots of interceptions.
-Stat That Usually Matters But Not In This Context: the Giants are the only team that has a winning record within the division.
-Joshua Kelley is in freefall. Two weeks ago he lost carries to Troymaine Pope fine, whatever, I’m still the receiving back and now yesterday he lost that status to Kalen Ballage. Drop him from your team the way the coaching staff has dropped him from their thoughts.
-Target Hog Status Unlocked: He had that lovely Hail Mary pass and ended up with 127 yards receiving, so good for Hopkins. The next best wr on the Cards totaled all of 34.
TO THE GAME!
Vikes/Bears:
-Minny has allowed the most number of TD’s to wr’s at 16 and counting tonight. (Mooney!)
-Nagy has handed over play-calling to OC Bill Lazor, who was the one calling them all week during practice since the beginning of the season. Does that make any sense? The head coach doesn’t playcall during the week, just during the game?
-Chicago fans are relieved that the change has been made and you would be as well if you watched your team average 17(!) points a game for the last six weeks.
-The Bears started at 5-1, the Vikes at 1-5 and I have a vision of the respective team buses waving at each other as they pass in opposite directions through the division.
-One thing holding Minny back tonight though is that they are 4-16 at Soldier Field since 2000.
Give it your best or whatever in the comments.
You’re not supposed to wear pants. And it would be nice if you looked like her.
Wearing pants? Incredibly disappointing.
Crushed Cook’s balls
He’s really coughing it up now.
Right in the Dalvins.
This is some fucking terrible football
And yet the graphics are somehow worse. Why is ESPN suddenly trying to be 2003 Adult Swim?
Yep but better than no football
December will be a dark month
Technically, dark month is February.
DATS RAYCESS.
I meant because it has the least daylight, you racouist.
yew done forgot the “ie” smh – Jefferson Beauregard S., Lickspittle, AL
Its always a dark month in the northern hemisphere
Pushes up glasses
Well, we’ll all be dying in food lines. SO THATS EXCITING!
hey gotta die somewhere amirite??
Oh, my car will look like Wooderson’s on the way to get Aerosmith tickets; it just won’t be moving.
So Lazor was given play calling duties, looked at Patterson, and yelled “MORE COWBELL!!”
Matt Nagy should be forced to use the pared down Madden playbook
Lazor-like focus on that call
“Drew Brees broke all his ribs.” “Drew Brees has a punctured lung.” – TV announcers
“Challenge accepted.” – Chargers medical staff.
Leave it to the Chargers medical staff to retroactively fuck up Drew Brees.
Broken arm?
A 3-5 team is not “in the hunt” unless they’re in the NFC Least
Ahem, 3-5-1
Technically, they lead it
There’s no way I could sit through Extra Time in this
“Me neither”
–Nick Foles’s balls
Overtime, you wannabe limey.
Did you go to “university” too?
Cheers!
/loops belt over fan
Uhhhh….holding?
Middle. Left. Right.
Did someone on the Vikings walk off with Patterson’s helmet?
That offense was pretty good. Not great. But Payton and Suhey; McKinnon and Gault and Gentry; McMahon was quality. Blame George Cumby or Forrest Gregg for the offense being lacking a QB for half the year.
And you may very well have been, if one asks Jim McMahon!
I think we uncovered another secret DFO-dentity! We got Mr. McMahon here
Loved him in Philly.
Why does he think he’s the Dread Pirate Roberts?
Fucked up and didn’t make my picks this week. Left myself only tonight’s game for an Eliminator Pick. Chose the Bears. Don’t know why. Don’t really think they’ll win. They shouldn’t. But they will. Somehow. And that is how I have felt about the Chicago Bears for the last 20 years.
Maybe ESPN could have saved a couple of jobs if they didn’t waste time and money on they stupid cartoons.
One of the interns showed an app to the director
/revision/latest?cb=20190720005839
What the fuck is with all of the stupid graphics and super hero shit this year?
Got a problem with Nick Foles: Super Cock?
Not much of an anime guy tbh.
Every time this Spectrum commercial about “jibber-jabber” comes on, I’m disappointed that Mr. T isn’t involved.
Nope
SO as this division clearly has problems, are we going to see the NFC West eat itself and have to deal with another Brady bowl?
Brady Rogers NFC title confirmed
Brady did pay off someone to break Breesususss ribs
NFC East best loser
Packers
Seahawks
Cardinals
Rams
Saints
Bucs
Derpfest of the NFC North?
NEAR MUFF SIGHTING
Or, as I call it, “my high school years”
Good thing this game is rated PG*
* pure garbage
Just you wait until the Bears play the Packers next week!!
Covered by Bush.
Aka old skool
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i055VEvnLA4
Hospital ball
Nice to see the Bears OC change paying off so well
you mean calling runs on 3rd and 13 didnt pay off for them when Nagy was calling plays?
See there is the thing that I hated about Lovie when he tried to make Devin Hester a WR is that they never really tried running end arounds or reverses to get the ball into his hands they just tried to make him a WR which he just couldn’t understand routes.
Lovie challenges this idea.
Time for a Bears INT. (Cousins will immediately score)
Bart disagrees.
Cousins making the most of this opportunity I see.
Boo that man
My bad, coach.
I love a nice muff.
He barley even tried to dive on that muff
I call that going against the grain
They do keep your fingers warm in the winter.
Best Vikings offense? Kick it to the Bears and let em fuck up.
Derp
Did the Ricketts family not make you an offer
These two are not from Chicago.
the look in their eyes says they have never smelt Malort let alone tasted it.
Your Harry Carey sex doll is what puts you over the top.
“His mouth makes its own spittle!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWmQbk5h86w
I dont care how many toucheddowns he scores, the fact that Cordarelle is not pronounced like corduroy the pant/road technology makes me sad.
New strategy for Chicago: rely on defense and special teams and just kneel x 3 and punt when on offense.
Didn’t they try that in The Waterboy?
What is this, the
2004198419631954 Bears?Blanda or Bratkowski. 8-4 that year.
Special teams and Defense is the only way this team competes.
If you wanna crown them go ahead and crown them!
Dan Bailey made a better effort than Rivers at least.
Now, Minny run the kickoff back.
Edit: nope.
Thought he touched it. Was hoping for a fumble
whoa the Bears did a good!!
Oh my, that is a way to start a half.
Ryan Reynolds is the guy I hate myself for wanting to not like him but then also feel guilty for not being able to not like him.
I’ve never been much of a Ryan Reynolds fan but I’ll always respect him for making that Peloton ad sequel.
Started watching the new season of The Crown last night. Gillian Anderson as Maggie Thatcher is… confusing.
This just might be the greatest thing SNL has ever done in the last 20 years.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEmIIl96zk0
Lost my step mom a year ago to Parkinsons. She was a big Steve Goodman fan.
She once convinced my dad the bong they found in my room was a candle holder.
Man, that is a fucking cool stepmom. The only way she could be any cooler is if she is the one who gave Parkinsons to Putin.