Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

The fantasy football satellite radio channel I listen to told me that this was a week of ‘bad beats’ and to just ‘move on’ which struck me as odd. You see, I was projected to lose in all five of my leagues and ended winning in four of them. (if Mooney scores as much as the Bears D tonight it’ll be all five) Slow Realization Incoming Oh, got it! That was directed at the good fantasy players. During an upside-down week I did quite well. Huzzah for more bad beats!

Fallout:

-BFC, I apologize. I recced McKissic over RoJo so of course the latter goes off. The guy had 3 carries last week and 7 the week before (3.2ypc, btw) Arians has a bit of the Belichick in him I guess.

-Alex Smith flips the script. He threw for 390 yards and Overreaction Monday advocates are saying that Team is going to be okay at the spot until they find another candidate to lead the team. Hmmm. I’d like to note that Smith had no TD’s yesterday. HE THREW FOR 390! Also, he’s 36 years old and he counts for just over 23(!) million against the cap next year. When he gets to the minimum number of throws his Depth Of Target stat is gonna be right there with Brees.

-Speaking of, he’s cracked some ribs and collapsed a lung. Winston Ahoy!, right? Not so fast you overeager barnacles, the Saints have the toughest strength of sked for qb’s the rest of the year and, interceptions, lots and lots of interceptions.

-Stat That Usually Matters But Not In This Context: the Giants are the only team that has a winning record within the division.

-Joshua Kelley is in freefall. Two weeks ago he lost carries to Troymaine Pope fine, whatever, I’m still the receiving back and now yesterday he lost that status to Kalen Ballage. Drop him from your team the way the coaching staff has dropped him from their thoughts.

-Target Hog Status Unlocked: He had that lovely Hail Mary pass and ended up with 127 yards receiving, so good for Hopkins. The next best wr on the Cards totaled all of 34.

TO THE GAME!

Vikes/Bears:

-Minny has allowed the most number of TD’s to wr’s at 16 and counting tonight. (Mooney!)

-Nagy has handed over play-calling to OC Bill Lazor, who was the one calling them all week during practice since the beginning of the season. Does that make any sense? The head coach doesn’t playcall during the week, just during the game?

-Chicago fans are relieved that the change has been made and you would be as well if you watched your team average 17(!) points a game for the last six weeks.

-The Bears started at 5-1, the Vikes at 1-5 and I have a vision of the respective team buses waving at each other as they pass in opposite directions through the division.

-One thing holding Minny back tonight though is that they are 4-16 at Soldier Field since 2000.

Give it your best or whatever in the comments.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

You’re not supposed to wear pants. And it would be nice if you looked like her.

The Maestro

Wearing pants? Incredibly disappointing.

Recovery Whiskey

Crushed Cook’s balls

Mr. Ayo

He’s really coughing it up now.

SonOfSpam

Right in the Dalvins.

Gratliff

This is some fucking terrible football

Gratliff

And yet the graphics are somehow worse. Why is ESPN suddenly trying to be 2003 Adult Swim?

Game Time Decision

Yep but better than no football

Gratliff

December will be a dark month

SonOfSpam

Technically, dark month is February.

litre_cola

DATS RAYCESS.

SonOfSpam

I meant because it has the least daylight, you racouist.

King Hippo

yew done forgot the “ie” smh – Jefferson Beauregard S., Lickspittle, AL

Game Time Decision

Its always a dark month in the northern hemisphere

Pushes up glasses

Fronkenshteen

Well, we’ll all be dying in food lines. SO THATS EXCITING!

King Hippo

hey gotta die somewhere amirite??

Fronkenshteen

Oh, my car will look like Wooderson’s on the way to get Aerosmith tickets; it just won’t be moving.

Fronkenshteen

So Lazor was given play calling duties, looked at Patterson, and yelled “MORE COWBELL!!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Matt Nagy should be forced to use the pared down Madden playbook

Recovery Whiskey

Lazor-like focus on that call

Beerguyrob

“Drew Brees broke all his ribs.” “Drew Brees has a punctured lung.” – TV announcers

“Challenge accepted.” – Chargers medical staff.

Last edited 4 years ago by Beerguyrob
Senor Weaselo

Leave it to the Chargers medical staff to retroactively fuck up Drew Brees.

Fronkenshteen

Broken arm?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

A 3-5 team is not “in the hunt” unless they’re in the NFC Least

litre_cola

Ahem, 3-5-1

Gratliff

Technically, they lead it

King Hippo

There’s no way I could sit through Extra Time in this

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Me neither”

–Nick Foles’s balls

SonOfSpam

Overtime, you wannabe limey.

Did you go to “university” too?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Cheers!

/loops belt over fan

Fronkenshteen

Uhhhh….holding?

Fronkenshteen

Middle. Left. Right.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did someone on the Vikings walk off with Patterson’s helmet?

Recovery Whiskey

That offense was pretty good. Not great. But Payton and Suhey; McKinnon and Gault and Gentry; McMahon was quality. Blame George Cumby or Forrest Gregg for the offense being lacking a QB for half the year.

clint greasewood

comment image

King Hippo

And you may very well have been, if one asks Jim McMahon!

herodotus450

I think we uncovered another secret DFO-dentity! We got Mr. McMahon here

litre_cola

Loved him in Philly.

Gratliff

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Why does he think he’s the Dread Pirate Roberts?

Fronkenshteen

Fucked up and didn’t make my picks this week. Left myself only tonight’s game for an Eliminator Pick. Chose the Bears. Don’t know why. Don’t really think they’ll win. They shouldn’t. But they will. Somehow. And that is how I have felt about the Chicago Bears for the last 20 years.

Duchess

Maybe ESPN could have saved a couple of jobs if they didn’t waste time and money on they stupid cartoons.

Game Time Decision

One of the interns showed an app to the director

ballsofsteelandfury

comment image/revision/latest?cb=20190720005839

litre_cola

What the fuck is with all of the stupid graphics and super hero shit this year?

SonOfSpam

Got a problem with Nick Foles: Super Cock?

litre_cola

Not much of an anime guy tbh.

Dunstan

Every time this Spectrum commercial about “jibber-jabber” comes on, I’m disappointed that Mr. T isn’t involved.

Recovery Whiskey

Nope

Last edited 4 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
litre_cola

SO as this division clearly has problems, are we going to see the NFC West eat itself and have to deal with another Brady bowl?

Recovery Whiskey

Brady Rogers NFC title confirmed

Duchess

Brady did pay off someone to break Breesususss ribs

clint greasewood

NFC East best loser
Packers
Seahawks
Cardinals
Rams
Saints
Bucs

LemonJello

Derpfest of the NFC North?

SonOfSpam

NEAR MUFF SIGHTING

Dunstan

Or, as I call it, “my high school years”

Last edited 4 years ago by Dunstan
Game Time Decision

Good thing this game is rated PG*

* pure garbage

Duchess

Just you wait until the Bears play the Packers next week!!

clint greasewood

Covered by Bush.

Game Time Decision

Aka old skool

Duchess
Recovery Whiskey

Hospital ball

Recovery Whiskey

Nice to see the Bears OC change paying off so well

Duchess

you mean calling runs on 3rd and 13 didnt pay off for them when Nagy was calling plays?

Duchess

See there is the thing that I hated about Lovie when he tried to make Devin Hester a WR is that they never really tried running end arounds or reverses to get the ball into his hands they just tried to make him a WR which he just couldn’t understand routes.

Senor Weaselo

Lovie challenges this idea.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Time for a Bears INT. (Cousins will immediately score)

SonOfSpam

Bart disagrees.
comment image

ArmedandHammered

Cousins making the most of this opportunity I see.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Boo that man

WCS

My bad, coach.

Dunstan

I love a nice muff.

Duchess

He barley even tried to dive on that muff

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I call that going against the grain

SonOfSpam

Best Vikings offense? Kick it to the Bears and let em fuck up.

Recovery Whiskey

Derp

Recovery Whiskey

Did the Ricketts family not make you an offer

SonOfSpam

These two are not from Chicago.

Duchess

the look in their eyes says they have never smelt Malort let alone tasted it.

SonOfSpam

Your Harry Carey sex doll is what puts you over the top.

“His mouth makes its own spittle!”

Duchess
Last edited 4 years ago by Duchess
herodotus450

I dont care how many toucheddowns he scores, the fact that Cordarelle is not pronounced like corduroy the pant/road technology makes me sad.

LemonJello

New strategy for Chicago: rely on defense and special teams and just kneel x 3 and punt when on offense.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Didn’t they try that in The Waterboy?

herodotus450

What is this, the 2004 1984 1963 1954 Bears?

Recovery Whiskey

Blanda or Bratkowski. 8-4 that year.

Brocky

comment image

Recovery Whiskey

Special teams and Defense is the only way this team competes.

Duchess

If you wanna crown them go ahead and crown them!

SonOfSpam

Dan Bailey made a better effort than Rivers at least.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Now, Minny run the kickoff back.
Edit: nope.

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Game Time Decision

Thought he touched it. Was hoping for a fumble

Duchess

whoa the Bears did a good!!

litre_cola

Oh my, that is a way to start a half.

Duchess

Ryan Reynolds is the guy I hate myself for wanting to not like him but then also feel guilty for not being able to not like him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve never been much of a Ryan Reynolds fan but I’ll always respect him for making that Peloton ad sequel.

Dunstan

Started watching the new season of The Crown last night. Gillian Anderson as Maggie Thatcher is… confusing.

Duchess

This just might be the greatest thing SNL has ever done in the last 20 years.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEmIIl96zk0

Recovery Whiskey

Lost my step mom a year ago to Parkinsons. She was a big Steve Goodman fan.

She once convinced my dad the bong they found in my room was a candle holder.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, that is a fucking cool stepmom. The only way she could be any cooler is if she is the one who gave Parkinsons to Putin.