There’s Got To Be A Pony In There Somewhere

Bless yeahright’s heart, for amidst all the literal chaos, death, destruction, and despair of 2020, he suggested we all gather ’round the DFO clubhouse fire and share what we’re still thankful for this year.

It reminds me of the story of the family that moves to a new house, and while they’re walking around, the father and the daughter find an old shed, open it up, and it is packed floor to ceiling with manure. The little girl starts shrieking with delight, so the dad turns to her and says “why are you so happy?” and the daughter says “with all that manure,  there’s got to be a pony in there somewhere!”

As a cynic, that is not my first instinct. It’s hard to stop focusing on feline AIDS and/or the Republican Party’s complete abrogation of norms and anything resembling moral authority in order to count my blessings. But I have to say, when I stopped to think about it, it was a really good idea. In this darkest timeline, we wouldn’t make it without the optimists like yeahright pushing the rest of us to take a minute and be like, you know what? I am really fucking lucky.

And it’s funny, because a few weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend where each of us had a hard time answering “how’s it going” because we both felt like it was shitty to dwell on the things that were going well for us when so many were suffering due to a global pandemic (and malicious incompetence exacerbating it in this country). But if we stayed there and only dwelled on the negative, not just failing to look for silver linings but denying the positives in front of us…fuck, man, down that path darkness lies. 

So here we go, what BFC is grateful for, 2020 edition–

• Have to start with my health. Thanks to cooking more for ourselves, obviously not going out to restaurants, and stress eating healthy snacks Lady BFC stocks instead of the garbage at the office, I’ve lost like 15 pounds since shelter-in-place started. Oh, and I don’t have the ‘rona, thanks to strong mask compliance and a healthy aversion/distance from other people
• Similarly, my family is healthy. My dad is immunocompromised, my brother-in-law is immunocompromised, but thanks in part to my sister being a taskmaster, everyone’s stayed safe and healthy.
• I’m grateful that my friends with COVID have recovered from it, even with a close call in the hospital for one and some intense symptoms from another.
• Work is going well, we’re busy and growing as a company, and I have good humans on my team who aren’t rat fuckers and want to make the world a better place.
• I am so goddamn grateful that we have a second bedroom and that Lady BFC ordered a desk (and a non-Peloton stationary bike) before the lockdowns went into effect.
• Football has become less and less important to my own mental health, which is, you know, healthy and particularly helpful in a year when fellow Bears fans somehow think Tyler Bray is a legitimate option to right the ship in this garbage season.
• I’m super fortunate to live in a place and at a time where I can get ANYTHING delivered to my door. And I pretty much have. This week, new slippers. At least once a month, top flight hooch.  Thin mints, never, but plenty of other food and methods of merriment have magically arrived with the help of a local courier.
• 6+ million more Americans voted for Biden and Harris than the carnival barking hate-mongering clown show that is the Trump Administration
• Really good people committed to positive change–many of whom I’m lucky enough to call friends–are angling to go into government to try and fix shit and help us turn a corner from conspiracy to recovery.
• Proximity to the beach. While I haven’t been able to take as much advantage of it due to, well, you know, mouth breathers on the beach, I’ve been able to go for walks on it or proximate to it and enjoy those ocean sunsets I never would have been able to sea in my previous cities of residence.
• Speaking of sea levels, FINALLY people are taking climate change seriously, and while it’s a shitty way to achieve it, there has been a meaningful reduction in emissions this year.  We have a bunch of curves to flatten, people.
• And finally, that when this publishes, I’ll have spatchcocked my first turkey, which is something I never otherwise would have done since for sure we would have gone to a parental for Thanksgiving who would have taken care of it.

I know that the pandering thing to do is note how grateful I am for all of you, and I am. Especially Horatio and Sharky for mailing me beer. The rest of you, get on that.

It’s a weird time to be alive, no denying that. But remember, adversity does not create character, it reveals it. And if we can’t use cliches on a dick joke blog to remind ourselves to take a minute to power through and share some love for one another, then what the fuck are we doing here?

BFC out.

Hey Folks, yeah right here.

I appreciate the lede Mr. BFC. Since you did all of the heavy lifting in the preamble to this piece I’ll just get with the bullet points. And it really has been extremely difficult to formulate positive thoughts this year.

First? I have remained extremely healthy during this entire time and my family has as well. Like myself, eldest right works at a physical location everyday but has remained safe and healthy during this Year of Our fucking Lord 2020. In all honesty? If we’re all masking up, distancing and doing the proper hygiene why would we get fucking sick at all? I mean like ever?

My family has remained safe.

2nd and this may sound counter-intuitive but I feel extremely fortunate to be able to go to a physical work location each day. After spending a few days at the start of the pandemic on vacation, that shit was driving me insane. I am not hard wired to work from home. I just gots to get out, man!

I am eternally grateful for the scientists who have expedited the vaccine process and I honest to God feel like the vaccines will help us turn the corner. I’ve mentioned before but I’m considered mission critical as an employee in government support and might be in the Phase B group of the vaccine rollout because of what I do. I even heard initial word that that could be in as few as 7-8 weeks.

There is an actual end in sight! After 8 months? Shit man I can do another 8 weeks standing on my fucking head!

I’m also thankful that I’m back in my old home town of San Pedro, although doing a move in a global fucking pandemic was a challenge in it’s own right. El Segundo was great and all but Pedro is home dammit.

I am extremely fortunate that I have a job that pays me a comfortable working wage and is a job that I actually truly fucking love.

Finally? I feel extremely fortunate to be a part in our little social experiment here at [Door Flies Open]. The writers, admins and especially the readers and commentists on this here site are truly unique, talented, intelligent and compassionate human beings and I love you all dearly.

I am eternally grateful for alcohol.

Have a wonderful, whatever the fuck you want to call it tomorrow, and thanks for being there.

Be safe, be well and be empathic.

yeah right.

— Door Flies Open —

Right quick here, let me note my appreciation for the imaginary folks on this site. The relocation to Las Vegas has been tough on the Mrs, very much exacerbated by the pandemic (“Got that Paaaaaan-Demic!”) and, all in all, it’s good to have a ‘community’ here. Props to Internet BIG TECH Dad for keeping this thing puttering down the road even with like 250 or however many posts we have archived.

Second, [Censored].

Third, I’m grateful that more PATRIOTS turned out to vote for an incumbent President than ever in US history. Plus, boat parades (honestly though — didn’t we all get a kick out of the boat parade thing?).

That’s all. Merry Christmas or whatever.

– Sebastian Othelia Blax 

Howdy, lizard people. It’s your friendly neighborhood Senor Weaselo here. I could go on for an obnoxiously long time about how the music world is currently fucked, and going to continue to remain fucked for at least the next year, and I don’t see unfuckification for a long time, but that’s not why we’re here. We’re supposed to dig into our inner Marshawn Lynch and say that we’re thankful because, well, we’ve made it this far, why not? So, what do we got?

I’m thankful that a chunk of my employment hasn’t gotten entirely washed out, which is a big thing by musician standards. I work as a TA & tutor and we’ve been working remotely. I definitely miss parts of coming to the building because teaching music through Zoom is terrible and the ensembles have been ravaged, but hey, I don’t have to travel almost two hours each way to get downtown and any breaks in the day I can spend doing whatever else. I do miss wandering about, walking to the Battery, but I can get other stuff done, so can’t say it’s a loss.

I’m also thankful that playing-wise this year wasn’t a total loss. I played on an album this year which was also my first foray into using GarageBand, played a bunch of flash mob-style video recordings that got picked up by various news media (like 60 Minutes), and even the gigs weren’t at completely zero. I definitely got lucky there, and so far as I know I haven’t gotten the ‘rona.

I’m thankful for the family Weaselo (parentals and Hermana) for keeping me (relatively) sane. I’m thankful that even though we’re a family of musicians in Padre Weaselo and myself, Madre Weaselo works an essential job in a hospital lab so we’ve been surviving.

I’m extremely thankful for Senorita Weaselo, who still puts up with me coming over nearly every weekend and has turned me into a lesser bubble tea connoisseur. (Drink of choice: brown sugar milk tea, boba if I feel like it.) In nearly every other respect I feel like she’s made me a more understanding person over the last two years, able to better match previous empathy.

I’m thankful that it seems our long national nightmare is coming to a close. As a Queens native… sorry about that one, I’m gonna go ahead and say our bad.

Lastly, I’m thankful for you fine people merry band of miscreants. Somehow we’re still (mostly) here, and I’ve had the good fortune to meet four of you in real life which isn’t bad for zero DFOCons attended. I know the East Coast DFOCon has been a long-time idea and I hope that it can be done someday soon. Which at this rate’ll be maybe 2022? If we’re lucky?

I think that covers the bulk of it, so stay safe out there, folks. We’ll be on the other side soon enough, fingers crossed. Can’t wait to get there.

-Senor

Reverend Mayhem

Yes, yes. Health. Nazis getting kicked out. Family.

I’m thankful for all these things too.

But let’s get down to the nitty-gritty.  The things that really matter.

Seriously, have you had this shit? It’s like mainlining a pixie stick, but juuuuuust as the wave of pure sugar-and-lard ecstasy peaks and threatens to drown you, the dark cocoa of the cookie cuts through. As far as I  can tell, the manufacturing process consists of putting two Double Stuf discs on top of each other and calling it a day before the FDA shows up. 

To quote the immortal Tycho Brahe of Penny Arcade, it is

like the taste of watching girls make out. It has an extraordinary power that oscillates between gentle and overwhelming, between light and dark, between pleasure and more pleasure. When it was over, I realized that I was panting. I was in possession of carnal knowledge. And I knew that, somehow, every taste beyond this point was in the service of the one that still lingered, waited, to remind me that nature has laws, and those that break them are criminals, and though they roam free enough the knowing will hold them, and keep them, until the last.

I won’t even get into the sublime abomination that is Lucky Charms in chocolate milk.

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all.  Stay safe, stay funky, and we’ll make it through.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly