If there’s a lousy smell in your house you might want to check the oven or change the channel away from the tilts on offer today. These four teams are a combined 13-27 and going nowhere fast. To be fair, ‘nowhere’ might be the playoffs for Team and the Cowboys because 2020 touches itself.
Feel free to say hello in the comments, let us know how the meal is coming along, what snacks are on offer and the beverages you are using to wash everything down that lovely gullet of yours.
TO THE GAME!
Texans/Lions:
-The Lions hosting the Thanksgiving Game every year is the best argument for ‘old traditions need to be rethought’. When the game is relevant it’s almost an accident of the schedule and it’s very rarely because Detroit is doing well.
-We’re almost three quarters of the way through Matt Patricia’s last season as an NFL head coach. That’s a thing to be thankful for.
-Are we seeing a wasted career in the making? The Shaun Watson is 6th in yards thrown with 2,883 and has a 20-5 TD/INT ratio after the team got rid of a top 5 wr and replaced him with nothing. Hell, Watson is even learning how to throw the ball away on lost plays. During the combined 2018-19 season he was sacked the most times-this year he’s only 7th!
-PFF rates Houston’s secondary as the very worst in the league but Jesus, the Lions air game suffers tremendously without Golladay in the mix. In games where he’s caught a pass this season the Lions are 3-1. But the thing is, he’s not a target hog that gets a dozen or so looks when he’s playing. He’s the piece that makes the entire offense work. Kinda strange…
-Duke Johnson hasn’t exactly overwhelmed the last few weeks but you may want to insert the fella here vs a Lions D that gives up the most amount of fantasy points to rb’s.
Sincerely, I hope everyone has a stress-free day doing all the things that you’re able to enjoy during this uniquely bizarre holiday. Cheers!
I have obtained the foods and poured the wine. Time to stuff them in my face.
Jesus, nomonkeyfun had Fuller in Fronks league. That is quite the 1st score.
I left Deshuan Watson on the bench, I really hope Aaron Rodgers is has a good day against the Bears.
I have moved on to the next high abv beer:
That seems like a inappropriate name for a beverage that will make me do just that.
Time to take the dog for a good long walk and work off some of the first dinner, to make way for the second dinner, followed my late night sammich, with pie filling in some of the gaps.
See you fine folks for the Dallas-Team tilt.
Wife in the kitchen: “Alexa, play Thanksgiving music”
Me: (puzzled)
Music: America (Simon & Garfunkel), Take Five (Dave Brubeck), Lovely Day (Bill Withers)
So I guess there is such a thing as Thanksgiving music, and it’s rather pleasant.
Also, I’m gonna get up (get on up) in a minute to help in the kitchen so that I’m not murdered in my sleep tonight. Happy Gluttony and Football Day!
It’s to help keep the violence down in the kitchen. Those fights about the turkey being done or not can get out of hand. Not to mention the fights about who makes the best mac and cheese.
You know, the not-having-sex thing occasionally gets me down, but holidays REALLY make me glad to be divorced.
I’m happy about the married thing, but I’m REALLY happy this year about the distinct lack of in-laws on this holiest of days.
100 6-foot wooden soldiers is a marvel of 1930s engineering, so props for the Toymaker’s shop even though Laurel and Hardy got fired by him for it.
Yeah I know, he could have sold them to some Middle Eastern country as soldiers who never slept or had to pray, would’ve made a fortune.
DEATH BY SANU SANU
Inshallah, the King of Garbage Time
Fuller, Fuller chicken dinner!
Imagine going to this much trouble for the Lions
C’mon, need some more of those sweet, sweet Hockey points.
There isn’t THAT long of a history between the Colts and the Texans
I don’t know-the Colt 45 goes all the way back to 1872 or so.
“I assure you my dear, it’s longer than that.”
Game blouses
Oh, per Horatio’s can check, I’m finishing off my last Will Feral Daze i held on to
I saved that can. That is such a good beer.
One of my faves
Just gave the outdoor cat some leftover turkey skin/fat and the way she ate it was frankly terrifying.
You’re next
if she were a little bigger I have no doubt she’d at least try to take us out.
LoL
bears fans feast
https://www.reddit.com/r/nflmemes/comments/k0s8v0/how_they_stay_nourished_in_the_last_10_years/
Tony Romo waxing rhapsodic about guys double-teaming each other while in the trenches makes me long for the homoeroticism of ‘They Shall Not Grow Old’
Happy Thanksgiving, lizard friends. Time for grace!
/On my phone but hey YouTube isn’t embedding anyway
https://youtu.be/q7MfIj7RIQM
The Lions tertiary is in trouble.
First dinner of the day has been completed.
[checks watch]
“Man, you have got a LOT of time to make up.” – Andy Reid
See Gissell, even Fat Stafford can catch a ball. – past Patriots receivers.
Hockenson has exactly half of the Lions 160 air yards.
Shut. Up. Nantz.
Nantz nattering nauseating nothings.
naturally
Marvin Jones and his 1.7 points doing the heavy lifting for me in the Freezer Vodka league.
/coming after you Sharkbait!
I may have bet on Prague subliminally because of the quality of Czech lesbian porn. This is what happens when my mind gets all reflective and shit.
Bill Cowher going full Little Lord Fontleroy today
The porous (another one) Lions D has lost two frickin’ starters.
found a funny:
Her: I actually think Ratatouille is a boring movie
Me *shakes head at waiter bringing the engagement ring*
now did you shake your head or did Remy?
I thought the most boring movie ever was The Core.
Armageddon probably comes in second.
It’s a Michael Bay film. I wouldn’t call it ‘boring’ so much as ‘fucking stupid’.
Sigh. Nobody gets my jokes.
Damnit, people, BORING! Like, as in, about drilling.
You just weren’t made for these times.
Only movie I have ever walked out of.
That movie is hilariously bad.
I found it quite delightful because it didn’t take itself seriously at all.
Or maybe it did and it was just SO BAD that I just *thought* it didn’t take itself seriously.
I’m pretty sure Hilary Swank and Stanley Tucci were doing that because they’d lost a bet and/or wanted to buy a house without dipping into savings.
CBS doing ‘Seal Team’ convinces me that we’re about 5 months away from their entire programming being troop cops jerking off to image of the flag.
Stop stop, Lindsey Graham only has so much saliva
CBS presents ICE followed by Proud Boys:Portand.
Oh, quit your blubbering about ‘Seal Team’.
/I couldn’t be funnier
//to myself
Hey, remember when TikTok was the BIG BAD THING and was banned?
Pretty sure that just meant they have the pee tape
I gotta give props to the Boss Baby franchise for managing to make capitalist sociopaths look “cute”.
I just saw this ad. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for all of Hollywood to be drawn and quartered along Rodeo Drive.
Kevin James and Boss Baby are proof we deserve our terrible fate
Please check out this “Boss Baby Pitch Meeting” sketch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1QPtPHjD50&ab_channel=ScreenRant
My son is drinking one of these and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. It is really fucking good.
Color me skeptical
Ooh, I love their hit single “I Wanna (Globally) Warm You Up”.
I was right there with you, but it is tasty. Guy at the brewery recommended it; apparently they feel this is their best of this style.
What’s the style? Fruit marzen?
It’s described as a “fruit beer” (make Schmitt’s Gay joke here), which is a new one on me. I can get a little marzen out of it but wouldn’t think it would be a true one. It’s good. Drink it.
“You had me at ‘pie you can drink’.” – Andy Reid
It may be good and all, but you still gotta suck a dick.
I have full guilt of “time stealing” as I plan to sit on my couch and watch football today. My comp is on so anyone can email me but I ain’t doing anything else.
Damn the man
I never feel guilty about stealing time at all, as long as what needs to be done is done.
watching it on the other monitor, whilst slowing working away on things.
2nd and 24, Detroit gives up 27.
Matt Patricia has a degree in aerospace engineering, and from now on I will be taking a train anywhere I go, including Europe. It’s just safer.
I didn’t realize that Stafford kneeled during the anthem and ruined Thankgiving for a bunch of redhats. I am now a fan of his.
I just saw that and wondered how his wife felt about it, given that she chewed out the MI governor for taking precautions against Covid.
I’d say he’s sleeping on the couch, but there’s enough rooms in that mansion that he will still have a bed to sleep in.
He’s definitely eating a microwaved Hungry Man turkey dinner tonight, but like GTD suggests above, it’s not like he’ll know the difference.
“A” Hungry Man turkey dinner, ha ha.
I didn’t realize that blaxabbath’s characterization of Matt wasn’t fiction. Like, at all.
His piece in the player’s tribune or whatever after george floyd was murdered was actually really good.
https://www.theplayerstribune.com/articles/matthew-stafford-detroit-lions-nfl-racial-injustice
The area on the venn diagram where no maskers and MAGAts do not intersect is very versatile small, but it does exist.
Like anti-vaxxers
Stafford could have run for 5 yards instead of throwing that ball out-of-bounds, but why risk a massive spike in your blood pressure?
Chase Daniel with his best play of the year
Look at the size of Patricia-he should have been a trencherman in the 1800’s.
stupid question: whats the difference between a “turnover” and a “giveaway/takeaway”
and I don’t mean the dessert. I’ve heard enough food jokes already today
Literally nothing
they’re all the same to me
Duke Johnson making me look smart. I’ll take it, even though his grandfather John Wayne was a racist.
Whatever, Marion.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
“As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly”
https://youtu.be/BGFtV6-ALoQ
Just an all-time great episode in sit-com history.
You know, it’s the little things in life you cherish – there’s football on, started drinking beer at 9am, the rest of the future Sloth family is still sleeping, my dog is leaning on me and snoring, and my preferred kitten is snuggled up to the dog. And I moved the mini fridge next to my couch spot, AND I’m only responsible for grilled meat today, which I totally excel at whilst drunk.
Today is a good day.
may you not even have to use your AK, good fellow
How do you think he’s getting the meat? Buying it at the store, LIKE SOME KINDA QUEER!?!?
Young Boys up 1-0. AP’s kids not getting switched, and now this!
There is a flock of turkeys in our back field and I really hope they have a shitty sense of smell or we are going to have a messy situation on our hands.
A flock of turkeys? Are you going to run, run so far awayyyyy?
Those are seagulls, dammit, and I no longer have the hairline to pull that off!
/sobs for hours
Gaggle of Turkeys or a Kabob of Turks
Or A Circle Turk!
I know geese are a gaggle, but I just looked it up and a flock of turkeys is called a rafter.
DFO: Drunk by noon, but still edumacational AF!
SPARTA GETS A 2ND WOO!!!!!!!!!
Celtic sucks this year. It’s great.
I like Romo’s implication that the kicker sending the kickoff out of bounds is somehow related to coaching. Like, somehow there was a breakdown in communicating to the kicker to not ever do that.