Diego Maradona, one of the greatest players of the game we know as Lesser Footy, that Americans call soccer, and that the rest of the world, civilized and English, (are they even human?), just call football, as well as one of the greatest characters of humanity, passed away on 11/25/20.  The official cause was a heart attack, possibly related to emergency brain surgery he’d undergone earlier in the month to address a subdural hematoma.  Unofficially, it’s probably just not a good idea to do that much cocaine and alcohol over the course of your life.

Maradona was born poor on 10/30/60, to a family living in a shanty town outside of Buenos Aires, Argentina.  His promise as a soccer player was noted as early as age 8, and he was playing professionally by age 16, becoming the youngest player in the history of Argentina’s Premier League.  he scored his first goal two weeks after turning 16.

After that, all hell broke loose.  After a successful club career in Argentina, Maradona was transferred to Barcelona for a then-record $7.6 million.  His tenure there was one of mixed glory, with standing ovations for spectacular goals and winning the Copa del Rey, and controversy related to injuries and the sort of racism that European footy trash are well known for.  Maradona’s time with Barcelona ended after he was involved in a spectacular brawl during the 1984 El Clasico, in front of the King of Spain, no less, something that might have meant something 300 years earlier.  He was sold off to Napoli of the Italian Serie A league, which is always a surefire way to avoid racist fans.  His stint at Napoli was significant for Maradona reaching the peak of his on-field success and discovering cocaine off of it.  And probably on it, around it, and under it as well.  Whatever else you can say about Maradona, the man did love cocaine.  He was allegedly addicted to it from the mid-80’s, (when it was so prevalent that the only surprising thing about Coca-Cola dumping New Coke to go back to Classic Coke was that they didn’t stick cocaine back in it), to 2004.  Having seen Maradona’s antics at the 2018 World Cup I have some questions about that end date.  Maradona himself blamed his behavior on a white wine binge and hey, who am I to judge?

His Wikipedia also cites allegations of domestic abuse, (which he denied), failure to pay taxes in Italy, (which is something of a national sport in Italy), and shooting a compressed air rifle at reporters he felt were invading his space.  The man had some issues.

Those issues aside, Maradona was a transcendent talent on the field.  He and Pele are considered the players of the century, and more than a few have Maradona ahead of Pele.  I am far from an expert in lesser footy, but I am a sucker for the World Cup and international competitions of any type.  You given me a bunch of flags and ethnic tension and I am in.  And in those situations Maradona shone, winning the World Cup in 1986, getting Argentina to the final in 1990, and, well, getting sent home early for failing a doping test in 1994.

Maradona’s most memorable moments, for me and probably most Norte Americanos, was against England in 1986.  We all know the ‘Hand of God’ goal, where Maradona made a mockery of FIFA’s disgraceful refereeing by not only punching the ball into the English net, but having been 2′-3′ offsides before doing so.

Seriously, watch that video again and tell me he’s remotely close to being onside.  You can’t.  But what you can do is back up the tape a few more seconds and watch him dribble and pass his way through 4-6 English players before passing the ball off and breaking towards the goal.  But after that goal, Maradona did this, (video with the English announcer, for added hilarity), dribbling through seeming the entire English team as though they were a frigate in the path of an Exocet missile and then scoring the second goal to seal the win.

That’s the kind of player he was:  a less-than-glorious mess off the field, a figure of transcendent glory on it.  Diego Maradona, like Nigeria, was a man of contrasts.  His legacy will be a complicated one, his achievements off the field shaded by his transgression off of, (and sometimes on), it, and I’ll certainly continue to make jokes involving the latter, but I will never forget his mastery of the former.

Vaya con Dios, Señor Maradona.  Las Malvinas pertenecen a Argentina.