No hobos as far as the eye can see this week.
TO THE GAME!
Broncos/Chiefs:
-Yay! Drew Lock is back under center. He throws the league’s highest rate of uncatchable balls at a staggering 27%. But, he’s also abysmal under pressure so those two things do the opposite of offsetting each other.
-So pour some out for Jerry Jeudy-not surprisingly he is third in the league in having those same uncatchable balls thrown his way. He has no issues getting open. (saw him turn Xavien Howard inside out and be wide open in the endzone but, you know…)
-The last time these two played no Denver wideout had more than 45 yards. Ugly. It’s difficult to imagine a game script whereby Denver can keep up to K.C.
-Look for CEL (the Chiefs are ‘hopeful’ he’ll be okay to go after coming down with the flu) or some combo of Bell and Williams to get mucho carries as K.C. pulls away in the second, third and fourth quarters.
-Kelce should bounce back this game after getting all of three(!) targets last week.
-Or maybe Tyreek goes off again and engages “Target Hog” status. Starting slot corner Bryce Callahan is out and will be replaced by Essang Bassey. As Shirley’s grandson*, he’ll be muttering to himself a little bit of History Repeating every time Hill grabs a catch.
*may not be even remotely factual
Type on, brave lads and lassies!
Made a nice sausage, tater, stuffing, gravy, peas dinner. Other than kitchen time, I have hardly left my living room today. I have achieved nirvana.
That sounds delicious.
You know we’re skewing older when people put up cheesecake shots of incredibly attractive people and maybe there will be some jokes about disappointing them and a couple of likes, but let one of us mention that they made a sausage-based dinner and we’re on them like a pack of starving hyenas with demands for the recipe.
It’s important to set realistic goals.
I think any woman past 30 is capable of not disappointing anyone, but it’s usually not worth it to do so.
Don’t use Kansas as an audible. Kansas does not want to be relevant or timely.
You’re right about that one. Kansas asks all onlookers to “carry on, my wayward son”.
kerryon johnson nods
The last person with a good idea of how to handle Kansas was John Brown.
Al & Cris: “Man, Drew Lock’s dad and Andy Reid look so much alike Drew could be Andy’s son!”
Drew Lock: “Oh man, oh shit, oh fuck”
Injured Bronco. You know what that means.
Dinner time?
It’s better to put them out of their misery.
He could still have value as a sire
One of my favoUrite things to shout at injured opponents of UConn soccer was “They shoot horses don’t they?” when they took too long to get up.
One time I heckled the Caltech goalie so hard the teams coach lost his shit at me.
My brother and I got a kid from Pitt to send security over to throw us out.
We wouldn’t leave, security called a cop over and the cop wouldn’t throw us out because we weren’t swearing at the kid.
Elmer’s?
Bell must have burned a fatty in the parking lot at halftime.
Is Andy Reid ok?
Magnum is done. Shouldn’t open new bottle. Glogg? Glogg.
Still have another half of the game to pass. Glogg.
There was only 2 ounces left of my rye. I decided it should join its brethren taken in my Manhattan
Where did they find this dweeb?
Ok, if Team beats Pitt, HILARITAY ENSUES
Steve Kornacki is a national treasure
He’s so tired, so very tired.
Is Andy Reid wearing a cloth cod piece has a face mask?
Mmmm, piece of cod…
The Broncos are the best Cats!
Is that you, Trent Green?
Who the fuck is that?? – Trent G.
TRUE, Smoking Jay is the best non-Elway/PeyPey QB in Donks history
Just tuned in. What the fuck is Reid’s mask? Why are there trumpets? Did his wife iron the Chiefs logo onto some spare quilting scraps she had?
As far as I can tell, he’s got a cloth mask over a N95 with some sort of microphone hole.
Oh Fuck you Shelby Harris.
Donks were sooooooo confused on defense, and for some goddamned reason didn’t call timeout.
/luckily didn’t burn ’em
I know Mahomes is a highly paid QB in the NFL, but has no one in his social circle said anything about his middle school attempt at a moustache? Dude, just shave it.
godfuckingdamnit
Patrick loves to find Hardman.
PLEASE just 10-9 now
Co-sign.
Even with McManus, I punt here.
Stop running it and throw it Mr. Mahomes!
I know I’m bad at running, but I would never think about it, except I see dudes who are good at running, and by comparison I’m REALLY good at SQL
I like your logic.
When I was in boot camp, there was a Navy SEAL that came to give a lecture to us and try to recruit volunteers. He made fun of those of us that were too pussy to do it, all I could think of was how that guy would do at solving a quadratic equation.
Never met one who wasn’t a total asshole.
Andy Reid, age 6
Aw, he was a cutie!
Every time I ask women of questionable morals if they’re “vulnerable to my sql injection attack” they tell the bouncer to kick me out.
They just hit you with a DoS attack?
If she brings in her friends it’ll be Distributed
Denial of Sex
They mentioned OJ. That cuts like a knife.
but it feeeeeels so right
/does not apply to ex-wives or Jewish waiters
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VZhSkREYBc&list=PLjeGlkdfeoMmEAT32KtWOXxUrbkOKRG2c&index=67&t=0s
NotGordondown!
The Chefs using this game to practice coming back in the 2nd half?
Nah, this is fine.
Doesn’t have the same impact without the dog sipping coffee in the fire.
Yeah, this is going to turn a corner.
Unsubscribe.
Always thought Noah Fant was a white guy. ColoUr me wrong.
I blame Fanta for being a white people drink
Is it? I always associate Fanta more with Asia, where it’s hugely popular.
It’s also more popular in Europe than NA though so I dunno.
My roommate in Scotland called Fanta “juice”. He was not a healthy lad.
In my experience it’s a European drink, but happy to be wrong
You are correct. It was invented for Nazis in Germany.
https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/fanta-soda-origins-nazi-germany#:~:text=The%20soft%20drink%20Fanta%20was,ensured%20the%20brand's%20continued%20popularity.
Well, damn. Is there anything European which is legit whimsical without a Nazi connect?
Not since 1933.
Specifically, it was invented by Coke which was very popular among Nazis. They made Fanta so they could continue making money while taking the high road by not selling coke to nazis
I know it’s European. I just think I’ve seen it more frequently and in more varieties in Asia.
Can’t find any sales numbers or such to back it up though.
DONKS, woo!
It is Chiefs -13, so spotting Denver 6 points seems sorta fair.
Screwed themselves, lol.
Calm down everyone, this is the NFL. Who the fuck knows what a catch is? Not you, not I, not anyone.
Andy Reid channelling some real high-school teacher energy there.
Tyreek Hill being like, “Oh shit, I didn’t know I was supposed to turn in my summer homework!”
Is andy reid wearing a mask or a feedbag?
YES
GOD DAMNIT
Oh shit, that was a catch.
That didn’t hit the ground????
– Gravity, having lost a bet it made about whether Mitch Trubisky could accomplish a feat
Woah, that was a catch.
“Thanks Cooch!”
-Wheat field
“Did somebody say wheat field?” – a naughty, naughty Teresa May
Manhattan time.
9 pm. Pretty sure they are the same timezone as you.
I’m about to make my first Blood and Sand!
Sounds gritty. Probably the official cocktail of South Boston.
[frowns, rolls twelve-sided die, scrappily adds Cecil Rhodes to his revenge list] – Hunter Renfrow
I’ll give Hunter a call later. We can work this one out.
You won’t regret buying cherry heering
I don’t have cherry heering, actually – have to use maraschino as a substitute
You’re dead to me
He is imaginary to me.
Of course Garett Bolles loves a good bonding moment.
This is going very well.
a fine battle of placements!
I just remembered I started Sammy Watkins. (bye weeks). Let’s go, Sammy!
I know we joke, but Andy Reid has players named Sammy, Pringle, and Bell (pepper) on the roster. His mouth must be watering at Troy Fumagilli on the other side, even if he doesn’t know exactly what shape of pasta that is.
Too bad Drew Lock didn’t go to college in New Haven CT, then his nickname could be Yale Lock.
Something wrong with horse cock lock?
Neigh – ladies of Denver
Say, Terwilliger’s a Yaley, isn’t he?
Has Leveon had a good* year since his sabbatical? Which moron** GMs won’t learn the lesson and will still give out huge deals to 30+ year old runningbacks?
*: good as in any way living up to his prime Steeler days?
**: will require the rare combo of incompetent (like Mike Brown) but willing to spend money (like not Mike Brown)
No and most
Related, did Josh Gordon do anything today?
only can play last 2 weeks
There are many arguments for why the “War on Drugs” is total BS. Josh Gordon is one of the high profile case studies. There is zero reason he should have missed any time.
I can think of at least one thing he did today.
Same here…
I have Denver ATS and the Under. This is fine.
I’ve got Mahomes over 2.5 passing TDs. Can we both succeed?
Not sure Denver is putting up 14.
15, five FGs
One down, four to go…
I miss gambling, it firmly established the fact that there is a future. I’m regretting that I didn’t make futures bets back in Jan. Every year from now on I should take $50 and make a handful of highly speculative bs bets.
I want to watch the Superb Owl in Vegas one year, solely so I can make stupid dollar prop bets on anthem length, gatorade color etc.
Over, orange. DEATH BUT NOT MORE THAN $20 TO EACH
I am gonna squeeze that “3 and out” tightly in me mind, until every last connection to reality is severed.
This is going to be a slaughter, isn’t it?
oh yeah
Probably. *shrug*
-Local BBQ owners, surveying Andy Reid’s post game meal order.
I sure hope so.
I hadn’t realized just how frat-boy punchable Lock’s face is.
Yeah, doesn’t come up as much when fate is punching them, but when they’re in the clear it’s up to us
He’s got the NFL version of Matt Gaetz’s face.
So does Denver only get one QB or are we one hit away from a flashback to somehow-worse-than-Tebow again?
Eh, how many of them are there and can we tell if they switch?
Pretty sure they’d all come off the close contact list at the same time (other than Driskell). And supposedly they’ve got Bortles in isolation now just in case.
“No, really, it’s for your safety Blake.”
*basement door slams shut*
Need 3 Mahomes TDs for Fantasy playoff security. Also GAMBLOR. So let’s make that happen
The Giants being in first is peak 2020.
Mrs. Sharkbait is pleased at this development
That was certainly a surprise. I’m guessing Giants fans are taking a nap now after basking in the afterglow.
Best of the worst isn’t nearly as good as it sounds, no matter how it sounds.
King of Shit Mountain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kakU6kQDmU4
Has this been getting ya MOAR SEX these past few weeks?
guessing that is TWO yes votes, from the Sharkbait family??