Your “One More For The Road” Sunday Night NFL Football Open Thread

We’re almost at the finish line.

TO THE GAME!

Browns/Giants:

-The expectation is that Fumbelina (Daniel Jones) won’t play and that McCoy will be handle the turnover duties for this evening during his 2nd start this year.

-btw, Jones has 20 fumbles which is three more than anyone else has had since the start of the 2019 season. Blame can be equally shared among the offensive line and Jones’ own staggering lack of awareness as to outside pressure collapsing the pocket.

-Cleveland needs to bounce back after that emotionally deflating, ball-draining loss they suffered vs the Ravens last week. Personally, I think they could play on autopilot here and still come away with the W.

-That said, the up and down Evan Engram might have himself a day if McCoy’s noodly arm can somehow get him the ball because the Browns have no idea how to defend the tight end spot. They trail only the Jets with respect to fantasy points given up to that position.

-The Giants Gallman had a nice ‘run’ as an RB1 for a few weeks but it all came crashing down last week. He was even vultured on the goal line by wee laddy Dion Lewis. Still, you should give him a go again as the o-line has vastly improved their run-blocking and the Browns have given up all kinds of scores to rb’s the past few weeks.

-Speaking of rb’s that just chug along in a boring but effective fashion, expect that once they get up by two scores Cleveland will engage “Heavy Chubb” mode the rest of the way to the finish line.

Play with your digeridoos down below.

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Bloody Lethal
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Olivia Manning, exasperated

WCS

Nice hands, Feet.

Doktor Zymm

Is there a surgery that makes your mouth bigger, or do commercials just select for people with naturally giant mouths?

Sharkbait

If I had trusted my gut and benched allen for Lamb, I’d only be 5 points down instead of 17.

I’m Sharkbait and I make bad fantasy football decisions

Horatio Cornblower

I am also facing certain defeat with Lamb on the bench.

I feel a little better knowing that, either way, I need a big day from a Bengals WR tomorrow, which seems as likely as me hitting Powerball.

Brick Meathook

Clipping?

I haven’t heard that penalty called since the 1970s.

Fronkenshteen

I love Willie Nelson as much as anyone, but if you want to tug at heartstrings with a song in your ad, pony up the dough and use the Kermit the Frog version.

Fronkenshteen

Sixteen fucking points…

Fronkenshteen

That was some Quentin Tarantino shit Higgins just did with the camera.

Doktor Zymm

Finite number of sexy Browns fans, infinite loop is inevitable

Doktor Zymm

Whatever happened to Cruz?

Fronkenshteen

Ruptured PCL. Never the same.

Doktor Zymm

Remember the injury, didn’t realize he didn’t come back 🙁

Sharkbait

La salsa es demasiado picante

WCS

He sold his soul to Trump after 2016, and no one pays attention to him anymore.

Recovery Whiskey

That DFO SEO is good hustle

WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

I’ve always said that nothing instills confidence in a team like having your coach coming out looking like he decided to deal with his strained neck muscle by inhaling all the cocaine in Bolivia.

Doktor Zymm

Fuck. Now they’re all like, “these guys that we subjected to COVID are really noble for overcoming COVID except they haven’t really, wow, look at that guy trying to breathe, SO NOBLE”

WCS

Myles Garrett has asthma and had COVID? Damn.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok folks, as compelling as this is, off to an interactive zoom magic show. 2020, y’all.

Sharkbait

Will you be performing tricks like the “disappearing whiskey”?

TheRevanchist

The magic growing mushroom that he claims is 9”, but looks more like a 5, but with the girth of a tuna can.

Doktor Zymm

Is that more or less compelling?

Horatio Cornblower

“There’s a reason you were drafted where you were”

Yes, and that reason is that Gettleman is an idiot who doesn’t understand the concept of trading down to get more assets and the player he wants, but in the low teens and not at #4.

Doktor Zymm

Hmm…wahoo red seems to be code for ending at the line of scrimmage

Bloody Lethal
Gumbygirl

She was so awesome!

Horatio Cornblower

Saw her live in Hartford a couple of years before her death. Amazing energy.

Bloody Lethal

I never made it to a show before she passed and I do regret it.

TheRevanchist

I fully expect Mayfield to develop a drug habit, be divorced twice, and out of the league in 4 years.

hippofant

Look, when you’re young and dumb, marrying a guy who lives in a football stadium seems like it’ll be a grand old time, but then….

Doktor Zymm

You don’t think that Manziel gave him some room in the average?

Cecil Rhodes

He does often wake up feeling dangerous, so I think you’re onto something.

Horatio Cornblower

Is it just me, or is the “another perfect NFL Saturday” woman incredibly annoying?

Cecil Rhodes

Did Rodney Harrison let an n-bomb slip during that half-time recap?

clint greasewood
Horatio Cornblower

I believe he did so now, by rule, me and all the other middle-aged white guys get to say it in public.

Cecil Rhodes

Can’t wait to walk down the street tomorrow and greet everyone with “Merry Christmas, n*****!”

Viva La Tabula Raza

Worked for me!
—John McClane in DieHard 3.

Doktor Zymm

Someone who was an asshole 15 years ago, and seems to still an asshole now, but you never have to interact with them and just occasionally see them on social media, just gonna block, not gonna interact. Nope.

Doktor Zymm

“I don’t mansplain, these are all original thoughts” says the dude who thought it was flirting to summarize a Time article about chaos theory to me while I was in a math grad program noted for grads going to the NSA. Unfollow, and y’all get the brunt of my bitching, lucky youse!

hippofant

I would totally do that to you not because I was flirting but because I desperately wanted someone to talk to about chaos theory.

Doktor Zymm

See, that’s totally awesome. Do it without being condescending and it’s on

Dunstan

Chaos theory, you say? Well, little lady, let me share you some stuff I learned from Jeff Goldblum’s character in Jurassic Park….

Doktor Zymm

Fun fact, I used to sketch Koch’s dragon, which is the fractal featured in the book version of Jurassic park, and I have a tat on my back of two early iterations layered on each other

Bloody Lethal
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Recovery Whiskey

I have had to weed out the Trump contingent of my HS FB. Quietly unfollow and never look back.

Gumbygirl

Gumby takes them out with extreme prejudice. The only social media I do is read stuff on my twitler, but I never post and only rarely comment. I like to keep a low profile!

hippofant

I just instantly block anyone I see saying something beyond a certain threshold of stupidity. THERE’S NO COST. IT’S FREE. You don’t LOSE anything from blocking an idiot; Twitter will just fill that hole in your timeline with some other idiot. You don’t have any goddamned moral duty to listen to idiots!

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, and most of the people I know have turned out to be more awesome than expected, so I shouldn’t worry about getting rid of the bottom.

hippofant

The only reason not to I can think of is to maintain a large professional network. Or to keep the peace with mom.

Doktor Zymm

My mom don’t put up with that crap 🙂
And I think they’ve all failed professionally!
BLOCK! WOO!

Gumbygirl

Camoflauge

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JustStopDude

NFL Gear…you might be getting that $800 bailout…spend it on foreign made jerseys with a 10,000% mark up.

hippofant

800? You wish.

blaxabbath

Watching Daniel Jones is Eli’s coming of age quarantine experience.

JustStopDude

Freddie Kitchens has done more the Browns in this game than his entire tenure in Cleveland.

Nice of the guy.

Doktor Zymm

Stupid penalty, but stupid enforcement I guess, with just the 1 point in play

WCS

PRAISE SHANK’LOR

Mr. Ayo

DOINK!!!

Sharkbait

“This is an NFL touchdown”

As opposed to a CFL touchdown Cris?

hippofant

They’re pretty similar, except one comes with free healthcare.

Senor Weaselo

College, I guess? The magical land of one foot in bounds?

JustStopDude

Oh Browns…even when you do good…you derp…

Doktor Zymm

BS. That wasn’t even chippy

King Hippo

Li’l Baker and his wide-eyed wife are 100% Lucky Pierre-ing that groundskeeper guy.

WCS

…and now Talking Heads.
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Sharkbait

Is that from the fucking Clerks Tv show??

WCS

Snootchy-boochies!

JustStopDude

I tried to watch the latest Jay and Silent Bob movie. It was on Amazon Prime.

I could not get 30 minutes into it.

Oh and Kevin Smith’s daughter is terrible.

King Hippo

Once In A Lifetime was maybe my favoUrite music video as a young lad.

Sharkbait

Quick! Go with the Double box with the car ad and coach B roll!

JustStopDude

What fucking parent let’s their kid pick up and snuggle with a dirty ass rag from a parking lot?

Doktor Zymm

I don’t have kids, and I’m not good with kids, but I would be totally cool with it

WCS

It’s called a Detroit Teddy Bear.

clint greasewood

We have no idea what that trucker did to that thing.

Unsurprised

Commercial parents are equal parts stupid and evil.

Unsurprised
Doktor Zymm

The creepiest thing about Collingsworth….the top half of his face NEVER MOVES

Gumbygirl

It’s even worse when he’s with Al Michaels, who doesn’t have any top teeth. Scary!

Doktor Zymm

They’re the worst kind of marionette people

King Hippo

I’m not saying I’m gonna pass out at halftime, I’m just TOTES gonna pass out at halftime.

Doktor Zymm

But whatif…uh…you know what? Yup, go ahead

Sharkbait

Nice choice on Living Color there.

WCS

LIVING COLOUR
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Sharkbait

Beat me to it

King Hippo

also somewhat topical

hippofant

RUN ANOTHER FAKE PUNT

Doktor Zymm

Ah yes, ex-DC QBs and their various multiple-surgery sagas

Sharkbait

Never say Daniel Snyder isn’t a student of history. He’s re-enacted the Battle of Wounded Knee multiple times

Doktor Zymm

Seems like Jason Campbell is doing good post-retirement

King Hippo

The good aspect of Mike Tirico is how he shuts up and lets the action do the talking.

The bad aspect is it just makes that Collinsworth asshole TALK EVEN MOAR.

Doktor Zymm

Tirico et Talib? YES

King Hippo

oh SNAP!!!! That would rule. – Hippo

Too urban!!!111 – every TV executive

TheRevanchist

Congratulations, it’s a boy.

Doktor Zymm

Alfred Morris is a good dude, and I’m sad that he’s been on 75% of the NFC East, likely without being paid ever

Sharkbait

This makes me want Fitzmagic to go to the Patriots to complete the circuit

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know, I just can’t take a game seriously until it has a safety

WCS

For sale:

Two toddler girls, pre-owned. Ages four and three, respectively. $100 each or best offer

Redshirt

Hi, FBI!

Doktor Zymm

Do they have any skills? What machinery can they operate?

WCS

They know how to grind my gears very well.

Unsurprised

Are we no longer doing “Phrasing?”

King Hippo

/it is used at least twice in my morning column draft

King Hippo

Hang in there, Imaginary Yinzer Pal. I am NOT saying it gets any better, and you WILL repeat this offer. Countless times in your head.