Your “It’s For All The Moneys!” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

For a big game it doesn’t get much smaller than this. But hey, if a 3-7 Mississippi State football team can play in a bowl game then why can’t a desperately underachieving NFC East squadoo sully the good name of “the NFL Playoffs”? I see no reason, your case is dismissed and court is adjourned. [thinks to self, “That oughta please all those lawyer types out there.”]

TO THE GAME!

Team/Eagles:

-If Team had even slightly below-average qb play this year they wouldn’t be in this mess.

-I guess Alex Smith being able to start can be construed as good news although his PFF passer rating comes in at 31st among 38 qualifying tossers. Still, better than a bottle of Taylor Heinicke, right?

-A league-leading 67% of Smith’s passes are thrown short of the 1st down marker. I mean, I hate to pile on but Jeezuz that’s lousy. “He ain’t take any chances at all!”

-Hurts’ rushing attempts have decreased from 18 to 11 to 9 in the last three weeks but you’d think he’s have to reverse that trend if the Eagles plan on winning.

-Overall, an effective run game is needed to effectively sell play-action against Team’s nasty, pressurizing D.

-Missing in action for Philly is Cox, Sanders, Goedert, Barnett and Mailata. For Washington, Gibson and McLaurin are questionable.

-The absence of Mailata is a big one for the Eagles. It would seem that as a left guard he’ll be replaced by first-time starter Brent Toth. He’ll be facing-you guessed it-Chase Young all game long.

-Go Eagles! (just this one time and nevermind if the Giants blew it earlier today)

Praise be unto you all. Or something like that.

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Mr. Ayo

Been a great year for medicine in the NFL.

clint greasewood

Nice Punt

Sharkbait

Nate Sudfield. Take a bow.

Fronkenshteen

TAKE A TIMEOUT AMONG OTHER THINGS!!!!!!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Cris Collinsworth is the same age as me. Most memorable thing about him to me was his fumble in the SB that basically turned the momentum and SF ended up winning. Otherwise I didn’t have any particular ill will towards him.
I guess having to listen to him for three hours every week during NFL season is what has made me loathe him.

Dunstan

I actually remember a time when Al and Cris were the best announcing team. That may say more about how lousy the other options were, but I think they’ve gotten worse. Al just phones it in these days, and Cris is more interested in slobbering over Brady or whichever other star is playing than actually saying anything new.

Horatio Cornblower

“SUDFELD!!! GET IN THERE AND NAIL DOWN OUR DRAFT POSITION!!!”

SonOfSpam

Couldn’t be more accurate.

Bloody Lethal

This is the most shameful display of coaching and integrity since Doug Pederson was actually trying.

Sharkbait

Sudfield?
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Bloody Lethal

Lord have mercy.

litre_cola

Giants Fans are you ready for Sudfield time???

Doktor Zymm

Eli’s ducky likes Suds!comment image

rockingdog
litre_cola

Need 11 yards from Cherry Terry McLaurin, also a pseudonym for a exotic dancer on the West Texas tour.

Fronkenshteen

What are you doing Holly Hunter?

Horatio Cornblower

“Gettin’ paid, dummy”

Brocky

falling to that old hollywood trap of sexism were you’re too old to play a love interest or too young to be a grandma

Viva La Tabula Raza

At age 62, Holly Hunter is not too young to be a grandma.

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Brocky

Hollywood grandmas have to look 80

Doktor Zymm

“I love analytics, but sometimes you just have to make the shittier decision because I think I can predict the future”

SonOfSpam

Balls agrees with the first four syllables.

Bloody Lethal

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SonOfSpam

WE JUST LOST TANYA ROBERTS.

Not COVID but some other kind of health issue. Only 65.

Horatio Cornblower

She is survived by Mr. Slithers
comment image?v=1571266586

Dunstan

What’s the over-under on how many hack writers say some version of “we lost an Angel, but heaven has gained one”?

Mr. Ayo

Dammit. We need Hippo to wake up to the glorious tie he missed out on.

King Hippo

nods awake

nods right back

Horatio Cornblower

What a terrible call.

litre_cola

Giants fans would be losing their shit during that play. Brutal.

Sharkbait

Can Confirm. Mrs. was not pleased.

rockingdog

gahhh

should have taken the 3 points

NOT ROCKIN

Doktor Zymm

Shoulda let him run it in

Sharkbait

Down by contact?

Fronkenshteen

I’m so sorry about the swastika on this link. That’s not what the screenshot showed on YouTube. It’s a sketch by Mike Francesa and Chris Russo impersonators and it’s really funny, and that’s why I put it here. If I knew it would post with a swastika, I wouldn’t have, I assure you. Jesus, I’m sorry.

Gumbygirl

We’re pretty sure you’re not a Nazi, don’t worry about it!

SonOfSpam

I had it as 50/50.

(j/k more like 45/55)

rockingdog

ROCKIN

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SonOfSpam

AARON RODGERS’ FAMILY VOTES: 45

Horatio Cornblower

If Philly can pull this out, that means the Giants will have another chance to shit all over Brady in the post-season.

Doktor Zymm

True, but not quite the same in the Wild Card round

litre_cola

Never thought of it that way.

SonOfSpam

Only if they announce Eli’s activation on Monday.

UM I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN NOW.

Horatio Cornblower

The Giants are down late.

The theme from ‘Sesame Street’ blasts through the stadium.

Jim Nantz: “My god! That’s Eli’s music!”

Bloody Lethal

Everyone knows it would be Barney.

Gumbygirl

Jesus, wouldn’t that be a treat!

rockingdog

that would be

ROCKING

Duchess

My uncle in Philly can vouch how pulling out doesn’t always work

JustStopDude

I love Cris talking about distractions and how young players effectively have too much money.

Like he wasn’t doing blow and hookers with the Bengals.

SonOfSpam

The hookers gave his money back just to shut him up.

Fronkenshteen

That’s why he was so good on the outside. He knew his way around a white line.

litre_cola

This game has basically shit its pants in the 2nd half.

Doktor Zymm

The first half was a worrisome tummy rumble, so it’s not unexpected

Gumbygirl

There’s Snoop, I need to roll a doob.

Gumbygirl

Got back in time for the second half! Not a car on the road going up, bumper to bumper on the way down. Good riddance, diseased tourists!

SonOfSpam

I HATED the Sunday afternoon drive home from the grandparents’ place. Similar to a Sunday drive home from Vegas.

Gumbygirl

The Cajon Pass makes me crazy, any time, any day.

Sharkbait

Is that where you cut through the mountains from Vegas to LA? I’ve made that drive three times, never knew that was it.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, pass Barstow and Victorville and you hit that hell.

And you’re probably hungover.

Sharkbait

Yes. Very yes

Horatio Cornblower

Neither did the Donners.

Duchess

Well Gase I hear Bama needs a new OC prolly pay more than the Jets anyways

Last edited 3 years ago by Duchess
SonOfSpam

If nothing else, Gase is more sober than the last Tide OC.

Duchess

I’d drink too if my phone rang 24/7 with Nick Saban asking me if I saw his newest Aflac commercial

Duchess

“Sure did Boss… you’re right they should fire that dumb duck!”

JustStopDude

So now Lexus expects me to purchase a fucking luxury car for my immigrant kids?!?

Redshirt

It can be a used fucking luxury car?

Doktor Zymm

*certified pre-owned

SonOfSpam

The car or the immigrant kids?

King Hippo

porque no los dos?

Sharkbait

Yes.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Immigrant kids make the best car wash workers.

King Hippo

#FiveFingerDiscount

Dunstan

“No, only if you love your children.” — Lexus

LemonJello

Welp. I can’t muster enough interest to keep watching this. Later, Taters!

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SonOfSpam

Schefter tweeted next weekend’s schedule. Sunday night closes the proceedings with Browns at Pitt. The two days are gonna be good (except Sat nights Bucs-Abortion game)

King Hippo

Bonus is that if I pass out, it will be during the two least appealing matchups (CLE barely beat PIT today, at home and with PIT not trying).

SonOfSpam

Haven’t seen point spreads yet, but could/should the Bucs be the biggest favorite? Or Pitt or NO?

Sharkbait

Bucs probably

King Hippo

It will be Team MRSA, probably should be NO (if Bitchin’ Kamara comes off #NuAIDS list).

Doktor Zymm

I saw Tits are +3

SonOfSpam

That’s an absolutely fascinating game, but I fear for the Tits.

Sharkbait

The Total Recall spread

Mr. Ayo

Never regretted trusting Tits before, so why stop now.

Fronkenshteen

Oh unwanted fetus. When will you NOT be the underdog?

Sharkbait

Come on Eagles. Give us the 6-10 playoff team

rockingdog

found a funny:

she said i have to learn to take her bra off myself please we’ve been here for 6 hours my fingers are bleeding someone help me

rockingdog

LOL
R giants really gonna do this?

Redshirt

“Fresh Prince of Bel Air” music? But the whole premise of the show is Will Smith left Philly and his life got instantly better. That’s like playing “God Save the King” on the 4th of July.

Duchess

One step closer to a Tie!

Doktor Zymm

TIE OR DYE

Redshirt

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Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
LemonJello

Easy there, Mr. Hutchence

Viva La Tabula Raza

Dang, McCaffery, are they paying you by the decibel?

LemonJello

Alex Smith retires at halftime?

Doktor Zymm

Bring on Heinikin! Meinike? Manniken?

Redshirt

Hanukkah Harry?

SonOfSpam

Mankini.
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Redshirt

Washington Post: Democracy dies in darkness, but not without a subscription of course.

Doktor Zymm

Hey, gotta pay that electrics bill, keep the lights on

Unsurprised

Democracy Dies In Darkess is the Bezos Post’s motivation, not a warning.

Unsurprised

The editorial board opposed $2,000 checks/supports McConnell. Last night everyone at the paper got $2,021 bonuses. Fuck everyone at that shit rag.

Last edited 3 years ago by Unsurprised
Fronkenshteen

Where the fuck are we supposed to get our news from now? Reuters?

Viva La Tabula Raza

OAN and Newsmax.

Fronkenshteen

After a month, my frown muscles would get such a workout, I’d look like Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.

Redshirt

Get back to packing, Mr. President.

Unsurprised

I would sooner.

Unsurprised

Cave paintings. Men’s room stall walls. Trucker hats.

But, honestly, the only good paper is the Financial Times.

SonOfSpam

Hall & Oates bumper music this time. Smooth, yet white.

LemonJello

Like Miracle Whip on Wonder Bread…

SonOfSpam

Holy shit, Gase is only 42.

Mr. Ayo

So we get to hear about him as a retread coach for another 30 years? Fantastic.

SonOfSpam

Not cool, man. They don’t like to be compared to that idiot.

Oh, RETREAD. Sorry, carry on.

litre_cola

You guys talkin about that Doctor show?

SonOfSpam

I’m going to hell for all nine lives for how often I’ve made fun of that show.

Dunstan

“Well, what else are we supposed to do? Give a chance to a non-white coach?” — NFL Owners

Redshirt

He’ll have a chance to destroy at least two other franchises.

Doktor Zymm

Oooh, I know which ones I hope they are!

Cecil Rhodes

CFL franchises?

litre_cola

I sure as hell hope not.

Fronkenshteen

And the eyeballs of a jellyfish.

Unsurprised

He has that Stephen Miller disease. What’s it called? Pure Evil.

Doktor Zymm

GRADUAL CHANGE

Cecil Rhodes

Alex Smith can’t wait to check down his way back into this game.

SonOfSpam

“Wait’ll they see my NEXT two yard out to Logan Thomas.”

litre_cola

I need 1 more catch from McKissic and 1 more from McLaurin to win a parlay. Let it be so!

Sharkbait

My earlier parlay busted.

But my BIL bookie forgot to place the bet.
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Mr. Ayo

Well, there’s the problem, Curl is only supposed to cover Curl routes.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hurts is cromulent when he has time. Maybe this can be a game after all.

litre_cola

If JJAW is actually catching balls this is bizarro world.

Redshirt

That’s pretty much every QB. You guarantee a QB five second to go through his progressions without having to worry about the pass rush, you’ll get a Pro Bowl season out of him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Andy Reid is aghast at the suggestion that there could possibly be such a thing as “too many cooks”.

Sharkbait

How dare NBC besmirch the good name of the French Chef theme with the dumpster fire that is the NFC East

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This song makes me miss VontazeMeBro.

Doktor Zymm

No Mummer’s parade this year, so slightly less socially acceptable to wear fancy costumes while getting piss drunk on New Year’s Day

SonOfSpam

I thought horrible white people did their own or something?

litre_cola

Aren’t the horribles descending upon DC in a few days?

Duchess

Jan 6 the Sheep get sheared and milked for more money

Viva La Tabula Raza

If they get to shoot a rando libtard, it’ll be worth it to them.

SonOfSpam

Yes, Wednesday would be a good day to airdrop tons of elephant shit onto Pennsylvania Avenue. (Or wherever they are fuck you I’m not some Delmarva loser)

Doktor Zymm

You mean the DMV, Delaware isn’t involved afaik

SonOfSpam

Sure, but I have no idea about any of this, similar to most comments I make here.

Fronkenshteen

Strict “no firearms” laws there, too. The D.C. police response to this ANNOUNCED, EXPECTED menace will be the ultimate referendum on the state of policing in the United States. If they refuse to stand up to, engage, and imprison these terrorists, then yes, all law enforcement (and their Union) in the United States should be dissolved, reimagined, and reconstructed in a far more noble and righteous iteration. And I ain’t hardly fuckin’ around.

Duchess

“When you really want your favorite beer there’s a Budlight there” sounds like one of those Chinese proverb/curses like “May you live in interesting times”