Your Next NFL Football Open Thread

Did anything get sorted out? Well, surely this round of tilts will settle everything.

TO THE GAMES!

Packers/Bears:

Chicago would have much preferred that Green Bay had nothing to play for but they want to solidify that #1 seed so this one should be intense, to the point where some players may end up in tents.

Raiders/Broncs:

Neither of these teams have anything to lose. Or win. Or tie. Blah.

Jags/Colts:

Say goodbye to Hollywood and Doug Marrone, he did his best but his best just wasn’t good enough and now Urban Meyer is on everyone’s lips. Eww. Apply some balm, would you? The Colts blew it vs the Steelers last week so they should be out for blood, drinking every last bit of the Jags milkshake out there on the field.

Chargers/Chiefs:

And now he’s back! For one last incredible performance, ladies and gentlemen… Chad Henne! His counterpart, who actually shows promise, needs 341 yards today against a bunch of not-starters to become the throwingest rookie qb there ever was. He’ll set the record for a.) passing yards by a noobie and b.) Clearasil endorsements.

Cards/Rams:

Rb Akers is a game-timer for the Jekyll and Hyde Rammmits. Me: “Hey you, you must think you’re a real hotshot-you ever even played in a pro football league before?” John Wolford: “Uh, yeah. I played for the Arizona Hotshots, as a matter of fact.” Me: “Uh huh. Well, okay then.”

Seahawks/Niners:

With everyone yakking about the Packers and Saints being the creme of the NFC, I’d be wary of Wilson going on a little tear, of which he’s completely capable of doing. Now will the Seattle D step up though?

Saints/Panthers:

Ty Montgomery is the gentleman that will replace the honorable fantasy league winner Kamara today. Tis about the only interesting storyline I could find for this one.

Titans/Texans:

Henry needs 223 to reach 2,000 for the year so he’s done like dinner. Except for the fact that the last two times he went for a stroll vs the Texans he ended up with 211 and 212. No matter the outcome he’ll be the first back-to-back rushing champ since LT in ’06-’07.

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Doktor Zymm

Oh dear

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King Hippo

I apologize for minimizing the pain in the Clubhouse, but I audibly guffawed at this.

King Hippo

There was deffo some mother sucking the son in the Chi**** secondary there

Brocky

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King Hippo

If (ok, WHEN) the Bearistocrats! lose, NFC Wild Card, Bitches! weekend will feature:

1) a CFL QB starting for RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!
2) an AAF QB starting for the Qardinals
3) the Giants

HAIL ENTROPY!!!

Doktor Zymm

GLORIOUScomment image

litre_cola

*CFL is Strevvy who is a Quard.

King Hippo

oopsie, I done mixed up my rec league designations. Have Hippo had TOO MANY PILLS???

litre_cola

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ThePirateSloth

I really hope someone has contacted Tonyan to do Funyun commercials.

Petronel

All you’d need would be a ton of Funyuns. (mmmm….)

clint greasewood

Just needs ketchup
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Recovery Whiskey

Classy

Petronel

You called?

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ArmedandHammered

Hunts catsup is too sweet, way to much hfc.

ArmedandHammered

I really miss Wasabi flavored Funyuns.

Recovery Whiskey

Congratulations to DK Metcalf on breaking Seahawks legend and horseshit congressman Steve Largent’s yards receiving season record.

Don T

? ???

Horatio Cornblower

Hey guys, who wants to tell me how the Cowboys game ended?
Juuuuuuuust kidding. a) I already know and b) everyone wants to tell all the Cowboys fans they know how that game ended.

ballsofsteelandfury

To be fair, you knew going in how it was going to end.

Horatio Cornblower

I actually thought that Dallas would win, further fucking their draft position, then watch as Hurts literally handed the ball to Team defenders while rubbing his crotch on a picture of JJ.

Bloody Lethal

This is the most Giants way to extend hope for inevitable pain. Even more so if Philly wins.

Horatio Cornblower

True, but getting a 6-10 team into the play-offs would be glorious.

Brocky

yeah i know its absolutely mindblowing how a receiver could do well when your offensive line is allowed to hold every play and you can’t touch the quarterback.

no I’m not bitter

Dolph Ucker

Water is not wet. I hear you.

Recovery Whiskey

This must be about the Bears Packers

Brocky

it even has its own name. its called the lobster block

Unsurprised

Seems more accurate about the P*ts pre-2020 season.

Cecil Rhodes

I know that the Jaguars will not win, but it would be a classic Doug Marrone move to go and win this game just to give a big middle finger to Shad Khan right before he gets fired tomorrow. Hoping it happens!

Doktor Zymm

Too bad they’ve already clinched the first draft pick

Cecil Rhodes

Yes — the fact that Doug can’t screw the Jags out of a Prison Girlfriend saddens me as well.

litre_cola

It’s not Shad I have a problem with, it’s his son Tony. Needs to leave Mighty Whitey the fuck alone and get a real director of futbol in West London.

Doktor Zymm

I never understood why the Bears weren’t responsible for the maintenance, despite the weird ownership issues. Especially since the team would be held responsible if they had to cancel/delay a game due to inadequate turf

Recovery Whiskey

100 years ago Halas was a cheap bastard. Ya got a problem with that? Next question— Various Chicagoans of the past

Brocky

I always get a chuckle when the team that had al harris complains about dirty DB tactics

Dolph Ucker

You mean the Eagles?

Brocky

works for both teams I guess.

seriously, i fucking hated how blatant his holding was

Recovery Whiskey

Ya got a problem with it? Tell it to da Mayor.

clint greasewood

I know it cool to play on an NFL sealed but for the kids safety wouldn’t playing at Northwestern be the safer option.

Recovery Whiskey

You think those eggheads have a better field than da one provided by Hizzoner and da Parks District?

Brocky

fuck you Adams

Recovery Whiskey

Theres the DK Drop.

Mr. Ayo

At least it wasn’t in the end zone.

Brocky

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Brocky

only the fucking bears could make me feel like they’re losing with a 7 point league in the first quarter

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s not true, the Raiders could do that too.

Doktor Zymm

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Horatio Cornblower

Loving v. Wyoming.

Don T

Don’t get the Bear hate. They cute
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How it started: 1st and goal on the Denver 7 yard line.

How it’s going: 4th and goal on the Denver 15 yard line.

King Hippo

We can has Mowins too, is like a Very Special LIVE! That’s Rikki’s Raiders

ThePirateSloth

I made my garlic soup to start the year. My house smells delicious on day 3 of the soup, as I add more to it, and I am protected against vampires.

Win-win.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, not all vampires…
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Recovery Whiskey

the Arizona Niners get Beat Hard today.

Petronel

Which is the most likely outcome; hopefully our D will look competent, at least.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s what I tell myself before every date

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’ll show you a competent-looking D.” – Brett Favre, exaggerating

Recovery Whiskey

Looks like our offense wants to oblige. Russ must’ve lost his chef’s license

Dunstan

“Give me the address of that massage parlor” — Robert K.

Doktor Zymm

I normally like yellow pants, why do I hate these Chargers unis?

Brocky

because yellow only works when its complimented by a dark shade.

the best compliment for yellow is definitely purple, but for some reason the lakers seem to have a trademark on it

rockingdog

LOL
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Doktor Zymm

Keep it warm and it’ll hatch into a beautiful butt-erfly!

clint greasewood

Can’t wait to see what the Knicks do to top that.

Recovery Whiskey

Cleveland had a Taint recovery on that late onside kick

Bloody Lethal

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Last edited 3 years ago by Bloody Lethal
Brocky

bears points

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Don T

Titans defense did something.
REST EVERYONE NOW.

litre_cola

When the fuck did Nelson Aglohor learn to catch????

Dolph Ucker

Watching the Seahawks/Niners, listening to GB/Chicago. Trying an edible that might possibly be stronger than I thought and thinking about prepping some shepherd’s pie for dinner. Or maybe a frozen burrito.

Also, I had no idea there were so many Bears acolytes here among the commentists. I do not care for Bears, of any kind.

litre_cola

There was a survey years ago and there were more Bears in here than Buddy’s rolodex.

Doktor Zymm

Didn’t the survey used to be yearly? Should we do that again?

Dolph Ucker

It would be good to know. You know, “Us” and “Them.”

Mr. Ayo

Perfect. Beth Mowins calling a very unspecial That’s My Raiders! game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I bet she refers to Derek as “David” half a dozen times.

Recovery Whiskey

Pretty easy to guess whats the national game from all these Bears

Spur

Bears!
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Don T

Kern punt downed inside the 15.
/seductive whisper
?The Weapon?

Doktor Zymm

Oh! I know what’s happening! Soldier Filed is trying to take the championship title of deadliest turf from Fedex!

Spur

Well at least I know I’ll survive now that Dallas wont make the playoffs. Nope its decades of 6-10 seasons for me.

Brocky

living in the midwest makes us alcoholics.

sports just gives us an excuse

Recovery Whiskey

The Seattle Mariners. That’s it, that’s the joke

Doktor Zymm

That’s the business model of the city of Chicago

Brocky

i am both horrified an impressed

Doktor Zymm

Hey, I didn’t realize that kid from Home Improvement grew up to be a runningbackcomment image

clint greasewood

Maury heading to the locker room. We got backups with playoffs on the line our west.

litre_cola

STREVVVVYYYY!!! Ex Winnipeg Blue Bomber. Legend.
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Brocky

I legit didn’t know what you meant at first

Don T

Still get puzzled when “LT” is not Lawrence Taylor. Where’s my donut pillow?
/grabs, drops a Fresca

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I haven’t seen someone drop something so completely unprompted since…well about ten minutes ago during the Giants game.

rockingdog

found a funny:

everyone: thank god this year is over

dogs: thank god for the best year of my life

Brocky

are you fucking serious

Brocky

I repeat are you FUCKING SERIOUS?!?!?!?!?!?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Paging Mr. Serious…
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ArmedandHammered

Nope, I am not fucking nor have I ever fucked Yahoo Serious’s daughter.

Brocky

normally I’d appreciate the sarcasm but man

ArmedandHammered

May I inquire as to what situation has so perturbed? Cardinals, Colts, Bears?

Brocky

navy or throwback?

litre_cola

So many Bearistocrats in the clubhouse!

Brocky

hell yeah!

punches wall

hurts hand

Unsurprised

Gotta watch out for those studs.

ballsofsteelandfury

– Buddy

Doktor Zymm

I’m ambivalent, yet entertained by the NFL franchise. Other types of bears are all pretty excellent though!

Brocky

packers DE Dean Lowry: I’m gonna allow a four yard run on my side of the field, but I’m gonna shake my finger anyways

Unsurprised
Doktor Zymm

Auspicious start to the Bears game

Brocky

mood:comment image

Duchess

The Bears are going to get outplayed today. The current GM is a guy whose former team got significantly better once he left.

As the Bears motto goes:

“Start out depressed then everything comes as a pleasant surprise”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Where’s that self hating chicagoans tag?

ArmedandHammered

My family motto, followed by “Are you gonna eat that?”

Duchess

It’s raining here so it reminded me of this song

https://youtu.be/qMF4B3wDO_E

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