Your AFC North Wildcard Playoff Game Open Thread

Didn’t these squadoos just partake of one another a week ago? Anyway, should you wish to know just how badly Cleveland is screwed going into this tilt, read below.

TO THE GAME!

Browns/Steelers:

-I still can’t wrap the old bean around the fact that Cleveland is 11-5 and not 8-8 or so and barely scraping into this game. Well, the last part is correct, but still.

-Coach Stefanski is down and out so Alex Van Pelt will get the play-calling duties. This actually could turn into an advantage if the guy isn’t way in over his head. He should have slightly different tendencies than the boss. The honor of prowling the sidelines goes to some special teams co-ordinator fella by the name of Priefer. What does I know about him? He hates headphones and he coached a game for the Vikes back in 2016 when Zimmer had emergency surgery.

-Ben’s short passing game should be enough to get by this week but doesn’t bode well for next round. If he has toss longer throws beyond 10 yards he’s just as effective as the likes of Lock and Minshew. Ewww.

-Ordinarily the Steelers d-line would tear the opposing unit to shreds with blitz packages and such but this Browns o-line is among the very best in the league, equally adept at both run and pass blocking.

-They will be missing Pro Bowler Joel Bitonio as well as their best cb, their 2nd-best cb and possibly their 3rd-best cb. Also not playing is their 2nd-best pass rusher. “Hey Browns, congrats on making the playoffs, now just attach these 10 pound dumbbells to each of your ankles and away you go!. GOOD LUCK!”

-If there is prayer for Cleveland it would appear to lie in the run game. If they can control time of possession and field position (as the Colts did yesterday) they can make this their game.

-It would actually be better for the league if the deeply-flawed Steelers would go down tonight instead of next week. That way a national audience could see a Browns team that isn’t missing a huge number of its moving parts.

Say hello below.

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Dunstan

Could we see a Mason Rudolph appearance?

King Hippo

Mrs. Gumby seems grounded enough to survive this. Balls-y will pretend not to care.

Can somebody please check on poor WCS??

litre_cola

What about that other guy? The crazy one.

King Hippo

oh, I’m sure he’s with Q-anon by now.

Spur

I’ll check the FBI inmate search

Viva La Tabula Raza

This makes living through 2020 worth it.

Spur

Yes, Yes, please let this be happening

Mr. Ayo

HARF HARF HARF!

Dunstan

I haven’t seen steelers get fucked this hard since the last Village People tour

Downfield Matriculator

Did Stefanski’s Mom send those pics from her Shutterfly account?

Downfield Matriculator

Seems like the Browns will be tired on offense now, so playing right into the Tomlin rope-a-dope.

King Hippo

UnpopUlar TAEK – Lily’s AT&T co-worker is significantly hotter.

Dunstan

There’s only one way to settle this, and it involves jello and a wrestling ring.

LemonJello

“Burble!?!”

Fronkenshteen

You could earn a PhD writing a thesis about that AT&T commercial.

TheRevanchist

I need further evidence. Find her Insta and report back with evidence.

Fronkenshteen

Beat these fucks by a hundred. Beat them until they’re not breathing.

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Mr. Ayo

*scribbles game over in notebook*

Time to drink!

King Hippo

oh, you’re only like 7.5 hours late, young man!

Mr. Ayo

I was referring to the Emergen-C.

The vodka has been flowing since noon.

TheRevanchist

And here I was hoping to see Mayfield get run over. Thanks, Piss-blerg. You fucknuts.

Fronkenshteen

Hey, can I Venmo you that dough? I’m old and confused, and rely upon my sainted wife to get my financial errands done.

TheRevanchist

What is your username in the Slack?

Fronkenshteen

I am not on Slack. Should I get on there? Let me ask the wife if she’s on there. I’m so sorry for the delay. I’m an alcoholic dumbass. I just want to get you your winnings. Jesus I suck.

TheRevanchist

How about Twitter?

Fronkenshteen

i can pay you on that? What do I do? Open an account? My wife asked if you were on PayPal or Zell?

TheRevanchist

We cannot transfer any funds on Twitter, but I can talk more freely out of the realm of putting personal info out for everyone to see

Last edited 3 years ago by TheRevanchist
Fronkenshteen

My email is [email protected]. Send me yr deets. Congratulations on your triumph in this most difficult season.

TheRevanchist

Sent you something. Check your junk, male.

TheRevanchist

My handle

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Spur

Come on Browns please dont stop scoring.

Beerguyrob

This game isn’t safe until it’s 45-0. Maybe more.

Doktor Zymm

This is just…and it’s Pitt at home!

King Hippo

Chubb softened ’em up for the KHunt finish!

Beerguyrob

Again, normally Ben’s department.

Fronkenshteen

Goddamn my cable feed is SO far behind

King Hippo

Big hole here for Chubb!

/Al just gets us, man

Fronkenshteen

CHUBBERNUTS!!

SonOfSpam

Chubb penetrating a weak defense is normally Roethlisberger’s specialty.

Doktor Zymm

I actually really like the Tag Team Scoop There It Is commercial, but I have no idea what it’s selling

Fronkenshteen

Their souls.

King Hippo

Judging by sight, being able to eat the on-scene iced cream should suffice

Fronkenshteen

Boy, it takes a long fucking time to log on to this goddamn website lately. Is anyone on that?

LemonJello

Soon as Internet Dad gets back from the store. Something about going out to get a pack of smokes…

litre_cola

Like using limewire!

LemonJello

Are we sure that Notre Dame isn’t playing in place of the Steelers?

SonOfSpam

No, they only fold against good teams. Or high winds.

Duchess

Some are saying Barstool went overboard by rigging the NVP award for Mitch…. I say what do you expect their readers to do since they found out they are now on the No Fly list

King Hippo

The Yinzer crowd is all stunned silence

Gumbygirl

Confluence. Drink?

SonOfSpam

As long as it’s afire.

Gumbygirl

No, that’s the Cuyahoga in Cleveland. Pittsburgh’s rivers aren’t flammable.

ArmedandHammered

Yet! Trump’s EPA.

SonOfSpam

Cleveland succeeding twice in a row?
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Brocky

for years i erroneously assumed the city was connected to the former president. it wasn’t until the tourism video i learned otherwise

The Maestro

The Browns’ success tonight is proof that [DFO] can and should collectively head coach an NFL team.

Spur

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Doktor Zymm

We’ve replaced the Steelers with the Steelers, let’s see if anyone notices!

LemonJello

Is this all building to a really heart breaking end to #thePauls season?

Mr. Ayo

Of course not. What would make you think that?

LemonJello

History.

Gumbygirl

Let us pray!

Mr. Ayo

#BelieveLand

King Hippo

The last time #ThePauls won a road playoff fixture? Hippo was -4.

SonOfSpam

Hippo expressing his age as a betting line is very on brand.

King Hippo

hey, it was the last time I was the favoUrite

Spur

Dont need no stinking coaches!

Mother Puncher

I think the Simpsons just had an episode where homer had an affair. I wasn’t really paying much attention

Duchess

Which one was it the one with Lena Dunham?

The Maestro

Goddamn, this rules.

King Hippo

HOLY CATS, Y’ALL

Dunstan

Ben thinks this game is also on Nick, and he’s trying to teach kids that it’s good to share the ball with the other team.

King Hippo

HARF, The Ben loves to show bathroom ladies his balls

Spur

HARF, now bring me choc taco

Dunstan

I see Ben has developed a liking for black women.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Roethliception!

Doktor Zymm

Browns?

Mr. Ayo

HARFCEPTION!

Doktor Zymm

I just want to say, it’s really weird that it’s only 3:22 pm right now

LemonJello

On what alternate plane of the multiverse have you established your secret lair?

Spur

Big Island living?

Doktor Zymm

Hawai’i!

Beerguyrob

Rapey Ben with the Peyton XLIII start.

Gumbygirl

Fuck me.

Spur

SHHHH….THE BEN can hear you.

SonOfSpam

Don’t worry, he doesn’t like it when they ask for it.

Gumbygirl

I’m too old for him. He likes them young and drunk. I’m old and high.

Brick Meathook

Is that an invitation? I was on a better submarine.

Gumbygirl

Better than the USS Thomas Jefferson SSN 618 “Hostility Against Tyranny?” I think not, good sir!

Brick Meathook

USS James “Jimmy Mad Dog” Madison.

Cut up for scrap 20 years ago.

Gumbygirl

Gumby was on the decom crew of the TJ in 1984. Then the Scoop for a couple of sea trials and also the commissioning crew of the Nebraska. Plus tenders, Holland and Simon Lake.

Brick Meathook

The very young Brick Meathook went to boot camp in Great Lakes, Nuke school in Orlando FL and Idaho, and then six patrols in the fleet. Same era.

I’m still fucked up from that

Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
Gumbygirl

Gumby’s sleep will never be right.

Brick Meathook

Oh boy do I know that story.

I was never the slightest bit claustrophobic back then, but the older I get the more claustrophobic nightmares I have.

Doktor Zymm

Oh this is a beautiful start. I should stop watching

Spur

Browns did a good?

Horatio Cornblower

Good start, Ben.

Mr. Ayo

#ThePauls?

Brick Meathook

I am personally glad for all this anti-Trump activism, because it makes my write-in presidential campaign that much more viable.

litre_cola

Umm, I distinctly remember that a hobo loses it’s bindle on Sunday nights.

Doktor Zymm

Tennessee, WTF?

Dunstan

We need to completely shut down the Tennessee border until we can figure out what’s going on there.

Horatio Cornblower

We need to completely shut down the Tennessee border….

Stop drilling, you’ve struck oil!

Doktor Zymm

Or at least until we can figure out who’s funding the convoys they’re sending into the US

Gumbygirl

Isn’t it Clarence Thomas’ wife?

Mother Puncher

Bur where will Ohioans go for their Bachelorette parties?

Horatio Cornblower

By the way, ‘Federal Sleepover Inmate’ sound adorable.

King Hippo

Who is already depressed for the slow tapering off of our FITBAW heroine??

Doktor Zymm

Won’t hit till conference for me

Dunstan

Suzy Kolber is retiring?

Oh, you meant heroin

ArmedandHammered

Hello. Did I do it right?

Brick Meathook

No.

Mr. Ayo

I’m still trying to diddle my fiddle.

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