Your “And Now, The Main Event” AFC Playoff Playoff Game Open Thread

Is that guy and his makeup team still around? He made some pretty penny for a while there.

TO THE GAME!

Ravens/Bills:

-Apparently New York State isn’t allowing bars and restaurants to open for the game. So, you may want to mumble a prayer for Aunt Mabel’s kitchen table.

-What with rb Moss out and backup Yeldon not having played since October 13th, it be (as Hippo and I have wanted for 2 years now) Devin Singletary all the damn game long. Or Devonta Freeman will get 15 carries. Whatever.

-The Ravens have one of the few secondaries that can cope with the Bills deep receiving corps. We may once again see Gabe Davis hold down the fort until Diggs and Beasley get unstuck, as happened last week. A ton of credit has to go to qb Allen for going to Davis on a few plays where he sure as hell wasn’t the first or second read.

-Baltimore plays a lot of man and this where Allen thrives-he has the 3rd-highest passing grade, the 2nd-most TD’s and an 8.8 yards per attempt stat against that setup. It gets worse (for the Ravens) because Diggs gets a 36% target share in this spot.

-More good/bad news depending on your cheering preference is that Baltimore blitzes at a 40% rate and Allen has the most TD passes (18) vs the blitz. The Ravens might just get hoisted on their own petard.

-Buffalo’s run D has tightened up recently (see just last week) but has given up 150+ yards five times over the course of the season. Just Kidding Dobbins has averaged over 6 ypc and has scored in seven straight contests.

-Keep an eye out for Mark Andrews because defending the tight end is a huge weakness for the Bills. Cox and Co. burned them for 14 catches and 136 yards during Wild Card Weekend.

-Bills OC Brian Daboll, who is being pursed by the Eagles and Chargers shares a birthday with meeeeeeeeeee.

Have at it.

 

5 4 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
339 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
litre_cola

This here is some good kickin!

Dunstan

Praise be!

Mr. Ayo

Double doink?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A DOUBLE DOINK GAME!

Brocky

okay, show of hands, which ones of is doesn’t have a crush on AT&T Girl?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t, but that’s only because I made out with her in an elevator and she uses too much tongue.

King Hippo

The list is Hippo. And probably our womenfolk. She does absolutely nothing for me.

Gumbygirl

She makes a cute face in one of the ads that makes me want to slap the shit out of her.

Recovery Whiskey

She reminds me of thousands of available slightly needy but snarky women who were in my wheelhouse before finding Ms. Whiskey during that one club show in the late 1990s.

TheRevanchist

She isn’t my type. I’m watching Paula Zahn on one of those ID channel shows. Something about her makes me pay attention.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Shan’Khor just adores Buffalo in January.

litre_cola

It’s basically his winter home.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HER!

King Hippo

Goddess Bless

Recovery Whiskey

Ethan is that you?

Recovery Whiskey

Wide, right?

litre_cola

HAIL SHANKLOR!

Fronkenshteen

Lily looks like a Russian stacking doll with that haircut.

Recovery Whiskey

— Donald Trump Jr.

Brocky

as I’ve stated before, no other actress vexes me so much with their apparent ability to tone down their sex appeal

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I can’t tell if the guy who plays Enoch on Agents of Shield lives close to me. I saw him at the farmer’s market, but that’s a couple of miles away. But I think I saw him tonight just down the street.

Recovery Whiskey

Better than seeing them on farmersonly

Dunstan

AT&T’s Lily having a new hairdo is the most exciting development in my love life in the last year.

King Hippo

The real winner in this tilt…looks like Kansas City to me.

Recovery Whiskey

Big if true

Doktor Zymm

The girlfriend? Patriots fan.

Recovery Whiskey

She’ll be handy for sure

Dunstan

She really knows how to deflate balls.

Doktor Zymm

But like, a legit one, if she wasnt with Jets dude I would hook her up with our good residents

Brocky

my cousin grew up in new Hampshire and tried to convince me she wasn’t claiming to be a fan just to impress her boyfriend.

i asked her to name 3 active Patriots players.

she said brady and gronk. she tried to guess welker and Hernandez after they “left” the team

clint greasewood

A crossover of Young Sheldon and Young Rock needed.

Dunstan

Or, and hear me out here, a musical called Sheldon Rocks!

BugEyedBoo

Need it like a tabasco enema. I’d pay to turn the Young Rock and Toyota Sienna commercials off.

litre_cola

Are the Spanish announcers any better than these two slapdicks? I watch enough SexiMexi futbol that their excitement is better than these two.

Recovery Whiskey

The Mexican guys are always better. — CONCACAF footy fans

Brocky

ron riveria is a andy reid protege?

how bout no Scott..

he’s a defensive coach. his influences were buddy ryan and lovie smith

King Hippo

He turned to Andy for eating advice when he lost all that cancer weight

Recovery Whiskey

Riverboat Ron is Ditka. Who the fuck made this list they’re fired

Recovery Whiskey

Andy Reid’s Influence: BOGO pork tenderloin

Dunstan

I always pictured the Andy Reid Tree as having sausages hanging from it.

Fronkenshteen

Banner?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

It will be considered

TheRevanchist

At Christmas. Easter. Halloween. Veteran’s Day. President’s Day. National Hot Dog Day. Dorris Day.

Brocky

….father’s day?

TheRevanchist

Fatter’s Day?

King Hippo

TOUCHING THE QUARTERED BACK!!!1111

/should have been a yellow for diving

Recovery Whiskey

Simulation.

King Hippo

which is far MOAR unsportsmanlike than, like, running out of bounds on punt coverage

Recovery Whiskey

Josh Allen flops better than Wayne Rooney

King Hippo

That Rooney analogy I think tips me over into cheering for Balmer

Gatoraids

Only Foles has bigger flops

King Hippo

and that could be explained by his massive bollocks dramatically shifting his center of gravity

JimU

The probability of her ever been in Buffalo: <10%.

Spur

Brian Cushing would like all of you to know “yellow biscuit casino”

King Hippo

What a play, and his dipshit tailback drops the pass.

King Hippo

Lamar! gonna kill some fools at the half.

King Hippo

I mean, placement kicker, punter, tailback. That’s quite the derp, and we still got 3+ quarters to play.

Recovery Whiskey

Balto fan. Lapsed Catholic. As long as she doesn’t visit Chicago then get thrown out of the Ministry show at the Meteo then pull a suicide attempt on her wrist a block up on Clark.

Last edited 3 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
Brick Meathook

comment image

litre_cola

That parking lot has seen a lot of trucker handjobs.

Mr. Ayo

There’s our national disgrace!

clint greasewood

Papa John’s?

Spur

Ted Cruz?

Recovery Whiskey

The GOP?

hippofant

Goddammn how far behind is my feed?

Brocky

did trump win reelection?

King Hippo

Our Goddess will not be mocked!!

Recovery Whiskey

Fuck it. Are ya goin deep?

Recovery Whiskey

Gotta unleash the dragon

Brocky

that tshirt is how i found the old site

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

— B. Walsh

Recovery Whiskey

Fuck you Tucker

litre_cola

I have BAL ML and 1st half ML, FUCK YOU TUCKER indeed.

Dunstan

“Fuck Tucker; Tucker sucks.” — George Carlin

Mr. Ayo

Quoth the raven, BOING!

King Hippo

yeah, she gets my vote. Plus, she is a Ratbirds supporter, so she is right in Hippo’s crazy/stabby wheelhouse

Recovery Whiskey

Underboob equality nicely done

Recovery Whiskey

In the immortal words of Chuck Mosley, “It’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta do it”

King Hippo

after all that, they’ll kick a FG of roughly the same distance

Brick Meathook

Harbaugh’s got sort of an Invisible Man look going on. Or a terrorist.

Brocky

to those interested, the new invisible man is really good
comment image

Recovery Whiskey

How could you see it to be sure

Brocky

for the record, i did pick Baltimore to win this game

Recovery Whiskey

Wallace has had enough of this

Recovery Whiskey

As the laundry flies the attempt is given

Recovery Whiskey

Lamar’s like WHAT?!

Recovery Whiskey

Imagine you travel the USA and keep meeting the same idiot in the airport lounge who wants to talk your ear off about football.

Such is the life of Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth.

hippofant

One of those classic matchups of a power offense vs a speedy defense? Dafuq?

clint greasewood

Ray Liotta sounds like shit

Spur
Last edited 3 years ago by Spur
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He violated his release conditions and they’re just gonna release him again? Why bother even chasing him down?

Gumbygirl

What a hero. Isn’t he the goober who calls himself Baked Alaska? When he gets to prison, I hope he get’s his… wait for it… Just Desserts!

Doktor Zymm

I heard the words ‘sanchez’ and ‘geno smith’ and yes, I am sitting next to a jets fan

Brocky

are you in a public place with cameras?

Doktor Zymm

Probably! And he has a girlfriend with awesome owl bladder tatts who is sitting between us

Recovery Whiskey

Attempt to parse ‘owl bladder tatts’ unsuccessful

Doktor Zymm

Her dad died from bladder cancer, and she has a bunch of tattoos dedicated to him, one of which is a stellear owl

Recovery Whiskey

Well thats cool. And will override my Dead Milkmen reference

Recovery Whiskey

Geno’s Seattle’s backup now.

herodotus450

Red Wings legend Bobby Ryan scores their first goal of the season. Only had to wait 4 periods.

Spur

I like both these teams. Can we make punkass Greenbay play one of these teams instead?

Brick Meathook

comment image

montythisseemsstrangetome

This week may be the biggest challenge Josh Allen has faced all year. Having to do an interview with Chris Simms.

Brocky

interviewer: what play defines Josh Allen?

Josh Allen: probably that 50 yard touchdown to steffon diggs to cost Brocky his fantasy football championship

hippofant

https://twitter.com/riversmccown/status/1350606662315503620

Lol, so the Texans didn’t interview Saleh or Bienemy? Who are two of the top consensus HC candidates this season? AFTER their franchise QB asked them to too?

King Hippo

they weren’t properly grounded in CHRIST suck it libtards!!!111

Last edited 3 years ago by King Hippo
clint greasewood

Considering Bill O’Brain was the first coach fired they had a huge head start.

Spur

Texans are fucked. Couldnt have happen to a better ownership group. Watson needs to be traded to San Fran.

Horatio Cornblower

SI, (I know, I was surprised too), has a good story about the Texans front office debacle. That team is screwed for a long time to come and, as usual, it’s Jesus’s fault.

King Hippo

I share a birthday with Duran Duran’s Simon LeBon. I found this cool as fuck in junior high.

Brocky

i share a birthday with peter king.

for years it was my shame.

now i can say i share my birthday with someone else

comment image

Gumbygirl

Olivia Newton John for me. Not very cool.

King Hippo

well, it sure was in 1981!

Gumbygirl

Oddly enough, we are the same height too. But I could kick her ass!

Brocky

for some reason, this reminds me of the time I was watching Kingdom of the crystal skull (I REFUSE to call it by its actual name.

i remember thinking that I could beat up Shia LaBeouf’s character. that movie was so bad i was contemplating throwing hands with a fictional character in order to prove a point

Mr. Ayo

I share a birthday with JFK’s assassination but you don’t hear me running around bragging about it.

montythisseemsstrangetome

You should.

Dunstan

I got Elvis’s deathaversary. Back in my youth they used to play Elvis songs all day on my birthday….

Recovery Whiskey

Memories of floating in my rich step-dad’s swimming pool on that hot August afternoon, a high school kid baked out of my mind, fully enjoying the result of my mom’s social climbing ability … when the radio broke the news. The King Is Dead.

Fronkenshteen

Duane Allman died on the day of my birth.

Recovery Whiskey

I got Don Johnson. One day earlier and it would’ve been Brad Pitt.

Last edited 3 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
Brick Meathook

Ernie Kovacs, Randolph Scott, Django Reinhart, and MacGiver

You have six shopping days

clint greasewood

I got Tupac Shakur, AEWs Jungle Boy, OJ’s buddy Al Cowlings and Jurgen Klopp.

Fronkenshteen

I have Bob Ross and Dan Castellaneta

Horatio Cornblower

Man, I thought the internet was overeacting to Pam Oliver, but I just watched her post-game talks with Rodgers and Jones and there is something way off about her.

King Hippo

Black folks don’t like the cold.

Brocky

black folks don’t feel safe in Wisconsin

seriously, its like indiana but with more hunting rifles

Gumbygirl

I seem to recall people talking about her having some sort of brain issue a few years ago, like she’s had a bunch of concussions or something?

clint greasewood

I’m sure they give you Brandy as a courtesy in were ever you go in Wisconsin. Glass at the airport, glass in the uber to the hotel, glass at the hotel, glass when entering the stadium, glass in the ladies room and by the time its kickoff your in trouble.

Brick Meathook

I think Pam Oliver is drunk

Doktor Zymm

Good for her, I hope she is and I hope it was good booze

Brocky

you make a decision on your own booziness?

Doktor Zymm

She deserves nice things and nice times

Brocky

are you referring to pam or are you talking in the third person?

Gumbygirl

Why not both?

1 2 3