Your “Let’s Tie A Bow on 2020” Superb Owl Open Thread

Let’s wipe the slate clean the way Andy Reid uses lettuce as a napkin to wipe his mouth during a meal and then eats said napkin/lettuce afterwards. Look, it’s a form of recycling and he’s trying his best.

Well, all of our pleading, begging, crying, complaining, caterwauling, gnashing and swearing has come down to this-the likeable dude vs. the mangy old faux-vitamin seller. Damn, by the time we get to the second half it’ll be past Brady’s bedtime! But anyway, you dropped by here to interact with the lovely folks that inhabit the site, make dick jokes and say goodbye to another footed ball season so I’ll just throw some giblets out there (Petey King calls them nuggets and nuggets are gross) and we’ll be on our way.

TO THE (LAST) GAME!

Chiefs/Bucs:

-Shoutout to K.C.’s DC who goes by the name of “Spags”. He was the one who devised the Giants extraordinary upset of the undefeated ’07 Pats (remember, Tabula?) with heavy pressure from the defensive line. This time around he doesn’t have talent there but he does have some in the secondary. So he’s come up with a dime package that uses 6(!) db’s. He runs that D 44% of the time as opposed to the league average of 10%. Wherever the playmakers are, he plays to their strengths and finds a way to be effective. Much respect to that fella.

-Bucs dl Vita Vea was one of only two interior lineman that had a 20%+ pass rush success rate before he went down with an injury. This matters because…

-After losing Eric Fisher in the AFC Title Game, the Chiefs now only have one offensive lineman that they started week 1 with. (center Austin Reiter)

-Cb Carlton Davis had a nightmare last evening. It involved re-living his week 12 debacle vs. Tyreek Hill when he gave up 203 yards receiving in a little over 15 minutes. Since Mahomes became the starter Hill has 19 TD’s on passes thrown over 20 yards-that’s 6 more than the next guy.

-A difference maker goes by the name of Honey Badger-during the win over the Browns he allowed -5 yards receiving and an interception on 6 targets.

-The Bucs D has allowed the least number of rushing TD’s in the entire league at a measly 12. Dalvin Cook was the only dude that ran for over 100 yards against them and he barely accomplished it at 102.

-In all of Patty’s playoff games he has 21 TD’s combined and only 2 INT’s. Tom Brady sucks dog’s balls on a regular basis.

Scritch that itch in the comments.

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SonOfSpam

How is this better than, say, Foo Fighters?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s more malleable?

Doktor Zymm

Less foo being fought?

Old School Zero

bring back Prince

SonOfSpam

Prince in his current condition would be more entertaining.

Old School Zero

Dead Prince is still more talented than all of us put together

Viva La Tabula Raza
Petronel

comment image

(Embiggened, as he deserves)

Last edited 3 years ago by Petronel
Viva La Tabula Raza

With Tom Petty and Michael Jackson. Sponsored by the pharmaceutical industry.

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Recovery Whiskey

The best SB halftime ever.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Needs more Demerol

Recovery Whiskey

Are those elevator shoes

Redshirt

The steak continues! 24-years and counting of not watching the Halftime Show

Recovery Whiskey

But you miss out watching some lame ass pop singer

Brocky

wish aew had a “halftime heat” this year

Doktor Zymm

Oh hell yes, this passion fruit/grapefruit sour is IT

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Which one?

Doktor Zymm

Shady Oak PFG

Viva La Tabula Raza

See y’all in a bit, gotta switch over to an auto show I DVR’d earlier.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Remember the Bud Bowl? It’s like that, but with BEERGH.

Redshirt

If they don’t calm Tyrann Mathieu down during Halftime, he’s going to retire both himself and Brady with a dirty hit.

WCS

That works for me.

Doktor Zymm

I like Mathieu though

clint greasewood

Please proceed

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[immediately starts flicking the Chiefs locker room lights on and off]

Petronel

If Brady hits back, then we’d have a game for the ages.

Horatio Cornblower

I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter, should you have one.

Sharkbait

I still have to shovel after this game.

Fuck

Game Time Decision

It will still be there tomorrow……

herodotus450

And in a month or two it will be gone all on its own.

JimU

I’m thinking of getting a giant magnifying glass to melt the snow for me.

Senor Weaselo

Even CBS has said too much flagkakke.

WCS

BLEERGH FEASTS

herodotus450

Is today the day I finally find out who or what “The Weekend” is? …No.

Game Time Decision

He CanCon from America’s upstairs

BugEyedBoo

The Weeknd.

Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s what everybody is working for.
—Loverboy

JimU

Remember when the Bears and Steelers were in this year’s playoffs?

Gatoraids

Don’t forget the Team

Brocky

Dear commissioner Goodell,

if your making me feel bad for the team that employs Tyreek Hill and Britt Reid,

THEN YOURE FUCKING DOING SOMETHING WRONG!

Doktor Zymm

You seem to be assuming that there are fewer shitheads and less responsibility for hurting kids on other teams.

Brocky

there’s a green bay joke in here somewhere

Doktor Zymm

How far is Tampa bay from Atlanta?

Gatoraids

Mmm 6 hrs or so

Dunstan

“I can drive it in four.” — B. Reid

herodotus450

28-3 minus 6 plus 2 is 21-6, it’s right there people!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Local ad for Red McCombs car dealerships. Hard to remember he used to own the Vikes. And his house is just up the road from Lee High School, where Tommy Kramer played ball.

yeah right

I remember.

BugEyedBoo

Marky Mark has car dealerships here in Columbus. The commercials are like nails on a chalkboard to me.

Horatio Cornblower

Friend of mine just texted “Brady can finish in 1 minute, 10 seconds? I feel bad for Gisele.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Oh Tommy, I cum so hard!!!:

Redshirt

“Yeah, that’s nice and all Tom, but what about me?” – Giselle

Gumbygirl

She looks like she can take charge. Must be that Nazi blood.

Doktor Zymm

I like your friend and wish to subscribe to their newsletter

blaxabbath

I have some cointreau here; not sure how I use it.

Dunstan

Margaritas.

I also recently started adding a bit to bourbon on the rocks. Sort of an old fashioned variant, but I’m sure it has an actual name.

Dunstan

Add lemon juice to that and it’s a Sidecar

Viva La Tabula Raza

Got a syringe? Mainline.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dirty little secret: it’s just triple sec

Gumbygirl

Kamekaze!

Senor Weaselo

There‘s your Sweet Victory. A bit late.

WCS

Oh, great! Another CBS crime drama I’ll never watch!

Horatio Cornblower

Man, I really want Reid to lose and look bad doing it, but if Brady could somehow get some of his internal organs rearranged in the second half I would be much happier.

tomsellecksmoustache

YES. Let’s see Yo Gabbert Gabbert sling it around in the second half to earn that ring.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ll never subscribe, but the Paramount ads at least have a lot of familiar faces.

yeah right

The Beavis and Butthead ad actually made me chuckle.

Brocky

I really wanted Butthead to say “hey baby” to samara

Gatoraids

Now can just hope for is there a doctor in the house joke from the weekend

rockingdog

BUCS are ROCKING!!!!

hahaha wow
comment image

Brocky

is this how Seahawks fans felt about superbowl XL?

Mr. Ayo

Sort of. The rushing td out of the half was the back breaker though.

Recovery Whiskey

Yes. The entire football world laughing at the fix being obvious and in.

Last edited 3 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
Don T

Mi hope Beavis leg humps Young Sheldon.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe he’ll cornholio the young man.

herodotus450

(finishes some veal saltimbocca)
Ohhh, half time.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Now, it would be interesting to see Tampa pull a “28-3” type of self dick shooting in the 2nd half.

Horatio Cornblower

KC is 2 TDs down and has Mahomes. I’m not running out and betting the mortgage on Tampa Bay winning.

Brocky

i would ask all the brady fans I know how they can defend this blatant bias, but their all fucking trump supporters, so they’re used to ignoring reality

Spur

Honeybadger does care

Game Time Decision

Doink?

Recovery Whiskey

These refs are making me want to root KC.

Horatio Cornblower

Just crazy that a team coached by noted disciplinarian Andy Reid could absolutely lose its collective shit like this. Gosh, I sure hope that they’re weren’t any distractions over the last few days that might have taken their attention away from the game, especially on the defense, where all the penalties are coming from.

nomonkeyfun

THESE REFS, I CALL THEM BUDDY’S HAMSTER, BECAUSE THEIR SO FAR UP HIS ASS.

Doktor Zymm

BREAKING NEWS – TAMPA HAS JUST BEEN AWARDED THE WORLD CUP

clint greasewood

I’m now VERY SUSPICIOUS that the AFC Championship game was called as “sticky” coverage but now that BRADY is the QB on the opposite side… the NATIONAL COVERAGE is saying the Chiefs are KNOWN for holding receivers !

and yeah I’m a Bills fan.

blaxabbath

These nonsense flags are proof LADYREFS haven’t got the control to officiate an NFL game.

Recovery Whiskey

Bet she’s calling it because she thinks Brady’s cute

Sharkbait

This game is not going how I thought

Doktor Zymm

I’m unsportsmanlike conduct, pointing out the bias of the refs

Don T

Antonio Brown TD catch. What a journey for this scumbag.

Gumbygirl

Meh, he will end up broke living under a bridge. Good.

Spur

Gronk, now AB. Next is Fournette with a TD

blaxabbath

“Someday, when Brady is gone, these refs will all be yours, Russell.”

-R. Goodell

Old School Zero

ha ha yeah white

Recovery Whiskey

Never gonna happen.

Senor Weaselo

How is that PI and not holding? Oh right.

Recovery Whiskey

We all live to suck Brady’s dick, Jeem

Gumbygirl

I’m in the bathtub, can’t see the game, but I can hear the refs tanking for Tommy.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“What are you wearing?”

Gumbygirl

Poopy suit, what else?

Mr. Ayo

BLEEERGH is on a roll

Old School Zero

The Super Bowl, live from a Floridian Retirement Community, featuring midwesterners shitting the bed!

Recovery Whiskey

Uncatchable ball but its Brady so PI

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Flag” football.

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