Your “Let’s Tie A Bow on 2020” Superb Owl Open Thread

Let’s wipe the slate clean the way Andy Reid uses lettuce as a napkin to wipe his mouth during a meal and then eats said napkin/lettuce afterwards. Look, it’s a form of recycling and he’s trying his best.

Well, all of our pleading, begging, crying, complaining, caterwauling, gnashing and swearing has come down to this-the likeable dude vs. the mangy old faux-vitamin seller. Damn, by the time we get to the second half it’ll be past Brady’s bedtime! But anyway, you dropped by here to interact with the lovely folks that inhabit the site, make dick jokes and say goodbye to another footed ball season so I’ll just throw some giblets out there (Petey King calls them nuggets and nuggets are gross) and we’ll be on our way.

TO THE (LAST) GAME!

Chiefs/Bucs:

-Shoutout to K.C.’s DC who goes by the name of “Spags”. He was the one who devised the Giants extraordinary upset of the undefeated ’07 Pats (remember, Tabula?) with heavy pressure from the defensive line. This time around he doesn’t have talent there but he does have some in the secondary. So he’s come up with a dime package that uses 6(!) db’s. He runs that D 44% of the time as opposed to the league average of 10%. Wherever the playmakers are, he plays to their strengths and finds a way to be effective. Much respect to that fella.

-Bucs dl Vita Vea was one of only two interior lineman that had a 20%+ pass rush success rate before he went down with an injury. This matters because…

-After losing Eric Fisher in the AFC Title Game, the Chiefs now only have one offensive lineman that they started week 1 with. (center Austin Reiter)

-Cb Carlton Davis had a nightmare last evening. It involved re-living his week 12 debacle vs. Tyreek Hill when he gave up 203 yards receiving in a little over 15 minutes. Since Mahomes became the starter Hill has 19 TD’s on passes thrown over 20 yards-that’s 6 more than the next guy.

-A difference maker goes by the name of Honey Badger-during the win over the Browns he allowed -5 yards receiving and an interception on 6 targets.

-The Bucs D has allowed the least number of rushing TD’s in the entire league at a measly 12. Dalvin Cook was the only dude that ran for over 100 yards against them and he barely accomplished it at 102.

-In all of Patty’s playoff games he has 21 TD’s combined and only 2 INT’s. Tom Brady sucks dog’s balls on a regular basis.

Scritch that itch in the comments.

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Recovery Whiskey

10 year old me called these FG “field dildos”

Doktor Zymm

Hehe. Buttger hehehe his name is butt.

Senor Weaselo

That’s early, but no flag!

clint greasewood

If the Bucs win which finger will JPP wear his ring on?

Doktor Zymm

Finger?

Recovery Whiskey

His neck

Mr. Ayo

His dick.

Gumbygirl

Both of them.

ThePirateSloth

*sigh*

Younger me would be totally disgusted at Old Man Pirate turning the SB off at halftime. If only I could explain to Younger Pirate that pretending to be left handed during a sword fight is just being an asshole you’re in for many years of suffering by remaining a football fan, just walk away now.

Brady is gonna be handed his 3,293,450,456 Super Bowl ring and I can’t be bothered enough to care.

SonOfSpam

Feels like we’re gonna have a Chiefs holding penalty soon.

Brick Meathook

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SonOfSpam

If I remember right, they like the Oilers and the Packers.

Mr. Ayo

And the Bears.

Game Time Decision

I still HATE the superb owl logo.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We all do

Sharkbait

They really need to go back to the cool designs

Redshirt

What? I think this Super Bowl LIV logo is kind of nice!

Old School Zero

LiV, LaF, LuV

Doktor Zymm

What, just because they give exactly zero shits that the lombardi trophy looks exactly like a roman numeral and therefore it’s completely the wrong number?

clint greasewood

The “L”could have been a palm tree and the “V” could have been easily the front of a pirate ship.

Brocky

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Old School Zero

Russel Wilson looking hungover AF

The Maestro

That’s the look of a man who needs some Nanobubbles.

Senor Weaselo

Macklemore: “Whose hangover is that?”

Game Time Decision

You’d be too if you had to hang out with Rog

Recovery Whiskey

I feel seen

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Never forget
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Gumbygirl

It was clearly the strawberries. ALL THE STRAWBERRIES!

Doktor Zymm

And he had IODINE in his salt! HOW DID HE SURVIVE?!

herodotus450

Stick tuned for my conspiracy theory video that the real Tom Brady took over for Avril Lavigne when she died in 2005, and the current “Tom Brady” is actually a collection of men genetically engineered by the Rand Corporation.

Gumbygirl

I bet he’s completely smooth in the pubely region, just like my Ken doll.

Redshirt

Time to see if my dad survived the Halftime Show.

Old School Zero

Service Jobs: The Game Show! Where every worker wins a guaranteed 40 hour shift!

Old School Zero

Fully: GET BACK TO WORK YOU LAZY ASS LOSER!

Senor Weaselo

Hey, that’s how GameStop got to hundreds of dollars per share!

Old School Zero

Maybe Silence Of The Lambs Sans Hannibal can be the new Garfield Minus Garfield

herodotus450

(Hears “minus Garfield”)
“You’re right!”
-Charles Guiteau

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Quality pull there

herodotus450

Also what they said about Charles’ finger on the trigger that day.

blaxabbath

So when do they drop the twist and this becomes entertaining?

Senor Weaselo

I have a sneaking suspicion that my student, who’s asked me for the chords of “Blinding Lights” so he can ignore me, is going to ask if that was the greatest halftime show ever and if I’m jealous about not being one of the air violinists.

Viva La Tabula Raza

You can trick him by giving him the chords for “Blinded by the Light.”

Senor Weaselo

I do. Every week. And then he continues to do nothing.

WCS

We need another In Living Color Halftime Show.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Two Snaps and a Circle!!!

Mr. Ayo

All the support people are going to be retroactively happy they had masks on so no one recognizes they were a part of this terrible show.

Old School Zero

fuck you pepsi, go to hell

blaxabbath

Cherry Pepsi or STFU

Gatoraids

Is rather see the Chek Cola halftime staring the emitt otter jug band

SonOfSpam

At least they tried to immolate Michael Jackson.

SonOfSpam

First time I remember ever being glad the Weeknd was over.

herodotus450

Is it pronounced like weekend, or weakened? I need to know which is wrong so I can use it like an old fogey.

Doktor Zymm

Weak-nad

Game Time Decision

Weekend

SonOfSpam

It’s pronounced “wee Keds”

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Weened”. The “kn” is pronounced like it is with “knife.”

rockingdog
SonOfSpam

He’s just such a royal bitchqueef.

blaxabbath

Do hate.

Redshirt

When Mathieu does it: “TAUNTING!”
When Brady does it: “Just havin’ fun.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

Kinda like the Capitol insurgent’s treatment vs the treatment of the BLM protestors.

Brocky

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Doktor Zymm

I’m glad they managed the incredibly easy task of incorporating decent masks into a costume

blaxabbath

You know they brainstormed some other abomination….

blaxabbath

One never knows what the future holds but I’d say it’s safe to announce that this is not the greatest Super Bowl halftime show of all time.

SonOfSpam

He’s no Up With People.

Gumbygirl

Don’t make me drop my Up With People mad beats again!

SonOfSpam

You get that remix tape I sent?

Gumbygirl

No, but I am all in!

Old School Zero

January 21st: The Weeknd has tested positive for the newest mutant strain of COVID-19

Recovery Whiskey
Don T

I don’t like this remake of The Wall

Mr. Ayo

If this halftime taught me one thing, it’s that The Weeknd is short.

Wait, I already knew that.

Petronel

He’s doing his best to make it seem longer

The Maestro

Hey Weaselo, why didn’t you get called up for this one?? String players need a boost!

Senor Weaselo

I don’t know, probably because I’m not in Tampa, but they’re not good bow holds.

The Maestro

Even I, a mediocre double bassist, could see that.

Senor Weaselo

Those are not good bow holds.

SonOfSpam

Daughter just said the same. I guess you string nerds know best.

Brocky

lol I’m gonna ask my friend the viola player on that one

Doktor Zymm

THANK YOU

Brocky

still my favorite SB halftime moment, just for sheer unexpectedness:

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rockingdog

thats ROCKING

Gumbygirl

Didn’t she take a tumble during hers? That might just be wishful memory.

Brocky

I don’t think so.

she did a cartwheel that was memorable as how “un-spry” she looked
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herodotus450

I didn’t know Key and Peele were in a halftime show!

Brick Meathook

On tonight’s very special episode, Young Sheldon gets raped by the gym teacher and his dog. Tonight at eight, seven central, only here on CBS.

Dunstan

Bazinga!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Special guest star: Jim “Gym” Jordan.

Game Time Decision

Is senior playing there?

Old School Zero

is he actually popular with the youths or just A&R failsons who think this is what the youths like?

Doktor Zymm

‘Youths’

Game Time Decision

Very popular with the youths

Horatio Cornblower

My son liked him about 6 years ago, which seems about the right amount of time for the Super Bowl to catch on to him.

hippofant

Is the Weekend just black Maroon 5?

SonOfSpam

Dunno who got burnt more, but someone did.

Sharkbait

Springsteen crotch is better than this.

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Game Time Decision

Its on brand that he’s signing about drugs at half time

clint greasewood

Did they not hire a sound engineer for this?

rockingdog

this is NOT ROCKING

rockingdog
Brick Meathook

“The Weekend” is like the Pat Boone of 2021.

SonOfSpam

Except I’d just like the Weeknd to leave the stage, not die horrifically.

WCS

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Don T

The Weeknd dancers doing the KC Secondary Nass stumble.

Sharkbait

Are those jock straps on their faces?

SonOfSpam

Well, the refs are currently sniffing Brady’s.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who’s driving the camera, Rob Bironas?

Brocky

too soon – Britt Reid

clint greasewood

Blame Cannda

Doktor Zymm

Which one is left shark?

SonOfSpam

Currently pining for left shark.

SonOfSpam

Could use another Butthead appearance.

“Uhhhhhh…this sucks.”

Mr. Ayo

Hehe, you said butt. And suck. Hehe.

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

Beavis, but whatevs

herodotus450

And to pile it on, my PCB manufacturer of choice website appears to be down. Could this night get any worse?

Mr. Ayo

Don’t tempt fate. It can always get worse.

Doktor Zymm

Nice that the backup dancers are wearing disposable plastic suits and safety goggles while social distancing in cubes

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