One of the biggest things I miss from our old site was the mock drafts that used to run every Friday. Those were fantastic time wasters, and a good one was a virtual guarantee that you were going to be far from productive at work, as your day instead degenerated into arguments with strangers over who would be the best Saturday cartoon character to have sex with, (and now we all know how that would go), or some other equally inane topic, all of which were still more important than that TPS report deadline your boss was yelling about. Good times.
Well, it’s been long enough. After a discussion in the back channels yours truly is bringing it back, with some slight rule changes. The old site had 4-5 main contributors, one of whom may not have been real. So they’d do 2-3 rounds themselves, then kick it to the kommentariat to draft whatever was left over. You can do that when you’ve only taken 10-15 of whatever topic was up for drafting. We, however, are a much more connected group when it comes to the writin’ and draftin’ of things, so if we did that we’d easily take out 30-50 before we threw the bedraggled leftovers to our beloved readership. That’s no fun. So these drafts, which I expect to last as long as I remember to do them, (2-3 weeks), will just leap right into it.
Also, for content and alliteration reasons, we’ve moved the draft to Monday mornings, so get ready to kill your productivity right from the start.
Yours in the comments, first come, first served. For now, please wait 10 picks or 30 minutes before making another one. That will be revised up or down depending on how much participation we get, which I hope will be a lot.
This week I managed not to forget about this until after finishing the night with an 11.3% ABV, (at least not yet), and so this will post on time. Huzzah! This week, we’re back on that same weird desert island that earlier could play record albums. This week there’s a TV, (hopefully food and water, but that’s another draft), but it only gets one show. if we’re only gonna have one show, we’re gonna need a lot of episodes. And I think all of us here are aware of a certain show that’s been around for 30 years, even if many of the more recent years lacked the quality of the earlier years. That’s right, this week we’re drafting episodes of ‘The Simpsons.’ Just episodes, you can’t draft the movie.
With the first pick, I will take ‘Homer Versus The 18th Amendment’
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems!
Yours in the comments.
Since I took too many Halloween episodes, I take “Treehouse of Horror VII” where Kang and Kodo are running for election.
Bart After Dark
Bart gets a job in a burlesque house
I almost went with that one!
I’m a sucker for musical numbers, and this one has “We Put the Spring in Springfield.”
The Secret War of Lisa Simpson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05a9llSLKHU&ab_channel=mrant27
Since I didn’t catch someone taking “Mr Plow”, I’m hoping “Flaming Moe’s” is still on the board.
great value.
Treehouse of Horror X, for Lucy Lawless getting kidnapped by Comic Book Guy
All right, third pick before I mow the lawn: Homer’s Barbershop Quartet. I’ll make a fourth pick afterwards because I’m fairly confident it’ll be on the board.
/With that it’ll go next pick!
BART SELLS HIS SOUL
I don’t know if any bit on the Simpsons has ever made me laugh harder than this one.
I’m making my third pick early, because I have shit to do. ‘Lisa the Iconoclast’
A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.
“I’ve been called a greasy thug before too…”
That’s perfectly cromulent, Rikki!
$pringfield: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph3QowmTZ3k&ab_channel=AreaEightyNine
This is probably the last remaining episode I would have traded up for. Great pick.
“I’m from *a* casino…”
“Vera said that?”
I love that line.
KRUSTY’S DAD
That could have been my first pick
Krusty’s Dad: I have no son. /slams door
Bart:[to Lisa] Great. We come all this way and It’s the wrong guy.
[door flies open]
Krusty’s Dad: I didn’t mean that literally /slams door
Bonus: Bart saying on the radio show “Hi, my name’s Dmitri, long time listener, first time caller” just kills me every time
22 Short Films About Springfield
Worth it just for “Skinner and the Superintendant”
Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo! C’mon man, Battling Seizure Robots!
I’m having issues today
This deep in the draft and *all* the Sideshow Bob episodes are still on the board? Yoink!
CAPE FEARE!
Cape Feare is long gone. Right Rev. took it before 10:00 am DFO time.
D’oh! This is what I get for searching for Sideshow Bob instead of the actual episode name. I’ll take Black Widower instead.
First round pick. What are you, the Vikings?
Can’t we pretend this is like in the NFL draft where there are two players who happen to have the same? No? Damnit, fine, I’ll just post my favorite bit from it instead.
[HOMER is tied up and unconscious, drooling]
LISA: Mom, dad’s been drugged!
MARGE: [frowns] No he hasn’t.
Hit and Run!
🎵I am evil Homer!🎵
Here we go
https://youtu.be/AnIu8CI4Syw
I played the game The Simpsons: Hit And Run on the original XBox. Lot of fun destroying things.
How is this still on the board? “Dancin’ Homer.” I just used the Bleeding Gums Murphy Star-Spangled Banner reference to a friend this past week.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyM1IPLncZA
Ha! I made my mother watch that episode (en español) with me, and she really dug Homer’s reflection at the end regarding sad stories.
“Mr. Plow”, baby!
/revision/latest?cb=20131013172420
BFC rolled out of bed and took that with the 4th pick.
Lotta plowing going on in BFC’s bedroom this morning, apparently.
Bart The Lover.
Features Whalers great, (I think he played for another team too, maybe), Gordie Howe, and the immortal break up line: “But wherever I go, the wind will whisper the name ‘Edna.’ PS, I am gay”
“Oh yes. I really hate yo-yos”
I’ll take “A Fish Called Selma.” A Phil Hartman-heavy episode, with the terrific “Dr. Zaius” song…
Radioactive Man
A Milhouse Divided
https://youtu.be/DXeRCJzrQEA
“I Love Lisa” just for the “Choo Choo Choose you” line
Since a lot of the first ones I’d take are, well, taken, I’ll start my afternoon with “Bart Gets An Elephant,” because who doesn’t love Stampy?
Two Bad Neighbors
“keeping in mind that I already explained about the hair.”
Homer: He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson?
Bart: I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.
/still laughing
BONUS: HW to Homer: “I’ll ruin you like a Japanese banquet”
Since I traded all my draft picks for a meatball sub and a can of cheese whiz, I will just share some videos of my fav moments.
https://youtu.be/x5EFS6WmxQQ
Glad you held out for the cheez wiz.
Can i get a random Halloween episode or 10. Any of them. All of them. Whatever. They are all good. Does not matter which one.
Commissioner’s Ruling:
You have to pick one, you can’t just take all of them, damn your oily hide.
Second pick: A Star Is Burns
“Barney’s movie had heart, but Football In The Groin had a football in the groin.”
Can’t believe this one last as long as it did. A true steal.
According to Wiki, it’s controversial because many fans agreed with Matt Groening that it was just a long ad for The Critic. I disagree, and in any event I loved The Critic and own the DVD set.
That may be true, but it also had a guy getting hit in the groin with a football, so who’s the real winner here?
George C. Scott, obviously!
I’ll take “Grade School Confidential” for my next pick.
DonT informs me that he picked the gummi Venus de Milo episode so I’ll take the Canyonero episode.
Mr. Burns’s Heir
Mr. Burns: Did you meet young Larry.
Male Yale Admin: [Seriously] Oh yes. He made light of my weight problem and suggested my my motto should be Semper Fudge. At which point he told me to [air quotes] relax.
Mr. Burns: I see. How ere his test scores?
Female Yale Admin: He spelled Yale with a six
Yale could use an international airport
We still refer to Yale as “Six” in the Weaselo household. Especially after I didn’t get an audition for the music school for my Master’s.
Shoulda sprung for the airport, Senor.
Senor – eldest HippoSpawn thinking of applying to Indiana for her music school masters. Thoughts??
She’d be an ed major, correct? What’s her primary instrument again? (Also double-check the backchannel.)
Vocal, and yes, music edumacation
Can I get the episode where Homer eats the crazy hot chilli and goes insane. Think it’s called “El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer”
Sorry Senior, I’m sure this was on your list.
2. DEEP SPACE HOMER
Where’s Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli when you need him?
Careful! They;re RIPPLED!!
Homer’s Phobia
Oh, be nice.
“No, ultra swede is a miracle. This is just good timing”
Homerpalooza. “”I used to rock and roll all night and party ev-a-ry day. Then it was every other day. Now I’m lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky.”
“Hi, I’m Billy Corrigan, Smashing Pumpkins.”
“Homer Simpson, smiling politely.”
“If it’s brown, drink it down. If it’s black, send it back!”
Going into meetings and it’s been 30, so…
Pick 3 I’ll take Homer Badman for many reasons, but mainly the gummi Venus de Milo and the kicker after the song i quote all the time
https://youtu.be/EilnpJtP7Tw
Um…
Oh shit. Well i was thinking by title. Bah.
Homer Sexual Harassment
“So, you’re one of those… ‘Don’t call me a chick’ chicks.”
-Bart
Off the top of my head, my fave Simpsons joke
Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish — featuring Blinky the three-eyed fish and Burns’ campaign for governor
Lofty pick
ADVISOR
But there’s a down-side to it. The latest polls indicate you’re in danger of losing touch with the common man.
BURNS
Oh, dear! Heaven forfend!
ADVISOR
Which is why, the night before the election we want you to have dinner at the home of one of your workers.
BURNS
Oh, I get your angle. Every Joe Meatball and Sally Housecoat in this godforsaken state will see me hunkering down for chow with Eddie Punch-clock. The media will have a field day.
ADVISOR
The only question is: can we find someone common enough?
They look on the security monitors and see Homer eating, scratching himself, and belching.
Homer at the Bat
Am I crushing this thing or what?
Daaaaaryl. Daaaaaaaaryl.
Cape Feare
“Lisa The Greek”
Just give me the usual, Moe: a beer AND A WAD OF BILLS
Do I have to know the episode title? It’s the one with this bit, which made me laugh so hard I fell out of me university bunk (a song that may never have existed):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY31gwEUujI
Since you stole my first choice, I have to go with “Kamp Krusty “.
If it makes you feel better, that was my second pick.
“My insulin!” kills me every time.
MRS GTS JUST BOOKED THE FIRST JAB FOR YOUNGEST GTD. WOOO FUCKING HOO)). BOTH KIDLETS WILL HAVE HAD THEIR FIRST SHOTS IN LESS THAN 2 WEEKS AND MIGHT BE FULLY VACCINATED BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS AGAIN IN SEPTEMBER. HOLY SHIT THIS MAKES ME HAPPY.
Homer The Heretic. The St. Francis of Assisi bit is an all-timer
SAVE ME JEEBUS!!!!
Homer the Great. Just for the song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXtQMz1RGNw
I’m not fully awake yet but I’ll take Mr. Plow
YOU ONLY MOVE TWICE
Last Exit to Springfield
Homer becomes a union kingpin and Lisa needs braces.
Oh man the blurst of time line makes me giggle every time.
“Why must you turn my office into a house of LIES?’
Dental plan!
Lisa needs braces.
Dental plan!
Lisa needs braces.
Dental plan!
And so on, and so forth.
Homer the Sugar Baron is my #1
The benefits of waking up early for work:
MARGE VS THE MONORAIL
That’s more of a Shelbyville pick.