We’re on the verge of the greatest international sports summer ever! We have:

• Copa América
• Euro 2020
• CONCACAF Gold Cup
• Tokyo Olympic Games

And it all starts on June 11, 2021 with the European Soccer (Football) championships aka Euro 2020!

Yes, it is 2021 but they decided to keep the name, ok?

From now until the tourney starts, we’ll be giving you previews for every country in Euro 2020, DFO-style, of course. We will also provide previews of all the Copa América countries as the Copa América starts on June 13, 2021 right after Euro 2020 starts.

Euro 2020 will be broadcast in English on ESPN in the United States and on TSN in Canada. Univisión has the Spanish language rights in the US and TVA has the French language rights in Canada.

Today’s team is… why did I volunteer for this again? Oh yeah!

Armenia is a Caucasus state in Asia Minor bordered by Turkey to the west, Georgia to the north, the Lachin corridor currently peacekept by Russia to the east along with Azerbaijan, and Iran to the south. The capital is Yerevan.

Armenia’s major claim to fame is that it was the first nation to adopt Christianity as its official religion (from Zoroastrianism, unofficially) in the year 301 by Tiridates III. Emperor Galerius of Rome would not consider Christianity an official toleration in the Empire until ten years later, and Constantine the Great wouldn’t be baptized until 337.

For much of Armenian history the land has been in and out of independence, whether being autonomous under caliphates or being conquered by the Byzantines, Seljuks, or Mongols. In the 16th century western and eastern Armenia were divided by the Ottoman Empire and Safavid dynasty of Iran, ultimately being victim to the ongoing defenses by one of the conquering parties to prevent the other from invading. Abbas I of Iran led a scorched earth policy in the region during the Ottoman–Safavid War in the early 17th century, and eastern Armenia was ceded from the Persians to the Russians after the Russo–Persian Wars in the 19th century.

In the 20th century, in western Armenia… nothing happened if you believe Turkey. Please pay no mind to the arrest and deportation of Armenian intellectuals on April 25th, 1915, or the Tehcir Law signed that May, or the hundreds of thousands, if not more, killed in death marches. Or the rejection of making Armenia a mandate under American protection and subsequent Turkish invasion in 1920 to reclaim lands given to Armenia from the Treaty of Sèvres… while the Soviets took over from the east. Or hell, even the First and Second Nagorno-Karabakh Wars with Azerbaijan, which had Azerbaijani forces supported by Turkish forces. The second war is over, where Armenia lost their gains from the first war in 1994, but with the Artsakh region still under Azerbaijani control who knows if/when that’ll boil back over?

The Armenian team, known as Havak’akan, once again did not make and have never made the Euroballs or the World Cup, on account of having exactly one player you might have heard of, captain Henrik Mkhitaryan, who has played for Dortmund and Manchester United (scoring the second goal in their 2017 Europa League championship) and currently plays for Roma. They did win their most recent C division group, which would mean something if I knew what the fuck the UEFA Nations League is, and currently lead their World Cup qualifying group after 3 games (ahead of Germany and Iceland, the latter of whom they beat 2-0 in Yerevan). Yeah I know they haven’t played Germany yet and it’s a double round robin meaning there are 7 games left to play, but shush.

Anyway, the moral of the story is… I am of the belief that the Turkish soccer team doesn’t exist, and has never existed, what are you talking about, and if you were to say anything about it, well, as my favorite Turkish swear goes, “Sana girsin keman yayi.” And no overwhelming evidence is gonna convince me otherwise!