One of the biggest things I miss from our old site was the mock drafts that used to run every Friday. Those were fantastic time wasters, and a good one was a virtual guarantee that you were going to be far from productive at work, as your day instead degenerated into arguments with strangers over who would be the best Saturday cartoon character to have sex with, (and now we all know how that would go), or some other equally inane topic, all of which were still more important than that TPS report deadline your boss was yelling about. Good times.
Well, it’s been long enough. After a discussion in the back channels yours truly is bringing it back, with some slight rule changes. The old site had 4-5 main contributors, one of whom may not have been real. So they’d do 2-3 rounds themselves, then kick it to the kommentariat to draft whatever was left over. You can do that when you’ve only taken 10-15 of whatever topic was up for drafting. We, however, are a much more connected group when it comes to the writin’ and draftin’ of things, so if we did that we’d easily take out 30-50 before we threw the bedraggled leftovers to our beloved readership. That’s no fun. So these drafts, which I expect to last as long as I remember to do them, (2-3 weeks), will just leap right into it.
Also, for content and alliteration reasons, we’ve moved the draft to Monday mornings, so get ready to kill your productivity right from the start.
First come, first served, subject to my randomly assigning the first pick to someone else, generally because they came up with the idea. Or because they bribed me. For now, please wait 10 picks or 30 minutes before making another one. That will be revised up or down depending on how much participation we get, which I hope will be a lot.
This week’s draft comes from me being rushed for time, having spent the day juggling some knee bursitis with the need to consume several beers. Hence, this week’s topic: Beer. Draft your favorites.
Rules:
It has to be, or have been, a beer. You can draft beers that are no longer in production, so long as you have either consumed the beer or are willing to lie about having consumed the beer. Since I put all of three minutes thought into this, I defer the first pick. Let your conscience, and your liver, be your guides and
Oh and apparently this didn’t go through but it was from earlier so I’m counting it as from more than thirty minutes ago
Alright, way too long to go without a Monkish, so here’s probably my favorite I’ve had from there (Bring it back!), Will Feral Daze. The nose alone makes me salivate, and it’s soft, juicy, and delicious.
No idea whose Instagram this is but the can art is sublime.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B6TNfZbpxNl/?utm_medium=copy_link
How is this draft over? I refuse to accept that and select New Glarus Spotted Cow
Treehouse Juice Machine
They’ll sell you a can of this for $13.50 on eBay, and it’ll be empty.
Here’s a video of a guy tasting Juice Machine, which I only include because it looks like he opened the can with a hammer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fi4GFb9W1g
Squeezing my fourth pick in before Horatio cleans them out of stock:
Treehouse Haze
?w=900&h=994
An ice cold Red Stripe while sitting on the beach in Jamaica and getting some sun on inappropriate places.
Yah mon.
Ommegang did a series of Game of Thrones inspired beers a few years back; the Iron Throne Golden Ale was very drinkable. Plus, Dinklage is cool.
I see you all are leaving Dok, Horatio, and me to look like beer snobs. I’m ok with that.
Been a half hour since my last pick and Yeahright took its older and less sought after brother, for my third pick, I’ll take Russian River Pliny the Younger. I had the privilege of drinking this rarity in Boulder at a release party in 2018, and the sense of community alone made it worth it.
Catching up, pick two is Avery Certatio Equestris, because a bourbon barrel aged mint sour is way better than it sounds
Steal of the draft.
The Ontario government is a pile of fucks. Just the worst quadruple Venn diagram of lazy, evil, incompetent and corrupt assholes this side of the border. Health care, education, and seniors’ homes remain in shambles, and developers get prime land for pennies on the dollar… everything sucks donkey dicks, but hey, if you’re going to fuck everyone of my generation for the next decade, at least there’s dollar beer to be had at the Beer Store, finally?
It’s all about the little things in life.
First beer (since Horatio took Green) is Duchesse de Bourgogne
?1473885418
Draft category idea: obscure cheap beers you drank when you were underaged. We referred to this one by its proper name: Burgie
And Bugie Light!
/I love how the exclamation point is part of the name.
It seems like everyone already drank too much and passed out, so I’ll go ahead with my next pick: Olympia. When I was at band camp I mean college once a year we’d buy a bunch of cheap shitty beer and use the boxes and empty cans to make helmets. Olympia impressed us enough that we started buying it just to drink. “It’s the Water!”
Oh BTW they were acquired in 1999 and the brewery was closed in 2003.
The brewery was a regular stop on my summer road trips.
Drank a bunch of that when we lived in Washington. And Ranier.
I don’t really see the point of drafting a beer I could just go out and buy, so instead I’m going to focus on beers that I <i>can’t</i> go out and buy. Let’s start with Heineken Tarwebok, which came out when I was in college and disappeared (from the US at least) in fairly short order.
Had too many of these last night; Stone Buenaveza Salt and Lime Lager. Very refreshing and the lime is pretty subtle.
A wee pint of heavy. Tennent’s or Mc Ewan’s usually. In Scotland.
I’m assuming you’re going with the Scotch Ale, right?
Yessir. The good stuff.
McEwan’s is the shit. But you’re drinking at home this draft. Although “where’s the perfect place to enjoy a wee pint of heavy’ does have potential.
Easy Goodell.
Hey, I need to steal draft ideas where I can find them!
I don’t drink much any more, because Gumby can’t. My brother just retired from Latrobe Brewing after 40 + years, and even though they don’t make it anymore (booo) a cold Rolling Rock on a hot day was le tits!
Mare from Easttown agrees
First time I saw a beer dispensing machine was in Barca.
My dad was an Estrella man for a number of years before we finally got a good local craft scene up and running here. A fine choice.
With my third pick, I’ll take this beer but ONLY IN THE PROPER DRINKING PROCEDURE. Any other way of drinking it makes this pick null and void.
Procedure:
You take a shitload of limes and cut them up.
Take them and a salt shaker with you to the back yard.
Clean the top of the can.
Open can.
Squeeze juice onto top of can.
Sprinkle salt over juice.
Drink.
Repeat.
Like a hazy pineapple hug. Wish they’d go back to selling this at less than a case at a time.
Dammit
Fosters Lager. The oil cans are fun and all but get a 12 pack of bottles and ice those fuckers down on a hot summer day.
Right at the brewery, nothing tastes better.
Drank a few Coors “Banquet”s in the stands at Coors Field and there’s a rightness to that.
I was pretty clear that this was a draft for beer, not spring water.
Tastes pretty good after being transported from Texarkana to Atlanta in less than 28 hours.
If I’m going to be drinking copious amounts of a single beer in an evening, and I don’t care about putting on a pretense:
In the words of my college roommate: “Cold as a mountain stream, and smooth as its name…
…Busch.”
“If you like her mountains, you’ll love her Busch!”
In high school it was old drill. A case and a bag of ice for 8 bucks.
In college, I moved up to Busch. I felt fancy.
This was my preferred beer of choice back in my underage drinking days BECAUSE I’M CLASSY LIKE THAT!
Newcastle Brown Ale
You get the occasional crap shoot with the clear bottles but an ice cold schooner on tap is goddamn delicious. Excellent food beer as well.
In the latest Litre & Balls battle with the postal systems my package which UPS deemed damaged and who decided to send it back to LA without my knowledge has arrived. 0 fucking damage. A bottle of Tamrind vodka, 4 tasters of random stuff, no leaks, no mess, nothing. If Balls and I hadn’t said deliver it anyway it would be back in LA for NO FUCKING REASON.
Thank you Balls, it is awesome.
Still better than a trip around the world before it gets delivered.
SWEET!!
Nothing fancy. But back before good beer was a widely available thing, I could always find Guiness on tap and it’s always treated me well, even when I went a pint or five over the limit.
Solid choice. Would have been my next pick.
Brock Street’s Peppermint Stout
Mayberry IPA, El Segundo Brewing Company.
Going local for the 2nd pick, and it’s heaven on draft:
:large
With my first pick, I select
Negra Modelo
The best of the best:
Pliny the Elder, Russian River Brewing.
Let’s face it, all of my picks are going to be from Treehouse. I’m such a slut for them. But the beer is so damn good, and this one might be the best of them.
Also, this guy is selling King Julius for $14.50 a can. There is no beer so good it is worth $14.50 a can.
On a hot and humid summer day, after you’ve been doing hard physical work outdoors in the blazing sun, a single 12 ounce Budweiser in a can is the greatest beer drinking experience on the planet. After that first one move on to something else.
It’s been half an hour and my flight is about to board, so grabbing a second pick. I doubt I will be stealing from anyone 🙂
https://www.globalbeer.com/beers/monks-cafe-flemish-sour-ale/
or, as me ex-wife called it, your disgusting-assed Robitussin beer
Been a while since I’ve had this, but I have a long and pleasant history with this beer