¡Hola Commentistas!

We’re on the verge of the greatest international sports summer ever! We have:

• Copa América (being held on time; being held in a different host country)
• Euro 2020 (one year late; more countries)
• CONCACAF Gold Cup (one week late; same country)
• Tokyo Olympic Games (one year late; same country)

And it all starts on June 11, 2021 with the European Soccer (Football) championships aka Euro 2020!

BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT TODAY!

Today, we are continuing the previews of all the Copa América countries as the Copa América starts on June 13, 2021, now in Brazil, right after Euro 2020 starts.

Copa América will be broadcast in English on Fox Sports (FS1 and FS2) in the United States and on TSN in Canada. Univisión has the Spanish language rights in the US and RDS has the French language rights in Canada.

Today’s team: Bolivia

Country Fun Facts:

A landlocked country, this wouldn’t be the case if their past leaders had had any modicum of common sense when it came to political or military strategy.

The War of the Pacific was started over a proposed 1873 Bolivian-imposed ten cents per mined quintal (100kg) of sodium nitrate tax on a Chilean mining operation known as the Compañía de Salitres y Ferrocarril de Antofagasta (CSFA). Chile believed the tax violated the Treaty of Sucre (1874), which explicitly forbade tax increases on Chilean enterprises for 25 years, and threatened war in the Bolivians pressed ahead with the tax in February 1878. The Chileans proposed negotiation in November 1878, but the Bolivians rejected it, claiming the tax was unrelated to the articles of the Treaty of Sucre – despite it specifically mentioning the company in question. In February 1879 Bolivia seized the CFSA, leading Chile to respond by sending troops to port city of Antofagasta & seizing it. (They were seen as liberators, since the city was 90% Chilean, and was only part of Bolivia due to the Treaty.) War was officially declared on March 14, 1879.

The ass-kicking the Chileans gave the Bolivians & their Peruvian allies cost Bolivia all 400 km of its previous coastline. The Treaty of Ancón in October 1883 ended the conflict between Chile & Peru, and the Treaty of Valparaiso ended the Bolivian part in April 1884. The two countries signed a formal peace treaty in 1904. Under its terms, Chile agreed to compensate Bolivia for its loss of land and give Bolivia access to Chilean ports. The Chileans also agreed to build a railway from their port of Arica to Bolivia’s biggest city La Paz. Ever since, the Bolivians have been agitating for a return of their coastline. As recently as 2015, Bolivia took Chile to the World Court in The Hague, arguing that Chile hasn’t lived up to the terms of the Treaty, not exactly providing it “the fullest and freest” commercial transit to the sea, and as such should be forced to give Bolivia territorial access. The Court ruled in October 2018 that Chile was under no obligation to give back territory Bolivia freely surrendered at the negotiating table in 1904, despite Bolivian president Evo Morales claiming those negotiations were held “under the barrel of a gun”. An attempt to revive the rail line was suspended on May 14, 2021 after Bolivian truckers protested the potential loss of their jobs if the 16-years suspended train line resumed freight transport.

As for the other side of the country, The Chaco War was started partly because of the ass-kicking Bolivia got from Chile. The Treaty of Lima in 1929 settled all land disputes between Peru & Chile left over from the War of the Pacific, leaving Bolivia out of any land settlement negotiations & permanently costing it access to the Pacific. It then turned its attentions to the Gran Chaco region along its border with Paraguay, whose border had remained undefined since Spain’s departure in 1810 but had been claimed as de facto Bolivian territory via Bolivian establishment of ports along the Paraguay river that led to the Atlantic. The discovery of oil in the Andes in 1928 led Bolivia to try & forcefully claim the territory as its land. Paraguay objected, on the grounds that the border had never been clearly defined, it had established settlements in the region beyond the river, and had made de jure attempts to upgrade the territory. A series of border skirmishes & port burnings between 1929-31 led to declared war between the two in 1932.

Although the Bolivian army was larger in terms of size and equipment, the Paraguayan military was more professional, and it used that advantage to great effect, launching specific tactical attacks rather than employing broad offences along large fronts like the Bolivians. Further to this, the Bolivian military strategy relied on guidance from German & allied generals who had relocated to the region after World War One, leading to a reliance on tactics that resulted in stalemate, not advance, and wearing uniforms designed for winter fighting in Russia rather than high-desert warfare in South America. In addition, the conflict was fought closer to Paraguayan reinforcements than Bolivian, and the distance needed to travel to engage in the conflict – due to major Bolivian cities being in the west of the country – and the Paraguayans ability to choke river access to the region gave the smaller country a geographical advantage the Bolivians couldn’t overcome. When the war ended in 1935, Paraguay controlled 3/4 of the Chaco region, which was recognized in the Chaco Treaty signed in Buenos Aries in 1938 but not officially demarcated as a solid line on a map until April 2009.

The map below will show you what they’ve lost over the years, and why Bolivian politicians resort to nationalism & antiquated grudges to stir up the population.

They’ve got beef with everybody.

Team Schedule:

This should prove interesting. Although they are in the South Bracket & were supposed to play all their games in Argentina, the dates of some games may have had to change since CONMEBOL took away Colombia’s hosting due to civil unrest. And now that the tournament has been moved to Brazil, the air of nationalist foreboding that lay over their matches has been replaced by the national fear that the players will all take COVID home with them after they bow out.

As of now, here is Bolivia’s updated schedule:

• Paraguay vs Bolivia: June 14 – 8:00pm
• Chile vs Bolivia: June 18 – 5:00pm
• Bolivia vs Uruguay: June 24 – 5:00pm
• Argentina vs Bolivia: June 28 – 5:00pm

Team Preview / Top Players:

Not a lot of Bolivian players make it out of the country, so their depth of international experience comes from playing for the national team in warm-up friendlies against superior sides. Given their central location, national poverty, and subsequent poor player development system, they have been cannon fodder for the Argentines, Brazilians, Chileans, and Peruvians.

The three players I’ve heard of before are Marcelo Martins Moreno,

Henry Vaca,

and Carlos Lampe – likely to be the busiest player on the team –

who is best known for being subjected to Brazilian fans’ homophobic slurs in 2019 in the opening match of the last Copa America.

Best result when you Google Image Search “Hot [Country] girls”:

Her name is Mayte Flores,

and she’s apparently a singer as well.

Given the song’s title, I thought this was her instructional video on how to make French toast.

Best result when you Google Image Search “Hot [Country] Food”:

Anticucho (skewered beef hearts)

I don’t know the first thing, so I borrowed this from foodrepublic.com:

Finger foods tend to be messy, so luckily antihucho only comes out at night. “It’s pretty much a skewer of beef heart with potatoes,” says Kamilla Seidler, executive chef of “Gustu” in La Paz. “It’s grilled, so you have a lot of flavor from the flames and aromas of the barbecue.” Of course, this dish is nothing without its sticky, spicy peanut sauce, and it’s among the cheaper Bolivian eats at about $1 a skewer.

Beerguy, Have you ever been to this country?

Nope. In Western Hemisphere terms, I’ve never been south of Juarez. (Not a euphemism.)

However, Ewan McGregor’s “Long Way Up” did make eventually going down there look attractive.

Also, like most guys who grew up in the 80s, I eventually got around to reading “Bright Lights, Big City”,

which has copious references to “Bolivian Marching Powder”. The movie, starring beloved Canadian actors Michael J Fox & military time enthusiast Kiefer Sutherland, paled in comparison, however, to the Caballero Films classic, “Bright Lights, Big Titties”, starring Trinity Loren.

Why you should root for this country:

• The last war they won was only because the locals had no natural defences to the flu.

• You enjoy freebase – like this guy, whose language in the movies is based on the Quechua language, the predominant Indigenous language spoken in Bolivia.

• You enjoy betting the over on the number of goals scored against in a tournament. Given what happened the last time Bolivia played in Brazil, you know the keeper’s going to have a case of the rabbit ears.

Why you should NOT root for this country:

• You are Chilean & wish they’d shut up about land access to the sea.

• You are Paraguayan & wish they’d shut up about the Chaco Boreal.

• You are definitely not with the CIA and have never helped overthrow the Bolivian government on no fewer than three occasions, so shut up.

Adibinana:

They are gonna get whupped. The only interesting thing will be is if the rampant nationalism gets Evo Morales talking about righting the wrongs of the past, because then you might see some actual South American fireworks.