That’s right, White Devils! You done been CANCELLED. Lord knows, your weirdo wingnut uncle needed sommet else to bitch about next Thanksgiving.
Anyway, nothing celebrates black power like the European Euros! A good 2/3 (which is MOAR than 3/5 ,, ppl forget that) of the squadrons think it’s bad to be raycess!!
Hungary v. France – in Budapest (9:00, ESPN)
Remember that part about thinking racism is bad? Let’s just say the Hungarians – like most of Central/Eastern Europe – ain’t get the memo. Fortunately, just as racist, fascist, and backwards as they are – perhaps even shitter at the footy. Frogs are gonna pound them like a veal. Even if they play their walk-ons white guys.
Portugal v. Germany – in Munchen (Noon, ESPN)
Good thing they have home pitch advantage. If Round 1 is any indicator, they gonna need it. Realistically, the Krauts will be playing for a point here, with Hungary up next. Should the Fightin’ Ronaldos win, what a treat that dead rubber match against France will be. Stupid format.
Spain v. Poland – in Sevilla (3:00, ABC)
Looky-loo, a Lesser Footy match with no Murrikans involved on teh broadcast teevee! No doubt, Poland is competitive with Hung Gary on the Das Raycess! table, but of late – they’ve been MOAR about terrifying violence against homosexuals. The world is a shitty, shitty place. Don’t you forget it, or kid yourselves into thinking it’s just US of A.
As for the banner pic? That relates to the unholy abomination that is the Everton Board actually, seriously considering Fat Kopite Cunt Rafa Benitez for its managerial opening. Seriously, the Bitter Blue 3/4 of Merseyside is absolutely awash in fury. Negative manager who plays shit football? Check. History of mocking/belittling Everton Football Club? Check. Fucked off to China, and sucked ass there? Oh, that’s a check. Really, it’s like a game of Moron Chicken between Everton/Moshiri and Spurs/Levy, seeing who can wade deepest in the cesspool of their own stupidity.
At least no FINAL decision has been made, at least as of Hippo’ Friday night bedtime. Which means that I at least didn’t get the Unhappiest of Birthdays for me 48th.
Also, I make no reporting of Los Sudamericano Euros, as the level of play has been shockingly bad. The combination of rampant #NuAIDS and the complete lack of fans has been TOO MUCH, MAN!
I haven’t seen this much scoring while taking a loss since Larry Nassar.
If Ronaldo & Company score another, you can be damn sure I’ll be posting “Portugal. The Comeback.”
Hip, hip, hooray for Hippo’s birthday! Have some sugar
https://youtu.be/58bAgVSYV1E
That 7-1 is not that far away…
Portugal. The Loser.
Stop the Steal!
Portugal 1-Darkest Timeline Portugal 2-Germany 1
About time those lazy Krauts did something for themselves.
though I guess not that surpising how much they enjoyed watching some else make #2
“Bayern Munchen” sounds like something that Scotland’s Australian-born striker might be interested in. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
That second own goal just gets more brutal every time I watch it.
At least dude is not from Colombia, and so he probably won’t get the Andres Escobar treatment.
Because it’s Hippo’s bird-day and I can’t send him a cake, I’ll send him my fave song by Cake-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7aDstrDMf0&ab_channel=cameroncos
Despite my Wagnerian last name and northern Euro origins, I’m still pulling for the Portuguese. Their evil empire was way further back in time, so harder to hold against them these days. Plus, I liked my time in the Azores a lot more than that spent in Germany.
These are valid reasons. Also, fuck Germany.
Are we at the MCG? I just saw a pigeon on the pitch!
Portugal The Goalie has been amazing when Germany kicks the ball at the net.
Unfortunately he’s been shit when his teammates kick the ball at the net, although I suppose the do have the element of surprise.
Germany just repeatedly violating the neutrality of a smaller country.
Never seen that before.
The secret is to stash all their stolen gold for them, that keeps your borders more secure.
—The Swiss
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzgr_wpdENI
Happy Birthday, Hippo. May the cake be loaded with pharmaceuticals.
Also, I am in agreement with you: the Sudoamericanos has been very disappointing in terms of play, and hard to watch without the crowds.
I’m still gonna watch, hoping play improves but the amount of diving is insane. That shit needs to be cleaned up a decade ago.
It’s so bad.
I watched a bit of one of the matches. I don’t know much, or more accurately, I don’t know shit about the game, and I was amazed at the histrionics. It’s like watching Karl Malone back in the day; someone incidentally touches his bicep and he flies halfway across the court.
Well, there was an attractive 13-year old girl across the court, so you can hardly blame him.
Wait, I’m getting something from my producers…it turns out that you can, in fact, blame him. And should.
The VAR here is sooooo much better than the Premier League.
Well, it isn’t rigged in favor of 4-5 teams, so it has that going for it.
Which is nice.
Portugal. The Own Goal.
“Owen Goal” is Germany’s best player vs Portugal so far.
7-1 incoming
Your prediction is almost half-way there.
A lightning strike from Germany! a phrase that has never ended badly for anyone in the history of ever.
Germany can has a soccer point.
Germany. The Goal.
/I don’t think that one works as well
Deutschland. Das Tor!
That was well played by Portugal the team.
Portugal. The Goal.
The lyric “trying to catch a free ride from the temple to the tomb” was really about running the channels on the counter ppl forget that
When you come after the king nosepicker, you best not miss.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLvx-sf1Tmw&ab_channel=hmctamma
I wonder if he picks his nose right before it’s his turn to fish for keys at the party.
Are any of us old/sexy enough to have actually participated in a Key Party? Imaginary ppl want 2 noe!
The closest I got was a dinner with a girlfriend and another couple where those vibes were put out. We ended the evening early and then on the way home made fun of the couple for thinking that would be a fair swap.
Yes, we were extremely vain.
I bet y’all thought this song was about you?
The only swinging I did was to the the killer diller tunes of Benny Goodman. I did have moxy but in fact I was a dead hoofer.
A guy I went to high school with got busted for running a swinger’s club about 20 years ago.
That would be my brush with that particular…idiom.
Wait, fucking people other than your spouse is illegal? I mean, even if it’s consensual?
No, he was running a sex club out of a storefront of some kind. Which, it turns out, is very illegal.
I forget all the details, but I think they weren’t very subtle about it and pissed off the neighbors, may have been charging “dues”, and violated about 72 different zoning regulations.
Ah, zoning. He should have set it up in Houston, where there is no zoning.
I really think that was what got him in the most trouble.
well, that and charging money to let people fuck a bunch of other people in a space he was leasing.
Come to think of it, the second thing might have been his biggest problem.
Would not examine with UV light.
Turned out the merchandising wasn’t the greatest idea…
When we were first married, we stayed with some Navy friends of Gumby’s who were in to that sort of thing. Two single guys, constantly rotating cast of girls. One night they brought a stripper home who took a shine to me. The invitation was issued, we graciously refused. There was also a group of naughty girl sailors in Scotland who also played in groups. One of them gave us a kitten, so we always claimed we loved Sorenson’s pussy. There was a big scandal over an orgy that got out of control, several of the girls got kicked out (before don’t ask, don’t tell ) It was an ugly witch hunt, completely unneccessary.
When “don’t ask don’t tell” became a thing, I was well out of it by then, but remember thinking “you don’t really need to ask, because you can usually tell.”
I know I can count on a ‘like’ from Horatio when I shit on Boeheim. It’s almost a reflex now on his part.
I’m looking forward to his designing an offense revolving solely around his two sons, then somehow stumbling into the NCAAs and winning two games.
In my mind’s eye I see you walking your dog in the woods, a funny feeling comes over you, you tell the dog that you have to cut the walk short because, “Scotchy made fun of that shithead coach, I’ve some work to do”.
Stick to sprots!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4BNtP7tN8I
I just want them to say “Germany in their brown shirts today”
/not just historical but also schisse!
I think I may add this to my Christmas wishlist:
https://www.thepinballcompany.com/product/led-zeppelin-premium-pinball-machine-by-stern/
Tilting through Kazzzzmiiiiiirrrrr
Happy 48th, Hip. Made ya a kek
Is the oxy in the milk?
Oh, and Happy Birthday Hippo!
Greetings from the banks of the Limpopo, colleagues. It has taken me almost 24 hours to overcome my tremendous disappointment related to the appalling performance of the Three Kittens against those barbarians north of the border. At least those French aristocrats were kept at bay by Attila the Hun in the early contest this morning. Here’s hoping that the men from German South West Africa will be able to fend off those troublesome Angolans — I don’t want other powers to have even the slightest bit of control over my diamonds!
Ah, and happy birthday, old boy. I will get my manservant to send you a stake in one of the mines that I operate at once.
Well done, Gary!
Gary pats his crotch and nods nonchalantly
Meow
Happy birthday you magnificent bastard and pale recluse. I’ll pour one in your honor should I ever get out of bed.
VAR decided it wanted Michael Oliver to leave Budapest alive.
Cole Beasley is a keeper-
“I may die of Covid, but I’d rather die actually living.”
“I’m not going to take meds for a leg that isn’t broken.”
“(I’ll) live life like I’ve lived it from day one.”
I’m amazed his career has lasted this long, given that he’s never engaged in any fitness, weightlifting or stretching regimen designed to prevent injury.
As a Bills fan a clench every time I see Cole Beasley’s name in a headline.
“I don’t even HAVE scurvy, why should I eat all these limes?”
I’m not used to being embarrassed by football players after they leave the Cowboys; usually they get that shit done right up front in Big D.
Really not much incentive for Froggies to chase a 2nd. This point gets them through.
I was like they really are racist, the only person of color has Negro on his jersey, didn’t realize it was Nego.
Who is actually a Frenchman.
Must be like the very small town in the mountains that was close to my home town. Virulently racist, no POC in the town, school or churches. Till they realized they were never going to win any HS football games, so they started bussing in black students so their football team would have a chance, which to me was the most racist thing of all, assuming any black player would be better than the white players they had.
Were they right?
They got a little better, but since their local talent is so poor (inbred) any new blood would have helped.
Was the name of your town Utah and was the HS named BYU?
HUZZAH, SalPa have taken the lead in HAWT Finnish Kakkonen action
Viva le résistance!
THAT GOAL I CALL IT (frantically pages through history books looking for a lightning fast French victory) I CALL IT, UH, CALL It, um, huh. Shit.
Fuck it, I guess we’re going with Austerlitz.
Grease Man seems like a real cunt, but today I shall allow it.
Spaking from my vast Footy Manager experience – always blows my mind how often and how long real managers leave in players on a yellow.
Way back when I owned FIFA 90-something on the Playstation (and knew even less about soccer than I do now), my only tactical move was substituting out my guys with yellow cards. Because I was a fouling machine in that game.
My first experience with a Lesser Footy video game was one of those for Sega Genesis. I liked to take one of the shittier teams (Oman?) and see how many fuckers I could get sent off.
Maybe today was not a good day for France to wear their white jerseys.
France’s only goal this tournament was scored by German Mats Hummels.
Turns on the TV. “Huh. Looks like the Hun, Gary, got the memo about Hippo betting on France.”
GOOOOLLLLLL…to Hung Gary???
I step away for three minutes…
/didn’t think Gary had it in him.
Here’s a funny
Me: [stares out window] “Looks like rain.”
Submarine Captain: [….]
Me: “But like a lot of it.”
A full stadium? That’s bananacakes right there!
Hung Gary is all about teh suck it, libtards!!!1111
According to data they are about 100 cases a day with about 44% fully vaccinated.
I think they’ll ‘improve’ on those numbers very soon.
The ripped Black guy in the Progressive “Beach Day” ad is totes banging Flo, right?
I don’t know about that, but the bitchy white woman is absolutely pegging Jamie.
oh, that’ll be impressed on me brain forever!
Think about it: we know from other commercials that Jamie is actually incredibly wealthy and educated and happily married, yet he works as an insurance salesman with colleagues who mock and abuse him. Nobody’s that into insurance. Dude is definitely a sub.
No, I haven’t thought too much about this, why do you ask? Now let me share my thoughts about the Liberty Mutual emu….
Okay soccer monkeys-if each nation could field a team of their all-time greats, who would win? My first thought was that Brazil would have unholy firepower but might be lacking at the defender spots, I dunna know. Maybe Germany would be a more balanced club? Is there a dark horse like The Netherlands? Type at me.
The Eye-Ties would be pretty damned good.
All things being equal I think it would be Brazil. 5 World Cups over the years, to 4 for Germany and Italy, then add a generous helping of Pele on top.
Hope the Cross of Loraine can take out the Arrow Cross today!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_Resistance
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arrow_Cross_Party
Which of them crosses is burnin’? – Jefferson Beauregard S., Lickspittle, AL
I was just going to make a Roy Moore joke.
You have to hurry with those. They don’t age well.