Euro Semifinal numero Uno!

Good day to you the banner is Skillzy the mascot. Does he moonlight as an underground DJ and coke dealer?

I hope you enjoyed your long weekend and are blissfully off the whole week for the last of our summer of futbol.

 

 

Alan Shearer does not approve. (He doesn’t tip either but that’s for another time)

We get the Greg Louganis special first where it will be like a diving meet out there with Spain v Italy.

LC: During the prelims there is no way you could have anticipated Spain making it this far as the semis with Morata looking like RGIII out there hitting anything but his intended target. Their games have been ridiculously wild and really good watching. They are maddening to watch as they possess so much skill but aren’t on the same page like the Spain teams of the past. They are here and have 2 more games to win it all so who knows?

DAMN IT I HAVE ANOTHER MEETING.

We’re back, haven’t had to deal with Larry for a while, I wonder how he is doing?

This isn’t old Italy as the [DFO] futbol illuminati have be saying since the start. They are fun to watch and that pains me in the soul because their diaspora loves to tell you they support the Azzurri all the time. They still however flop about to waste time like they have been shot (looking at you Immobile) when nothing has really happened to them. Earlier in the tournament Mancini subbed in his backup keeper in the 89th minute and there was many questions as to why? Well, he is a good dude and gained a bunch of my respect. Back in the day he was the only one not to play for Italy in the 1990 World Cup and said that was the biggest disappointment of his life. He didn’t want any of his players to not experience playing in a big tourney so he subbed the back up keeper in. Huge respect.

This game is going to come down to who do we think can beat England. I think the erratic way Spain has been playing does NOT play well against the English. I think that our only hope is that New Italy wins it in Wembley and the English nightmare continues. 3-2 Italy in a bananacakes game because why stop now?

BALLS: Er, okay my turn. I have really enjoyed watching New Italy become an, dare I say it, enjoyable team to watch. That’s never been the case.  Italy has always been about defending and maybe getting a goal on the counterattack.

Spain,  on the other hand,  has always been about attacking using the death by a thousand passes technique. Their Achilles heel had been horrible defending but they’ve improved greatly. Sort of.

So now you have a great defense with a newly good offense versus a great offense with a newly decent defense. In any other year,  I’d say Spain passes and passes and can’t get it in and it goes to penalties. However,  this is 2021 and nothing’s the same as before.

I say one team scores a fluke goal and it’s good enough to take them to the final. The only question is which team will it be?

/ flips imaginary coin

Spain it is!

HIPPO:  Spain sucks.  Italy is somehow even MOAR boring (don’t forget hairy) than their “we’re just happy to pass sideways to each other” opponents.  They will hit Espana on the counter, as they have done all torneo.  Nobody has adjusted yet, and Spain views “adjusting” as pure apostasy.

Mussolini Men 3, Generalissimos Franco 1

DON T: Italy has been the best team of these European Euros. They’ve been playing the ball forward with gusto, and there’s an overall team atmosphere of togetherness. Point is: it’s unnerving as fuck to be flooded with positive feelings towards the Azzuri. But we’ve been here before.

The 2012 European Euros were held in the land dubbed “Polkraine” by the cornier-than-chowder English. Italy had a team similar to the current edition, i.e.: they played fútbol, not their usual counterattacking smotherball. Mario Balotelli crushing Germany in the knockouts was a nice memory. That Italy team lost twice, on the first game (predictably), and in the final (shambolically), to the same team: España.

Spain, blech. To the delight of Hispanic bandwagoners everywhere (¡pendejos! /*spits on the ground*/), España tWBS’d its way to the 2008 Euro title and 2010 World Cup, winning all of its knockout games 1-0 (source: hate, memory). Then defeated Italy 4-0 in that 2012 European Euro final, and the Spanish media depleted its purple prose reserves to announce a new dawn of goalkakking supremacy. That was their last trophy, praise Allah. As any Latin American will tell you, the world is worse when Spain can back up being uppity.

This current version of Spain, sigh. I’ve grown to like ’em. They make mistakes, but keep looking for goals. I can’t hate unafraid fútbol, even if played by backpassing 5’3″ españoles.

Predicción: Italy 2 : 1 Spain.

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litre_cola
- A pugs best friend. - Wine drinker. - Loves to use the letter U behind O. - Iggles fan, Fulham FC (Mighty Whitey) supporter, Cavalry FC Ultra. - One of the resident futbol freaks at the clubhouse.
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Beerguyrob

“You can rely on us.” – Qatar Airways

“You can rely on us…to miss.” – the Italian football team in PKs

King Hippo

Blair Walsh must be coming like mad.

Beerguyrob

Mr. Ayo gonna have carpal tunnel.

Don T

Gotta give it to Chiellini: the waay affable psych move is quite the get-in-your-head-er.

clint greasewood

“When you’re here, you’re family”

Chellini

King Hippo

Instead of “halftime of Extra Time” they should say the MOAR correct “seven-eighths time” break.

Don T

Civil servants everywhere marvel at Italy’s masterclass in time wasting.

scotchnaut

“Don’t look at the clock, BE the clock.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS TEAM SPAIN I CALL THEM LINDA BLAIR CAUSE THEY ARE ALL ABOUT POSSESSION.

King Hippo

Bold Hippo prediction – Morata will go last for Espana. If his turn comes and he’s shooting to win, he makes it. Shooting to stay alive, he misses the target completely.

scotchnaut

This fella seems like he’s a bit mercurial.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
King Hippo

ESPN taking La Liga, too. What on earth will Fox Sports and BeIn show?

clint greasewood

MLS

King Hippo

Oh snap. I was thinking Paraguayan footy, but MLS is just sad.

scotchnaut

Latest sub reminds me of female barkeeps at work when they saw a young, handsome barback, busboy or kitchen dude. “Come and get your fresh meat! Get your fresh meat here.”

King Hippo

Juuuuuuussssstttttt a bit offside.

King Hippo

They need to let the pervy cameraman be himself again. I am tired of all the ugly fuckers.

Beerguyrob

Argentina-Colombia tonight should have you covered there.

scotchnaut

Tell me about it, you toss off to a few of them and then you’re spent for the rest of the game! smgdh…

Horatio Cornblower

Imagine wanting to play for penalty kicks.

Horatio Cornblower

Not counting the USMNT, which has no chance against teams like this unless they can stumble into a bunch of luck on PKs.

King Hippo

Spicy Meatballs have the better keeper, but still seems like a dicey strategery

Horatio Cornblower

I’m sure that there are actual numbers on this, but it seems like the goal should be scored every time. The keeper is just guessing, and even if he guess the right side, he’s still got to go up or down, and still has to beat a ball to the spot that’s being rocketed there from 18 yards by a world-class player.

In short, seems like an odd thing to want to play for.

Beerguyrob

A sound strategy that’s worked for them in the past!
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Beerguyrob
Last edited 3 years ago by Beerguyrob
Horatio Cornblower

“Nailed it”

-Blair Witch Project

scotchnaut

So soccer people that know way more than I do, which team has benefitted more from the subs that have come on?

Mr. Ayo

Morata was a sub, so ESP

scotchnaut

Well sure, is that the case going forward?

Mr. Ayo

I don’t know that much. I’m just here for the Morata memes.

Don T

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Don T

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scotchnaut

Props to the wee Italian dude for not rolling around on the field when he got knocked down. Of course, his parents have just disowned him but I’m sure he could find another cubbyhole under the stairs somewhere else.

Horatio Cornblower

And then Morata does that.

scotchnaut

“Your order is here.”

-Bananacakes delivery guy

King Hippo

Will it be Bananaflan in extras? Or some sort of pasta abortion?

Beerguyrob

Bananas Fosterelli.

Don T

All-Swarth Semi Delivers Goods

Horatio Cornblower

That was a great give-and-go

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Gotta love the despondent Italian fan who brightened up the instant he realized he was on camera.

scotchnaut

HOLY FUCKBALLS!!!!!!!!!

King Hippo

Ain’t see that SUDDEN CHANGE coming!

Horatio Cornblower

Strikes me more that Spain is going to get caught pressing and go down 2-0.

Horatio Cornblower

So close to looking S-M-R-T right there.

Horatio Cornblower

And now I look D-M-B

Don T

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King Hippo

Sure am glad Taylor Twellman is announcing…said nobody.

Horatio Cornblower

Taylor’s always there with an incisive prediction 14 seconds after whatever he’s predicting has happened.

Don T

Pero cabroooooooon

scotchnaut

Fuck, Spain-it was right there.

Horatio Cornblower

-The Pope, drawing the Line of Demarcation and realizing Spain has pissed away Brazil.

Don T

Morata is in!
/open Postimage

Don T

Diaaaaa
Oof, Chiesa

Don T

Soain could too. Fuckers plsying like the got the ball on a string.

Don T

Italy’s powder is wetter than undercooked calamari.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So…the opposite of Ben Shapiro’s wife?

Don T

Busquets does a decent “Who, me?”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Si, tu!

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As is Don Rumsfeld!

Don T

My take was “Spain frantic, Italy pedantic”, but this works too.
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Beerguyrob

THS SPAIN-ITALY MATCH I CALL A SWIM MEET BECAUSE LOOK AT ALL THE DIVING!

scotchnaut

I CALL IT A LONG RALLY BETWEEN FEDERER AND NADAL BECAUSE NO ONE HAS HIT THE NET.

Don T

Aim for the moon, taken literally.

scotchnaut

How’s Larry’s vagina?

Don T

Heh! Spanish announcer called him ballhog.

scotchnaut

Is the whistling an indication of disapproval or are all the Italian fans catcalling girls in the stands?

Don T

Spain wants ot more. During siesta time #SoloDigo

Don T

Great deliberation by Itsly’s offense.
-Alex Smith

scotchnaut

Spanish goalie going for a walk in the park at precisely the wrong time.

rockingdog

Yes!
This British stream of the ITA vs Spain game while trying to do work is

ROCKIN!

scotchnaut

Figured you’d have a dog in this fight.

rockingdog

That short dude #10 for Italy is rocking

The goal that dude scored against Belgium was Nasty dog
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Last edited 3 years ago by rockingdog
Game Time Decision

Mario Balotelli crushing Germany

He an Iron Chef, right? And By “crushing” it means he sat on Germany.

LemonJello

I thought it was “Super” Mario’s full name…

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King Hippo

Also – neither of these sides is beatin’ the Auld Enemy. It’s Dan & Mark or bust.

King Hippo

I can’t abide by how Italy staged an operetta down the stretch against Belgium. It was “2021 Los Euros Sudamericano” calibre shithousery.

Don T

Still, BEL disappointed. Italy gonna Ital—
/falls as if shot by sniper, cries “Mamma, I die without tasting your lips one last time!”