Request Line: Weekend At Zuernie’s – Part 4 (Wardrobe)

INT. DFO PRODUCTION OFFICE – DAY

A pair of sleazy Hollywood producers are still – unbelievably – hard at work in their office.  One – RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY – is standing in front of a rack of clothing, pawing through a series of Hawaiian shirts and pulling the occasional one out to set aside into a growing pile.  The other – DARKEST TIMELINE ZACK MORRIS – is seated at the desk with a box full of sunglasses, trying each of them on in turn and inspecting himself in a mirror flecked with white powder on his desk.  A third person in the office is standing very stiffly with his arms spread wide, looking extremely uncomfortable as an androgynous-looking fourth person – a TAILOR – measures his inseam.  The TAILOR finishes up, makes a final note in a little book, nods to the producers, and departs.

COLE BEASLEY: [looking after the departed TAILOR] Was that a boy or a girl?

DARKEST TIMELINE ZACK MORRIS: [without looking up] Yes.

COLE BEASLEY: Kinda feel a little violated.  Like I need to take a shower, ya know?

RTD: Agreed.

DTZM: Yes, it would be excellent if you would do that.

RTD: Make it a regular thing, even.

COLE BEASLEY: [settles back down on the couch and resumes tossing the football to himself] I can’t believe how much work goes into making a movie.  You guys have been pickin’ out clothes for two straight days now.

DTZM: And it’s not even a period piece.

RTD: I mean it’s sort of a period piece.

COLE BEASLEY: Wait, what?

RTD: Fashion in Cape Cod hasn’t really advanced beyond the eighties.

DTZM: Cole, you should hang onto some of this stuff after we wrap, it’ll be an upgrade.

COLE BEASLEY: [looks himself over] What’s wrong with my clothes?

RTD: [smiles gently] I think maybe it’s time to retire those shorts.

DTZM: Are those things made out of…is that…canvas?

COLE BEASLEY: Does burlap count as canvas?

RTD: Let’s say yes.  Anyhow…[holds up a pair of shirts towards DARKEST TIMELINE ZACK MORRIS]…these are my favorites so far, what do you think?

— [door flies open] —

DTZM: Surfin’ Jack!

RTD: Oh good, you got our message.  Thanks for coming by.

JACK DEL RIO: This better be important, I had to skip Mike Lindell’s final presentation for this.

COLE BEASLEY: Oh, was he finally going to produce the evidence?

JACK DEL RIO: He was!  And this time it’s gonna be the real thing.  Reinstatement should happen in two weeks.

COLE BEASLEY: I thought it was gonna happen today!

JACK DEL RIO: No cause they need final confirmation of the RKM packets from the routers.

COLE BEASLEY: From Arizona?

JACK DEL RIO: And the ones from Wisconsin, too.

COLE BEASLEY: Oh, I can’t wait.

JACK DEL RIO: It’s gonna be so good.  

JACK DEL RIO puts his hands on his hips and looks around the office.

JACK DEL RIO: Actually, I’ve been meaning to drop by and talk to you two.  I’m still waiting on my residuals for “That’s My Raiders!”

DTZM: [deflecting] Aren’t we all, buddy.

RTD: Hey, what’s with the mask?  I thought you were telling people that COVID is a hoax?

JACK DEL RIO: It is!  But now I gotta deal with you Hollywood fuckers who took that [makes air quotes gesture] “vaccine” shedding all those Wuhan virus particles.

DTZM: Particles of a virus that’s a hoax.

JACK DEL RIO: That’s right.

JACK DEL RIO breaks out coughing.  DARKEST TIMELINE ZACK MORRIS and RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY hurriedly don their own masks.

RTD: You know, you’re right, maybe it’s safer if everybody just wears a mask.

DTZM: Can’t hurt, right?

JACK DEL RIO: Why the hell am I here, anyhow?

RTD: We gotta get you fitted for costuming.

DTZM: [punches intercom] Traycee, can you call Adrian and ask him…uh…her? [glances at RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY, who shrugs] to come back – we’ve got a little more work for them to do.

RTD: In the meantime, why don’t we listen to a little music?

DTZM: Ooh, good idea.  Let’s do songs about clothing and accessories.

RTD: Sounds good.  But who plays music about that kind of stuff?

DTZM: [holds Apple Watch up to his mouth] SIRI, play anything by ZZ Top.

Today’s theme is: Clothing and Accesories! We’re looking for songs about clothing, accessories, or fashion in general.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNd!3W4!5h and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  

ED. NOTE: Did nobody get the puzzle song of “7+4_11uV!a” last week?  It was a tough one.  The answer was “11_lluvia” which of course refers to the 11th month – November Rain. 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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scotchnaut

Always loved this tune from later Bowie. Lester Bowie’s trumpet takes this tune to another level.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuhA6EPpBVo&ab_channel=DavidBowie

Horatio Cornblower

Brentford is now your Premier League leader.

Good for you, Bees.

Senor Weaselo

Gimme five bees for a quarter!

ballsofsteelandfury

I saw that and started laughing.

SonOfSpam

I wear sunglasses at night because I am a douchebag.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2LTL8KgKv8

SonOfSpam

No because blind people shouldn’t be out at night.

Game Time Decision

What does it matter to them?

Horatio Cornblower

The Reducers, a great band out of New London, CT that just never quite took off

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjJrBKe1HHM

Horatio Cornblower

Arsenal fans react reasonably
comment image

scotchnaut

Can I Get A ‘Hell Yeah!” (or a ‘Dude’, whatever)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-a8s8OLBSE&ab_channel=TaylorSwiftVEVO

scotchnaut

Sorta Double Shot! Goddamn, I had a bad crush on this girlycake back in the day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NI6aOFI7hms&ab_channel=TheCardigansVEVO

Dunstan
Dunstan
scotchnaut

If I participated in a zoot suit riot I’d probably catch my cuff on something.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IqH3uliwJY&ab_channel=Skibz778

scotchnaut

Nancy could bring it back in the day. (there’s a ton of nice gams in this reel)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbyAZQ45uww&ab_channel=weissebrauen

BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives

redacted

Last edited 3 years ago by BeefReeferLives
blaxabbath

Whips/Possibly Dildos count as accessories?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5QyEcya9Kg

BeefReeferLives

or perhaps a gently used fleshlight?

SonOfSpam
Dunstan

Dude.

BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
SonOfSpam
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
SonOfSpam
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
SonOfSpam

I haven’t worn a sweater since…my 20s?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHQqqM5sr7g

Game Time Decision

I have a permanent sweater vest on, does that count?

SonOfSpam

Only if you’re Venus de Milo.

Horatio Cornblower

Guy I used to play poker with claimed that he beat up Rivers Cuomo when they were in high school, that during the fight he tore us Rivers’s sweater, and that therefore he was the inspiration for the song.

He also smoked a lot of pot, so I wouldn’t trust his recollection about anything. But it’s a good story.

BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
TheRevanchist
SonOfSpam
2Pack
Game Time Decision

This was the theme song played in the opening credit stuff for the “Fashion Television” show from like the 80’s. I’m 99% sure it was a Canada only thing.
I STILL make the joke that “FT is on” to my wife every time this song plays. Not sure why she’s still with me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIs5StN8J-0

TheRevanchist

Oh, man. That’s a great pick. I loved watching that show. It was on in the US on VH1, as I recall (which could be wrong, as I can’t trust my memory of such things).

BeefReeferLives

“His coat is torn and frayed…”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Z-U2HUl7lg

SonOfSpam

I am touring the facility and picking up slack.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyJUm1K1Etc&ab_channel=GuitarCenter

BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
yeah right
2Pack

I know I did Rod last week too… but this is a good ole hobo tune…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFt6RSJOtUU

scotchnaut

I love hobo tunes!

BeefReeferLives
TheRevanchist

Fishnet Stockings

https://youtu.be/V_gWE2dS8Qs

BeefReeferLives

Nice ZZ top / Dusty Hill tribute, RTD.

Gotta start with the low hanging fruit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bm5HKlQ6nGM

BeefReeferLives

Double triple shot. (beat me to it, RTD)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix1pfFr4cIY

Last edited 3 years ago by BeefReeferLives