Your Monday Night Football (and Canuck Election Update) Open Thread

It’s good to be back! Many thanks to Hippo for filling in/helping out at the last second yesterday in order that jokery of dick could take place on this site.

Fall Out:

-How does one sprain both ankles? Cause that’s what the ever-injured Wentz did yesterday. Perhaps he’s just exploring new territory.

-I’d avoid visiting San Fran for the duration of the football season. Odds are good that you could be minding your own business, walking down the street and a scarlet and gold-painted van will pull up next to you, throw you in the back, jam some shoulder pads on you and tell you that you’re a running back for the next sixty minutes. It happened to Trenton Cannon!

-Speaking of offensive units that are seriously short-handed, the Browns are down Landry and waiting on OBJ. That means that they’ll have to rely on the trio of Higgins, Peoples-Jones and Schwartz. Good thing they’re committed to the run. You’ll likely hear a few hosannas in the huddle on third and long this coming week.

-There’s a single lonely voice in Chicago. If you listen closely you can hear it extoll the virtues of also-ran qb, Red Rocket. Ignore that 1st round quarterback behind the curtain

-Someone has kidnapped the real Zach Pascal and replaced him with a fantasy sleeper.

To The Game!

Lions/Packers:

-Oh gawd, this has the makings of a brutal tilt. But the good news is that if you need wr Adams to score you a ton of points you’re very well set up. He’s going to be defended by The Spelling Bee Twins, Amani Oruwariye (PFF’s 4th-worst cb last week) and Ifeatu Melifonwu (a rook making his very first start). Jeebuz, that’s no good.

-According to Football Outsiders the Lions were dead last in pass D last year. Green Bay is reciprocating with Kevin King at one turnstyle, er, corner spot although Jaire Alexander is a shutdown guy. The rest of the secondary and linebackers aren’t that talented so T.J. Hockenson should have himself a delightful evening. Maybe 40 points worth? No? C’mon Hockey, do this one solid and I can delay by one week my inevitable descent into the fantasy basement.

-Let us hope that Lions Coach Booyah! has a few tricks up his sleeve, otherwise time is going to slow to a crawl for him tonight.

Give me some of them sweet, sweet comments.

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King Hippo

unpopUlar opinion – Austin Powers was beyond stupid

Sharkbait

The first one was good. The others were just bad.

Gumbygirl

Yeah baby!

King Hippo

I may have only seen the 2nd one? Whichever one had Heather Graham. I would have walked out in the middle if my date had allowed it.

Sharkbait

WOOOOOO

Horatio Cornblower

Eli’s smirk makes him look like Bobby Brady hiding in his adoptive sister’s hamper, just waiting for the shower curtain to open.

ArmedandHammered

Jan was probably in the full latex BDSM gear, with a ball gag to keep her quiet.

Horatio Cornblower

They wanted me to cut the part with Alice, Sam, and the salami, but a true artist adheres to his vision no matter the consequences.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That parlay is looking better….

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’re all rooting for the parlay, right?

Horatio Cornblower

Oh absolutely. That guy has to be literally shitting himself right now.

Gumbygirl

It’s over $750k, right? On a $25 bet.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s what I heard. It’s sports radio, so take it for what’s worth, but it does give me a rooting interest in this game.

herodotus450

I heard even if he wins, it was a promotional type bet so he can’t withdraw the money, only use it on future bets.

Gumbygirl

What kind of bullshit is that? Call it points, then, if it’s not cash money.

herodotus450

If he were to win those successive bets, then he could withdraw the money, or so I’ve been told. That’s how all thos e betting sites can afford to give out free bets or money or whatever to get people to sign up. Even if you win, you probably won’t actually take that money off site.

Brocky

I’ve never known anyone who honestly dislikes gronk,

It’s just to me, the acceptance of gronk’s obnoxiousness and meatheaded nature
represents how much of a blatant double standard there is between gronk and players who aren’t white, who don’t play with tom brady, and who don’t have an ethnic “old country” name

King Hippo

I question whether White Maple Obama had solid political instincts in calling ths here election.

litre_cola

Uggh, he fucked around and now we are all going to find out.

Gumbygirl

It is way too early to panic.

Dunstan

I’ve decided that the maximally funny-yet-not-terrible-for-the-country outcome would be for the Liberals to get exactly the same number of seats they had coming in.

King Hippo

Baby Buster knows – when you get shipped to Detroit, revenge ain’t exactly in the cards

Brick Meathook

Marvin Gaye’s opening number in The TAMI Show concert film of 1964.

The film is famous for everything being recorded live with no post-production “sweetening.” Everything is authentic.

The backing vocalists are Fanita James, Darlene Love, and Jean King. They were up with “the Wrecking crew” (the stage band) during the entire concert and only came out on stage during Marvin Gaye’s set.

But you can hear just how good they were.

And they all lived positive lives.

So did Marvin Gaye, only if you consider getting shot and killed by your own father to be positive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPc8xgmZ35c

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I wish <i>my</i> father cared enough about me to…hmm, well, maybe not <i>that.</i>.” – Cooper Manning

ballsofsteelandfury

Gronk is on with ELI and Peyton and I’m never watching football any other way ever again.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m stunned that Gronk has a small dog.

King Hippo

I wonder who the NFL’s Crazy Cat People* are?

*probably just the placement kickers

Viva La Tabula Raza

Punters too.

Petronel

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King Hippo

Attractive blonde Moose Party lady seems nervous. Attractive ppl should never be nervous, the geese must be winning

ArmedandHammered

Gotta switch back, cannot stand Gronk doing commentary.

King Hippo

yeah, that was my fault for flipping over

Brocky

I still lament the loss of lol nfl.

I love the one with eli holding his hands apart: the text reads “after peyton was born, mom’s vaginal was THIS big!

Petronel

I miss NFL QBs on Facebook.

litre_cola

Oh yes, that was brilliant!

herodotus450

“Ehh, vee will cast ahur vote for zis… pack of seegarettes.”

WCS

48th and 28? NFL BLITZ!

WCS

Touchdown Seahawks?

herodotus450

Quintez Cephus sounds like what happens when you drink too much of Ken Griffey’s Brain Tonic.

TheRevanchist

Russ Wilson’s nanobubbles should clear that right up.

Horatio Cornblower

Nothing like focusing on Hispanic Heritage Month than doing it during a MNF game in…(checks notes)…Green Bay, Wisconsin?

Spur

Who the hell do you think works on those dairy farms?

TheRevanchist

When I had to travel to Wisconsin for business, we went to a Mexican place for one of the dinners. It was definitely out of place. They had a sign that on Dos Equis Fish Fry Fridays they had the sides of “mashed potatoes” and “coleslaw”.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Mexican restaurant in Norton, MA, was actually owned and staffed by real live Mexicans from Mexico and was actually pretty good.

Horatio Cornblower

There was a place in Stafford Springs, CT, (i.e. Nowhere, Middle Of), that had a dive bar vibe restaurant with killer Mexican food.

King Hippo

Query for Balls – can y’all Mexican-Americans excommunicate Senor Cheesehead?

TheRevanchist

No! He is a national hero, like Bumblebee man from the Simpsons.

WCS

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ballsofsteelandfury

Sourry, he stays

Brocky

If you played in the same division as aaron rodgers, would you really have that much to lose by throwing chop blocks at Aaron Rodgers on every pass attempt?

Spur

I like the way you think.

ballsofsteelandfury

On, I’m REALLY enjoying the Eli-Peyton broadcast.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I like Eli bagging on Fivehead.

ballsofsteelandfury

YES!

ArmedandHammered

I shifted over to see how it is.

Brocky

$50 says there are more Jordy nelson Jerseys than davante Adams ones in that crowd…. just saying

TheRevanchist

Maybe they didn’t get the note that Adams went to Fresno State?

Spur

is that the Moose party?

Sharkbait

Better than 28-3.

King Hippo

TOO SOON, Abed!!!

Gumbygirl

But have they counted the sheep fucker vote?

litre_cola

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ArmedandHammered

Umm, that could be either side.

ArmedandHammered

Rodger’s has his hair highlighted? He is going full redneck, you never go full redneck.

TheRevanchist

Have you seen Drew Brees’s hair? It’s a full dye job, and a terrible one, at that.

ArmedandHammered

I am not sorry to have missed that sight.

Gumbygirl

Is it the same color as his birthmark? That would be fancy schmancy!

WCS

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Gumbygirl

Eli’s like Madden with the telestrator. I’m dizzy.

ArmedandHammered

Probably mad they would not let him use the spirograph.

Gumbygirl

He uses the big fat crayons, in a vain attempt to keep him from eating them.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Etch-a-Sketch would be a safer option.

Edit: Note to self, read ALL comments in a thread before posting.

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
ArmedandHammered

Peyton always stole it to draw up plays.

Spur

Go Consensual Sex Lions!

King Hippo

oh wow, that ad break reminded me – Jaguras/Jest TNF. That ought to be a Federal holiday.

King Hippo

NFLN tends…not to update their ads during the season

ArmedandHammered

In Memorium of the Trump Presidency.

Sharkbait

Someone in a group chat I’m in besmirched the Matron Saint’s good name. I did not allow that to stand

Brocky

Time to go full raiders.

Dunstan

YOU HAVE MY AXE!

herodotus450

And my fur coat!

ArmedandHammered

Somehow that Lions score is Rodgers fault.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ll take things Aaron Rodgers’ mom says for $500 zombie Alex

Spur

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WCS

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Spur

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Spur

I believe in Baby Buster

King Hippo

Well, we know you ain’t Lucille Bluth, then

King Hippo

Team Moose in early troUble? I don’t know how to read y’all’s tea leaves. Plus, WHERE IS MY STEVE KORNACKI

Dunstan

In Canada, he’s known as Steve Kournacki

Spur

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Gumbygirl

I’m going to confess right now- I’m watching the Peyton and Eli show!

hippofant

Manningface screenshots please.

Gumbygirl

.

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jjfozz

RAVENS WIN WE ARE GOING TO WIN EVERY GAME FOR THE NEXT DECADE AND WIN A GAJILLION SUPER BOWLS!

Gumbygirl

Bourble.

Doktor Zymm

Joining the Niners as RB is like building your house on a flood plain – it’s a matter of when, not if, everything goes horribly wrong

King Hippo

Relax? A.A. Ron don’t look like somebody who wants to come.

Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

Dumbass got what he deserved walking that close to a mother and her calf.

Spur

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Gumbygirl

They are evil fuckers, those Canada geese. It’s like they contain all of the repressed rage of our friends up north (except for Scotchy, who expels his in a different way!) Terrifying raptors!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fucking a

King Hippo

Good news, everyone! We can watch CBC (at commercial breaks obvs) election coverage on C-Span in the States, along with oUr maple brethren

TheRevanchist

Mrs. Butterworth > Aunt Jemima > maple syrup

Horatio Cornblower

Wrong.

Spur

The Great Goose or Moose Decision

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Moose all the way

Horatio Cornblower

A moose once bit my sister…

King Hippo

Moose today
Moose ta-MARR-ah
Moose FOAREVA!

Spur

If this really is Rodgers Last Dance he should dance with who brought him, Mike McCarthy. He needs to stop by Irvine, pickup fat boy and fuck off.

Spur

Evening Folks

King Hippo

“Spelling Bee Twins” is Good Nomenclature Hustle!

/also, “exploring new territory” – just wait until Mrs. Dakota Jeebus puts a finger up his ass

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. May scotchy’s Davante prediction ring true.

WCS

It’d better, or it’ll be a bad week for the transients in Northern Ontario.

ArmedandHammered

Evening all, glad I can join you tonight. The boy update, his skin and eyes are so yellow he makes Homer Simpson look like an albino (actually told him he looks exactly like the comic books guy). He can use a walker and get to the bathroom by himself but he is exhausted afterwards. Still no word on when he can come home, but he is more positive about the future as am I.

TheRevanchist

Great to hear he’s doing better. Getting back into playing shape isn’t easy after something major, so it’s going to be a bit.

ballsofsteelandfury

Small steps, man. As long as the overall trajectory is positive, that’s all you can ask for.

King Hippo

Worst. Hangover. EVER!

ArmedandHammered

Yep, he has been told no alcohol ever again. Not even one drink.

Gumbygirl

That is good news!

Horatio Cornblower

Good news man. Continued good wishes.