One MOAR JV September Night Thread

Enjoy, for we will next JV meet in October.  Time flies when you’re watching FITBAW!!  Thoughts?  I’ve got a few:

  1. Pep is pretty damn good with his back against the wall.  I keep forgetting that.
  2. Bruno will be seeing that penno at the death in his sleep.
  3. Jamie Vardy scored a hat trick, but one (the best effort, even!) went into his own net, so 2-2 Draw.
  4. Praise Beesus!
  5. Bucky Badger led 13-10 after Q3 (that’s 23 total points, for the mathematically deficient).  Notre Dame scored 31 in Q4.  Still, Brian Kelly has a body count, NEVAR forgets.
  6. Florida State is officially worse than UConn (who is up ten at half, despite being 30.5-point home dogs to Wyoming).
  7. NC State turned Hippo’s resignation to a limp loss…into the faintest of hopes.  CURSE YEW.
  8. Is Arkansas good, or is TAMU just bad?  Answer: YES.

Games? Well, tis a pretty weak sauce of a night slate.  But who knows, maybe surprises lurk.

UCLA (-4.5) at Stanford (6:00, Pac-12)

Oh, how the new kings of Westwood Klavern have fallen.  Fresno State rules the West Coast, as we all know by now.  But the Pac-12 still needs a championship game, and this matchup could end up being massive in determining half of that.

Tennessee (+19) at Florida (7:00, ESPN)

Man, 20-25 years ago, we’d all be slobbering over this’un.  Now, it’s only a matter of whether the Gators are mad/motivated after their narrow defeat against Roll Damn Tide, or depressed/hungover.  If the latter, it could be a game until Q3.  If the former, it could be 35-3 before halftime.

Nebraska (+5) at Michigan State (7:00, FS1)

One assumes this one gets beamed into Guantanamo Bay, for the worst of punishment detail.

West By God Virginia (+17) at Oklahoma (7:30, ABC)

Put this here fixture in Morganhole, maybe things get interesting – or even furniture gets burned!  But in Norman, expect a “get well” game for Steerfuckers North.

Oregon State (+11) at USC (10:30, FS1)

It will be very difficult to stay awake for only ONE half-decent Tweaker fixture, but we do what we can.  I still think Troi Boiz have a glass jaw, just that the Pac-12’s general veneer of excrement disguise that some weeks (or halves, as in their trip to Pullman).

 

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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TheRevanchist

My BIL said he might be able to get me into D-land free. One of his buddies took a maintenance job on the Matterhorn. I’d only be going for the Star Wars stuff. Thinking about it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I understood most of the words in that but not together.

TheRevanchist

It’s me talking after deciding to just drink my dinner

Gumbygirl

I am tired. And old, but for a little less than an hour and a half I am still younger than Gumby! No matter what, at least I have never been as dumb as this bitch

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TheRevanchist

Don’t forget the gigantic Jewish space lasers she mentioned. She’s a real dumb bitch.

Anthony In TX

Wait, is this a sly way to tell us it’s your birthday???
If so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
If no, HAPPY BIRTHDAY (eventually)!!!

yeah right

This Marjorie Taylor Greene? I call her “Old Daily Double.” Cuz she’s got a horse face and a saddle bag ass.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Good evening, folks! I’m coming to you live (and drunk!) from Montecito, CA. I’m staying at a lovely house that is still under construction and has 170° sea views. It would probably be inappropriate to do a BOTG but I wish I could cause damn is this place nice.

Brick Meathook

I have a cousin who is a real estate agent in Montecito who has done very well for herself, both in real estate and in repeatedly marrying wealthy men.

She’s a peach and I love her.

Her house is on the fourth fairway of the Montecito Country Club, of which she is a member and a good golfer. I adore her latest husband. Old Pasadena money but a really good guy.

And she has always been very kind to me, and I appreciate that.

Anthony In TX

I feel like 170° is too warm for the sea, but what do I know.
Somebody needs to turn the AC on in the ocean.

Gumbygirl

This is the recent eruption of Mt. Etna. Looks like a phoenix

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WCS

TROGDOR!

Gumbygirl

That sent me down a weird rabbithole. Song was rocking!

Gumbygirl
Anthony In TX

Honestly, would this really be much worse?
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Brick Meathook
Horatio Cornblower

Speaking of cats down below, please spare some good thoughts for our outdoor cat, Nutmeg. She’s been MIA for 24 hours now. Not the first time, but unusual, and she’s anywhere from 12-14+ at this point.

We adopted her after she was found in the woods with a litter of kittens. She loathes being indoors, and will piss on everything that doesn’t move, and some things that do, until you let her out. She is only occasionally, and then grudgingly, affectionate to the people that feed her and have built an incredible shelter for her so she can live outdoors year round.

She’s killed more than her fair share of smaller creatures over the years, and lost her entire tail in what we think was a brawl with a coyote.

Frankly, she sort of sucks, and I know full well that she is destined for a violent end, but she’s family, and I would prefer she didn’t just disappear.

Of course, I haven’t fully discounted the theory that she’s a shape-shifting demon and will just eventually transition to her home dimension but still, a card would be nice.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You totally plagiarized the eulogy i wrote for you

Fronkenshteen

If Brighton beat Palace Monday afternoon, they’re top of the table.

Anyone think much of this Trey Sermon fellow? Enough to start him Sunday night?

The wife of the Head Coach of my kid’s travel soccer team came up to me at halftime and told me how happy she was to have me cheering the team on, because I’m loud, but extremely positive and encouraging. Nicest thing anyone (outside my family) has said to me in a long time. Love those kiddos.

One of my favorite YouTube channels, Red Baron Audiobooks, mysteriously disappeared this week. Horrendous bummer.

Fuckin’ NC State! Happy goddamn Hippo, I’d imagine!

90 minutes is the average running time of a Phish second set. I cannot imagine a circumstance, aside from gunpoint, where I’d subject myself to Donald Trump speaking for that long.

Sharkbait

Up the Albion!

WCS

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Havre, as in Montana, is pronounced the same as Favre, as in dick pix.
https://www.rawstory.com/amtrak-train-derailment-montana/

herodotus450

Akron taking their third timeout with 4 seconds left, down 50 points or thereabouts.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Hit the snooze button too many times.

herodotus450

Has anything good happened in West Virgina since they split off from non-West Virginia?

Viva La Tabula Raza

I think there was some little kerfuffle that ran from 1861-1865. Or 2021, if you read the news.

BugEyedBoo

Invented the pepperoni roll.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I won some money playing craps at Charlestown Races and Slots once

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I have run into two people i haven’t seen in years on the street today on separate occasions….in a city in which i do not live.

What is happening?

Horatio Cornblower

You’ve died and are in the Twilight Zone.

Sharkbait

The Matrix had a glitch

Horatio Cornblower

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Brocky

IU is struggling to defeat western Kentucky, a school made most famous by winning a division 2 national championship with head coach Jack Harbaugh. I saw them play a game my freshman year.

….

Sharkbait

There’s a THIRD one?

WCS

3rd and 33? JV NFL BLITZ!

Damn it.

WCS

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WCS

3rd and 22? JV NFL BLITZ!

Mr. Ayo

3rd and 33?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Aspiring singer-songwriter Aaron Rodgers is pretty annoying.

WCS

Definitely taking to the A.A. Ron persona.

Redshirt

I know it’s only Akron, but can Backup Buckeye QB be made the starter?

Redshirt

Any of them.

Don T

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WCS

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herodotus450

Get away with murder, police hate this one trick!

The Maestro

My “I had nothing to do with the disappearance of JonBenet Ramsey” shirt seems to have people asking a lot of questions that are already answered by the shirt.

Last edited 3 years ago by The Maestro
herodotus450

Some osu linebacker just apparently “quit” in the middle of the game and left the field.

Sharkbait

The ol’ Vontae Davis

Viva La Tabula Raza

OSU Buckeye or OSU Cowboy?

herodotus450

Buckeye. He posted “good lucc” to his teammates on twatter followed up with “fucc ohio state” followed up with deleting both tweets.

Redshirt

Starter or backup?

herodotus450

Unconfirmed twitter asshole says hes has 19 tackles in 4 years.

Redshirt

Sounds like a 4 year bench warmer.

Horatio Cornblower

19 more than me.

WCS

My bad, coach.

The Maestro

Gotta say, folks, this bachelor weekend setup thing is definitely fun once in a while. Had a nice day farting around including lunch and many beers at my parents’, to which I have come home to continue getting intoxicated and will soon eat some UberEats’d hot chicken sammiches in the comfort of my bed. I think this counts as doing it right.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You can do that WITH her, too, you know

The Maestro

This is true. But I normally try not to be falling down drunk because of… reasons. That may be advantageous.

Gumbygirl

Everybody needs a little alone time, no matter how much they loooooove each other!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh for sure

Gumbygirl

I am having a chopped salad, and flatbread pizza with sausage, shrooms, a little blue cheese and hot honey on top. Just as soon as I get the ambition. Any minute now.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Per Horatio’s FenWAY story, how do we feel about live sporting attendance right meow? Outside is good, that many mouthbreathers seems real bad.

Mr. Ayo

Going to one tomorrow.

Release the Kraken!

WCS

/Sidney Powell’s head asplodes

Horatio Cornblower

God wills it!

Gumbygirl

That’s the opener? That will be bonkers. We went to the first Jaguars game, it was a lot of fun.

Mr. Ayo

First preseason game. Opener is next month and I’ll be there for that too.

Sharkbait

I have a chance to go to an MLS game in 2 weeks. We’d be the supporters section, which is everyone standing together, so I’m passing. I have zero interest in attending a sporting event until Sharkette is vaccinated.

I do have 2 tickets to an Ice Giants game in April. I’m hoping that she’ll be vaxxed by then, plus NYC is not allowing anyone into sporting events unvaccinated. That includes players and arena staff.

Last edited 3 years ago by Sharkbait
Horatio Cornblower

The NHL isn’t fucking around. Combination of an indoor league heavily reliant on attendance rather than TV revenue, and one of the shittiest unions in recorded history.

Gumbygirl

Gumby and I have Rams vs Jaguars tickets for early December. They need to approve the J& J booster soon. Our plan is to go early, leave late, to try and avoid knuckleheads. We will be masking, and our seats are the front row end of a section. We,’re probably fucking up, but he really wants to go.

The Maestro

Still a little skittish about indoor stuff still despite being double vaxxed and back in the classroom, but I went to the REDBLACKS game on Wednesday and besides the on-field product being more unwatchable than a late-term abortion, the entire outdoor experience was A-1, especially with the team mandating proof of vaccine at entry. Did wonders to put my mind at ease.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah in America we’re not bold enough to require common sense

Horatio Cornblower

I’d have gone to the game if the Yankees weren’t the most aggravating team on the fucking planet this season.

I’m double-vaxxed, my family’s double-vaxxed, my friends are double-vaxxed, I don’t have any co-morbidities, and the game’s outside. And I frankly don’t give a flying fuck if I pick it up and unknowingly pass it on to some anti-vaxxer.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Check out the alpaca theme continuing on this menu tonight (scroll down to cocktails):

https://www.cabrachicago.com/dinner

Gumbygirl

That menu sounds good. And, viva alpacas!

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Sharkbait

That alpaca wants to speak to your manager.

Gumbygirl

Definitely a Karen or a Chad.

WCS

Yes

Sharkbait

So as previously mentioned, my school didn’t have a football team. This means I should root for Notre Dame right?

WCS

You’re already a GREATRIOTS fan, so, why not. Go ahead and start rooting for Dook while you’re at it.

Sharkbait

I’m not a total monster. My BIL however does root for ND, so it always is kind of awkward when they inevitably get smoked in the playoff

WCS

You misspelled “hilarious” when they inevitably get smoked in the playoff.

Sharkbait

Awkward because it is hilarious. Should have clarified.

Horatio Cornblower

I love ND in the play-offs. Easiest gambling $$$ ever. Opponent and the points. Every time.

herodotus450

Miss St. or Auburn are the closest to professional teams, so you could root for them. But I guess everybody getting paid nowadays.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Against

Do what i do and ignore college football.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I think Notre Dame would be a whole lot cooler if they called themselves the Phantoms.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Or The Quasimodos. Or Hunchbacks.

Horatio Cornblower

The Bog Trotters.

WCS

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herodotus450

Akron getting blown out by OSU as a good MAC team should.
/Awkwardly looks at Minnesota in the corner

Viva La Tabula Raza

I just saw that Mr Cartoon guy on a car show about low riders around the same time I started seeing that ad.
They had one a couple years ago featuring Olga Custodio. First Latina USAF instructor pilot, first over-the-water captain for American Airlnes. When I saw the ad, I called her husband Ed who I worked with for over a decade. He said that ad paid for a round-the-world cruise for the two of them.

Horatio Cornblower

Good for them.

The cruise comes with Legionairre’s disease!

Oh, that’s bad!

But there’s also free frogurt!

herodotus450

The Mantis Shrimp Torture Game, Florida-Tenn, closer than expected!

Gumbygirl

Keep telling yourself that, dad.

herodotus450

“Oh.”
-Matt G.

WCS

ARMPUNT

Horatio Cornblower

I had the opportunity to go to Fenway for the game this afternoon but turned it down, not wanting to watch the Yankees chucklefuck their way through another game.

For 8 innings they managed 1 run against a bunch of AAA pitchers, and my decision making was sound. Then Stanton hit a grand slam completely out of Fenway and they won 5-3.

Just as well, as I’d probably be so obnoxious after a win like that that I’d be justifiably murdered before I even got to the bar across the street.

Dunstan

That’s the Lord’s work, though

Horatio Cornblower

I imagine tonight’s story would be “and then I heard something behind me and the next thing I know I’m waking up in the Charles River with one less kidney than I’d started the night with.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

*inserts random lyric from Standell’s Dirty Water.*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5apEctKwiD8

Horatio Cornblower

Almost inevitable on a night like tonight.

Sharkbait

That’s your fault for wanting to go to the Cask

Horatio Cornblower

Beerworks, my man. I’ve never been in the Cask.

Sharkbait

Sadly Beerworks is no more.

Last edited 3 years ago by Sharkbait
Horatio Cornblower

No shit? Guess it couldn’t survive the pandemic closing. Makes sense, they were hugely reliant on the Fenway crowds.

I went there once after a Social Distortion show at one of the clubs on Kenmore. Started watching the UConn-Syracuse game that eventually went to 6 OTs. But I listened to the last couple of them on the radio on the way home, because they threw the four of us customers out at about 11 because they weren’t paying the bills on our dumb asses.

No ballgame, no crowd at Beerworks.

Sharkbait

All of them are DOA now. Whole franchise.

WCS

SMRT foobawl there.

WCS

That was two years ago, mate.

scotchnaut

There are no illegitimate mullets in WV, only illegitimate children.

WCS

That was terrific. Can we just call the game over now?

scotchnaut

West Virginny qb is cruisin’ for a contusion.

scotchnaut

Dry Garlic Spare Ribs? Not Shameful!

WCS

Isn’t that the new anti-vax treatment for COVID?

Anthony In TX

I saw somewhere that right-wingers are now being encouraged to not go to the hospital to seek COVID treatment, but rather to pursue alternative treatment options.
Which, okay, that’s cool because it means more ICU beds for people who need them, but you just know these anti-vax dipshits are still out and about, exposing people to this shit.

WCS

Who’s ready to watch their alma mater get prison-raped in front of a live national television audience?
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Sharkbait

Not me! My D3 school didn’t have football!

Viva La Tabula Raza

My school didn’t even have a football team until like 15 or 20 years after I graduated. They won’t be shamed tonight, since they beat Memphis already today.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Beep beep!

Gumbygirl

Mine lost football, because of Alabamashenanigans. Got it back in 2017, and we won the conference last year. We’re playing Tulane this evening.
Go Blazers!

Horatio Cornblower

Mine barely lost to Wyoming! Progress!

Anthony In TX

And mine held strong for about 3 quarters against #5 Iowa! Not too shabby, Rams!

Gumbygirl

That NC State game took a toll on me. Some restorative marijuana is what I need.

scotchnaut

Chicken balls in gelatin sauce? Shameful!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Reckon there’s one happy happy hippo out there.

scotchnaut

Holy Bananas! Look at you, Wolven!

Downfield Matriculator

Congrats, Hippo — We are all Wolven today! Nothing on today’s slate could make me happier than watching Clemson get knocked out of the playoffs.

Gumbygirl

Oh hell yes. Nothing I like better than a sad Dabbo. Dabo? Dildo? Dumbo? Who cares, he haz a big ole sad!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Q: Are we not men?
A: We are Dabo.

Anthony In TX

Dabbo. Dabo? Dildo? Dumbo?

Yep. Any of those’ll work. He’s a dickhead.

scotchnaut

Hot and Sour Soup? Not shameful!

yeah right

Watching the AFL Grand Final and at the half I was saying this is one of the best footy matches ever.

Then holy shit.

I’ve never seen a scoring run by one team like that ever.

Congrats ******** in case you haven’t seen it yet.

Last edited 3 years ago by yeah right