Exploring the Term “Mandatory”

Good morning, all.  There is no Lesser Footy to speak of (international break, blech), but at least tomorrow – The Shield tries to fill that void with the most precious of gift.

Jest.  Falcons (without Ridley!).  London.  9:30a EST, full national coverage.

As you know, our esteem for FITBAW means that when we get a wonderful 14-hour viewing window – we fucking watch it.  ALL of it.

So, while legally I can’t stipulate that “mandatory” is on pain of catapault…I don’t have to, and in fact am NOT, ruling it out.

If you have eschewed the bosom of REEL MURRIKA for the Left Coast?  Well, take a nap on Saturday.  Pass out during the 7p JV NFL window.  Acquire trucker speed.  JUST BE HERE, eyeballs glued to the magic.

After contemplating the bleakness of existence all morning, here are the appetizers from indentured servitude (or as ah like to say as a Son of the South, happy worker pals):

Oklahoma (-3) v. Texas (Noon, ABC)

Fuck your mother, I will call this Red River SHOOTOUT and fuck off if you don’t like it.  Terms like “shootout” are NOT why we have all these lunatic shootings in this country.  Even well-meaning people can be right stupid.  It’s not the exclusive province of the “religious” right.

Arkansas (+5) at Ole Miss (Noon, ESPN)

Two SEC West nouveau riche-ish squadrons, both coming of Old Money Bully-given wakeup calls.  Who will respond better, and/or will anyone still be listening to Morrissey tunes like Emo Carr??

South Cakalaky (+10.5) at Tennessee (Noon, ESPN2)

I am not on the UT hype train – they just had a good week, while Mizzou shit their pants.  Same bunch who lost at home to Pitt, who in turn lost at home to Western Michigan.  Of course, using the transitive property in JV NFL leads to madness.  But the Chickens just might be “a step above Vandy” dogshit.  We shall see.

West By God Virginia (+3) at Baylor (Noon, FS1)

Stayin’ alive in the Big Twaaaalve race?  Best win today, both of y’all.  WCS eyes his non-alcoholic beverage with distaste.

Georgia (-15) at Auburn (3:30, CBS)

Does this whackadoo line – which I 100% will NOT bet either way – say MOAR about UGA’s dominance, or War Damn Eagle’s steaming pile of meh?  The answer, obvs, is YES.

Paedo State (+1.5) at Iowa (4:00, Fox)

One definition of “hopeless pile of monkeyfuck” is needing Team Cornpone to do sommet good for humanity.  Paedos roll, and the Narrative intensifies.

Feel free to talk about books, family problems, music, whatevs.