Your NFL Football Open Thread Numero Dos

To The Games!

Packers/Bengalis:

God, I love the upset potential here. Mixon didn’t practice all week but is expected to play. This looks like a great spot for Burrow in that Jaire Alexander is out and he gets Tee Higgins back. Now if the Cincy D could play well…

Lions/Vikes:

Though he’s playing, expect Cook to be spelled frequently by Mattison. Kirkie, though he gets picked on here, has been picked but once this year.

Broncos/Steelers:

Surtain looks as though he’ll play and should be (mostly) lined up on Diontae. Patrick allowed 7 completions on 9 passes last week. Luckily the Pitt passing game is going south rather quickly. PFF’s five worst-rated qb’s include one backup, three rookies and Ben.

Fins/Bucs:

This one will be painful. Miami will fall behind, won’t be able to run, and will have to ask Brissett to get them out of the mess behind a line that gives up pressure all the time.

Saints/TEAM:

The N.O. D just gifted Sir Dimes A-Lot his first 400 yard game. TEAM is 29th in yards allowed and 30th in points allowed. Heinicke’s 70% completion rate and 8.1YPA masks the fact that he had 3(!) INTs dropped by defenders last week.

Eagles/Panthers:

Moore and Darnold need each other. When they ‘hook up’ the latter has a 115 passer rating. Last week Dallas took control of the game away from Carolina by running the ball at a 6.7ypc clip. Expect Philly to try the same thing, starting with Hurts.

Titans/Jags:

Being a rook qb is tough enough but Lawrence is stuck on a dysfunctional team and his coach isn’t helping. Does he even talk to Meyer? Who knows.

Pats/Texans:

Mills has a 53.7 passer rating from a ‘clean’ pocket. It’s the worst in the league by more than 10 points. Expect Old Bill to massage all of Mills’ numbers in a way that would make owner Kraft proud (and horny).

Let’s keep it going out there. Don’t let up!

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NotShogunButShogun

DOINK!

Horatio Cornblower

Just checked my FF team, thinking I was out of it, and it turns out I’m in an absolute war with Balls in the GSR league. Good luck Balls, I hope all your players die.

Horatio Cornblower

57 yarder for the win, or are we on our way to a possible most glorious draw?

herodotus450

Would a pick 6 or blocked FG returned for a TD be the more Bungles way to finish this game?

NotShogunButShogun

Yes.

Redshirt

Kick-6 is the correct answer.

WCS

Yes

King Hippo

Back-to-back 22-22 Draws would be so lovely.

Col. Duke LaCross

HAIL SHANK’LOR

Brick Meathook

I don’t know about the Bengals, but I remember once the Bangles called and asked me to get them all pregnant. I wish I could have, but I was busy getting Bananarama pregnant. I was a busy guy back then.

Dunstan

For Bananarama, it was truly a Cruel Summer

Redshirt

HA!

Horatio Cornblower

Cincy-GB has gone full plaid. I repeat, we have a full plaid situation in Cincinnati!

ArmedandHammered

Real smart, tie the game and give the ball to Rodbers with 2.5 minutes left. He can score 3 touchdowns and film a state farm commercial.

Horatio Cornblower

Packers are already on Cincy’s 18.

WCS

“What’s the worst that could happen?”
— Detroit

Redshirt

22-22 would be a scorigami.

Horatio Cornblower

I would agree: packing to leave Cincinnati is very good.

Horatio Cornblower

The announcers: “Laremy Tunsil is not in the game, and you have to wonder why”

Laremy: comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

WOOOOOOOO MIXON

BrettFavresColonoscopy

WOOOOOOOO HIGGINS

And possible tie scenario

Horatio Cornblower

I enjoy USAA doing ads during football games just to point out that you can’t have their insurance unless you were in the military.

Or unless you’re me, and very comfortable stealing your Dad’s valor from that all expenses paid tour of Vietnam he got back in the ’60’s.

herodotus450

PTSD? Suicides? Nah we can’t help you there, but do you want to save a couple hundred bucks on car insurance over the course of your life?

Gumbygirl

I need to check them out. Geico is very complacent with my bizness. It doesn’t pay to be loyal.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve had it since I started driving and I’ve never been disappointed. Except when I call them and they thank me for me service and I feel compelled to say “no, that was my Dad” and then hang up as fast as I can.

Gumbygirl

Gumby was in the military for over twenty years, ending in 1999. Neither of us had ever heard of USAA until a few years ago. Way to reach out to the community!

King Hippo

#MeToo

Col. Duke LaCross

Yup. Thank you grandpa!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is it really that good of an insurance deal?

Horatio Cornblower

In my experience, yes. I’ve got friends who sell insurance, (who doesn’t?), and they don’t even try to beat USAA’s rates. And I’ve never had a problem with their service or having various claims paid.

I should probably be charging them for these comments. Gotta figure they’re at least as effective as those Gronk ads.

Horatio Cornblower

The Patriots are about to be down by 10 to a team that can’t a 4th down play off without burning a time-out.

OK, down by 7, but the point holds.

Horatio Cornblower

That would make a Pats loss even sweeter.

Horatio Cornblower

Two questions

1) Anyone else watching ‘Squid Game’?

2) What is in the water in Korea?

ArmedandHammered

Plan on starting soon, and my hypothesis is that kimchi creates an lsd like substance during fermentation, or the mercury levels in sea food are really getting out of hand.

Last edited 2 years ago by ArmedandHammered
Horatio Cornblower

Your second theory makes a lot of sense.

The show is off the rails, bat-shit insane.

I’m quite enjoying it.

ArmedandHammered

There was actually a Manga years ago that was the same premise except with high school students at a school. Was extremely bloody.

Horatio Cornblower

This one doesn’t shirk on the gore, that’s for sure.

ArmedandHammered

And the live action movie made from it is called “As the God’s Will” which I am oing to have to ind and watch.

WCS

I’m beginning to think that neither the Donks nor Yinzers are very good at this footed ball gamesport.

Anthony In TX

The Texans just ran the Wildcat with Mark Ingram twice in one drive.

In 2021.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus, Troy Aikman is not a small, (or particularly articulate), man.

https://twitter.com/dallascowboys/status/1447279861677047809/photo/1

King Hippo

So much Schlereth/Nantz/Romo verbal diarrhea this window.

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

ArmedandHammered

Khorne as a young blood god,

King Hippo

guh, if this wasn’t MANDATORY think I’d take a break from this scheisse porn.

Horatio Cornblower

Hoist by his own petard.

litre_cola

We don’t use the petard word around here anymore.

King Hippo

hey ah noe I ain’t that smart but you ain’t supposed to use that word no MOAR smh

Anthony In TX

Houston media are on Twitter acting like the Texans should be dominating this game “if they were a little sharper.”

Uhhh, they’re terrible. There is no “a little sharper” for this team. We’re seeing them fresh off the whetstone.

King Hippo

There’s shooting yourself in the dick, and there’s whatever is the next level (which is what my Donks are doing today)

ArmedandHammered

Well there is a difference between using a 22 handgun and a 12 gauge loaded with flecettes.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh Higgins is in the game? I didn’t think my fantasy team or Burrow knew that.

Col. Duke LaCross

See also: Boyd, Tyler

Anthony In TX

So there’s a CSI: Vegas now? Wasn’t the original CSI in Vegas?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It does have the most semen per square foot

ArmedandHammered

TV show ideas are a flat circle.

litre_cola

Like the earth!- K. Irving

Anthony In TX

“CSI: VEGAS. Now with even more Vegas!”

ArmedandHammered

So far the closed captioning has spelled lions as, lyons, liens, and lyouns. They really can’t win.

Redshirt

“Ride these loins into the endzone.”

Anthony In TX

At least you can hide inside the house from a lion.

Redshirt

Way to tease us, BLEERGH.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS JA’MARR CHASE I CALL HIM AN ALTAR BOY BECAUSE HE DOESN’T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW HE GOT TOUCHED

Last edited 2 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
herodotus450

JMART is where Mike Brown buys all the team’s equipment, including the cheerleaders.

King Hippo

Just in….Dingleberry still deserves his moniker.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That Hayden Hurst depression PSA was surprisingly well done

Horatio Cornblower

So far there best offensive play I’ve seen was a 12 yard punt return.

herodotus450

Belichick is clearly just tanking this year for generational quarteredback talent
/check notes
Trevor Lawrence. Unlike those suckers making notes right now, I did mine over a year ago.

Horatio Cornblower

THAT HOUSTON PUNT I CALL IT 1963, BECAUSE THAT’S THE LAST TIME I SAW SOMEONE TAKE A SHOT TO THE HEAD LIKE THAT IN TEXAS!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Packers look way better than the Bengals, so I don’t foresee this game staying close…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was shocked to see that the Bengals are 3-1.

Horatio Cornblower

Mike Brown won’t put up with that; performance bonuses kick in at 7 wins.

King Hippo

Look out, humanity. El Tractorcito’s possum tail is gaining sentience.

ArmedandHammered

Looks more like an alligator tail to me.

WCS

Mark Schlerith (sp?): CTE is funny!

Trent Green: I ordered a cheeseburger!

Last edited 2 years ago by WCS
BrettFavresColonoscopy

You spelled Schlereth wrong, it’s M-O-R-O-N

WCS

It’s Kurns, stoopid!

Anthony In TX

“I was saying Koo-urns”

King Hippo

We ARE talking about a guy who would intentionally piss his pants to gain an edge over rushing defenders.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, at least he’ll be used to the smell when his own CTE kicks in.

Horatio Cornblower

For all the smoke the announcers are blowing up Mac Jones’s ass, the Patriots offense is incredibly limited with him at the helm.

Last edited 2 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
King Hippo

But but but….The Legend of White Mac! He is clearly being let down by his THUG teammates

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I see that Joe Burrow is making a play for the coveted Bad Idea Jeans endorsement deal.

King Hippo

Dunno what’s more strangely impressive – the 500s running train on Belicheat, or that we found an ACTUAL SUPPORTER to write for DFO.

litre_cola

Uhhh the imaginary team just scored on a flea flicker.

The Maestro

God, I fucking hate this shit. What an embarrassment. IT’S ALL STEPHON GILMORE’S FAULT

Anthony In TX

They just tried a fake-fake punt that got partially blocked and gave the P*ts 1st down on the 36.

Nature is healing.

The Maestro

Goddamn, Jameis. Keep throwing like that, and you’ll get free crab legs for life.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THE BEN HAZ FREE CRABZ 4 LYFE TOO

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The music from that cruise ad seems more suited to an epic sci-fi/apocalypse series.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can someone tell Terry Bradshaw he’s old yeller so he’ll take himself out back?

litre_cola

Scotchy you have all the Chargers in the Freezer Vodka lge.

Anthony In TX

Wait a minute.
What if my post delusionally predicting a Texans championship actually turns their season around, they go 14-3 and win it all?
OMG, you guys. I might have predictive powers.

Anthony In TX

None of that is going to happen, you fucking weirdo.

Game Time Decision

How about winning Power Ball numbers. Something with better odds

King Hippo

If he could apply his skillz there, he’d be AnthonyInTahiti

Horatio Cornblower

He’s more likely to find a real football team to root for in Tahiti than he is in Houston. The “Texans” Pfft!

Anthony In TX

Excellent point.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Spur

Great News Joe Burrow can see in color again.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bad news is he’s still playing for Cincinnati