FUCK, do I ever hate Halloween. I know, I know. But Hippo, you hate EVERYTHING.
Larnin’ of the day:
- Lookit you, Sparty! Have that Sparty Party after all.
- Ole – not ded yet. Nuno…not great, Bob!
- Vile Redshite drop points to Trash Birds, despite being spotted a 2-nil lead. At home.
- You can bury Texas for another year. GOOD JERB, BayBay.
- It is patently unfair that JV WKRP gets “style points” hassle, but Steerfuckers North can shit their pants all they want.
- We really need a 12-team playoff, and right soon.
- It’s becoming more than a bit uncomfortable, the increasing level of in-game confusion of CBS’ geriatric broadcasting team.
- Maybe not as uncomfortable as the Dan Mullen hot seat, though.
- The 3:30 window, contrary to my “can’t fall off the floor” expectations – was no improvement.
- Mikel Arteta remains a very handsome man.
Ole Miss (+3) at Auburn (7:00, ESPN)
This week at DFO, we learned that JJ Fozz is a War Damn Eagle supporter. Things Hippo NEVAR would have guessed for $400, Alex?
Kenfucky (+1) at Mississippi State (7:00, SECN)
We shall see if Blue Moons of Kenfucky is legitimate tonight. Win or lose, there will be incessant cowbellery.
Paedo State (+19.5) at (theeeeee) Ohio State (7:30, ABC)
That home loss to Illinois. Woof. Still, this is way too many points, even in The Sportsball Year of Redshirt.
UCLA (+6) at Utah (10:00, ESPN)
This is awfully late for a student body that’s like, 70% caffeine free. But this will be one of THREE solid tweaker fixtures this week. Secular Big Love and Westwood Klavern both need this one. Bad.
Virginia (+2.5) at BYU (10:15, ESPN2)
This is awfully late for a student body that’s like, 99.9% caffeine free (surely one or two apostates exist). Bronco Mendenhall homecoming/revenge game, so consider me mildly intrigued?
Fresno State (-2) at San Diego State (10:30, CBSSN)
Those JV Boltmen! really do that “no style points” thingy, but undefeated they remain. Fresno will be a stern test, even if they’s all out of Emo Carrs.
I haven’t seen something chopped up this much since Dexter was on the air.
[feels overlooked] – Jim Irsay’s stash
I think Atlanta should change their team name to ‘Shermans’
Works for me, I’m smoking a sherm right now.
You know, I’m hopped up on the pot. The grass. The REEFER!
That can be their DFO name, if any of us still remember by morning.
/ takes hit
// forgets to write it down
There’s absolutely no reason not to throw one in Altuve’s ribs here.
Or just fucking groove one down the middle and wait for your LF to bail your dumb ass out.
Oh fuck i am drunk and things
“and things” is doing a lot of work here.
things = vomiting on the DJ
You don’t suppose she roofied herself, do you? That would be the DFOiest thing ever!
Braves organist just played “Fly By Night” by Rush.
Okay, got to give him/her credit there.
I noticed that too. Solid work.
And now he’s playing Coldplay. I take back every nice thing I ever said about him.
I don’t know why I’m watching this baseball game, I get disappointed when anything good happens for either team.
There’s always a chance something bad could happen to both.
“Always look on the bright side of life!”
“You’ll get nothing, and like it!”
— BLEERGH
Penn State penalized for illegal touching.
There’s something you don’t see every day.
Shocking that Penn St is now arguing there WAS touching!
Fuck, that’s much better than mine.
This OSU offense I call it Nancy Pelosi because appealing to the center is nawt working.
/nods in expensive ice cream
Matt Nagy will not coach Sunday due to Covid protocols, just in case you couldn’t think of anything good about Covid.
I think we can all agree that having our Sundays be a little less Nagy is a good thing.
[glances sideways at wife]
Is that pigfucker not vaccinated?
Ugh, this 8.1% abv blueberry pineapple IPA is disappointing
That….sounds not good.
I love pineapple in beer, and generally like blueberry in beer. But blueberry and pineapple in the same beer sounds terrible.
You love pineapple in beer? You like blueberry in beer? What is your favorite brand of tampon?
.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, STROUD?!
Last funny;
thank god it’s halloween, 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 we get a chance to kick back, wear a mask, and be afraid of everything
I haven’t seen Penn State try to score off of something as blatantly illegal as that since Jerry Sand…
/Just absolutely obliterated by the DFO ‘Even We Have Standards Committee’ gang tackle
We have standards?
We had to get something to replace our pants.
I have to object. I think DFO would turn off the Redacted Filter before we do anything that remotely suggests we’re defend Penn State.
I believe the latest update broke the redacted filter, so you’re 100% correct.
It appears reality is catching up with Kentucky, if not related to climate change at least on the football field.
I’m trying to think of a good response to this that references Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s belief that a miscarriage is just as much of a sin as an abortion.
I should say “rumored belief” because it’s just a rumor at this point (that I started).
UPS can deliver, unlike you heathens that miscarry.
something…something…losing the package is as evil as destroying the package…?
“Wow Elizabeth, you’re really taking a risk putting your box in the hands of someone with a history of not delivering things to their intended target. Like Tim.”
“Hey Elizabeth, you’re a fucking cunt.”
Too forward?
Just right.
“What’s in the box? WHAT’S IN THE BOX!”
“Oh, relax, Elizabeth. It’s just those morning-after pills you ordered.”
Just once I would like to see a defense constantly commit penalties within their own 5-yard line. The ball keeps getting advanced 1/2 the distance, but can never break the plane, and the game would never end.
Defensive Coordinator Zeno: “Excellent.”
I believe Palpably Unfair Act would kick in if they commit repeated penalties on the goal line, and the offense would be awarded the touchdown.
If I’m correct, then I also want to see that too.
That’s fucking brilliant
Has Ohio State’s coach ever been seen in the same place and at the same time as Steven Segal?
?cache=sA6KXxaXs0&ops=scalefit_720_noupscale
Is he wearing a hair piece? Or a low pile rug on his head.
Yes?
Astroturf. Assholeturf.
How in fuck was that not a horse collar tackle against U*NC? His fucking knee is snapped!
Also, the stadium organist at the Braves game is having a fantastic night. Amazing choices. Just played “The Muppet Show” theme song. Can only imagine it was directed at Grienke.
Seriously, fuck today. I actively have wanted ALL THREE of Baylor, tOSU, and ND to win.
They just played “Hard to Handle”. Their music supervisor is pretty rockin’.
If he takes requests, I’d like him to play this because of their bang can lids strategy to steal a World Series Championship.
Todd Rundgren – Bang The Drum All Day (Lyrics Below) (HQ) – YouTube
At relativistic time scales, we still don’t know what targeting is.
https://twitter.com/MeidasTouch/status/1454621323905290240
She is counting down the seconds until he shits himself to death on his golden toilet.
She’s not the only one.
Right there with ya.
Well I hope they know his weight so they know how much to dip out for the casket.
Wouldn’t mind seeing that episode of Coffin Flop.
I was ready to be extremely irritated but now I’m just laughing.
She hates his fucking guts and it’s so damn funny.
She needs to put the arsenic in the diet coke already, for her own mental health.
I don’t care that she’s an evil screw. When Trump mysteriously “disappears”, she was helping us move. If one of us is on the jury, she walks.
THIS GUY RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY I CALL HIM WARD CLEAVER CAUSE HE’S WATCHING THE WORLD SERIES WHILE HIS WIFE MAKES COOKIES.
ALSO HE IS NOW PETTING HIS DOG.
What kind of cookies? Is she making enough for all of us? What kind of dog? Why can’t we all pet him/her?
Going full Karen here!
Chocolate chip with a few walnuts. I guess some of the “chips” are peanut butter cups.
The dog is half dachshund half beagle, we think. You can pet her all you like! She’s a little shy with strangers, but warms up pretty quickly if you give her treats.
She used to dig me. She’s the sweetest thing. I hope she remembers me next time.
/RTD’s dog growls and tries to bite Balls
Balls, (delighted): She remembers me!
This doesn’t taste like a 13.4% beer.
Barely more than 9.5%
Have another one.
And another one.
Please, I have a fridge full of beers to choose from, I shan’t be repeating tonight
Found a funny;
A haunted house but for awkward interactions. Someone pops out at you and you’re like “nice to meet you” and they’re like “haha actually we’ve already met”
On the rare occasions I’ve gone back to where I grew up, my brother always puts some rando in front of me and says ” you remember this guy” Nope. I haven’t seen this guy for about 40 years. He looks a little different now, as do I. And chances are good I didn’t like “this guy” back then.
So niece is buried, shooter emptied gun when shooting her, for someone firing in the dark at a non-visible target, amazing how many he got into head and neck. Oh and he will not be charged as it was an accidental shooting. Really a good thing that he is related to the Hendersonville Sherriffs Dept.
Naw, I’m not angry, why should I be?
My brother requested that we allow him to live with it and take no actions.
No worries. It was fine, I appreciate the sentiment.
Accidental shooting is one bullet. Not the entire clip. Your family needs a good lawyer.
Not a thing can be done, even though he had no permit for the gun and was under 21 so he should not have had one, but hey, 2nd amendment and all that. Plus SBI backing the finding up. Someone pulled in enough favors to make Don Correllone jealous.
Jeeesus. I’m really sorry. Hope some karma is heading his way.
Get the State involved. There is always someone bigger than you out there, and it sounds like the good folks at the Hendersonville Sheriff’s Dept. needs to meet there “bigger than”, and that right quick.
The SBI is the State Bureau of Investgation. So the state was involved, but they are all good old boys who I think do more to cover up than help.
Based on what you said below it sounds like your brother wants to let things stand, but if there aren’t going to be criminal consequences go after the shooter, and anyone remotely connected to the shooter, civilly. Find yourself a rabid pitbull of an attorney, preferably one who hates cops, (will not be hard to find), and turn them loose to scorch the earth.
I brought up the civil suit idea, will need to see how my brother feels after the grief has passed a bit.
Make it something that follows that shit for the rest of his life.
You should have 2 years from the date of the shooting to bring the suit, although statute of limitations can vary from state-to-state.
I know a guy who used to practice in Henderson County, let me know if you want me to get a recommendation.
Thanks Hippo.
To be honest, I believe the asshole is a coward who got scared by a noise in the dark, and while probably pissing himself pulled the gun and opened fire till empty. If he is a coward with some of the feelings from my family and others he will be looking over his shoulder the rest of his life. Funny how we have buried her and they still have not re.eased his name.
Not that I’m suggesting you do that here, in fact I would very much suggest that you not do that in a forum like this, but is there any reason you can’t broadcast it around the local area?
Her friends will take care of it, but somehow no one knows who did it, I have no idea how they are keeping this under wraps, they could teach a corse on keeping stuff from leaking at this point, all they keep saying is under investigation. Gonna move on from this, thanks for letting me vent and the support.
Social media will take care of that problem. I’m sure her friends are talking, it won’t take long until everyone in your area knows who he is.
I feel those vigilante impulses for ya. FUCK
Jesus I’m sorry
Fuck, I’m sorry man. I hope you and your family are able to work through the grieving process quickly and are able to heal and get closure.
This is 2021. I’d recommend the family look into filing a civil lawsuit. The state does not want this in the public. Not nowadays.
Its not true justice but its something. Even a settlement would allow your family to live comfortably.
BIG MAN RUMBLEDOWN
JV FAT MAN TD!
THAT is how you run away from the Paedos!
Protecting his buckeye.
I don’t mind Joe Buck acknowledging the BLOAT is in attendance, but I really wish he’d pointed out that seven months ago the asshole was calling for a boycott of Major League Baseball, and now here he is begging Manfred for tickets LIKE A DOG.
Again, I am asking that you stop comparing that orange asshole to a dog.
It is patently unfair to dogs.
I don’t even remember *why* that fuckface was calling for a boycott. Was it the Indians/Guardians thing? Vaccine mandates? BLM/racial justice statements?
Trying to figure out why Trump is mad is like trying to find a non-racist at a MAGA rally. There’s no point.
It was after MLB pulled the All-Star game after Georgia passed their voter reform laws.
Think it was when they moved the All Star game.
I am irritated that I know all these late 90s songs. They aren’t good and I am not enjoying nostalgia but I sing along anyway BE GONE DEMON SONGS
I GIVE ZERO SHITS ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS ON GOD
Stop Stealing my Sunshine, Zymm
Did you miss a million miles of fun?
I find myself rooting for Pedo State here. The Ohio State employed Urban Meyer and Jim Jordan, so the doctrine of unclean hands clearly applies here, and I want Cincinnati to wind up in the play-offs, just for purposes of chaos.
I am willing, however, to accept divine-intervention-by-way-of-meteor.
Promoting the Halloween spirit
That must be a short book
Got the booster. IMMORTALITY UNLOCKED.
Wooooooooo, I feel the POWER! Actually, I feel a little tired, and my arm hurts. Gumby got a McRib today because he was a big boy and didn’t cry.
I am the Volumizer. I can look at leftovers and choose the size of tupperware it will fit in exactly. It’s not the best superpower (ok, it sucks) but dammit, I am willing to bet nobody does it better than me.
Better than mine – all I got was the ability to fold paper precisely into thirds so it fits perfectly into an envelope.
You could work for me as my designated folder!
You’re hired.
Hey, I got that too!
Mrs. In TX somehow manages not to be able to pack all her shit in her suitcase, so I inevitably re-pack it for her. I don’t know what goes through her head when she’s going it.
Yeahhhhh buddy! I’m gonna try to get mine in the next week or two. Hopefully we can get this shit over and done with soon.
I actually have a super power!
I have the ever expanding bladder!
No shit man, I can hold like 3 gallons until I’ve reached a safe urine elimination zone.
It has saved me from more situations than I can even say.
TWO GAMES a year when I want THEEEEEE to win, and they’s already fucking me over.
My favorite anti-stereotype moment is Asian americans born in the US ordering mild wings
yew lemme noe wen you find one who can’t due maths smgdh
Paging Senorita Weas—ow!
Paging Senorita Weaselo! (Her spice intake has grown from knowing me.)
Nice to know your penis is nicknamed “spice.”
Mine is “Aw, I’m Sorry.”
You’ve done good work there Senor.
I’ve teed up a beer from Uhls’s after dinner. Here’s the description:
Maple Harvest
Squash – Maple Syrup – Molasses – Vanilla – Pumpkin Pie Spice – Strong Ale – 13.4% ABV
13.4% ABV
American Strong Ale with squash, maple syrup, blackstrap molasses, pumpkin spices, and vanilla.
CHUH CHUH
Sounds like you’re going to need a fork to drink it.
This man (in the Guinness shirt) should be President. He is our only hope. Drew Goretzka (@DrewGoretzka) Tweeted:
A vehicle has been flipped. Students currently celebrating atop and kicking in the windshield. @thesnews https://t.co/3Xzj0RkY4x
https://twitter.com/DrewGoretzka/status/1454545930963890181?s=20
LoL
Hah! I know how much their ceiling cost, I recognize the pattern, filler and finish from american tin ceilings
Look, I know sometimes I fail to contribute around here for months at a time. But tonight, I’m here to deliver, and I’m doing so by sharing a Twitter thread of pictures of dogs wearing Halloween costumes with little arms:
https://twitter.com/brokeymcpoverty/status/1454220810562977797?t=E317vkYwY4v2Wj9F-pwI3g&s=19
That’s Rocking!
blatant cultural appropriation
AND I WOULD WALK 500 MILES AND I WOULD WALK 500 MORE
Fuck they are playing this and I was like 8 and I still love it
PUT IT INTO METRIC
804.67 km!
That was like the only song they played for my frosh week, so still hate that song
Anyway, The French Dispatch is a pretty and beautiful watch (duh!). And, after watching three of his movies in 2021, I’ve had enough Tim Chalamet for a big while.
Someone get that kid a comb. Jesus Christ.
Ded QB on The Plains!
I say for every minute late a sproting event is at starting, one network executive’s secret mistress family gets revealed to his regular family.
A friend of mine from college had her parents’ marriage break up because her dad got shown on TV with his mistress at a World Series game.
Went to a movie and the folks behind me were yap-yap-yap nonstop from the start until the time I asked to shaddup. I shouldn’t have left the knife in the car, but it was a Wes Anderson film so nothing happened.
For people behind you, you can’t kick their seat, is the equivalent smacking them in the forehead?
I just turned around and asked “Are you going to talk during THE WHOLE movie?” It was a couple, I locked eyes with each of them. The girl scoffed, the guy squirmed 🤣
At a showing of ‘It’ I loudly told the kid behind me to ‘shut the fuck up’ about 15 minutes into the movie and got an ovation. I spent the rest of the movie getting ready to fight as soon as it ended. The lights come up and…
the kid was about 12. With his mother and father. Neither of whom would look me in the eye.
Yeah, that kid’s destined for great things in life.
House made pork dumplings, egg rolls and dandan noodles plus a very tasty sweet and sour chicken.
Solid Saturday night victuals.
It is not even close to 8, and already some chick puked on the only Ladies toilet and couldn’t figure out how to hold down the handle to flush. She did a decent job cleaning up and holding it together, so not complaining about the smell and detail wiping I had to do. Gen Z, glad the kids are binging alright
Somehow, I don’t think this is the only drinking story you’ll have from this trip…
You know my methods, Watson
Not to make a bigger deal of it, but tonight’s Utah-UCLA game is for the Pac12 South
I absolutely LOVE that Team Secular Big Love is in the SOUTH
It’s a short 12 hour drive away.
Just met a couple that were the Bills Mafia for Halloween, jerseys with bloodstains and the mob hats, but hard to guess as they left their mob weapons at home. They had a crotchety old friend who was unvaxx and breathed on me. Hope I is okay. Unvaxx acknowledged that Chicago cold is colder than west NY cold.