All Hallows Eve Eve Open Thread

FUCK, do I ever hate Halloween.  I know, I know.  But Hippo, you hate EVERYTHING.

Larnin’ of the day:

  1. Lookit you, Sparty!  Have that Sparty Party after all.
  2. Ole – not ded yet.  Nuno…not great, Bob!
  3. Vile Redshite drop points to Trash Birds, despite being spotted a 2-nil lead.  At home.
  4. You can bury Texas for another year.  GOOD JERB, BayBay.
  5. It is patently unfair that JV WKRP gets “style points” hassle, but Steerfuckers North can shit their pants all they want.
  6. We really need a 12-team playoff, and right soon.
  7. It’s becoming more than a bit uncomfortable, the increasing level of in-game confusion of CBS’ geriatric broadcasting team.
  8. Maybe not as uncomfortable as the Dan Mullen hot seat, though.
  9. The 3:30 window, contrary to my “can’t fall off the floor” expectations – was no improvement.
  10. Mikel Arteta remains a very handsome man.

Ole Miss (+3) at Auburn (7:00, ESPN)

This week at DFO, we learned that JJ Fozz is a War Damn Eagle supporter.  Things Hippo NEVAR would have guessed for $400, Alex?

Kenfucky (+1) at Mississippi State (7:00, SECN)

We shall see if Blue Moons of Kenfucky is legitimate tonight.  Win or lose, there will be incessant cowbellery.

Paedo State (+19.5) at (theeeeee) Ohio State (7:30, ABC)

That home loss to Illinois.  Woof.  Still, this is way too many points, even in The Sportsball Year of Redshirt.

UCLA (+6) at Utah (10:00, ESPN)

This is awfully late for a student body that’s like, 70% caffeine free.  But this will be one of THREE solid tweaker fixtures this week.  Secular Big Love and Westwood Klavern both need this one.  Bad.

Virginia (+2.5) at BYU (10:15, ESPN2)

This is awfully late for a student body that’s like, 99.9% caffeine free (surely one or two apostates exist).  Bronco Mendenhall homecoming/revenge game, so consider me mildly intrigued?

Fresno State (-2) at San Diego State (10:30, CBSSN)

Those JV Boltmen! really do that “no style points” thingy, but undefeated they remain.  Fresno will be a stern test, even if they’s all out of Emo Carrs.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Mr. Ayo

I haven’t seen something chopped up this much since Dexter was on the air.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[feels overlooked] – Jim Irsay’s stash

Horatio Cornblower

I think Atlanta should change their team name to ‘Shermans’

Gumbygirl

Works for me, I’m smoking a sherm right now.
You know, I’m hopped up on the pot. The grass. The REEFER!

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Last edited 3 years ago by Gumbygirl
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That can be their DFO name, if any of us still remember by morning.

yeah right

/ takes hit
// forgets to write it down

Horatio Cornblower

There’s absolutely no reason not to throw one in Altuve’s ribs here.

Or just fucking groove one down the middle and wait for your LF to bail your dumb ass out.

Doktor Zymm

Oh fuck i am drunk and things

Horatio Cornblower

“and things” is doing a lot of work here.

SonOfSpam

things = vomiting on the DJ

Gumbygirl

You don’t suppose she roofied herself, do you? That would be the DFOiest thing ever!

Fronkenshteen

Braves organist just played “Fly By Night” by Rush.

WCS

Okay, got to give him/her credit there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I noticed that too. Solid work.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And now he’s playing Coldplay. I take back every nice thing I ever said about him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know why I’m watching this baseball game, I get disappointed when anything good happens for either team.

Horatio Cornblower

There’s always a chance something bad could happen to both.

WCS

“Always look on the bright side of life!”

WCS

“You’ll get nothing, and like it!”

— BLEERGH

Horatio Cornblower

Penn State penalized for illegal touching.

There’s something you don’t see every day.

Mr. Ayo

Shocking that Penn St is now arguing there WAS touching!

Horatio Cornblower

Fuck, that’s much better than mine.

herodotus450

This OSU offense I call it Nancy Pelosi because appealing to the center is nawt working.

Horatio Cornblower

/nods in expensive ice cream

Horatio Cornblower

Matt Nagy will not coach Sunday due to Covid protocols, just in case you couldn’t think of anything good about Covid.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think we can all agree that having our Sundays be a little less Nagy is a good thing.

[glances sideways at wife]

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is that pigfucker not vaccinated?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ugh, this 8.1% abv blueberry pineapple IPA is disappointing

Sharkbait

That….sounds not good.

Horatio Cornblower

I love pineapple in beer, and generally like blueberry in beer. But blueberry and pineapple in the same beer sounds terrible.

Brick Meathook

You love pineapple in beer? You like blueberry in beer? What is your favorite brand of tampon?

Fronkenshteen

.

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Redshirt

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, STROUD?!

rockingdog

Last funny;

thank god it’s halloween, 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 we get a chance to kick back, wear a mask, and be afraid of everything

Horatio Cornblower

I haven’t seen Penn State try to score off of something as blatantly illegal as that since Jerry Sand…

/Just absolutely obliterated by the DFO ‘Even We Have Standards Committee’ gang tackle

Sharkbait

We have standards?

Horatio Cornblower

We had to get something to replace our pants.

Redshirt

I have to object. I think DFO would turn off the Redacted Filter before we do anything that remotely suggests we’re defend Penn State.

ballsofsteelandfury

I believe the latest update broke the redacted filter, so you’re 100% correct.

Horatio Cornblower

It appears reality is catching up with Kentucky, if not related to climate change at least on the football field.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m trying to think of a good response to this that references Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s belief that a miscarriage is just as much of a sin as an abortion.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I should say “rumored belief” because it’s just a rumor at this point (that I started).

Mr. Ayo

UPS can deliver, unlike you heathens that miscarry.

Redshirt

something…something…losing the package is as evil as destroying the package…?

Horatio Cornblower

“Wow Elizabeth, you’re really taking a risk putting your box in the hands of someone with a history of not delivering things to their intended target. Like Tim.”

Anthony In TX

“Hey Elizabeth, you’re a fucking cunt.”

Too forward?

Gumbygirl

Just right.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“What’s in the box? WHAT’S IN THE BOX!”

“Oh, relax, Elizabeth. It’s just those morning-after pills you ordered.”

Horatio Cornblower

Just once I would like to see a defense constantly commit penalties within their own 5-yard line. The ball keeps getting advanced 1/2 the distance, but can never break the plane, and the game would never end.

herodotus450

Defensive Coordinator Zeno: “Excellent.”

Redshirt

I believe Palpably Unfair Act would kick in if they commit repeated penalties on the goal line, and the offense would be awarded the touchdown.

If I’m correct, then I also want to see that too.

Sharkbait

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Last edited 3 years ago by Sharkbait
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s fucking brilliant

Horatio Cornblower

Has Ohio State’s coach ever been seen in the same place and at the same time as Steven Segal?
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ArmedandHammered

Is he wearing a hair piece? Or a low pile rug on his head.

Horatio Cornblower

Yes?

Gumbygirl

Astroturf. Assholeturf.

Fronkenshteen

How in fuck was that not a horse collar tackle against U*NC? His fucking knee is snapped!

Also, the stadium organist at the Braves game is having a fantastic night. Amazing choices. Just played “The Muppet Show” theme song. Can only imagine it was directed at Grienke.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They just played “Hard to Handle”. Their music supervisor is pretty rockin’.

Redshirt

If he takes requests, I’d like him to play this because of their bang can lids strategy to steal a World Series Championship.

Todd Rundgren – Bang The Drum All Day (Lyrics Below) (HQ) – YouTube

herodotus450

At relativistic time scales, we still don’t know what targeting is.

Anthony In TX

She is counting down the seconds until he shits himself to death on his golden toilet.

Horatio Cornblower

She’s not the only one.

Anthony In TX

Right there with ya.

ArmedandHammered

Well I hope they know his weight so they know how much to dip out for the casket.

Anthony In TX

Wouldn’t mind seeing that episode of Coffin Flop.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was ready to be extremely irritated but now I’m just laughing.

Anthony In TX

She hates his fucking guts and it’s so damn funny.

Gumbygirl

She needs to put the arsenic in the diet coke already, for her own mental health.

Redshirt

I don’t care that she’s an evil screw. When Trump mysteriously “disappears”, she was helping us move. If one of us is on the jury, she walks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY I CALL HIM WARD CLEAVER CAUSE HE’S WATCHING THE WORLD SERIES WHILE HIS WIFE MAKES COOKIES.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

ALSO HE IS NOW PETTING HIS DOG.

Gumbygirl

What kind of cookies? Is she making enough for all of us? What kind of dog? Why can’t we all pet him/her?

Gumbygirl

Going full Karen here!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Chocolate chip with a few walnuts. I guess some of the “chips” are peanut butter cups.

The dog is half dachshund half beagle, we think. You can pet her all you like! She’s a little shy with strangers, but warms up pretty quickly if you give her treats.

ballsofsteelandfury

She used to dig me. She’s the sweetest thing. I hope she remembers me next time.

Horatio Cornblower

/RTD’s dog growls and tries to bite Balls

Balls, (delighted): She remembers me!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This doesn’t taste like a 13.4% beer.

Barely more than 9.5%

Horatio Cornblower

Have another one.

Mr. Ayo

And another one.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Please, I have a fridge full of beers to choose from, I shan’t be repeating tonight

rockingdog

Found a funny;

A haunted house but for awkward interactions. Someone pops out at you and you’re like “nice to meet you” and they’re like “haha actually we’ve already met”

Gumbygirl

On the rare occasions I’ve gone back to where I grew up, my brother always puts some rando in front of me and says ” you remember this guy” Nope. I haven’t seen this guy for about 40 years. He looks a little different now, as do I. And chances are good I didn’t like “this guy” back then.

Last edited 3 years ago by Gumbygirl
ArmedandHammered

So niece is buried, shooter emptied gun when shooting her, for someone firing in the dark at a non-visible target, amazing how many he got into head and neck. Oh and he will not be charged as it was an accidental shooting. Really a good thing that he is related to the Hendersonville Sherriffs Dept.

ArmedandHammered

Naw, I’m not angry, why should I be?

ArmedandHammered

My brother requested that we allow him to live with it and take no actions.

ArmedandHammered

No worries. It was fine, I appreciate the sentiment.

Gumbygirl

Accidental shooting is one bullet. Not the entire clip. Your family needs a good lawyer.

ArmedandHammered

Not a thing can be done, even though he had no permit for the gun and was under 21 so he should not have had one, but hey, 2nd amendment and all that. Plus SBI backing the finding up. Someone pulled in enough favors to make Don Correllone jealous.

Gumbygirl

Jeeesus. I’m really sorry. Hope some karma is heading his way.

Horatio Cornblower

Get the State involved. There is always someone bigger than you out there, and it sounds like the good folks at the Hendersonville Sheriff’s Dept. needs to meet there “bigger than”, and that right quick.

ArmedandHammered

The SBI is the State Bureau of Investgation. So the state was involved, but they are all good old boys who I think do more to cover up than help.

Horatio Cornblower

Based on what you said below it sounds like your brother wants to let things stand, but if there aren’t going to be criminal consequences go after the shooter, and anyone remotely connected to the shooter, civilly. Find yourself a rabid pitbull of an attorney, preferably one who hates cops, (will not be hard to find), and turn them loose to scorch the earth.

ArmedandHammered

I brought up the civil suit idea, will need to see how my brother feels after the grief has passed a bit.

ArmedandHammered

Make it something that follows that shit for the rest of his life.

Horatio Cornblower

You should have 2 years from the date of the shooting to bring the suit, although statute of limitations can vary from state-to-state.

ArmedandHammered

Thanks Hippo.

ArmedandHammered

To be honest, I believe the asshole is a coward who got scared by a noise in the dark, and while probably pissing himself pulled the gun and opened fire till empty. If he is a coward with some of the feelings from my family and others he will be looking over his shoulder the rest of his life. Funny how we have buried her and they still have not re.eased his name.

Horatio Cornblower

Not that I’m suggesting you do that here, in fact I would very much suggest that you not do that in a forum like this, but is there any reason you can’t broadcast it around the local area?

ArmedandHammered

Her friends will take care of it, but somehow no one knows who did it, I have no idea how they are keeping this under wraps, they could teach a corse on keeping stuff from leaking at this point, all they keep saying is under investigation. Gonna move on from this, thanks for letting me vent and the support.

Gumbygirl

Social media will take care of that problem. I’m sure her friends are talking, it won’t take long until everyone in your area knows who he is.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jesus I’m sorry

Anthony In TX

Fuck, I’m sorry man. I hope you and your family are able to work through the grieving process quickly and are able to heal and get closure.

Redshirt

This is 2021. I’d recommend the family look into filing a civil lawsuit. The state does not want this in the public. Not nowadays.

Its not true justice but its something. Even a settlement would allow your family to live comfortably.

herodotus450

BIG MAN RUMBLEDOWN

Mr. Ayo

JV FAT MAN TD!

ArmedandHammered

Protecting his buckeye.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t mind Joe Buck acknowledging the BLOAT is in attendance, but I really wish he’d pointed out that seven months ago the asshole was calling for a boycott of Major League Baseball, and now here he is begging Manfred for tickets LIKE A DOG.

Horatio Cornblower

Again, I am asking that you stop comparing that orange asshole to a dog.

It is patently unfair to dogs.

Anthony In TX

I don’t even remember *why* that fuckface was calling for a boycott. Was it the Indians/Guardians thing? Vaccine mandates? BLM/racial justice statements?
Trying to figure out why Trump is mad is like trying to find a non-racist at a MAGA rally. There’s no point.

Horatio Cornblower

It was after MLB pulled the All-Star game after Georgia passed their voter reform laws.

Mr. Ayo

Think it was when they moved the All Star game.

Doktor Zymm

I am irritated that I know all these late 90s songs. They aren’t good and I am not enjoying nostalgia but I sing along anyway BE GONE DEMON SONGS

Doktor Zymm

I GIVE ZERO SHITS ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS ON GOD

herodotus450

Stop Stealing my Sunshine, Zymm

Gumbygirl

Did you miss a million miles of fun?

Horatio Cornblower

I find myself rooting for Pedo State here. The Ohio State employed Urban Meyer and Jim Jordan, so the doctrine of unclean hands clearly applies here, and I want Cincinnati to wind up in the play-offs, just for purposes of chaos.

I am willing, however, to accept divine-intervention-by-way-of-meteor.

Don T

Promoting the Halloween spirit
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

That must be a short book

SonOfSpam

Got the booster. IMMORTALITY UNLOCKED.

Gumbygirl

Wooooooooo, I feel the POWER! Actually, I feel a little tired, and my arm hurts. Gumby got a McRib today because he was a big boy and didn’t cry.

Gumbygirl

I am the Volumizer. I can look at leftovers and choose the size of tupperware it will fit in exactly. It’s not the best superpower (ok, it sucks) but dammit, I am willing to bet nobody does it better than me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Better than mine – all I got was the ability to fold paper precisely into thirds so it fits perfectly into an envelope.

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
yeah right

You could work for me as my designated folder!

You’re hired.

Anthony In TX

Hey, I got that too!
Mrs. In TX somehow manages not to be able to pack all her shit in her suitcase, so I inevitably re-pack it for her. I don’t know what goes through her head when she’s going it.

Anthony In TX

Yeahhhhh buddy! I’m gonna try to get mine in the next week or two. Hopefully we can get this shit over and done with soon.

yeah right

I actually have a super power!

yeah right

I have the ever expanding bladder!

No shit man, I can hold like 3 gallons until I’ve reached a safe urine elimination zone.

It has saved me from more situations than I can even say.

Doktor Zymm

My favorite anti-stereotype moment is Asian americans born in the US ordering mild wings

Senor Weaselo

Paging Senorita Weas—ow!

Senor Weaselo

Paging Senorita Weaselo! (Her spice intake has grown from knowing me.)

Last edited 3 years ago by Senor Weaselo
Anthony In TX

Nice to know your penis is nicknamed “spice.”

Mine is “Aw, I’m Sorry.”

yeah right

You’ve done good work there Senor.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ve teed up a beer from Uhls’s after dinner. Here’s the description:

Maple Harvest
Squash – Maple Syrup – Molasses – Vanilla – Pumpkin Pie Spice – Strong Ale – 13.4% ABV
13.4% ABV
American Strong Ale with squash, maple syrup, blackstrap molasses, pumpkin spices, and vanilla.

CHUH CHUH

Last edited 3 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Horatio Cornblower

Sounds like you’re going to need a fork to drink it.

Fronkenshteen

This man (in the Guinness shirt) should be President. He is our only hope. Drew Goretzka (@DrewGoretzka) Tweeted:
A vehicle has been flipped. Students currently celebrating atop and kicking in the windshield. @thesnews https://t.co/3Xzj0RkY4x

https://twitter.com/DrewGoretzka/status/1454545930963890181?s=20

rockingdog

LoL

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Doktor Zymm

Hah! I know how much their ceiling cost, I recognize the pattern, filler and finish from american tin ceilings

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Look, I know sometimes I fail to contribute around here for months at a time. But tonight, I’m here to deliver, and I’m doing so by sharing a Twitter thread of pictures of dogs wearing Halloween costumes with little arms:

https://twitter.com/brokeymcpoverty/status/1454220810562977797?t=E317vkYwY4v2Wj9F-pwI3g&s=19

rockingdog

That’s Rocking!

Don T

blatant cultural appropriation
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Doktor Zymm

AND I WOULD WALK 500 MILES AND I WOULD WALK 500 MORE

Fuck they are playing this and I was like 8 and I still love it

Doktor Zymm

PUT IT INTO METRIC

Doktor Zymm

804.67 km!

Game Time Decision

That was like the only song they played for my frosh week, so still hate that song

Don T

Anyway, The French Dispatch is a pretty and beautiful watch (duh!). And, after watching three of his movies in 2021, I’ve had enough Tim Chalamet for a big while.
Someone get that kid a comb. Jesus Christ.

herodotus450

I say for every minute late a sproting event is at starting, one network executive’s secret mistress family gets revealed to his regular family.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A friend of mine from college had her parents’ marriage break up because her dad got shown on TV with his mistress at a World Series game.

Don T

Went to a movie and the folks behind me were yap-yap-yap nonstop from the start until the time I asked to shaddup. I shouldn’t have left the knife in the car, but it was a Wes Anderson film so nothing happened.

Doktor Zymm

For people behind you, you can’t kick their seat, is the equivalent smacking them in the forehead?

Don T

I just turned around and asked “Are you going to talk during THE WHOLE movie?” It was a couple, I locked eyes with each of them. The girl scoffed, the guy squirmed 🤣

Horatio Cornblower

At a showing of ‘It’ I loudly told the kid behind me to ‘shut the fuck up’ about 15 minutes into the movie and got an ovation. I spent the rest of the movie getting ready to fight as soon as it ended. The lights come up and…

the kid was about 12. With his mother and father. Neither of whom would look me in the eye.

Yeah, that kid’s destined for great things in life.

yeah right

House made pork dumplings, egg rolls and dandan noodles plus a very tasty sweet and sour chicken.

Solid Saturday night victuals.

Doktor Zymm

It is not even close to 8, and already some chick puked on the only Ladies toilet and couldn’t figure out how to hold down the handle to flush. She did a decent job cleaning up and holding it together, so not complaining about the smell and detail wiping I had to do. Gen Z, glad the kids are binging alright

ballsofsteelandfury

Somehow, I don’t think this is the only drinking story you’ll have from this trip…

Doktor Zymm

You know my methods, Watson

ballsofsteelandfury

Not to make a bigger deal of it, but tonight’s Utah-UCLA game is for the Pac12 South

yeah right

It’s a short 12 hour drive away.

Doktor Zymm

Just met a couple that were the Bills Mafia for Halloween, jerseys with bloodstains and the mob hats, but hard to guess as they left their mob weapons at home. They had a crotchety old friend who was unvaxx and breathed on me. Hope I is okay. Unvaxx acknowledged that Chicago cold is colder than west NY cold.