Now that the weather is finally turning, Hippo is starting to hibernate like a (chest hair-free) bear. Naturally, the only good Prem matches are (i) at 7:30; or (ii) conflict with JV NFL. Still, thank fuck summer is over.
Wake up with DFO’s Gooner contingent, as the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols go a-fox huntin’ (7:30, NBCSN). Arsenal has the look of a side that wants to get back into Shempions NIT contention, if not the real thing. Handsome Mikel is still rogueishly handsome, too. Fuck Leicester, at least while Rodgers is there.
Unpleasantly, the schedule gods cram FIVE fixtures into the 10:00 window, but at least they are all shite? I guess maybe I will lazily watch City spunk the fell-good new-look Palace (10:00, NBCSN), because I am not watching the filthy Redshite (USA) or streaming the likes of Burnley/Bees. Then again, YMMV.
An absolute cracker in the Spotlight Dance, with Very Disappointed Dad OGS and his Very Disappointing Red Devils (borrowed mantle from Everton, you can’t disappoint when there are less than zero expectations of competency) travelling to Hot Sperm land (12:30, NBC). At least Ole will be spared the banners and chants of his own supporters, but there will 100% be You’re Getting Sacked in the Morning! ringing the ground from the off. Lose, and he might just get put out of his misery.
Sunday’s NBCSN two-fer is reasonably good, but kick off too late. Norwich and equally desperate Leeds kick off at 10:00, but the tasy Villa/West Ham match not until 12:30?? The Lesser Fuck, man?? That’s 2/3 of match action in the RedZone Window.
Don’t watch Monday Night Footy (4:00, NBCSN), unless you want Wolves/Toffees to put you to sleep super early.
/Balls stumbles into the post.
Ahem… Speaking of You’re Getting Sacked in the Morning!, I feel the need to chime in on this week’s news that Barcelona sacked Ronald Koeman. To those of you that have watched this year’s La Liga, this will come as no surprise.
In truth, Koeman was a dead man walking since May when Laporta looked for his replacement, realized he couldn’t afford anyone good, and let Koeman stay on the job for another season.
That last season was cut short on Wednesday after Rayo Vallecano, currently 5th in La Liga, beat Barça and left them in 9th. While the table positions suggest this was an expected outcome, I should remind everyone that Rayo was in the second division as recently as last May ( which happily coincides with when Laporta decided to “keep” Koeman.)
In fact, Rayo has spent only 19 seasons in the first division in its history while spending 35 in Segunda, 5 in Segunda B, and 11 in Tercera.
So, that explains why he got fired now as opposed to later or earlier.
The hot rumour is that Xavi Hernandez will take over as coach after the next international break and bring back Barcelona’s signature style of play. (Besides the embarrassing losses, Koeman’s style of play was another factor in his firing.)
Considering that Barça is going through a rebuild and playing mostly academy graduates, this seems as good a time as any to bring in Xavi. I doubt Roberto Martinez (the Belgian National Team coach and other rumored candidate for the job) will want to step into a mess where he has to teach kids how to handle the pressures of big time fútbol.
So, this means that the La Liga race is wide open this year as Real Madrid is down and Atlético seems to be suffering from a post-title hangover.
Much more fun than watching the EPL, but that’s just my opinion. 😘
***
JV NFL would like to hopefully make up for last week’s schedule…
Michigan (-4) at Michigan State (Noon, Fox)
This rivalry will always have that Perfect Lesser Harbs moment, where all they had to do was punt (or just throw a pass out of bounds to kill the last two seconds), but Sparty blocked it for six and the win. I will never, ever stop laughing about that. Winner will be the nation’s worst/blurst unbeaten team, since I think Wake Forest would beat either.
Iowa (+3.5) at Wisconsin (Noon, ESPN)
I have been trying – without success – to understand why Bucky Badger is favoUred here. But they is. And should they win? They will control their own destiny to the B1G title game, which is why the B1G can’t have nice things. Well, unless you are a tOSU supporter, I suppose.
Texas (+2.5) at Baylor (Noon, ABC)
Yes, it is up to the Consent Abstinent to bury Steerfuckers South, once and for all. Until week 1 of the 2022 season brings the first cry of Texas is back baby! from the Narrative-addicted sportsball media.
Washington State (+16) at Arizona State (3:00, FS1)
Wait, wasn’t there a rule about Sparky not hosting fixtures while the sun is out? WATCH TO SEE HOW MANY PPLS DIE! Also, this is waaaayyyyy too many points, given that the favoUred side is coached by Herm Edwards.
Texas Tech (+19) at Oklahoma (3:30, ABC)
I guess Vegas don’t see any sort of “No Manager Bump” FOAR Guns Up!! But, c’mon. If Steerfuckers North doesn’t have its freshman QB have the presence of mind to legally strip the ball from his teammate on 4th down – they lose to goddamned KANSAS last week.
Florida State (+9) at Clemson (3:30, ESPN)
Remember when this was the Bowden Bowl, and a big fookin’ deal? Now, every last Bowden is ded. OK, at least ded inside. How shitty do you have to be to merit +9 against this dumpster fire of a Tiggers squadron?
Georgia (-14) v. Florida (3:30, CBS)
World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party! I have been informed that this is very much an apt descriptor. A great annual blackout drunk-fest, in the most neutral-est of Swampass Country (Jacksonville). Maybe UGA at least sweats a bit this week? Or are their taints just always that damp (smh)??
BayBay needs one MOAR firsted down (and they fuck up royally)
Not going to lie its cold.
Okay Herodotus, the Red Wings have a winning record. How many semen-bloated dead goats are in your garage? More than usual?
They’ve got a lot of youngsters who seem to actually be good, something like half the roster is different from last year. I said about a week ago, someone with disposable income should put a bet on the Wings to make the playoffs and/or the Lightning to miss them, assuming the payoff was on the order of 1000 to 1.
IN SOVIET CINCINNATI, BALLS GET FORCED ON COBY BRYANT!
Baylor (which now rhymes with Gamblor, thanks to this site) is back in front.
Not sure how that wasn’t Fair Catch Interference but I’ll allow it.
I’m kind of getting tried of hearing about “Style Points”.
“The Thirteen Colonies did win their independence from the British Empire, but did they win any Style Points while doing it?”
“And the Miami Dolphins have defeated the Washington Red(imitates static) to win Super Bowl VII and finish the season undefeated. However they only did it by a score of 14-7, so did they really earn any Style Points while doing it?”
Redshirt: “I just had sex with a supermodel!”
Supermodel: “Yeah, but not Style Points!”
“Yeah, but no Style Points” was rejected by The Lonely Island feat. Akon
I really hope the 3:30 JV window is an improvement. Yeesh.
Boring games played in the mid-west under gray skies-what’s not to like?
What a difference a Lesser week makes…
Tulane giving #2 a lot of problems.
Not so much anymore.
Never like to see a green wave as a number two though.
I’m trying to be healthier but I doubt my doc will ever say, “You’re eating too much spinach”.
“Hey, I finally found my address!”
-Trent Green
Hot Sperms Supporters React Reasonably
Speaking of Buffaloo, prodigal son PFT Commenter was raving about a wing place called Wingnutz there a few weeks ago; it’s based out of a Knights of Columbus rental kitchen, somehow, so you know it’s good.
Hey Ken Burns, ya ever think about making a documentary about college football?
KB: “…”
What if I told you there’s a guy named Pickett who leads his men on long marches, occasionally to disastrous results?
KB: “…hmmm.”
Took me like 40 minutes to vote for Town Council and sidewalk bonds. The libtards of suburban North Cakalaky have remained politically engaged, at least.
/side-eyes Virginia
We libtards don’t even need to be campaigned to. Democratic voters have been voting defensively for so long now, it’s become second nature to us. Show up. Pull the lever. Take an angry nap. Watch results and hope the world doesn’t end.
Reeeeally wish those Lincoln Project fucks knew that. What they did was completely unethical, but more importantly, completely unnecessary. We’ll be there. We’ll beat back Youngkin. Life will go on. Don’t panic because we don’t wave flags and decorate our vehicles with political bumper stickers. We trying to save society and democracy without making our homes and families targets for the legion of heavily-armed retards who worship a con man. And we certainly don’t need the “help” of a bunch of mouth breathing republican dirty tricksters with axes to grind. Fuck them and fuck Sarah Palin.
This was a beautiful screed. It gets fuckety having to try to save society from itself, sometimes.
I’m so tired. When you think of the things we want; universal voting rights, higher taxes on a class so wealthy they couldn’t possibly be hurt by it, the separation of church and state, a national health service, sensible gun legislation, cleaner energy and fuel, higher wages for the working man, free community college or job training, paid maternity and paternity leave, etc. And not only are people opposed to these, essentially benevolent, goals, our opposition has become so whipped up to hate us by a criminally unscrupulous news network, that they are comfortable enough to ask, in public, when it will be ok to start shooting us in the streets. I’m angry, but mostly so, so tired.
I’m close to giving up on climate change. Keep getting ass fucked over TRYING, and the legislation never passes. Humanity deserves to die out.
I’m with you. If this coup ultimately succeeds, the lesson will have to be, quite simply, that democracy and capitalism cannot coexist. It’ll suck that the ultimate price for learning that lesson will be the simultaneous burning and drowning of mankind. Maybe the ants and roaches will do better.
This is already lots of fun! It seems like everyone at the airport the last couple days has been coming in for the game. My Lyft driver gave me dinner and tailgate recommendations and mentioned I can double up and go to a Sabres game tomorrow night. I got upgraded to a suite, and have a good view of lovely downtown Buffalo, and am also just a couple blocks from the strip with all the bars
Downtown buffalo on the weekend is such a dead area to me. It’s all office buildings
Have you run into any Beef on Weck street vendors?
I’m starting to think Tulane H.S. is better than Notre Dame.
At the pub. So full for 10 am when I got here. Sense of normalcy.
Senor Weaselo paying to pay the Fios bill: 4 Verizon stores, 2 broken kiosks, zero paying of bill
Goddammit I don’t want to pay the over the phone surcharge!
Just send a registered mail containing a wad of $2 bills, they have to take them!
Any and all annoying debts should be paid in pennies. Coordinate with a bank in advance, as it’s unusual for banks to keep a lot of money in pennies.
Did the battery on your Rascal scooter run out?
Force of habit; thought you were 80. Sorry.
Look at Crystal Palace, thinking they’re people.
walking on their hind legs liek a bunch of little Rory Calhouns
I guess you’d call that a (watermelon) smash and grab??
Well, it certainly looks like Brentford’s honeymoon phase is over. I didn’t think Burnley was capable of scoring three goals in a match.
So long as the vile Redshite drop points (at home, no less) I am a happy, happy Hippo.
Looks like you will get your wish, old chap. It’s important to note that one of the Brighton goals was scored by a fellow from North Rhodesia (this “Zambia” is surely not a real place). More proof that my vision for Southern Africa is being embraced by all!
Jesus DIVES
Finishing up my Halloween piece.
Note. Do not wake your wife up with a futbol chant
It’s Eight forty five,
it’s eight forty fiiiiiiiiivvvvveeee,
it’s time to get up now,
it’s eight forty five!
Unless I fall asleep on it weird, my right hand wakes up when I do smh
(to the tune of “Lady is a Tramp”)
That’s why Jack Grealish is a CUNT!
I haven’t seen Jack Grealish take something out that hard without using his car.
Palace…LEAD?
If Uncle Woy was still there the bus would be parked.
Not the worst strategy they could pursue today, either.
Oh my Lewandowski. Beauty free kick.
My strategy of picking Arsenal to lose every single game in the DFO Premier League pick ’em contest is paying off in spades.
I would love to go to Union Berlin’s stadium for a match. It is in the forest, very steep inclines so you are on top of the pitch, and great atmosphere.
CominternFC! Beat those Munich fascists!!
Getting dominated.
yeah, glad Muchen scored before I could bet it
Usually you have to pay extra to get dominated in East Berlin.
well step on me bollocks until it hurts…
The only downside is that you are not able to gaze upon the beautiful Stalinist architecture that can be found all over East Berlin!
Strong Design Principles!
My word! Those King’s African Water Pistols dispatched those troublesome foxes almost as efficiently as Idi Amin dispatched political opponents during his reign over Uganda (a fine British serviceman, he was!). I may have to retire the moniker if they keep this up!
Good day sir, I can report the Whites were victorious as well.
I should hope so! It is their divine right!
GRRRRRLLLLLZZZZZ WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
edit – fucking KrautVAR
Mitrrrrrrrrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Ramsdale looks so fired up he could drive a sixteen-penny nail with his fucking forehead.
He’s deffo all like how my ass taste?
I’m doing Yeah Right’s Chicken and 40 cloves tonight. Haven’t done it for probably 3-4 months. I’m excited.
Being fat really allows for better eating.
Hippo be all liek:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iH0kfH04U68
Those PILLZ keep ya light on your feet.
Once yer hitched,
Dynamite food
> self-respeK
Red card! This is delicious!
I spent all of last week waking up before 5. I don’t keeping farmer hours, but I refuse to go to sleep before 10:30 PM.
Decilitre and now Colapug get up at 430 5 am so my life has adjusted.
Marriage made me appreciate waking up early. Have the house to myself or read or watch whatever without interruptions or sounds, or do chores.
CORRECTION: Get baked and THEN and do chores.
No chores in my place are done without me taking the edge off. Then my stoner OCD kicks in and the whole place is cleaned.
HAHAHAHAHA. The manic “Ooh, I should also do these three things” highs are the best! Air-headed laborioUsness RAWKS
I was a college senior the last time I had a job that required a drug test. I evaded the first test, secretly recorded the “Why didja skip it?” interview, then quit a coupla days later when I lined up another gig.
Now I work for myself
Great band, but the first track of theirs I ever heard remains me favoUrite
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnKUD_OztRE
Sir Woy in attendance in the Cottage!
I want to wager upon the Grrrlllz (St. Pauli FC), but need the line up to +275. Ah have mah (insane) reasons!
Same! Except for the London clubs we support.
Is always nice to confuse one’s heart like that!
Because us early risers deserve a treat, FOAR eyes and ears!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctEQwQVRt9U
Where the hell is fellow Mighty Whitey Texas Tony? This is delicious so far.
See also, the White Man’s Burdened shoulders of Sir Cecil Rhodes!
Mitttrrrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Bahahahahaha
https://twitter.com/DavidKettlehake/status/1454421705817042955?s=20
/Nelson Muntz points and laughs
https://twitter.com/jackjcollins/status/1454420147528159237?s=20
Sick crossover dribble!
Mesmerizing
Fuck. Looks like Foxes woke up later than me.
Mitroooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Much like SPM’s hairdresser, Mitro is on fire.
Had that penalty been given to West Brom I would have been furious but I will take it!