Oh my cats. They really, really did it! Northern Illinois’ 700 pound coach and his JV charges redeemed their only single-digit MAC loss (they were 6-1 in such contests), cashing in Hippo’s September prop bet. $20 at 250 to 1, which is $5K for the maths non-inclined. Nobody told you there would be no maths, there is ALWAYS MATHS!
At time of writing, Team Secular Big Love State holds a 14-3 lead over the JV BOLTMEN! If that holds, then a prop bet from the same day would pay out $2K ($20 at 100 to 1).
Question for the class – if I do hit both, is TODAY the best day of my life, or was it the day I placed the wagers?
Anyway, strap in fuckos. It’s all downhill from here.
Michigan (-12.5) v. Iowa @ The Gravy Boat (8:00, Fox)
I warn y’all – tOSU’s backdoor shenanigans potential is IN PLAY, should the Hawkeyes win. SPOILER ALERT – they will nae. I always (well, since like age 22 when I met him) had a soft spot for Team Cornpone, because we had a cat named Hawkeye. He was a total badass, built like a linebacker. Jet black. Like an actual panther, this fella. He is the first cat I considered my son, though I married into being his dad. And yes, I did ask him if it was ok to propose to his human mother. Hawkeye thought it over, then came back purring. Fuck, I miss that Hawkish man.
Long story short, I am high on cough syrup.
Pittsburgh (JV) (-3.5) v. Wake Forest @ Richardson Plantation (8:00, ABC)
HARF, The Ben retires. Will they draft Kenny Pickett to replace him? Enquiring minds really don’t give a fuck. Deacons is being all disrespected by Vegas, as THEY aren’t the title match participant who lost (at home, no less) to a sub-.500 MAC team. Whatever you do, must NOT bet the under. These defensing units are as optional as it gets.
Southern Cal (+4.5) at Cal (11:00, FS1)
The most meaningless Tweaker Fixture in the history of humanity. Both teams looking…to finish 5-7. I’m sure there will be dozens of people in attendance. DOZENS!!
Is Darrell Williams going to get any touches tomorrow? I’m feeling weird about my flex spot.
Now I see my phrasing…
I need some sleep. Tomorrow we football! Well, sort of. It’s the Jaguars.
Evening. I’ve had a lot of beer and have tucked into the gummi bears.
“Nobody on that Pittsburgh side of the field is going to be drinking Thunderbird and Mad Dog tonight. They’re gonna drink the good stuff after this win.”
I need more analysis like this during college football games.
I mean, Iron City and Yuengling isn’t exactly fine Champagne…
Are you disparaging the healthful and flavorful Vitamin I ? For shame!
I can hear the cries of all those Ohio State fans right now. Feels good, DFO!
You hear THE cries. Gotta emphasize the correct word.
Wake QB has PTSD and has been benched and that’s not a joke because he’s dealt with depression and I feel for him.
One thing I always do when watching MMA is root against the fighter with the mullet.
Tonight I’m 2-0.
I’m rooting for your wife.
As long as you felt pretty!
Pitt is going off!
-Angelina Jolie, talking to the 911 operator after telling her husband she was adopting another 9 kids from Uzbekistan
Jesus Christ.
Your mind works in mysterious ways, Spam.
lol “works”
Hosting some friends for football tomorrow. Just finished the chili. I don’t know what kind of black magic fuckery happens with chili, chowder, red sauce etc, but it is ALWAYS better the next day.
So is Italian food. (I think the proper term is “wop slop” but I’ll leave it to the dagos to confirm) Something about all the flavors resting together like a stripper’s stomach the morning after a gangbang good god how many beers is this
My 4th of the evening. 9.2%.
Some really bad decisions are coming after this. Like a 5th one.
Their ESB is really good. Got it to go from the Sandwich outpost a couple weeks ago. Fun fact, they don’t do taproom pours there until 5. I’m hoping it’s an off season rule.
I was surprised at how good that one is. It’s definitely out of their strength, and sometimes when they step away from high-octane, hazy IPAs, it can get a little iffy, But that one, (I think Old Man? I forget what they call it), was pretty damn good.
My sense is that they’re still working out kinks in Sandwich and Deerfield, because those are almost always just pick-ups and rarely pours. I’d guess they sort that out over the next few months, (assuming Omicron doesn’t kill us all), and Charlton rules apply to all 3.
Yup. The Old Man is the ESB. Fantastic
Amalgamation and consolidation.
Ok, so the FINAL FOUR would seem to be set.
Really hope UGA can find a QB before this starts so we can haz a good playoff.
Perhaps there’s a Stetson Bennet V?
THIS GIRL I CALL HER MINT JELLY BECAUSE SHE’S ON THE LAMB
We also would have accepted “Ethan Crumbley’s parents”.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cxo_ctiWIAAh61M?format=jpg&name=large
That’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.
I wish it would come out, but beyond my capabilities, because it is hilarious.
Truly, sir, you are a god among men.
Having sex sexily is really the best way to do it.
I’ve always found that to be true.
Also, I really need to find out what his balls started to do.
Hope Steve Keim ain’t driving.
Truck appears undamaged, so Keim ain’t in the vicinity.
Wayyyy late to the party, but awesome Hippo for the winning wagers
Great news for the rest of us, who no longer have to worry about who’s buying the clubhouse doughnuts for Sunday.
There’s doughnuts?
There are now!
Watching UFC fighters throw kicks at each other’s heads and realizing that if I threw a high kick these days I’d be lucky to bruise a midget’s hip.
One of the Dr Pepper contestants is wearing a hijab
(college football fans react reasonably)
HIJAB GIRL WITH THE WIN!!!
Her $100,000 check has been donated to Boko Haram, praise Allah.
Truly God is great.
Taliban and ISIS better realize whose side Allah (PBUH) is really on.
Also, just in case there are any Islamic people reading this blog (I hope there are!), this post is not making fun of the Islamic religion; I am making fun of those who are likely overreacting to the hijab. Like Mel Brooks in Blazing Saddles except ten million times less funny. As-salamu alaykum.
Seems like “Michigan up 14-3 at half” would’ve been an easy prediction.
More of the same in the 2nd half, or will wackiness ensue?
Either there are too many talking heads or that table is too darn small
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMMQoBqIGgw
Looks like the foyer table in my entry way
LOL
That rules.
I went out to the local sports bar emporium to watch the Wake Forest game with my brother and his girlfriend, whose sons played ball with the Wake Forest player I mentioned below. Just as the serving wench provided me with my second ale of the evening, the music purveyor began to crank up what I believe the youth call “electronic music” and the establishment began to fill with women of my daughter’s age wearing skin tight dresses and the sort of heels certain women in less-than-reputable dance hall establishments are known to wear, as well as young men of my son’s age, the latter preceded by a wall of Axe cologne that could stun a mammoth.
Realizing that I was out of my depth I consumed my ale in rapid fashion and concluded my transactions with the serving wench, before hightailing it to my home, where I intend to drink in peace and quiet, and perhaps hang myself later.
tl;dr I am old and these kids need to turn down their music and get off my lawn.
What type of onion was tied to your belt?
“Gimme five bees for a quarter” I said to the wench as she brought me my change. I was then asked to leave without further fuss.
Did you operate your own horse less carriage or engage the services of a hansom cab to return to your quarters?
Horatio to Uber driver: I’d like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?
Uber driver: Get out.
Saturday night’s for the Vidalia awwwww yeah
I have a contact headache just imagining the Axe. I’m way too old for that shit!
I was going to approach the young men and tell them that, in my day, we approached women, (after of course first securing the permission of their eldest male guardian), perfumed only by the scent of our own musk, hard-earned after a day toiling in the #content mines.
But then I decided I’d rather not get my ass kicked, and just left.
Such a shame that both teams used all their offense in the first quarter
Refs trying to ruin this game.
Evening, ladies and gentlefucks. I am housesitting for my parents’ neighboUrs for the next several months as they drive their camper van across North America while on sabbatical. It’s sheer bliss to be out of a small basement apartment and get to live in a house with so much light… not to mention the massive TV and exceptionally comfy leather couch that I am currently lying as I flip between the Sens and the B1G title game.
Tomorrow, I test out hotboxing the backyard sauna.
DFO Super Bowl Party at Casa de La Maestro?
I’ll bring some snaxxs
1) Have Scotchy “meet up” with camper van
2) Live there forever
eh, it’s been done
Rutger Hauer weeps at your referencing the remake.
RUTGER HAUER 4 LYFE
The Sean Bean one came up first. Take it up with the algorithm, Rutger.
Sean Bean always dies in his films.
Cool 442, though.
You should get one of the DFO lawyers to look up how “adverse possession” laws work in Canada.
It’s very hard to carry off in Connecticut, but I think in Canada if you can get some beavers to flood the property, then get a mating pair of loons to establish residency, you either own the property, have established the right of prima nocte upon the wedding night of any female offspring, or both.
As should be clear, I am not admitted to the Canadian bar.
Sudden Change at the B1G Gravy Boat!
still seems reasonably khaki?
Iowa does the square root of fuckall with that turnover.
I was told there would be no higher math.
Oh, God. Harbaugh’s going to win this, is he?
His ego will be bigger than Trump’s.
His brother will take him down a couple pegs at Christmas dinner.
I need food suggestions! I just looked at Palermo’s pizza’s website. They either got hacked, or they are unusually honest. This picture came from it, captioned “roach in salad.”
lookit the mountain people being too fancy for the local roach salad smh
More like PaSLURMo’s Pizza, amirite?
PaSLUGmo’s
Roscoe’s is on Manchester close to the 405.
Close to Randy’s Donuts
There’s also a Shakey’s on Arbor Vitae just north of you.
There’s also a bunch of places on Sepulveda north of LAX.
Michael J Fox? Or Muhammad Ali?
What are you looking for? You’re a couple of blocks from the Proud Bird. It’s a food court, kinda event space thing but they have fantastic food. If you like barbecue Bludsoes sells their brisket out of there and it’s worth driving to LA for. They make a real nice potato salad and their mac and cheese is top notch.
Name your cuisine, and I’ll help out.
You are a darling dear, as is Balls. We don’t want to go out(high as fuck) so we just ordered from some random Mex place that came up on Doordash.
SHANKL’OR (where does the damn apostrophe go) traveled to the Big 10 game!
It moves left or right according to her whims.
I haven’t seen a Pittsburgh player slam a defenseless person down like that since Big Ben got thrown off Tinder.
The fake slide may win Pickett the Heisman!
Now that’s just total bullshit. If a QB is allowed to fake a slide and then take off again when the defense lets up, then a defender shouldn’t be Penalized for leveling a sliding QB. Can’t have it both ways.
So we’re putting all our $$ on Pitt tonite, right?
Hippo is at rest at least until the morrow.
Good. Take those winnings and sniff your own farts the rest of the night.
I’m probably starting Gardner Minshew in our league tomorrow because everything and everyone is stupid especially me.
Is it just me, or is this particular fantasy season making everyone all REDRUM
Very much so.
/trips Hippo down the stairs.
Yes. All of “our” money.
On the bright side, today there are reports that Big Ben has told people this is his last season.
Hasn’t he said that before?
He hasn’t said “This is my last season” but he HAS said “We’re doin this whether you want to or not so you may as well try to enjoy it”
“It’s not really gray. More taupe- ish. And no teeth, I’m very sensitive!”
Let us pray! Let the Rudolph the Racist Reindeer era commence!
Oy vey.
Congrats, sir hippo, on your SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS IN PAYOUTS TODAY!!!!
Yer a mensch, and you deserve every penny. Santa Claus himself over here!
Congratulations on the winnings, Hippo!
Too bad tWBS is dead and can’t take you to the Capital Cabaret. 🤣
No excuses tWBS.
There’s absolutely no way his would be the first urn brought to a strip bar.
/throws ashes in Brittennie’s cooch
IT’S WHAT HE WANTED DAMMIT
Unlike when Brittenni3, (she spells it with a ‘3’, Spam, and don’t pretend you don’t know that), tells us she’s just doing this to pay her way through veterinary tech school, we wouldn’t even be lying.
Also wouldn’t be the first time someone used Brittenni3’s cooch for an ash receptacle.
(Might actually be trying to work in a vet’s office for access to canine painkillers?)
Duh. Ketamine gets expensive.
Wonder if Reichard was once third on the depth chart??
So…Alabama #1 (despite needing a miracle to beat Auburn last week), and Georgia at #3. If Michigan wins, they’re #2. If they don’t…uh, what’s the name of our deity for CHAOS?
Michigan wins: Alabama, Michigan, Georgia, Cincinnati
Michigan loses: Alabama, Georgia, Cincinnati, Notre Dame
agree with Magical Pony, so go MI
Cincinnati is the only undefeated team left. They’re #1.
Chaos is a ladder.
If Cincinnati was in a Power 5 Conference, they’d be #1 if undefeated.
In all honesty I can’t see them above 3. But they need to be there, with 2 wins against Houston and a thumping of Notre Dame.
Watch the Committee still not pick Cincinnati.
The result of this Georgia game is going to leave the door WIDE open for them to do so.
What the fuck Georgia! That Saban is a sneaky fellow, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised! Finally got to our hotel. Not our original one. Fuck Holiday Inn Express, and fuck Priceline with a red hot fleshlight. But hey, the La Quinta on Century is nice!
Hope you’ve got double paned windows. You’re right in the landing path. You’re also just a couple of miles from where I work. If you need food suggestions let me know because the only entertainment options in that area tonight are strip clubs and walking girls.
We have a great view of planes coming in, but I can’t hear them. I brought earplugs just in case. Saw some of the hookers. Gumby says he has “some kinks to work out” and wants to go to the rub and tug next to the Thai restaurant. Think again, buddy boy. No happy ending for you!
I could give you a review on that place too.
Which one?
Yes.
Are some R&Ts better at the rub, whilst others the tug?
If it says Thai massage, man that is infinitely more than just a damn tug.
How is the Denny’s there? “La Quinta” means “next to Denny’s” en Espanol.
By God there’s a Denny’s practically next door.
IIRC, that’s right where Girls Girls Girls used to be!
There is a McDonalds. It’s a classy hood. But the hotel is good.
You can say that about half the Denny’s in America.
Georgia fans are doing great, you guys.
https://twitter.com/BoardGeniuses/status/1467285529863626760/photo/2
Which is exactly why I root for UAB, even though I was at Georgia first, and longer!1
Wake Forest has a linebacker who went to high school with my kids. At Senior Night for the basketball team, (yep, he played basketball, too), they had 6 seniors, so this kid asked the coach to let the senior bench player have his start. Just a really nice kid. Who could kill me with one hand.
Played basketball? Huh. I wonder if anybody has ever made the transition from playing basketball to being a star in the NFL.
Seems unlikely. You certainly never hear about it.
Everybody in my family who went to college went to Pitt. Except me. Rebel!
ruh roh, Kirby remembered he has a really good TE
So happy for you hitting that bet out of the park! Well Fucking Done!
Yeah, that’ll definitely cover some extra pills from that shady pharmacist who works out of his car.
I really do need to figure out how one cashes out them bitcoin thingamadoos.
Did you win the 7k one? I thought that was Hippo?
Never mind, I is stoopid!
I would also like to echo this sentiment.
Please share your magic prior to next season Brother Hippo.
And I absolutely love Young the Giant.
Life’s too short to even care at all, woooooaaaaah