Holy Jeebus! Did anyone else shovel snow to the point where they thought they were going to throw up? Just me? Between that and the lake that we’re on making loud and threatening cracking noises, I’ve just about had enough of winter and we’re just getting started. TL:DR? Woe is me.
Newsy Notes:
-If you’re a Niners rb you must be thinking that an invisible bullseye is sewn into your jersey. Trenton Cannon is the latest to be lost-this one’s a concussion.
-As a writer on SBNation’s Vikes site put it-“FIRE EVERYONE!” Zimmer didn’t exactly make any new friends by losing to a Swift-less Lions club. I felt that Detroit wasn’t going to let at least one get away this year. As Chris Liss said a week or so ago, “they’re the most dangerous winless team in the league”.
-Minshew Mania saddles up for another go-around! Thing is, Philly’s got a bye next week and Hurts is scheduled to be ready to go in two weeks. Still, he did what a backup is supposed to do-play as much mistake-free ball as possible so the rest of the team can get the W.
-Shall we call it a Fromm-palooza? A Jake-off? It looks like a wet behind the ears qb will get his first start for the Giants next week. If my dicey memory serves, he was out of Georgia and highly-regarded at one point. And then his senior season happened and he fell to the 5th round. New York poached him from the Bills practice squad instead of giving their own practice squadder a shot. Good luck behind that o-line kid, and I hope you’ve got wheels because you’ll need them.
-Another Giants Tidbit: They’ve been outscored 52-0 in the last two minutes of the first half.
To The Game!
Pats/Bills:
-Much like where I’m at, there is a wind advisory (gusts up to 55mph!) for Buffalo and environs that ends at 10pm tonight. There’s a 40% chance of precipitation as well.
-If anyone in the league has an arm to throw in these conditions it’s Allen and he will give it a try I’m sure. I’m also sure that the Pats will increase upon their 19 interception total.
-Mayhaps he should play it safe like Macaroon Jones. During the current winning streak he has a 9-2 TD/INT number.
-I don’t despise the Pats nearly as much as I have in recent years but I would like to see a Bills win. Why? Because then there would be a massive clusterfuck of 7(!) teams with 4 or 5 losses in the AFC. GO CHAOS!
Bundle up.
Just awakened from my vodka coma. What in fuck did I just miss? An NFL quarterback threw three passes in a game he won??? Jesus palomino. Put two bucks on NE winning the Supe this season a couple weeks ago at +2500. Looks like I may be slipping fifty skinoots in my parachute pants in Feb after all. Took a miserable 2-4 fantasy squadoo to an 8-5 record and a first round playoff bye this week. I feel I should be able to talk that up in future job interviews.
Here’s a summary of the game:
Apparently a Jake Fromm is supposed to start for the Giants on Sunday.
First one to make a “Jake Fromm State Farm” joke loses.
Only elite white people can make that joke
Won my fantasy matchup by the skin of my teeth thanks to NE/Diggs.
Somehow won my fantasy matchup despite being down and only having Folk playing while Maestro had 2 WRs and a TE.
That was a masterclass in trolling. I am extremely satisfied.
Oh, God. Please let Mac screw this up.
Full Sex Cannon.
I’m not sure New England ran it enough
A Flock Of Seagulls – I Ran (So Far Away) (Video) – YouTube
https://youtu.be/buMg7cDtlls
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9ufOljsFZQ&ab_channel=deekismusic
To what lengths would the NFL go to to achieve a Brady-Belichick Super Bowl? Like, would they crush a child’s testicles?
You and I both know that answer
But has John Yoo written a memo justifying it yet?
Too busy masturbating about it
EVERY child’s testicles.
They would do that for a .1 Nielsen increase on MNF.
To be clear, I would do that for the lulz.
Yup
I honestly thought that with these fake injuries that Belichick was freezing out Allen like other coaches would freeze out a kicker. It worked.
I am eager to see the Hail Mary play in these conditions.
If a pass is thrown forward but the winds blows it backwards behind the passer, is it an Forward Incomplete Pass or a Backwards Pass Fumble?
YES
Josh Allen is a fucking moron.
I don’t think he’s capable of winning an important game without getting lucky at certain times. He’s no Eli Manning, is what I’m trying to say.
#11 had the first down easily. They got greedy.
Exactly.
Has Joe Buck gone and made a full Castellanos joke yet?
Brady….moss….Welker……bruschi….
One of these things is not like the others
Oh, come on, Refs! How does a player get hurt COMING BACK FROM A TV TIMEOUT?!?!?!?! Throw the flag!
Every Bills receiver turned into the Rockbiter from NeverE nding story tonight
The Neverending Storeeee, eee,eee,eee🎵
I’m starting to think Joe Buck is buzzed.
He is in Cabo apparently
So he’s wabo’d.
Instead they hand the ball of to whoever the hell that is
Who has two thumbs and started that guy in fantasy because God fucking hates me?
Love to see the Pats do a 2min drill with all rushing
Joe Buck is… likeable?
My world is turning upside down.
The Mannings are wizards
For their Final Exam, their last guest is Donald Trump. If they make him likeable, they be gods.
His interviews on Stern a few years ago were actually pretty good. I hate that.
My hatred for him has softened considerably over the last few years. Life’s too short to spend wanting to see him tortured to death. Quick and painless would be fine.
I can hold a fucking grudge!
You still suck Joe buck
“Instead they hand the ball of to Whoever The Hell That Is.”
I kind of like Day Off Joe Buck.
If you haven’t seen Brockmire, check it out. Buck as a couple of appearance in Season 1 that are absolutely hysterical.
Right on Time- fake Pats injury.
Moss, Singletary, they all look alike to Steve.
Running backs. Running backs all look alike to Steve.
I hope that every toy that Steffan Diggs gives to his children this Christmas breaks the first time they play with it
That was….not a good series
Belichick doesn’t give a shit about weird ass records.
Bruce Arians big on the vinyl
I hope Eli calls him out for being so lame during superbowl 42
The lake was angry that day, my friends.
Worst lap dance song ever.
Listen, you’re not a pro until you give a lap dance to The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Or get a lap dance to The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.
“Listen honey, the going rate for one of these is, what, $20? Here’s $50: make me forget they never made Whitefish Bay.”
Actually, the rhythm of the melody would work lap dance wise.
Hey its 6 and a half minutes long thats good value – Tomsula Tips
-The Sir Edmund Fitzgerald, talking to his buddies at the bottom of Lake Gitche Gumee
This game is done and I was right to play Burrow over Allen.
I have never seen uprights move that much from wind in a football game.
“I have, but it was a really big pregame meal.”
-A. Reid
(to be clear this is a fart joke thanks and godbless)
Scott Norwood will be playing the role “Tyler Bass” in this evening’s performance of the Buffalo Bills
HAIL SHAN’KHOR!!!!
Greggggggggggg just wrote ‘Game Over’ is his stupid notebook.
/Is Gregggggggggg still alive? I have no idea.
–Blair Walsh
NFL officiating somehow manages to get worse every week.
Reids faith in football restored with that bad timeout
Enjoying the Pats eating extra seconds by not letting go of the ball carrier
Am I honking a stronk?
At least one of us is having fun
“I hear that, toaster.”
-Trent Green
Wang Chung’s – Everyone go fuck yourself tonight
Bills run plays on 1st down seem like obligatory sacrifices.
I am not ruling out 17-17 MOST GLORIOUS DRAW here.
Do y’all think Obama Duck REALLY broke his ankle, or did he just not want to submit his long-form birth certificate smgdh
I have no idea what any of that means, but did you see Disappointing Everton’s winning goal. A right cracker, as I imagine they say across the pond.
Aren’t all crackers “right”?
Everton can fuck right off, I had a nice rage nap instead
Sean McDermott: “For the last time, Leslie. We can’t do our Goal Line Defense because we’re not on the goal line. Idiot!”
This next screen pass is gonna be a TD
Or, you know, that.
And for the second year in a row, my fantasy season dies because of a Monday night game between the bills and patriots
Yeah I needed 20 from Allen tonight and this is like being waterboarded
“Go ahead. Stop me.”
-Bill, talking about the running game
What kind of asshole makes a hopeless spot challenge in that kind of weather?
The same one that can’t get a defense to not give up 6+ yards on every running play, that they know is coming.
HOW COULD HE NOT KNOW THAT THIS WAS THE PATS GAME PLAN? HOW??!!
Well, he seems to have cracked the code. Took him 45 minutes.
Also argues it after failing the challenge. That’s the one thing MLB got right, no arguing after a challenge/review. They stopped the game to look at the play frame-by-frame. Let’s not spend a few minutes with a coach saying “I have a better view than the cameraman!”
There’s no way Jones made that, but the Bills were out of their minds challenging that.
This game must be Peyton’s version of Hell: All Running Plays.
Andy Reids head exploding like Scanners
I see him exploding more like Mr. Creosote.
Fuck off. I’m full.
(replace 70% blood with equal parts ham, roast beef and baloney)
Peyton’s version of Hell is being married to a woman who won’t take the fall for your HGH shipment.