Welcome to Lesser Hades – Saturday Open Thread

When one door opens, another door slams into your face.  And sometimes breaks your nose in the process.

Yes, after the glorious HAIL GAMBLOR outcomes last week (which I have NOT pissed away!), the universe struck back.  Everton has become an integral part of my sportsball lunatic identity, and it is crashing and burning.  The last adult in the room (Director of Football Marcel Brands, who has been continually marginalized and overriden – despite being CORRECT in what kind of project the club needs) is out the door.  His “allies” within the Everton hierarchy are also on their way out.

It’s terrifying – our arrogant, knows-fuckall-about-footy owner is doubling down on his unpopular managerial decision.  Apparently, he thinks the mistake he made with Fat Sam (the original arrogant, footballing dinosaur/con man(ager))…was not hiring him in the first goddamned place, but rather not giving him complete authority to drive Everton deeper into the grave.  Enter 62 year-old Rafael “Fat Redshite Cunt” Benitez, who is every bit as controlling (in man management) and negative (in tactics), who is about 10-15 years past his sell-by date.  Despite needing a root and branch rebuild, with a commitment to youth and a progressive playing philosophy – he’ll be fucking off the remaining “flair” players (he’s already freezing out Lucas Digne) to sign more Newcastle castoffs and miscellaneous other “proven veteran” types that will do as he says.

In short, Everton is fucked.  As a Proud Bitter Blue, I can not accept this “Evercastle” vision, and am conscientiously objecting.  I was already refusing to read or listen to anything Useless Fuckweasel said, but I can’t even watch the matches now.  There’s no light at the end of the tunnel, the club has been destroyed and it’s a million miles back.  Maybe we really do need to get relegated, an idea I have always panned.  I don’t know what could possibly be a big enough shock to the system.  After all, owners tend not to fire themselves.

Thank fuck The Athletic is actually covering this crash and burn, as opposed to pretending Blues should be happy with whatever slop we get.

Anyway, here are the other fixtures.  City and Wolves kick us off (7:30, NBCSN), as the latter try desperately to bore the champions to death.  Eventually, the dam will break – and Wolves certainly don’t have the firepower to respond.

Gooners and Saints lead the 10:00 window (NBCSN), and I am furious with Arsenal and Handsome Mikel right now, giving fucking Moshiri and Benitez a temporary reprieve to paper over all the damage they are doing.  Eat shit, motherfuckers.  I won’t watch the Slippy G lovefest that is Villa/Shite (USA), neither.  Streaming Leeds and Chelski is the only tolerable option.

Trashbirds/Red Devils is your Spotlight Dance (12:30, NBC), presuming Norwich doesn’t test all COVID-y (after their match last weekend with #TransformerNuAIDS-ridden Spurs).  Flawed team beating the piss out of shit team?  Think I will pass.

Sunday is all vile shite, too.  Thank fuck for RedZone.

I have nothing meaningful to say about Army/Navy (the USAA ad barrage-bowl).  The tables have largely turned, with Army now being pretty good, and Navy being terrible.  This impacts my life not at all.  Maybe I will get bored enough to watch if there is funky weather.  MOAR likely, Football Manager awaits.  Sweet, sweet heroine.

Talk about what you will.  I shall return later to preview tonight’s…NOTHING.